Another Wrong Boy Who Lived

Harry checked in with Petunia the next morning, ensuring that she would be prepared to move as needed. He explained to her the same things that he had explained to the Grangers as to his intentions for her.

She was quite agreeable to the idea.

Harry made his way to Great Missendan. He had been apparating around far too much and he truly wanted to move under the radar. He could have used his abilities as the Traveler but was deliberately limiting himself. And so he used the Tube.

It involved a bit of maneuvering but eventually he arrived in time. Both Grangers were home – their office hours allowed them to be flexible. He knocked on the door. Anthea opened it. "Come in, Harry."

Harry came in to find the entire family present. He said hello to the children before they were sent out to the backyard to play.

Humbert invited him to sit down in the den – a far more private place – while Anthea retrieved tea.

Finally they were set. Anthea started. "You've managed to put quite a burr under my families' bums," she said with humour. "I almost long for the day when we were an entirely normal family of decent means and two regular children. Oh, wait. That was yesterday!"

Harry chuckled. "Sorry. The madness would have come regardless."

Humbert said, "Yes. And that our son was saved due to your involving us is to us a sign that, perhaps, we should consider doing as you ask." He paused. "Can I ask a question about your reasoning?"

"Certainly."

"Why involve us at all? Why not just move this Petunia and the two children away from Merry Old England without involving all of these steps? You say you have the resources necessary."

Harry nodded. "True. But I am exploiting a very particular circumstance: As long as things are properly arranged, Magicals in Britain are entirely without sense."

Anthea asked, "What do you mean?"

"Let's say I spirited Petunia out of the country. Vernon knows about the account which was set up for little Harry's care. He could claim that he had a right to custody of his son ask Scotland Yard to trace his wife using that account. Now, the Magical bankers – Goblins by the way – could use their considerable skill to hide the transfer of the account. But that would require either tipping Vernon off or require the intervention of the Magical Accidents and Catastrophes people. The Goblins would almost have to report it to prevent him from raising the wrong kind of stink. Goblins don't involve themselves in the non-Magical world outside of finance – the treaties involved require them to work through the Goblin Liaison Office in the Ministry. And who has their fingers in all aspects of the Ministry? Albus Dumbledore. This would leave a trail which must not be left. I could, theoretically, just let them leave the account. But that would leave Vernon in place and when Dumbledore comes calling he could get the whole story – and allow him to send people looking. Vernon needs to get away with his abuse."

"Won't they be able to trace the records through the legal system?" Anthea asked.

Harry snorted. "It's too complicated for them. If Vernon isn't easily found, then Dumbledore will assume that the entire family left. He wouldn't even think to check for just one of them being sent to prison. He will send his people looking for a couple and two children who fit a certain description. Albus Dumbledore suffers from the malady of 'I know best' and therefore will treat his own assumptions as complete fact without full investigation. I was shocked to find that he actually has no Magical monitors on little Harry – which I happen to know he could have set up. No, he assumes things will work out a certain way and, being always right, he knows that this will bear out. I want to beat him with his own brilliance."

"If we were to agree to move out of the United Kingdom, where do you think we should go?" Humbert asked.

"Well, the assumptions will be that Harry will move as far as possible but still be in an English speaking country or that he will be moved to a country with so many people and so many different cultures that finding him will be difficult. I would expect that they will search the United States or Australia. Most countries that speak English as the main language are too small to hide effectively. So instead, I suggest another route: Canada."

"Why there?" Anthea asked.

"Half the population of the UK in a space thirty times larger. If numbers are consistent, there will be enough Magicals to hide within, but there are many places that would need dentists. It's too large and too little populated for whatever magical government there to be too much in control. Also, Canadians are too independent to really allow themselves to be so tightly controlled while not being so insular: Canada is big on multi-culteralism. No one would look twice at British people settling there – it's still part of the Commonwealth. And there's always Quebec if you want to speak French." He said the last with humour.

The couple laughed. Anthea finally said, "You make good arguments. I think the thought of our children being disadvantaged because of such silly reasons was your strongest argument."

