Handsome?
“I feel sick,” Jason thought to himself as he smiled through clenched teeth, his stomach churning as he mingled with the wealthy elites at the gala. prominent figures introduced their children, each eager to establish a connection–which was weird as he isn’t taking any of the company’s shares.
It wasn’t anything new, but tonight was worse. He could sense Bruce’s eyes on him from across the room, his gaze calculating. Jason didn’t need to know what he was thinking to know that he was playing matchmaker. The thought made him seeth in anger that he started grinding his teeth to the point a few heard a strange sound.
As if he wasn’t pissed enough, Dick and Tim had decided that tormenting him would be the most entertaining thing of the evening. More than often, he would catch their stupid looking faces making exaggerated smooching faces and wagging their eyebrows. “They’re so dead.” He scowled–in his mind at least.
“Having fun, lover boy?” Dick’s voice buzzed in his ear through the tiny comm Bruce insisted everyone to wear but Jason didn’t bother responding as he knew he’d explode in anger.
“He looks like he’s in love,” Tim cut in, his tone filled with fake sincerity. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Poor Jason,” Dick teased. “Too popular for his own good.”
If Tim and Dick were to be honest, they found Jason’s popularity odd–but not surprising. They never had the time to even consider it as they were always met with Jason’s mean and grumpy attitude but, that is just what a lot of people are into–but it’s still so fucking odd.
The stress was getting to Jason. He could no longer keep track and the conversations were all starting to become one big blur. He wanted to escape, but the families weren’t giving him a chance. The wealthy heirs in particular, were attempting to flirt, trying to outcharm each other for his attention.
They were persistent indeed. What they wanted, they’ll get. And right now, they wanted to get into his pants.
Jason would’ve preferred being out on patrol. Heck, he’d rather be bleeding in an alleyway rather than enduring this mockery of a blind date.
“Do you have a preferred type of yacht?” one heiress asked, batting her lashes.
Jason gave her an empty look, though he doubted she noticed his disinterest. “Fast.” He replied with a small sigh.
“What about dangerous?” Tim said with a snicker before returning to his conversation with his fair share of wealthy figures.
Jason wondered how the two were able to juggle conversations with ease and mockery. But he could do the same. It was the principle of the situation that was throwing him off.
He reached for a drink to keep himself from punching the closest thing to him, distracting himself with the drinks, the only tolerable part of the night. But it would’ve been better with a book in silence. As he drained his glass, a younger man approached, offering him another.
Jason took it with a polite smile, thankful for the fresh approach. “Are you interested in literature?” The boy asked with a big smile.
His interest was piqued. He raised his eyebrow as he took a sip from the drink, but before he could enjoy it, Tim’s voice interrupted again, this time with a mocking gasp. “Oh my god, he’s interested!”
“Oh my,” Jason smiled, his voice carrying a faint trace of anger. “Yes, I’m very interested in literature.” The young heir returned his smile, his expression soft yet confident, as he led Jason toward a quieter corner of the room. Jason couldn’t help but appreciate the gesture as it was rare to find someone who shared his interests.
“Relax, Romeo,” Dick said. “Don’t suddenly propose!”
“Well, what do you take me for?” Jason asked, directing his question to both Dick and the young heir.
A grin creeped up Dick’s face as he answered through the comm, “A loverboy.”
“I believe you’re interested in the classics.” The heir answered.
Jason’s irritation with Dick simmered beneath the surface, but his interest for literature overshadowed it. After all, it wasn’t every day he met someone eager to talk about something he actually cared about.
“Interesting…” Jason replied, his voice calm but laced with enough edge for Dick to pick up on.
Before their exchange could escalate further, Bruce’s voice cut through the comm, low and firm. “Jason.”
Jason raised his eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“Smile more,” Bruce said.
Jason wanted to disappear into the floor. It was pure torture. And his pseudo brothers were having far too much fun watching him suffer in silence, failing to stifle their laughter.
