Sacred Insanity

They say perfection is impossible, but no one told me that not falling in love with her was too. Autumn leaves fell, and so did I for her. For the only person capable of taking my breath hostage when she entered my field of vision or my conscious mind. For the one whose hands held my sanity from crumbling apart.

My name is Josie Saltzman, and this is how I fell in love with Hope Mikaelson.

I don't exactly remember when the realization plagued me, but I've always found myself craving her soft skin on mine. I was the touch-starved follower, and she was the God I devoted myself to.

“Josie!” She rolled over laughing and crying as Lizzie finished putting makeup disproportionately on me. Blush that was far too bright painted my face from one cheek straight into the other, like someone had drawn a neon red highlighter across.

“Josie's the smart one.” They'd say because a proper, smart and squeaky appearance was one of the things my parents instilled in me, but if it made sweet laughter escape her lips, then paint me a fool.

I love her far too much, appearances be damned.

Time became the witness to my illicit affection for Hope. Looking back, I was never subtle. Nor was I bold about it. Until he had left her amidst the crowd of couples dancing intimately.

My heart tore for her.

I found myself moving towards her before my thoughts could even register my body's movements. My hand offered itself and my tongue spoke against all the warnings I screamed against it.

“May I have this dance, Milady?”

Blue eyes shot up to my gaze, my heart fluttered like a butterfly that had just gained its wings. Oh, Hope, you could kill me with one look. Hesitancy swam deeply, as deep as the precipice I fell from, hoping she’d be down there to catch me. ‘Does she know?’ I thought at the time.

“Come on.” I said, “I went stag. You're-”

She took my hand before I could even finish. Our hands intertwined beautifully, my other hand on her waist, her other on my shoulder, and we both swayed to the rhythm of our hearts.

We ended up doing the same at our wedding.

Our wedding, oh, what an occasion.

“Do you, Josette Olivia Saltzman-”

“I do.” I answered before our officiant; MG, could even complete his question.

“And do you-”

“Yes! Yes!” Hope teared up, “I do!”

I slipped the ring onto her, fitting like two puzzle pieces. Hope slipped my ring onto mine, gently caressing it.

“With the power vested in me by the State of Virginia. I now pronounce you wife and wife.” MG tried not to cry as she said the words. “To Mrs. Saltzman and future Dr. Mikaelson!”

Her lips met mine, soft and warm and welcoming. That was back then. Now, I wake up to her side of the bed already made up and cold. Cold as the weather approaches winter fall. My feet led me to the bathroom, the smell of her lavender shampoo hung heavy in the air, and my hands splashed my face with water. 

Get a grip, Josie.

I strutted downstairs, sleep still clinging to me like glue, but the sound of our children's giggles bounced off the wall and onto my ears, jolting me awake.

“Mama!” Our only son, AJ, beamed when I entered his field of view. He smiled the same way she did; cheeks dimpled and blue eyes shined brightly as if I were a magical being. “Good Morning!”

“Good Morning my sweet boy.” I kissed the top of his head, while Kate, our youngest and AJ’s twin, attempted to greet me with a mouth full of pancakes. “Good Morning to you too my brave girl.” I gave her a kiss on her forehead as she turned back to her food. “Chew slowly.”

“Mom!” The eldest, Eliza, screamed while running down the stairs. “Can you do my braids?!”

“Sweetie, let me do it.” I said as I sat down beside the twins. “Mom’s a little occupied in the kitchen.” Eliza's face contorted as the words left my lips. “I know that look. That's the ‘I-have-something-awful-to-say-but-it-might-offend-you’ look. My darling, I invented that look. Spill.” I said, turning on my ‘Detective Tone’.

“No offense, Ma, but you don’t know how to braid.”

I act offended, “I do know how to braid.”

Hope's beautiful laughter echoed from the kitchen. “Well, the kid didn’t lie.” She said as she came out of the kitchen with a plate of breakfast.

“Hey!”