Harry shrugged. "Yes, but we British are also a stubborn lot. You could have just dug in and convinced yourself that you and your children could change the system from within by forcing yourself into it."

Humbert and Anthea considered that. "If you had talked to us two days ago? Possibly. We are British – and we descend from proud members of the Regiments. But almost losing our son has made us think that in this case their safety might be a tad more important. They can always come back themselves when they are adults if they really want to change things."

Harry nodded in agreement. "Very true. I can almost guarantee that at some point Harry will end up back here. I'd rather ensure he has a good foundation before that happens."

"We may or may not end up where Petunia ends up, though. No one is really looking for us." Anthea had a point.

Harry replied, "True. But there is one thing that you should consider."

"What's that?"

"Right now, while Dudley – Petunia's son – is a fairly content boy for all that his father has encouraged bad traits, Harry is desperately feeling the need for connections due to the environment Vernon has created. Both boys are just younger than your daughter. And while Hermione and Dudley will likely not get along, at least at first, Harry will likely get along with Hermione excellently. She will form an attachment. If you end up moving to someplace new, and Harry is moving to someplace new, I am almost certain that they will wish with all their little hearts to end up in the same place. Dudley actually is fairly social. Get rid of his bad habits and he will make many friends wherever they end up. Harry never learned to be social. He will grasp what he can get with both hands. Given time, Harry's natural charisma – his father's family is well known for it – will get him far. But that is years away and will take time."

Humbert actually looked a little worried. "My daughter is too young to get a boyfriend!"

Harry laughed loudly. "I wouldn't worry about that too soon. If they grow up together, they will see each other more as family or best friends. And Hermione will likely mature faster as girls are wont to do. Harry will be the type to get overprotective when all Hermione wants to do is explore. But I also think, from what I have seen, that she is the type that will be much more sensible about things than most teenagers. Her mind is older than her years."

Humbert actually smiled at that. "I always wished Hermione had more brothers for when that time comes."

Harry laughed again, as did Anthea. Humbert just grinned.

They immediately made up three bedrooms as they lived in a large house which had been inherited. It was not a house, however, that either was particularly attached to. It had been convenient.

Harry called Petunia and told her that he had secured a place for her to go with the two boys as soon as she sent Inland Revenue after Vernon. He then put Anthea on the phone with Petunia to work out details.

Harry Potter, Lone Traveler, made his way to Gringotts Bank. He was immediately taken to the manager. "Are you ready to negotiate now?" he was asked.

Harry smiled. "Yes. Let me tell you what I know and what is involved." He laid out the entire situation in detail. The Goblins of Gringotts had wide reach and were pugnacious about customer secrecy when pressed.

As a result, Harry obtained very favorable terms on the basilisk hide. The Goblins saw this as sticking it to the British Magical establishment legally and so granted more concessions than they normally would.

With their help, Harry arranged for Vernon's company (Gringotts had many contacts) to send him off for a long weekend out of town. The moment he was gone, Petunia would contact Inland Revenue and then move to the Grangers.

Vernon would be gone for long enough to allow them to be prepared to take him into custody when he returned. He wouldn't be kept as though he was a murderer, but it would allow Petunia acceptable reason beyond the physical abuse to be hidden away.

It would likely take months of work on the part of Her Majesty's Government, but Vernon would go away – his violations were too blatant.

He would also lose the financial resources which would allow him to fight effectively. He had put too much trust in receiving the stipend and considered it a sure thing at least for a few years.

Gringotts hired a solicitor for Petunia which knew of the Magical world and was not enamoured of Albus Dumbledore. The solicitor also had no connection to any family of anyone who followed Dumbledore or directly opposed him. The solicitor they hired tried to avoid Dumbledore, his lackies, and his enemies as a matter of course.

Finally, the big day had arrived. Vernon had just left on the plane. Harry had arrived after Vernon had left for the airport.