Turning his focus back to the conversation, Jason fully immersed himself in discussing literature, soon drawing the attention of a few more enthusiasts. The topic was niche and filled with passion, it was something neither Dick nor the others could fake interest in for long. They drifted away, though not without tossing occasional remarks about how charming Jason looked with his growing circle of admirers, as well as making snarky remarks about who he looked good with.
Servers moved through the room, offering drinks to the guests. Jason, confident in his tolerance, sipped at his glass casually. He noted, however, that the heirs he was speaking with were becoming less coherent with each passing round. Their discussion slowly shifting from literature to increasingly bold and reckless flirtations. Some were shy while some became confident enough to start touching him indecently.
“This is getting uncomfortable,” He barely had time to dwell on the thought before a wave of dizziness overtook him. His stomach twisted, and his head throbbed as the room began to spin. “Ugh-” Jason groaned, steadying himself against the nearest table. His insides burned, and realization dawned with bitter clarity, “I’ve been spiked.”
“Are you okay?” Dick silently asked through the comm. “You’re stumbling.”
Tim clicked his tongue as he separated himself from the crowd surrounding him. “He’s been spiked, I’m gonna go look for the suspect.”
Gritting his teeth, Jason muttered a half-hearted excuse to the crowd and staggered toward the bathroom. Each step felt like a battle as the drug coursed through his veins, leaving him unsteady and weak. Once inside, he gripped the sink for support, his reflection a blur as he tried to focus.
“Great,” Jason hissed under his breath. “Just perfect.”
Jason barely had time to gather his bearings before the door creaked open behind him. He glanced up just in time to see one of the tipsy heirs—the same guy who’d been relentlessly hitting on him earlier.
“Please excuse me,” Jason said politely, his voice a strained.
But the heir either didn’t hear him or didn’t care. He giggled, swaying closer like this was some drunken rom-com moment. “Don’t play hard to get,” he slurred, leaning in with all the grace of a collapsing bookshelf.
Jason stiffened as the man’s lips grazed his neck, an attempt to whisper went spectacularly wrong when Jason flinched—hard. The heir’s knees buckled, and in his drunken stumble, he accidentally bit Jason’s neck who hissed in pain as blood seeped into the shirt Alfred told him a hundred times not to stain. “Fuck.”
“Oh my god!” the guy shrieked in horror. “OH MY GOD I’M A KILLER!”
“Jason?!” Dick quite almost screeched through the comm. “What’s happening to you??”
Bruce excused himself from the growing crowd around him and headed for the bathroom, his footsteps getting heavier with each step he took. “I’m headed there.” He said with a cool tone, tinged with fear.
Tears streamed down the heir’s face in an instant, his charm disappearing without a trace. He dropped to his knees, clutching Jason’s hands like he was begging for absolution. “OH MY GOD. SOMEONE KILL ME. I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK AGAIN!”
The bite hadn’t even hurt that much, but the guy’s reaction? Priceless. He looked like he belonged in a soap opera, grieving over his dead wife.
The man kept spiraling. “I just wanted to flirt!” he wailed, his voice cracking. “I’ve had a crush on you since forever! And now I’ve RUINED EVERYTHING!”
Jason, still slumped against the sink, stared at the mess with a mix of disbelief and amusement, raising his eyebrow. The heir’s priorities were scrambled in his head, sobbing as he apologized and his slurred love confessions. It was the perfect blackmail material to get someone to stop drinking–a PSA for drinking responsibly.
“Hera, lend me strength,” Jason muttered under his breath, struggling to stifle his laugh. He knew he should stop the dude’s meltdown, but if he were to be honest? He wanted to see more. God forbid a man have a little entertainment.
The guy, now fully committed to his spiral, grabbed Jason’s shoulders with dramatic flair, his face crumpled with despair. “I—I just wanted to be charming!” he hiccupped. “And now it looks like I tried to kill you! I’M A MONSTER!”
Jason raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “You’re fine,” he said dryly.
