Finest in the Office

“You two have been the biggest fools I have ever met. How many times did Sirius walk past your desk on Friday?”

“How do you-“

“How. Many. Times?” Lily ground out trying to contain her obvious anger.

“Eight. Every single day for the past week, it’s been eight times. His office is on the other side of the floor, he doesn’t even need…” Remus trailed off and his eyes widened in shock.

“No, you’re right, he doesn’t,” Lily smiled sadly. “You know it’s been 8 years since you stopped talking to James and Sirius right, and like 20 since you started pulling away? You tore a rift in the group, Peter chose you, like everyone always knew he would. James chose Sirius, not because he doesn’t love you, but he couldn’t very well walk out on his best friend, not like-“

“Not like I did? Is that what you were going to say?”

“Am I wrong?”

Remus sighed and laid his head on the table again. He could hear the squeals in the living room from Teddy watching his favourite show. He thought of his younger, stupider self. Married too young, guilt for his sexual confusion, and then a widower and single father.

“You know, dad stopped being mad about it years ago, he just misses you.” Harry said from the door way. “They both do for the record.” He called as he walked back to the living room leaving Remus and Lily once again alone.

“Remus Lupin, you will listen to me, and listen well. No interruptions.” Lily spoke firmly. It was her mom voice, something Remus often heard when she was scolding Harry or Teddy.

“We all were there when you lost Dora, we know how hard that was for you. So realizing you had feelings for Sirius only a few years later must have been difficult.”

“It wasn’t then, it was long before that.” Remus sighed. “But I loved Dora, and had no interest in ending my marriage. When she died I felt so guilty, like I was cheating on her or dishonoring her memory by hoping. I couldn’t even be around him anymore without hurting for two very separate stupid reasons. I’m not saying what I did was right, but its been too long, it’s been years.”
“Remus, you were friends with James for over half your lives, I think he’d be willing to hear you out,” Lily paused before continuing loudly, “Harry can you take Teddy out for the day?”

While Remus and Harry got Teddy ready to spend the day out with his godfather Lily fiddled with her phone. She was taping furiously at the screen and humming a content sound every so often. When teddy was ready and jumping excitedly about going to the zoo, there was a knock at the door. Harry opened it wide to reveal Teddy’s cousin, Draco, who was also Harry’s on and off boyfriend for the past three years. The three headed out and Remus settled back to having another cup of tea with Lily.

There was another knock about ten minutes in to a lively discussion about the recent royal scandals. Assuming Harry had forgotten something, he walked towards the door with Lily trailing slowly behind him. He hesitated turning the knob and glanced back at lily who wore an amused smile. Harry wouldn’t knock, Draco might but Harry would just run in if they forgot something. He searched Lily’s face for whatever evil plan she had thought up, knowing quite well her husband had rubbed off on her over the years. She wouldn’t have. But she absolutely would have, it was just like Lily.

“You’re a bitch you know that?”

“Shut up and answer the door,” She grinned cheekily at him.

Remus pulled open the door, revealing James Potter with a sheepish look on his face and Sirius Black standing with his back to the door. The hem of Sirius’ leather jacket was bunched in James fist as if the man had made an escape attempt in the moment leading to Remus answering the door. Remus dug his hands into his pockets and frowned but nodded the men into his home.
Lily didn’t say a thing, but she did get plenty of glares from Remus as James and Sirius sat themselves in his living room. No one said a thing, it was probably the most awkward moment of Remus’ life. Remus knew that it was him who was in the wrong for their falling out, so he pulled the little bit of courage he had and spoke first.
“I’m sorry,” his voice cracked noticeably but he had actually said it. “I’ve been a shite friend, I walked out on both of you and for some really selfish stupid reasons that had nothing to do with anything either of you did.”

Remus looked at Sirius nervously. “You didn’t do anything wrong Sirius, you didn’t offend me or hurt me or anything. I just made myself pretend to hate you to deal with my own personal issues and that was beyond horrible. You both were the best friends a bloke could ask for, and I can’t change the past, though I wish I could.”

“Well, things were never the same when we all left highschool. You went to university; we worked in my dad’s business first. When we all started working atg the same job I thought things could be the same again, but then Dora died and I think a part of you died with her. I’d probably become a hermit if something like that happened to Lily,” James reasoned.

“Sirius wouldn’t let you, he’d move into a tent on your lawn.” Remus smirked.

“You think I didn’t want to do that for you?” Sirius jumped up and yelled. His hands shaking in tight fists and eyes flashed dark with anger.

“That-that wasn’t an attack on you Sirius, I’m sorry if it seemed like it,” Remus looked at his hands.

“You told me you hated me!” Sirius kept on yelling. “Said; if it weren’t for me, you’d probably still remain friends with James!”

“You told him that?” Remus choked out, staring at James.

“Not my finest moment, I’ll admit, but you did say it.”

“I-I did. It was damn hard being your friend Sirius, and that isn’t because of you, it’s because of me,” Remus cleared his throat and looked at Sirius and then James before looking out the window. “I was battling with being married to a woman I loved but realizing I was also attracted to men.” He paused. “One man in particular, actually. The guilt after she died was consuming, and I couldn’t even look at you. I hated myself, but I put it on you. I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“Well…” James coughed. “This is a bit, awkward.”
“James!” Lily scolded.

Sirius stormed out of the room and the front door slammed behind him.

Remus slumped in his arm chair defeated. He knew it was likely that they wouldn’t forgive him. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be forgiven. He knew he had royally screwed up, and he didn’t blame Sirius for being right pissed with him.
James stood up and pulled Remus up; he grinned at him and pulled him into a tight hug. Then he pulled away and turned Remus around to face…Sirius. Apparently the man had come back. He had a look of embarrassment on his face, his jaw tense and he was looking to the side not meeting Remus’ eyes.

“Yours was the first finest in the company,” He grumbled and then he stormed out of the house again without looking back.

Laughing James followed Lily out with a little wave and knowing smile at Remus.

Remus sank into a chair and covered his beet red face with his hands.

TBC