The very first thing that Harry had done was to get rid of the bit of Voldemort's soul from little Harry's forehead and then healed the little boy. Petunia was appalled that the boy had been left with such a thing. After calming her down (Harry was surprisingly cheerful about the procedure) Harry Evans said, "Okay, Petunia. We have a hired car coming, as well as movers. Are you ready for this?"

She steeled herself. "Yes." She looked at Harry. "I want to thank you in case I forget later. I am not the most pleasant person. Some of that is due to poor reactions and some of it is due to my circumstances. I don't like change either. But I need change. And though I still feel some dislike for magic for what it has taken from me, your arrival reminded me that I do love my sister – though her alienation from me is likely irreversible under the circumstances. Little Harry is enough like her for me to take comfort for what I have of her."

Harry nodded with compassion. "I understand. And you are welcome. You have reacted poorly and been treated poorly. And while my concern is much larger than your happiness, I am perfectly content to ensure that you can achieve happiness if you try. I can't do everything; a lot of it will be up to you. At least now you have a decent chance."

She nodded curtly and gathered up the two boys. Dudley was shocked when his complaints were met with a stern rebuke (at least as far as his experience went) from his mother. Little Harry was not complaining at all.

It was a tumultuous few days. Petunia, with the Grangers' blessing, called the Inland Revenue officers to her location to deliver up the report. They were flabbergasted with the evidence that was already gathered – the Goblins were quite thorough.

One of the agents asked, "Why are you doing this? This is your husband after all."

She nodded and pulled up the sleeve of the blouse she was wearing. "This, I think, is a good reason." The two agents' eyes widened. "The local constables are too friendly with Vernon and if I complained, it would put me in a worse situation. This is something that is true which will also get me away from him. At least the good Lord sent my distant cousin to help me out of this horrible situation."

The two agents had met the older Harry. Neither man liked wife beaters. And so both had more vindictive looks as the agent who asked replied, "Well, then. This is one tax bloke that I will be happy to see become a guest of Her Majesty's."

Petunia nodded in contented agreement.

Vernon Dursley cheerfully drove the company car he had left at Heathrow home. Although this was the first step only, his visit to Germany seemed like it would pan out nicely.

He considered that he was finally getting his due. The bosses at work were seeing his value and the potential perks (kickbacks) would be well worth it. And the beer and friendly serving girls were just a bonus.

He decided that life was finally going to put him in where he could truly enjoy himself.

This thought on his part just showed how little power of prescience Vernon Dursley possessed. He pulled into his drive and saw the two men on his stoop.

He got out. "What? We have no desire to deal with solicitors! Off with you!"

The two moved to confront him. One pulled a badge. "Mr. Vernon Dursley. The description we were given was quite details. We are here from Inland Revenue. I must ask you now to come with us to answer several questions."

In that moment, Vernon knew that something was very, very wrong.

It took a few months, for which Harry left and returned, but eventually Vernon was sent to prison. He had been very angry when he learned it was his wife who had turned him in. This resulted in him becoming violent – which meant that he was also charged with attacking agents of Her Majesty's government.

In the meanwhile, the remaining Dursleys plus Harry learned to live a better life.

As predicted, Hermione and Harry hit it off wonderfully. Dudley was forced to eat a better diet – which he liked not at all. However, Humbert and Anthea helped greatly with that. They had taught Petunia how to substitute fruits and healthy snacks for the crisps and junk food.

The entire family had visited a doctor friend of the Grangers and been given a nutritional plan. As expected, Petunia had to actually gain weight as did Harry.

Dudley actually hit it off well with Hugh. Though he mostly watched over his sister, his parents and Petunia had explained that Dudley needed to play more games which involved running around. Being older and taller (though not as heavy) Hugh kept up easily and, being a boy, knew how to talk to Dudley to get him playing.

Hermione, was a bit possessive and bossy and demanded to be allowed to play too, thus bringing Harry. Dudley (and Harry) learned to play with other children, and with the adults watching, he was forced to play nicely.