The guy let out a loud, hiccupping sob that echoed through the room. Jason couldn’t hold it back any longer—he snorted. But that tiny crack in his composure worked wonders. The guy froze mid-sob, looking at Jason like he’d just seen a shooting star.
Jason, smiling now despite himself, was caught completely off guard when the heir—still absolutely hammered—reached out to cradle his face.
“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” the heir proclaimed at full volume, swaying dramatically.
“Jason!” Bruce barked. The heir, startled, his balance failed him entirely. In one glorious motion, he slipped and smacked his head on the floor with a loud thud, passing out cold.
From behind the door, a small chuckle echoed in the awkward silence. Bruce turned to find Cassandra peeking out from her hiding spot. Why she was in the men’s restroom, Bruce didn’t know—but Jason had always noticed Cass’ presence despite being high.
“Took you long enough, father,” Damien sighed, emerging from one of the stalls, adjusting his suit. “I must admit… It was odd, hearing a man pour out his feelings for Todd, of all people.”
“Bastard,” Jason huffed as his eyes rolled back, the drug finally taking its full effect.
“Jason!” Dick’s voice rang out as he rushed in after Bruce, diving just in time to break Jason’s fall.
Dick’s eyes immediately darted to the deep gash on Jason’s neck and the blood smeared on the passed-out heir’s mouth. “What the hell happened?! Did he bite Jason?!”
“It’s an embarrassing yet impressive feat,” Damien stated as he shrugged. “Jason would be delighted to recount this disaster.”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds it odd,” Tim said, arms crossed, his expression somewhere between amused and perplexed. Dick and even Damian—strangely enough—nodded in agreement.
Steph, standing nearby with Cass, looked visibly disgusted, as if she was about to vomit. But then, as realization dawned, her expression morphed into one of pure horror. “Oh my God. They’re right,” she muttered, staring at the others like they’d just cracked some dark, forbidden truth. “What the actual fuck?”
Cass, as always, remained serenely unimpressed.
Duke walked into the Batcave with a passed out Jason in the MedBay while the rest were surrounding him, analyzing his face. “What’s up?” He called out, trying to get their attention as he unceremoniously tripped on his own foot.
They turned to acknowledge him, but an awkward silence followed. They shifted on their feet, avoiding eye contact like a bunch of kids caught reading some porn mag. Even Damian, normally a master of composed disdain, looked mildly annoyed under his thin veil of indifference.
“Duke,” Tim called out, clicking his tongue. His tone was careful but carrying the weight of absurdity. “Do you think Jason is… objectively or subjectively attractive?”
Duke froze, like he had just been shot. “What?”
“You heard him!” Steph exclaimed, gesturing wildly at Jason’s unconscious and very undignified body. “Answer the question, Duke!”
Duke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he considered. “I mean… yeah. Obviously?”
The rest stared at him, as if expecting him to explain himself–to defend his statement. Duke groaned, dragging his hand down his face. “Look, if he wasn’t attractive, half the internet wouldn’t be begging him to model. And I wouldn’t have to hear my classmates argue about how it is utter nonsense to ‘kill’ Red Hood or Jason Todd in ‘Kiss, Marry, Kill.’ ” He gestured to Jason, who was frowning in his sleep. “The dude just exists , and people are ready to risk it all.”
“See!” Steph yelled triumphantly as she dramatically pointed at Duke. “I’m not crazy!”
Dick barely stifled a laugh, while Damian crossed his arms, his frown deepening as he glared daggers at Jason. “Overrated.” He muttered underneath his breath.
Eyebrows raised, Dick let out a snicker as a grin creeped onto his face. “Are you calling your boyfriend’s taste overrated? Because if Jason’s overrated, wouldn’t that mean you’re overrated too? He used to have a crush on Redhood.”
“Say that again. I dare you.” Damien spat, his tone enough to kill.
But Dick held no fear, even leaning closer with a mocking expression. “I mean, you got so upset that one time he complimented Jason. I’ve never seen you so frustrated–it was almost cute..”
