Handling the Drop Ball

She finds her mother in the sitting room, sipping tea by herself.  The sight of the older woman immediately sends a shockwave of rage through her body.  Every ounce of her being wants to scream and shout, but she knows that will only have the opposite effect that she wants.

“Caitlyn.  To what do I owe this surprise visit on a Tuesday morning?  Shouldn’t you be in class?”  Her mother’s words are antagonizing.  Cassandra knows exactly why her daughter has paid her a visit.

“I don’t have class until the afternoon.  I thought I’d pay you a visit to discuss some things before I went to campus.”  Caitlyn speaks through clinched teeth.  The slight smirk that comes to her mother’s face only fills her heart with more rage.  She’s unsure how long she can maintain her composure.  It hurts her to think this must have been what Vi felt like that caused her to attack Maddie during the game.

“Splendid.  While you’re here, we can discuss your plans for the Kiramman Christmas Ball.  After all, I believe we need to get you acquainted once again with Tailer Devos.”

“Tailer Devos put his ex-girlfriend in the hospital after he beat her so hard.  I’d rather not get myself tangled with an abuser.”

“Fair enough.  Then we’ll move along to the Hoskel grandson.  Though, it is awfully ironic coming from someone scandalously entangled with someone who has already been suspended for fighting with other players before the actual start of their respective sports season.

Caitlyn scoffs.  They’ve arrived at the conversation much quicker than she’d anticipated and she’s ready.  “I didn’t realize my relationship was so scandalous.”

“Don’t be so naïve my daughter, you know very well what would come of this.  Not only is she a Zaunite, but she’s also attached to the former leader of the Zaun resistance.  The council is extremely displeased my daughter was taken to bed by such a ruffian.”

“Oh, fuck the council!” her response sounds every bit as exacerbated as she means it to. 

“Caitlyn!”

“No, mother.  This is not your call!  My life is not some sort of political game for you to control.  I’m so unbelievably tired of having to live up to these expectations.  I’m sorry, mother, that I don’t follow the norm.  I’m sorry I am not what you consider the perfect Kiramman woman.  Truth be told, I have never been her.  Maddie was a mistake, and I will probably never fully heal from it, but Vi is trying to help me as best she can.  She cares about me in ways I didn’t know were possible.  She sees me, not my name and that’s worth more than any amount of inheritance could ever give me.”

Cassandra stands from her seat so she can be eye level with her daughter.  While Caitlyn stands in a defensive manner, protecting herself, Cassandra immediately seems to take an offensive strategy.  “Tread lightly, daughter.  The words you speak carry a greater weight than you can ever imagine.

Caitlyn sighs, resigned to the fact her mother has not listened to a single word she has just said.  “What do you want from me, mother?  I’m bearing my soul to you and you’re just, choosing to ignore my thoughts and wishes.”

Cassandra steps forward, leaving just enough space between she and her daughter that they can breathe without hearing the others air flow.  Gently, she lifts her hand and cups her daughter’s face.  Caitlyn sees something she’s never seen before, regret and pity.  She’s unsure how to react to the emotions.  Confusion is no doubt displayed on her face as her mother has never shown such a mother sense of affection in Caitlyn’s entire life.

“Women like you and I; we don’t get to have our own thoughts and wishes.  Our whole lives are planned for us before we are even born.  There’s a natural order of things that we are to abide by. The sooner you come to terms with it, the better it will be for all of us.”

Caitlyn stares at her mother.  Desperately she tries to plan her next words but cannot weave anything together to make a coherent sentence.  Her mother removes her hand and simply just walks back to her couch and sits.  Cassandra returns to drinking her tea.  Caitlyn sees this as her opportunity to strike her mother out.  “Is the lack of thoughts and wishes why you released Thaddeus Baxter?”

Her mother momentarily freezes.  She can tell Cassandra is planning her next thought.  “Thaddeus Baxter was simply a man who needed reformed prior to his incarceration.  His parents wrote to me saying they felt he was a new man, so I met with him personally.  He expressed his sincere regret and remorse for what happened to the young woman, but felt he was ready to return to Piltover society.  I simply saved him from being made a further example of because he was young and made a mistake.”

Caitlyn yelps out a harsh, anger laced laugh, and it nearly sends Cassandra into a spiral.  “I wasn’t born yesterday, mother.  You discovered Vi had a history and you took advantage of the situation.”

As much as Caitlyn had hoped she would, Cassandra doesn’t take the bait from Caitlyn.  “It’s been a pleasure to see you daughter.  I do hope you still plan on attending family dinner on Friday.”

Taking a deep breath, she simply responds, “I have previous plans” and leaves.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Practice is grueling.  While it may have been later in the warmer season, a sudden heatwave had hit pushing the temperature on the turf to over one hundred degrees.  Caitlyn is pitching live bp, prepping for a Saturday scrimmage that Sevika had set up with Zaun.  Though it’s only Tuesday, they all know they need to show up and show out to make everyone forget about Vi’s escapade in Ionia.