And when Hugh went back to school, Hermione's interest in reading led her to realize that neither Harry or Dudley had learned yet. This horrified her, and so she became a little school marm (with some refereeing by the adults). It helped that Humbert insisted that the boys (and Hermione was not going to be left out) needed to be active. And so when Dudley got frustrated he was allowed to burn off some energy before Hermione dragged him and Harry back to learn more.

A healthier diet, a more active lifestyle, an almost-sister who loved to read and to teach, and a well-behaved slightly older boy who was willing to include them worked wonders on both Dudley and Harry.

By the time they hit five both were much more socially adept than they would have been.

Harry's last visit to this dimension was assisting the families to move to Canada. They moved nearby each other in an outer suburban area (almost rural area) near Toronto. It was close enough to civilization for the adults and far enough off the beaten track for hiding.

Petunia, with the Grangers' assistance, got a bit more education. And though she was financially secure thanks to Harry and Harry, she had more true pride in herself rather than trying to look better to neighbours that were as pretentious as she was trying to be.

Being around a better class of people (not in terms of finances but in terms of attitudes) had changed Petunia greatly. She was also more socially adept.

Harry Evans (the name the Traveler used) had ensured that the two families were introduced to Magical society in Canada and learned how the education system worked. First Hugh and then Hermione and Harry started learning magic. Dudley was a bit spoiled because Humbert, the prime male figure in his life, ended up insisting on acting as an uncle. He was a bit saddened that he didn't have magic like the others but he also had a lot of friends. It helped that Harry, Hermione, and Hugh were a little bit jealous of the time he got to spend with the adults.

Albus Dumbledore went and visited his deputy prior to the 1991 school year. "Minerva. How are the letters coming along?"

"The quill is just finishing. We will be sending them out soon as well as arranging visits to the Muggleborns."

"Very good. Let me know if there are any surprises," he said jovially.

Minerva McGonagall rolled her eyes internally. "Of course, Albus."

Albus never told her what surprise he was expecting. And, because the Traveler had done it properly, Harry and the Grangers were no longer registered in Britain and were not sent letters. Albus was a little surprised that Minerva never mentioned Harry's letter – he knew that he would get one – but he figured that Petunia had not put up the fuss that she might have. It was no matter. His pawns would learn the truth on September 1.

Albus was distracted, however, by the disappearance of his Defense teacher. Quirinus Quirrel had disappeared and no one knew where he could be found. This resulted in his scrambling around to find a new one.

Albus was twinkling mightily as he watched the new students marched in by his Deputy. He looked for the Potter twin but he was obviously hidden in the crowd. As each student was called, he acted as he was expected to act. Charlus Potter was called and it produced a bit of a ruckus – he went to Gryffindor as expected. That sorting was actually quite quick.

And then Minerva sounded out the next name, a boy named Rivers. What about Harry Potter? Albus Dumbledore looked worried for a moment before he hid it.

After the feast, Albus met up with Minerva. "Were they any students that refused admission?"

Minerva replied with some curiosity. "No. Was there someone else you were expecting?"

Albus waved that off. "No, no. I was just curious as Headmaster."

"Of course. No, we got the lot of them."

"Very good. Goodnight, Minerva." He made his way to his office. The expected call from the Potters came – their son's celebrity status gave them a bit more contact with Albus. He invited them through.

Albus reported Charlus' sorting and exchanged pleasantries. He then brought up the matter he needed to ask about. "By the by, have you heard from Petunia as to how little Harry is doing?"

Lily, already upset from Charlus going off to school, became even more upset. "No. We tried to write a Muggle letter recently but we received no reply. It was returned unopened."

Albus seemed sympathetic. "Perhaps now that Charlus is off, you can take a look without alerting her."

James and Lily agreed that it was possible.

Albus would learn that Harry, along with the Dursleys, had disappeared. And that there was no forwarding address. Lily would even try Muggle phone books – how many Vernon or Petunia Dursleys could there be? But they had no luck.

Eventually they gave up, still saddened from not knowing their fate.

Albus, however, was now quite worried.