“PUHUAHAHAH NO WAY!” Tim cackled, collapsing onto the floor as he gasped for air.
“You too, Tim.” Dick added, his smirk widening as he shifted his attention to Tim. “Remember when you wrecked Jason’s bike after Kon called him hot? And you weren’t even dating Kon yet!”
In the stifling silence, Cass held onto Steph and pulled her away from the brewing battle, even motioning for Duke to leave with them. “Let’s go.”As they left, the tension in the room crackled like Gotham’s stormy skies.
As the three continued to argue, Jason was blissfully unaware–still knocked out by the drug– drool dripping from the corner of his mouth like the true picture of “attractiveness.”
The fight got wilder and wilder–Dick let out an exaggerated scream as Tim and Damian united and lunged at him, tackling him onto the bed, sending the patient fall off his bed. Mid-fall, Jason jolted awake, instinctively saving himself from the fall.
He groaned, his voice raspy and annoyed. “What the hell is going on?”
Jason ran his hand through his hair as he started unbuttoning his suit. Looking like the perfect image of ‘wild and handsome’, instantly justifying every word Duke had said earlier..
Tim, still huffing, scoffed as he stomped toward the door. “It’s all your fault!”
Jason blinked. “The fuck did I do?”
Damian shot him a glare so sharp it could’ve sliced steel.
Meanwhile, Dick, the instigator, simply patted Jason on the shoulder with a broad grin. “Don’t worry about it.”
Tim’s voice echoed down the hallway. “I’m burning that bike!”
“TRY ME!” Jason yelled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This family is actual hell.”
Jason headed for StarCity, armed with the additional details Tim had dug up about the drug and the slimy idiot who’d spiked his drink. The intel wasn’t complete, but it was enough to get started. And coincidentally, Roy was working the same case, which was a small win. Jason could finally take a breather from his circus of a family and hang out with someone who was annoying, sure, but at least relatively sane—in comparison to his pseudo family.
He crashed at Roy’s place, which meant he also got the bonus of spending time with Lian, who he hadn’t seen in a long time.
“My favorite girl!” Jason exclaimed with open arms as Lian ran towards him.
“My favorite uncle!” She responded with the widest grin. “Are you going to stay with us?!” Lian asked in excitement. Her smile felt like a punch to the gut for Jason.
He looked defeated, not knowing what to do or say until Roy took over, “Sweetie, I told you, Jason’s just here for work. He’s only staying for a little while.” He smiled as Lian stomped her feet, pouting.
“But I like him living with us!”
“Well, I do too but–” Roy froze mid-sentence, his brain clearly short-circuiting as he bit his tongue. “UGH!”
Jason raised an eyebrow, curious about what Roy wanted to say but decided to not press further. After a while, Jason offered to treat them to Lian’s favorite restaurant as an apology. The suggestion earned instant approval from Lian, and before long, the three of them were chowing down.
“Been a while since we teamed up,” Roy said, nudging Jason with his elbow mid-bite. “What’s new in Gotham? Anything interesting enough to share?”
Jason groaned, shaking his head. “It’s even crazier. Bruce is trying to marry me off to Gotham royalty or something. Keeps throwing me into galas like I’m some kind of rare, scarred auction item. Oh, and just recently, I was drugged, and some idiot slipped in the bathroom and bit my neck.”
Roy stopped mid-chew, nearly choking. “Wait, what? Like a vampire bite? Did he hiss at you or something?”
Jason pulled down his collar to show the faint scar on his neck. “Nah, it was just drunk royalty–but he left this!”
Roy stared, then started laughing so hard he nearly dropped his fork. “As if I’d believe that!”
“Yeah, sure,” Jason deadpanned. “Don’t believe me.”
Roy wiped a tear from his eye, still grinning like a maniac. “Okay, but hear me out about Bruce’s matchmaking thing! I’ve got a funny idea.”