Caitlyn is struggling.  Her focus was everywhere, but at the field.   Sevika was calling any pitch that wasn’t a fastball and Caitlyn could not get any pitch to move how she wanted.  The frustration building in her chest was evident on her face, a characteristic that was uncommon for her.  Normally she was able to bottle her emotions on the field, but her mother was in her head.

The ace hangs a change up over the heart of the plate instead of pushing it inside like it should have been and Derst sends it over the left field fence.  A hush falls over the field because, it’s the first time they’ve seen Caitlyn give up a homer in practice. 

“What’s wrong, Kir?  Sex so good that you’re still distracted?”  Derst quips.  It’s innocent and on any other day, Caitlyn would have probably taken the joke at her expense in stride.  However, today was not a normal day.  The first baseman and pitcher lock eyes and suddenly she’s filled with an unbridled rage.  Prepping to charge the batters box, she’s stopped in her tracks when she hears Sevika.

“Kiramman!  Before you do something you’re gonna regret, sit down.”

“I’m fine!” she barks back.

No one moves a muscle as the stand off commences.  Sevika strides towards the rubber and stands in front of Caitlyn.  “Go to the locker room, Kiramman.  That’s an order.”  The pitcher doesn’t respond.  She simply huffs and walks away toward the home dugout.

“Derst!  Since you think you’re so fucking funny let’s see how funny it is when you’re running poles.  Run til someone else hits one over or you puke.  I really don’t care which one happens first.”

When Caitlyn gets inside, she chucks her glove in her cubby.  Her body plops onto a folding char adjacent to where the glove lands.  She leans her body over and places her head in her hands.  What the hell was happening to her?  Last year she’d have never reacted like this.  Of course, last fall her teammates weren’t hooligans who liked to mess around and fun while being equally as serious as the Ionia team had been. 

She hears the outside door open followed immediately by the heavy footsteps.  Previously she would have been beside herself waiting for the lashing she was about to take.  At that immediate moment, she could care less.  Her soul welcomed the thought of Sevika ripping her to pieces.  Perhaps she would finally be able to feel something other than anger today.

A chair scrapes across the floor.  Sevika sits down hard and leans down, resting her elbows on her knees.  “You want to tell me what the fuck that was about?”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit, Kiramman.  Three years I’ve watched, and I’ve never seen you get rattled.  Even after Vi took a fist to the noggin and you still finished your shit.  Is it Vi?

The pitcher doesn’t respond.  If she’s honest, she doesn’t know how to respond.  Silence is the only response Sevika needs and she’s instantly annoyed.  “Kiramman, I warned you two, if this shit migrated to my locker room…”

“My mother had Thaddeus Baxter released from Stillwater yesterday.”  She blurts it out.  As much as she longs to have Sevika lay down the law, she can’t hold it in. 

Her coach leans back in her chair and runs her hands down her face.  Caitlyn hears a sigh leave the woman’s body.  Turning her head to face her coach, she sees concern and anger.  The older woman’s eyes shut, and Caitlyn is suddenly afraid she’s about to be the sacrificial lamb to get to her mother, but instead, she gets to see the softer side of the coach.

“How is she?”

“Not good.  She was high on pain meds and drunk when I found her at Vander’s last night.  I know she got up in the middle of the night and drank more because I found an empty whiskey bottle that had been full when I got there.  I haven’t heard from her any today.  I probably should have texted her, but I just don’t know what to say because I know my mother is using Vi to get to me.” 

Sevika hums.  “That’s her go to tactic.  It was Vi’s parents to get to Vander and Vi to get to you.  Fuck she’s savage.” 

“Sevika, I can’t protect her from my mother if we stay together.  Her attacks will only get worse.”

“So, you’ll throw everything away because some Piltie wants to control you?  I thought you had more spine than that.”

Caitlyn is initially insulted by the words, but then she realizes Sevika is right.  The comment reminds her of the speech she’d give Vi after her going away party.  She’d told Vi to stop running when things were getting tough and how she was tired of everybody telling her what she can and can’t do.  Vi had given her so much grace as the story of Cassandra’s war crime was shared by the catcher.  Now, she was sitting in front of Sevika, ready to throw in the towel.

“Love ain’t easy, kid.  Especially for people from opposite sides of the bridge AND people like you and me.”  She winks and doesn’t need to say anything else.  Caitlyn knows what the secret is. “Look, your mom may never accept who you are and who you love. Yes, she is one of the most powerful people in this city, but she can’t take away how you feel.  She can take away your money and your name, but she can’t take away who you truly are.  If she wants to play a game, let her.  There are a few outcomes where she wins, but there’s a whole helluva lot more where she loses.”

It's truly heartfelt and Caitlyn knows she’s hearing it because Sevika cares about her.  Tears start to dam up in her eyes and she has to quickly wipe them away before they fall.  Just 4 months ago she was sitting in Grayson’s office informing her old coach she was thinking of leaving.  She needed to focus on her mental health if she was going to be able to finish out her senior year.  Her pride  and heart were wounded from Maddie and she really was on the verge of giving in to life.  Now, she was sitting in the Piltover locker room receiving advice from a woman who terrified her on that tour day.