The Gringotts Goblins had successfully prevented Quirrel from breaking in. The forcible ejection of the wraith was, as expected, quite violent. And though they reported it to the Ministry, the Goblins were uncharacteristically willing to hush it up at the behest of Fudge. It would look poor, in the new Minister's mind, if a Hogwarts professor was proven to be a thief.

He was not willing to involve Dumbledore and so when the old man had made inquiries, he said nothing.

Albus was perplexed. He was certain that when Quirrel had returned that Voldemort had attached himself to him. And then he disappeared. There had been no corresponding reports of Death Eater activities.

His trap in the third floor had produced no results, beyond several students who attempted to learn what was there. And with no evidence of a break-in, it was difficult to lead Charlus to what was there.

All in all, it was a very boring year. At the end, he was forced to return the stone to Nicholas as there seemed no reason to do otherwise.

Albus was alerted by the wards when the Diary arrived to Hogwarts. He waited patiently for there to be some reaction. But once again, nothing happened. And there was no sign of the Diary or who had been given it.

Ginny Weasley had loved the Diary that she had found with her books. However, the she had blacked out at one point and then suddenly found herself at the bottom of a stair. The book she had been carrying was now caught up in some magical ward in front of her and, looking around she didn't know where she was. She looked back and saw the stairs. She didn't know how she got there and the ward wouldn't release the book. Frightened she ran up the stairs to find herself in a bathroom on the first floor of Hogwarts. As soon as she exited the stairs, they closed behind her.

And although Tom was gone, she was too frightened of possible trouble to tell anyone what had happened. It was a secret she would carry for a long time.

The Goblin grinned as he found the Diary where the Traveler had told them it would arrive. They had been given portkeys when they had retrieved the basilisk and they had taken advantage.

This was the last horcrux to be gathered. Finally, they cleansed or destroyed all of them save the ring – the second oldest. The Diary had been drained a bit by the ward that had captured it.

They knew that the wraith had to obtain some time of body before being killed. And there was no guarantee that the wraith would be possessing anything. And so they decided to wait until the time that the Traveler had given them.

Peter Pettigrew escaped during Charlus' third year. There was no trace of him. There had been some worry that he would go after the boy who killed his master, but James Potter and Sirius Black ensured that the Marauder's Map was retrieved and that there was an Auror on-site in case he showed up. He never did.

The watchers that Gringotts had hired finally spotted the rat-faced man that they were to capture – as long as the small, evil baby-like creature was captured as well, along with a deadly snake.

They had been prepared. And while Voldemort, when he was alive, was quite fearsome, he was markedly less so in this case. And the snake, while large and strong, was still a snake and was easily captured by people who were prepared.

Albus Dumbledore was in his office. The previous years since Harry Potter had not arrived had left him worried and confused. The signs that he had expected of his former student Tom coming back had not materialized. And nothing was making any sense.

Suddenly, his fireplace lit up. He looked over and saw a face he recognized in the flamed. "Headmaster! We need you to come to the DMLE immediately!"

"Amelia. What has happened?" he asked.

"Peter Pettigrew was just delivered to the Ministry by ICW-sanctioned Hit Wizards. There were several other things delivered with him." She paused. "We were told that it has to do with … Voldemort!" She had only paused for a brief moment but the name still held an obvious aversion with her.

He immediately jumped up so that he could make his way there. This is what he had been waiting for! His brilliance would now be needed again and the proper path could be put back into place.

Very soon, he was in the DMLE Director's office. There was quite a number of people who were already there. He addressed Amelia. "What have you found out?"

She pointed to the rough man who stood to the side. The man spoke. "I was hired by a client through Gringotts. I was to deliver Peter Pettigrew, which I have done. I was also to deliver several items in the presence of a representative from the press." He pointed to a reporter from the Daily Prophet. "I was also paid to deliver a memory with a specific list of people who must be present to watch it. I was told it had to do with that Voldemort character that disappeared back in 1981."

