Reality Check
The sky was a penetrating cold sheet of steel grey, the wind was painful and icy and every step was more draining than the last. I could hear a very distant echo, a scream. I recognised the voice, I knew I did. The look on Benji’s face told me everything I needed to know; it was Jocelyne. He continued forward, trying desperately to ignore it, trying not to think about his wife or his children potentially being tortured.
Benji held his wand out in front of him with the light emitting from the end, but everywhere I looked was just black, he continued to tread carefully towards the part of the village that the coins were buried. The screams getting louder, a new voice was starting to creep in, one that was much softer and gentler.
‘Benji.’ The voice whispered. ‘You can make it stop. You can save them.’ The voice sounded motherly, but Benji couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. He finally found the spot and began digging. ‘Benji, my darling boy, help your wife. She is dying.’
Benji was almost convinced, but he continued to dig anyway. The voice continued to torture him with images and sounds of screaming, sometimes it was a shadow running close to him and it was suddenly no wonder he’d come back in the state that he had. It was enough to upset me.
The one thing that bothered me was how little time Benji appeared to spend in the village. He took nearly three hours to find the coins, but the memory was a little over twenty minutes, including his very brief look at the statue which looked just the same as I had left it. There was no time to assess what I was seeing, instead Benji shoved the small chest into his coat pocket, scooped up my broom and flew away, crying heavily and trying to regain some of his steady breathing.
I took a deep breath and find myself back in Dumbledore’s office. I knew he was watching me, but I just needed a moment to calm down and breathe. I closed my eyes and tried to picture the statue again, there was something about it. Something I would need to meditate on and make clearer for myself.
‘Angie?’ Dumbledore whispered. I opened my eyes and realised that it was dark in the office now, how long had I been in there for? ‘Are you alright?’
‘Fine.’ I panted. ‘Just… just lost track of time.’
‘Time does appear to be a curious factor these days.’ Dumbledore nodded and stepped towards me slowly. He waved his hand over the pensieve and I watched it fold away. Without saying anything else, Dumbledore invited me to sit with him. ‘Was your visit with Sybil of any use to you?’
‘I don’t know.’ I sighed and slumped down in the chair opposite his desk. ‘She seems to be under the impression that the prophecy can no longer be deciphered with any kind of accuracy.’
‘Your pursuit of knowledge has always been a source of inspiration,’ he commented. ‘But this is the first time I have seen it prevent you from making the choices that must soon be made.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know as well as I do that Sybil said something very important to you, that this chase for answers is preventing you from gaining the freedom you so desperately desire.’ I watched him for a moment. ‘My advice to you, let the prophecy go, carve out your own destiny and ignore the signs of complacency. What should be and what will be are two very different paths, you must be clear about which you are following… for the sake of us all.’
I watched my old headmaster for a moment. ‘You know it will be a bloodbath.’ I whispered.
‘We can prevent it from ever getting that far.’ Dumbledore implored. ‘We can stop this from ever turning into a war and we can save those who deserve to be saved.’
I swallowed thickly. I felt as though I was being asked to do something, something I may not yet have had the courage to do. ‘All I care about is my family. They deserve to be free from this.’ I wasn’t sure at what point I had started crying, but suddenly the pressure I was under was becoming so much clearer than it had ever been. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to make the hard choices anymore, I was just so tired. I sobbed hard and felt a thin hand run over my shoulder, the only comfort it seemed Dumbledore was able to provide.
I wiped away my tears, rubbing my eyes and trying to recompose myself. I couldn’t let this break me now.
‘Angie-‘
‘I have to go.’ I stood up and went to leave, but something made me stop and stare up at the sorting hat. It was staring a dark and deep hole into me.
‘Lockwood.’ It spoke curiously. ‘The time for uncertainty is over. Pick a side so this war may be over before it begins.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Right and easy are the only two choices you have ever had and the time has long since past that you decide which path you will choose to follow. It will end in fire and blood and sacrifice, but who, what and when are still to be determined. You know this. You feel this… you’ve seen this.’