“I’m kicking you out of practice for the day.”

“There’s 30 minutes left!”

“Take the win and shut the fuck up, Kiramman.  I need you to go check on her and make sure she’s okay.  Tell her I’ll be by her apartment to pick her up at 6am so no food or drink after midnight.”  Caitlyn nods making mental notes of everything.  Somehow, she needs to get Vi back to her apartment from The Last Drop.  Hopefully Powder and Ekko can help her accomplish that. 

As Sevika stands to head back to the field, she places her hand on Caitlyn’s shoulder.  “You know, I was worried you were going to be just another stuck up Piltie when you got here.  Sure, I wanted your talent, but I worried it was going to make me miserable.  Turns out you’re not so bad and what you’ve done for that smartass girlfriend of yours makes me happy to see.” 

Caitlyn can’t help but smile and attacked the coach with a hug.  She expects Sevika to resist, but oddly enough, she just accepts it.  “Promise me you’ll text after her surgery is done?  She threatened me if I came to the hospital.”

The coach pulls away from the hug and nods.  After one more tap on her shoulder, Sevika heads back out and Caitlyn packs her stuff up and heads toward Zaun.

- - - - -

Much to Caitlyn’s surprise, Vi is back at her apartment when she texts to check in.  Vander had pulled her out of her pit of despair long enough to load her in his truck and drive her back.  The ace doesn’t even go home, opting to instead head to check in on her girl.  Gauging off the short responses she’s getting from Vi, she needs to be prepared for a rocky evening.

When she knocks, Vi greets her at the door.  Her eyes are bloodshot, and she smells of booze.  Her body sways back and forth as though it is taking every ounce of strength she to stand.  Before Caitlyn can react, Vi falls forward into her embrace and just, sobs.  Mindful of her arm in its sling still, Caitlyn uses all of her strength to lift the catcher and wrap her legs around her waist.  She carries her to the couch where the woman falls on top of her and rests.

“I’m so sorry, Vi.  This is because of me.”  Caitlyn’s words land, but Vi does not acknowledge them.  She simply tightens her grip around Caitlyn’s neck and nestles in.  The pitcher strokes the back of Vi’s head, trying to calm her crying just enough so  that they can talk.  What she manages to do instead is coax her to sleep. 

It’s an hour before Vi moves again.  At times she had been so still that Caitlyn had to check to make sure she was still breathing.  When she does move finally, she stretches her legs out and rests her head in Caitlyn’s lap, grabbing a hold of the pitcher’s right hand and wrapping it over her shoulder.  It’s a comfort mechanism.  Caitlyn can’t help but smile knowing Vi wants her there.

“How was practice?” Vi’s voice sounds muffled because of the pressure laying on her side has place on her jaw.

Caitlyn can’t help but laugh.  “Sevika kicked me out because I almost charged the batters box at Derst. 

She can feel Vi grin.  “That’s my girl.  See, it’s fun to be reckless sometimes.”

Caitlyn chuckles and leans down to kiss the rest woman on her forehead.  She begins to absentmindedly play with some of Vi’s bangs.  “How is your shoulder, love?”

“It’s fine.  If I move too suddenly, I can feel it, but laying here on my back it’s fine.”  There’s a long pause after that, neither sure what to say.  “Cait, about what happened last night, I need to tell you something.”

Caitlyn swallows hard.  Why does that phrase always make her so damn nervous still?  When will she be able to hear it and not worry that her whole life is about to come crashing down on top of her again.  “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”

“I went to your parents’ house when Vander told me.  I demanded to speak to your mom, but the guards wouldn’t let me in.  She came outside and even though I had planned everything out that I wanted to say all I could manage to ask was why.  All she could say was…”

“Because women like us don’t get to have wants and wishes.”

Vi looks confused.  “How did you know that?”

“Call it a hunch.  Listen to me Vi, I’m going to take care of this, but for right now, I need you to focus on healing.  Come February, I need you at 100%.  I suck when I pitch to Lissa.” 

Vi snorts.  “That’s because she couldn’t line up a pitch if her life depended on it.  Don’t worry, I fully plan on recovering and coming back better than ever.  I’m going to send that Noxian bitch packing again come tournament time.”

She doesn’t know what prompts her to do it, but Caitlyn leans in and kisses Vi on the lips.  Their mouths remain connected for a few seconds before she pulls away.  “I love you.”  The words are floating before she realizes and she sees the other woman’s eyes popped open, fully sobering her within a matter of seconds.  “You don’t have to say…”

Vi stops her by announcing, “Fuck, Cait, I love you too,” and comes crashing into Cait like she’s the only thing that will keep her alive. 

Cait rebalances herself and pushes Vi back.  “I don’t give a shit what anyone says, we get to pick our happiness.  No one else and this is what I choose.”

For now, it’s enough.  Vi will recover and they will do battle together once again on the ballfield.  As far as Cassandra is concerned, she can take her expectations and shove them.  Tonight, they are two idiots in love choosing happiness.