Session 2
“Well, how's your week been?”
“Not bad…… um I tried takin’ a break from the art for a day.”
“And how did that go?”
“I mean…. Pops wasn't happy, but I enjoyed cookin’.”
“Oh! Did you try that out this week?”
“Yeah… it was honestly pretty fun. Uh… Kasumi's a pretty good teacher so….”
“How did your father react?”
“Oh he's been going off ‘bout how I've gotta be this ‘man amongst men’ to keep up with the art and that I can't keep slackin’ by doin’ somethin’ I like.”
“That's… an odd way to describe a good martial artist.”
“He's been goin’ on ‘bout that since I was…. ten or so?”
“Is that something you want?”
“.....That wouldn't be great…. I kinda hate that idea. Like bein’ a man’s tough enough, and I'm supposed to be like the most ever? Too bad it's all I got. Pops won't accept anythin’ else.”
“Well that doesn't mean you have to be that.”
“I dunno… Pops is pretty particular about that… Besides, that's what I'm supposed to be, so….”
“So you don't want that?”
“No.”
“Why then would your father be so insistent on it?”
“I mean… he's got that like… sexism baked into him, so he thinks that strong men are the best martial artists.”
“I see….. You said ‘being a man is tough’... I just wanna know what you meant by that?”
“I mean that's just the way it is right? Men take on certain burdens that are often taxing… I mean nobody likes being a guy, right?”
“...Most men are fine being men…… let me ask you, is there a discomfort in your male form?”
“Yeah? Again, pretty sure most guys feel that way, I mean that's just how it is when you're physically bigger….”
“Do you prefer the smaller frame of your female form?”
“Yeah…. um I'm more agile and quick and stuff….”
“So, there's this feeling of discomfort some people have in their bodies called dysphoria. It can come in many different ways, but for some people, it comes from what gender they are… So there are some men who'd much prefer to have been born women and vice versa. I don't want to overgeneralize, but what you described sounded a lot like that.”
“So it's not like a ‘most people’ thin’?”
“No…”
“.......huh.”
There was quite a bit of silence after that, I needed a little bit of time to process what she had said…..
“So how are things with you and Akane?”
“They’re about the same… we’re both bad at being honest with each other, so we tend to get into fights, but we barely ever mean it… it’s just… I dunno…. I have a real hang up about ever admitting I like her because that would mean the engagement was right, and I don’t.. really wanna be a husband.”
“Hm.. yeah.. understandable… Do you think there’s any way you two could tell each other without your parents finding out?”
“Well, I don’t know if she actually is in ta’ me like that… and part of me doesn’t.. like.. doesn’t want her to be?”
“What do you mean?”
“I ain’t really sure…. I… well… I suppose I’m scared that if she’s in ta’ me like this that I won’t be able to fulfill the role she wants me to play… Like I said, I’m averse to bein’ a husband…”
“I understand… How are things at school?”
“‘Bout the same. This Kuno guy either hits on me or tries to fight me every day depending on what form I’m in… and I’m startin’ to understand why Akane was having issues gettin’ along with any boy in the school.” She started typin’ again! What does she think she’s doin’?
“Are they not treating you well?”
“No… not really? I mean they treat me well, but my feminine form kinda fucks with it all… They like… I dunno? They think I could be into them because of it, but I ain’t into guys, so it ain’t like I would wanna get with them… Oh yeah, and the girls seem to think if I’m not in my guy form I’m bein’ a pervert in some way, which means I ain’t really good at makin’ new friends outside of people I already know.”
“Have you thought about trying to join a club? I know you said they don’t exactly treat you well, but it could be a good way to meet people and have them understand who you actually are.”
“Pops would flip out on me.”
“Well he can’t exactly control that, can he? He’s not the one going to school.”
“I- ……I guess you’re right.”
“So.. you said last week that you’ve been training most of your life with your dad, what exactly did that look like?”
“Travelin’ ta’ places, stealin’ shit, and then sometimes learnin’ from a local martial artist… It’s pretty good in teachin’ ya how to survive, like I had to ration out food sometimes ‘cause Pops would eat too much.” I snickered, but Dr. Niku stopped talkin’....
“That sounds awful.. Your father would essentially eat the food that you needed, while taking more than what he needed?”
“It sounds worse when ya put it like that.”
“That’s likely child endangerment.”
“Well yeah, sure but it’s not like any law has stopped my Pops before.” I snickered again.
“Hm……….”
I.. didn’t like these silences. They left me too much to think about…. Like yeah sure, maybe Pops wasn't the best father for me, but that was just because I didn’t like the art, right?
“He doesn’t still do that, does he?”
“Nah, now he just tries to take my food at the dinner table, but my reflexes are fast enough, I can normally stop him.”
She looked at me with a worried expression. I really didn’t want to talk so much on this, I was gettin’ quite tired of all this about my dad. Like yeah he sucked, but he was still my dad.
Whatever
“That’s our time… same time next week?”
“Sounds good.”