I suddenly felt the fire of the Hungarian Horntail against my skin, I could taste the blood and feel the fear, the same way I did when I was fighting it. The image was gone before it really showed itself, but I would remember it anywhere and I would run from it on pure instinct, deny it for everything it made me feel. Was it so wrong to want to run from a fight? Was it so undeniably cowardly to live out my days in my cottage, instead of fighting in a war I never wanted in the first place? I didn’t know the right answer anymore.
I left the castle, feeling the brisk snowy air against my cheeks, cooling the memory of dragon fire and making me feel normal for just a moment.
Remus waited all day for Angelina, worrying that she was still at the castle, or that Umbridge had found her and worked out her true intentions. He wondered if he should have gone to the castle himself and retrieved her, but that seemed irrational at best.
Remus sighed and walked to the end of the porch, hoping to see a glimpse of light through the darkened sky. She should have returned by now. He tried to reason that she was probably just with David, talking and catching up, that David was the one person now who could bring out a side of her that was sorely missed by everyone. Part of him hoped she was drinking with him and behaving the way she should have done at her age, but he knew that none of that was really the case.
Finally, a small light was glistening in the darkness, creeping closer and closer until Remus could see his exhausted wife trudging through the field towards their home. She suddenly stopped in front of him and he recognised that look, she had just realised something.
‘Remus.’ She whispered and strode up to him, wrapping her slender, shaking arms around his waist and holding him close.
Remus didn’t hesitate, he held her close and kissed her head, unsure of what to do to settle her shaking.
‘What happened?’ He asked. It was a moment before she answered.
‘I don’t really know.’ She half laughed and looked up at him with her beautiful blue orbs. ‘Benji went through so much to get those coins, we need to figure out what they were used for.’
‘Alright, we can do that.’ Remus ran his hand through her hair, noting how cold she was. ‘Let’s get you inside and warmed up and then we can talk about it. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ She smiled as much as she could, but Remus knew her face so well that Benji was not the first thing she thought of when she stopped in front of him.
Remus was kind to his wife, he tried to do what he could for her, he made her eat when he knew she’d be hungry, he took her to see her parents when he knew she missed them and he gave her all the help and understanding he could when they researched the coins together. Christmas was hard, the only saving grace was that Arthur was on the mend and the children were about as safe as they could be.
Sirius had done his part in helping to cheer Angelina up, but Remus knew there was still something that was being avoided. Angelina was keeping something important to herself.
I knew Remus suspected something, but I just couldn’t tell him anything until I felt more sure of my conclusion, it would only panic him. He was kind and did his best to keep me occupied, but the more he did for me, the more I began to understand what the prophecy was really about.
It had hit me like a hammer to the chest, all the evidence I had accumulated over the past years, all those little details, all of it adding up to one undeniable conclusion. The prophecy made no mention of Darren and I killing each other, only one person was going kill and that person was unnamed, only one person was going to die and that person was also unnamed. The Last Wolf was the key, Trelawney had said that the prophecy was about them and I was almost certain that it wasn’t me.
Remus had taken me to Grimmauld Place to see Sirius and wish Harry luck for the new year, but I found something curious in the air surrounding him that I couldn’t quite place.
‘You’ve been up to something, haven’t you?’ I grinned, watching his eyes widen slightly. ‘Anything to do with Umbridge?’
Harry sighed as we stayed quiet in the corner of the kitchen, everyone else was busy saying their goodbyes or getting ready to get the train, so no one was paying us much attention for the time being.
‘She isn’t letting us practice any magic,’ he said. ‘What if the school is attacked and we can’t call for help in time? We’d be defenceless.’
‘So, what’s your solution to that?’ I asked, curiously.
‘We meet up in the Room of Requirement to practice magic.’