Dumbledore tried to convince the man. "I am Albus Dumbledore. As Chief Warlock and Supreme Mugwump, it is important that I review what is to be shown in case it is sensitive. We do not want things to leak out that might prove a problem for the Ministry or for Magical Britain."

The man shrugged. "Sorry. I've signed a contract. I'm not willing to risk my magic. The list includes you, Madam Bones there, the Minister for Magic, James and Lily Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. The reporter was specifically left off the list, probably for the reason you just said. According to the lady, everyone on that list is trustworthy. So I'm certain there should be no problems."

He looked around. "Perhaps an oath to ensure it stays within the group."

"Sorry again. I was instructed that if there was such an oath, I was to destroy the memory. Only I can retrieve it from the moleskin pouch and only I can open the vial. Once again, I am under contract."

Albus sighed in frustration. "Very well. Perhaps we should move this along."

Amelia huffed. "As this is my office, I am in charge. But I agree. We should get started."

The man nodded and pulled a box out of his pouch. He put it on the desk and tapped it with his wand, causing it to expand. He stepped back.

"Madam Bones, you have the honor."

There was a letter below the lid addressed to her. It said, "Read me out loud."

She pulled it out and started reading, the rest listening avidly. "Contained within the box are several articles which were retrieved over the last ten years. As a number of these items are of historical importance, I have returned them. The items that belonged to the Founders should be returned to Hogwarts. The other item you can do with as you will. The curses that Tom Marvolo Riddle, otherwise known as Lord Voldemort, placed on the items were removed. I should mentioned that there were three other items. One of them was Tom's old school diary which was destroyed by basilisk venom and then burned. Another was the Gaunt Family Ring, from his mother's family. It contained a stone that Albus Dumbledore and others have been looking for but which is too dangerous to own. It has been dropped down a volcano. The third item will be seen in the memory which will be seen by the group."

She looked and said, "It is unsigned."

Albus was already taken aback. The only stone that he knew of that he had looked for … his face took on a look of horror. A priceless treasure! Lost!

The cover was lifted and everyone gasped. "Ravenclaw's Diadem! Slytherin's Locket! Huffpuff's Chalice!"

The treasures were lifted and inspected. The reporter took a picture. Albus said, "As Headmaster I shall take charge of these items and ensure they are returned to Hogwarts."

Amelia chuckled. "Sorry. Currently, until whatever this is is over, they will be kept by the DMLE. I shall ensure they are returned. I am certain the Daily Prophet will report that they have been found." The reporter nodded. "Now that that is done, the reporter will leave. We have a memory to watch."

While the reporter wondered what that was, he already had a huge story. Magical Britain would be completely ablaze with the information that such historical items had been returned.

Amelia pulled out a pensieve and put it on the table. "Everyone gather round. Once the memory in put in, everyone will put a finger in the bowl."

They arranged themselves. The Hit Wizard pulled out the vial and, with it poised over the pensieve, he opened it and allowed the memory to drop in. He then stepped back.

Amelia said, "And, go!"

Everyone put a finger in.

The group found themselves within the memory of a stone room. When Lily and the Marauders saw the face of the young boy, they gasped. It was the missing Harry Potter!

They looked around and saw that there was a shelf that was covered by a cloth. On the table before the boy was a table with a snake that was tied down. And there was a man standing near an ugly, small creature that was unconscious. The man's wand was drawn.

The boy looked at his watch and said, "Okay. You can lift the spell."

The man pointed his wand and cast a spell. The ugly creature stirred. It opened it's eyes. "Where am I?"

"Hello, Tom Riddle. You are in hell."

"Don't all me that! I am LORD VOLDEMORT!"

The boy rolled his eyes. "You know that name is just your sixteen year old self angsting, right? I am certain that you worked hard to come up with a name that meant 'Flee From Death' from the letters of your name. Tom Marvolo Riddle. I am Lord Voldemort. How clever." The sarcasm was obvious.

The creature looked around. "How did I come here?" it asked with hatred.

"An interested party paid to have you captured. I have a few things to show you and something to do and then we will be done."