“What?” She giggled as she set the plate down in front of me. “You always go for a ponytail.”

“That’s cuz they’re easy to do!” I grabbed a fork.

“So, you don’t know how to braid?” Asked Eliza.

I stare at this kid blankly. She’s so much like Hope, the good and annoying traits. Hope laughed at my expression before patting down on the chair across from me. “Come here baby.”

I ate my breakfast as Kate rambled about the hidden meaning of a dream she had last night, AJ interjecting with his own commentary about his sister's weird imagination, and Eliza got her hair braided. This went on until Hope's parents came to take the kids to school. It’s their turn to have them for the weekend.

Hope's mom handed me a Tupperware, filled with one of my favorites. “Really? You didn’t have to.” 

“What’s that, Mama?” Both twins asked at the same time.

“This is your Grandma’s famous eggplant lasagna.” A memory popped into my head, “I had it for the first time when Mom here introduced me as her girlfriend, and when the taste hit my mouth, I knew I would need to marry her.”

“You married me because of a lasagna?” Hope asked, pretending to be offended.

“Why yes I did.” I said in the most dramatic voice I could muster, which made everyone laugh.

Hope went into our children’s rooms while they chatted with me, coming out to hand her mom the twin’s overnight bags. “Don’t let Kate have any candy or coffee, she will not sleep, she got that from Josie.”

“Hey!”

Hope turned to me, “Your blood is 90 percent coffee.” She turned back to her mom, “Anyway, give her milk and she’ll be asleep in no time.”

“Warm milk.” I added as I helped AJ with his tie.

 “AJ, on the other hand, needs his chamomile tea.” Hope continued, “He likes it with only honey.”

“Don’t believe him when he says he’ll finish the chapter or just one more chapter,” I brushed our son’s hair, “He’ll try to finish the whole book.” 

“And make sure Eliza actually gets to sleep.” Hope sighed, “We can't have a repeat of last time.”

“Don’t worry.” Said her dad, “We know our grandchildren.”

Hope's mom made a face, “Klaus, you thought Eliza, and Kate, and even AJ were Hope at some point of their life.”

“I can’t help it, Hayley. The resemblance is there.” 

I loaded the rest of the children's things into their grandparent’s car while Hope tested her parent’s knowledge on the twin’s allergies and preferences. “No Dad, AJ is lactose intolerant. That's why we give him chamomile.”

“Okay, okay. So, Kate likes lettuce-”

“That’s AJ.” Hope corrected. “Kate likes kale. AJ likes lettuce. But they both agree that cabbage is good and spinach is Satan incarnate.” This got a giggle out of her mother. “Eliza will eat anything. Just make sure she's not putting expired food in her mouth.” She handed her mother the updated list. “I don’t forget that easy, Dad.”

“That was a long time ago, my littlest wolf.” Her dad raised his hand, “I swear I won’t mistake other kids as my grandchildren.”

Hope put her hand around my waist as we both bid goodbye to our children, sending kisses and I love yous, watching the car disappear as it made a corner turn.

We entered the house with her hand still wrapped around my waist, but the second we were away from prying eyes Hope dropped the lovey-dovey act and went upstairs, leaving me to the insufferable silence.

My wife used to wake me up and we’d make breakfast. Our photos hang in the living room, capturing the beauty of marriage, back when we smiled out of pure love.

“Sometimes, marriages have their rough patches, but you two will pull through.” My mom said…

10 years ago…

Even after being married for as long as we did, and spending the majority of it sleeping with her back turned to me, I still wake up everyday, hoping that we’d recapture that pure, genuine love.

Hope came back down wearing her doctor's coat and light makeup. Her heels clack loudly against the marble tiles.

“Hope?” I mustered the courage to speak.

She turned to me far too quickly for her to not be anticipating it. Am I reading too much into this?

I love you…

That’s what I wanted to say. “Have a great shift.” Was the safer sentence.

“You too.” She said after a few seconds of silence before leaving.