_______________________________________
When Kasumi and I had finished cookin’ dinner, and the dishes were sufficiently clean, I didn’t have anythin’ to do but sit back and enjoy some free time. Pops was out doin’..... somethin’, so I wasn’t even bein’ hounded by him. Of course I got some cold water befo-
Wait… cold water? I mean I guess…. Felt a little easier to lounge like that……
Dammit! Why did I have to think about what Dr. Niku said… I’m supposed to be a guy, so I’m a guy! But then that same voice which told me to try cookin’ last week is sayin’ “well what if it doesn’t have to be that way” again! I guess it doesn’t… I could stay in my feminine form forever, but then Mom would try to kill me and Pops… Though Mom would probably give me an out. I probably couldn’t be with Akane… Well, maybe I could… I dunno how she feels ‘bout alla that.
Ah! Ranma Saotome is a man, so therefore if I’m not a man, then I'm not Ranma Saotome! Gotcha……. No shut up! Of course it’d be better to be myself than to be a woman! I! I’m aa guy! I ! I ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
“-nma! Hey, sweetie… are you alright?” I looked up to see Kasumi, but the person who was holdin’ me was Akane, easy to tell from those strong arms. The table is beige, the ceiling is off-white. “You were hyperventilating.”
“Oh.. wow…. was I?” It had barely felt like I was conscious, more like I was dreamin’....
“Do you.. Wanna talk about it?” Akane asked. I had only now realized, not only was she holding me, but I was also in her lap.
“I’m… not sure?”
“That’s alright,” Kasumi replied.
A part of me really wanted to tell them what I was thinking about, but the fear of being rejected by them outweighed any possibility of me actually deciding to do that.
_______________________________________
Akane and I were walkin’ to school. I was in my feminine form.
“Any reason you decided to be a girl today?”
“Not really.”
“Hm…”
We continued to walk a little bit in silence, with the occasional car passing by.
“You haven’t been training much recently… what’s up with that?”
“Haven’t wanted ta’”
“Hm… that was all you’d been doing before.”
“I didn’t wanna then either.”
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“Nope.”
“Hm… Y’know we have PE today.”
“Ok.”
“You gonna convince the PE teacher to let you play with us?”
“Probably, if anyone got issues with me changin’ with ‘em I’ll just go to like, an empty classroom or somethin’.”
“Alright…”
“Akane… I got a question for ya….”
“What is it?”
“Do you like girls?”
“Wh-What makes you- I- Just because I don’t like boys doesn’t mean I like girls!”
“Yeah.. but like… Ok let’s just say hypothetically you had to say which side of me is more attractive. Which would it be?”
“Wh- I mean you’re such a jerk when you’re a guy, but it’s kinda endearing when you’re a girl, so I guess that side?”
“Hm… Y’know that’s what I thought too.”
“Huh? Mr. Man Amongst Men isn’t insisting he’s the best as a guy?”
“C’mon you know that phrase is bullshit!”
“You certainly didn’t up until… well I don’t know when you stopped!”
“I feel like I kinda already knew, but I was just clutching to it…”
“Wow, when you say stuff like that, it almost makes me think you’re actually a girl.”
“I guess it probably does.”
_______________________________________
“Boy! You’ve barely been training! It’s time to-”
“How many times have you tried that this week? I’m busy helpin’ Kasumi, pops.”
“Soon you’re gonna be picking flowers outside! You’ve gotta be the Man A-”
“Picking flowers outside sounds borin’ as hell, but at least it sounds more interestin’ than trainin’! Like I said, if you want someone to consistently train with you, try your ‘future daughter-in-law’.”
“Boy!-”
Soun had appeared behind him. “He’s right, Genma, if he’s not willing to train, he’s not gonna learn much!”
“Whatever! Maybe I will train Akane!” He forcefully opened the door to the dojo, I heard it slam when it hit the doorway again.
“So.. Ranma.”
“Yes Kasumi?”
“Have you ever wanted to try your hand at different hobbies? I know I might be assuming, but have you… fallen out of favor with the art?”
“I dunno… Dr. Niku like told me to really think ‘bout if it's y’know like my dream or not… I mean those weren’t her exact words, but I just wanted to try different things… and I dunno I tried cookin’ and it was fun. Like, way more fun than everythin’ I’ve done with the art…”
“Well, I’m not sure my ‘chores’ would exactly be up your alley, but if you’d like, I can try to teach you some things.”
“I think that’d be nice. What’re we talkin’ ‘bout? Like sewin’? Gardenin’?”
“Whatever you think of in the general ‘household essentials’ category, I’m sure I can teach you.”
“Alright…. I like makin’ things… do ya think you could teach me how ta’ sew?”
_______________________________________
I had come to school as a girl every day this week.
I
I dunno how to feel.
I know I’m not supposed to like the curse, but it’s making itself very difficult to dislike….
I kinda like the way people treat me better. I kinda feel better, almost like my more quick movement based fightin’ style carries on into actual life…
I’m totally ok with bein’ a girl… and I’m… havin’ trouble feelin’ like a guy, but I need to be a guy and I dunno cause it’s a lot and a lot to spring on me at once and I feel like I need to just cry it out right now, but men aren’t supposed to cry but I don’t……
“Ranma? What’s wrong?” I totally forgot I was walkin’ home with Akane.
I looked at her, but I was choking on my words, tears wetting my face. She grabbed my hand and ran to the closest park. She let me cry on her shoulder and I…. I was so happy that she did……
I was crying, but I had totally forgotten why.
“Ranma… wh-what happened?”
I nearly deflected… but no.. no I know I need to improve on this so…
“I-I… I don't know who I am…”