"What do you have to show me?" The small creature saw the snake. "NAGINI!" It looked at the boy. "What are you doing!?"

"I am fulfilling the prophecy."

The creature looked at the boy. "Yessss," it hissed. "Now I recognize you. You are the son of Potter. The boy who I tried to kill."

"Yep. That's me."

"But when I possessed Quirrel, I found that no one had heard of you. Your brother was being lauded as the Boy-Who-Lived yet there was no mention of you."

"Yeah. That was a game that Dumbledore was playing in his chess match with you. He ensured I was sent to my Muggle aunt and her abusive husband. Wanted to see me broken down." Harry shrugged. "Didn't work. My adoptive mother, my biological aunt, got away, ensuring Vernon was sent to prison. And then we got out of Britain. She, and I, wanted nothing to do with Dumbledore's games."

"So where do you live?"

The boy smirked. "That's need to know – and neither you nor the people who are watching this memory need to know. All I will say is that I am safe."

"You are powerful! I can feel your magic even now. Your parents abandoned you. Don't you want revenge? Join me! And I will ensure you receive it!"

Harry rolled his eyes again. "Sure. I was sad and angry – but I got over it. Now I only feel regret. They listened to Dumbledore and paid the price. I may meet them, but that isn't needed to take care of you. I have a few things to show you."

The boy reached out and pulled the cloth off. The three items plus a book and a ring were seen. The small creature cried out, "NOOOOOO!"

"Yes. All the pieces of your soul keeping you alive. All cleansed or destroyed. Even the small bit left in my scar has been removed. All that's left is this snake and the homonculous you now occupy. That part of the prophecy you didn't hear? 'And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ..' You have to die by my hand. I will never have a life if you aren't gone. The thing is, your little body there is already failing without the venom from this snake."

He pulled a dagger. "This knife is imbued with basilisk venom – from the creature that was in the Chamber of Secrets which you killed Myrtle with and for which you framed Hagrid. It's dead now. It got sold."

"Impossible! You need to be a Parselmouth to open the Chamber!"

Harry rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, well, thank to your little stunt of trying to kill me, I'm a parselmouth. And the one who killed the snake is a parselmouth. They aren't hard to find in India. As a matter of fact, if you had gone there after Hogwarts, they would have revered you for the ability – you would have gotten rich and very politically powerful. Instead you tried to kill anyone else who had the ability. You are a dumbarse."

The small creature hissed angrily.

"Anyway, I've told you everything." With that, the boy stabbed the snake and then jumped back.

As the small creature cried, "NOOOOO!" a ball of smoke came out from the snake's body and dissipated.

Harry stepped forward and inspected the snake. "That was a damn shame – she would have been beautiful if you hadn't corrupted her. But at least now all of your anchors are gone. Your little body is failing. I'm going to listen to some music and wait for you to die."

With that the boy put something on his head, sat down, and closed his eyes.

The memory jumped and then started again.

The man who was off to the side got Harry's attention by tapping him. He looked at the man who pointed at the small body.

Harry stood up and watched. Soon, the small body that had been moving slightly stilled. The man cast a spell and then looked at Harry and nodded.

Harry pumped his arm. "Yes! It's over!" He spoke to the room. "And this concludes our tale of the Dumbarse Dark Lord Moldyshorts and his dumbarse mistakes.

"Sorry, Mum and Dad. I don't hate you – but until Dumbledore is no longer pulling your strings, you won't see me. My other mom Petunia says hello and she forgives you – a little. Have a good life. And tell my twin to have one too. And the rest of you – except Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore? You will never be forgiven. We don't even hate you, really – that would give you too much power over Mom and me. We just want nothing to do with you.

"Minister? You can stop worrying about Dumbledore's warnings that Voldemort will return. There are no come-backs for him anymore. Good luck with that.

"So, everyone: Ta!"

The memory ended and they all found themselves back in the office.

Dumbledore looked around at the others in the room and could only think, "Oh, Shite!"