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. ‘You’re taking a big risk.’ I told him, glancing around at the kitchen. ‘Make sure you take every precaution, don’t get lazy or too complacent, the second you do, she’ll find out. Trust me, the last thing you need is Umbridge being sure of anything, she can make things much more difficult for all of us if she so chooses.’ I turned back to see him surprised that I was giving him advice rather than a scolding. ‘The coming months will be hard enough, don’t give anyone any reason to worry more than we already are. So, stay smart, stay focused and even on those days you feel like giving up, don’t give anyone an inch. You understand?’ Harry nodded. ‘Good… the shield charm can be extended to protect more than one person at a time, it might be an idea for you to work on that, some are not as good at producing a shield as others. You might also find targeting the chest and spine are often useful in disabling opponents.’ He was trying not to smile. ‘Advice is the best protection I can give you right now Harry, but don’t be under any illusion that I wouldn’t come to your aid the second you ask for it. But you do need to ask.’
‘I will.’ Harry nodded.
‘I know.’
I tried my hardest to communicate with just a look and as subtly as I could. The fact that they were defying Umbridge so blatantly would not end well and quite possibly people would get hurt, if it came to that, I would be there to put a stop to it in a heartbeat, but I needed to be kept in the loop. Harry seemed to understand and soon was being whisked off to Platform 9¾.
We didn’t go with him, but I had it on good authority from Benji that Sirius had argued about him seeing Harry off. It wasn’t a good idea, even I could see that, but I also understood that Sirius had been locked up for months with very little to do and very little making him feel useful.
Remus and I didn’t stay to find out the end of the argument, we just went to Diagon Alley to see how the shop was doing. Poorly, was the answer. Diagon Alley was only scattered with a few people here and there, mostly those who didn’t have children or whose children were no longer going to Hogwarts. There had been a spike in sales over the summer and a little at Christmas, but I wasn’t sure if it was enough to keep the shop open through the harsher periods of the year.
‘We’ll be fine.’ Alfred assured me, coughing as he did. He looked so ill these days, his condition catching up to him and his body beginning to fail him. ‘We always are Angie.’ He nodded, I darted over to help him up as he struggled and let Alice take him upstairs to rest for a while.
Casper soon appeared at the door, wiping his feet on the mat and trying to fend off the cold with his thick grey coat. He was looking tired, but growing into his boyish features very well, I always liked Casper, he was entirely unassuming and had a good heart.
‘Angie, hello.’ He said, smiling. I nodded and let him come into the shop a little more to hang his coat up. ‘Remus.’ He nodded, shaking Remus’s hand.
‘Casper, how are you?’
‘Well, all things considered.’ Casper gave a tight smile and I wondered why. ‘How was Christmas at the Lupin’s?’
‘The Lockwood’s actually,’ Remus corrected him as I wandered to the bottom of the stairs, listening to the sounds of Alfred coughing and Alice trying to help him into bed. ‘We were Angelina’s parents this year… they’re always very welcoming.’ I could feel Remus watching me. ‘What about yourself? Good Christmas?’
Casper was silent for a moment too long. ‘Yeah, it was great as usual. Lots of food, lots of presents and family. It’s what counts, right?’ He had another tight smile and wandered over to where a box of stock was being put out by Alice.
Remus and I exchanged a look of concern, he was far too cheerful and had yet to ask about Alfred who he surely would have seen being helped up the stairs by Alice.
‘Everything alright, Casper?’ Remus approached the young man.
‘Of course.’ Casper gave a worried smile, but my husband was a man not easily fooled by a simple smile. ‘It’s just… there’s a lot of things going wrong, aren’t there? A lot of unexplained things happening… Dumbledore came to the shop a few months ago, you were away at the time, he asked me to join the Order.’ That got my attention more than I would have liked to admit. ‘I said yes because I thought it was the right thing to do, but…’
‘But now things are starting to look real.’ I sighed.
‘I sound like a coward for saying it, but yeah.’ Casper was on the verge of tears. ‘I’m scared.’
Remus took a breath and placed his hand on Casper’s shoulder. ‘We’re all scared, but that doesn’t mean we’re cowards. Our choices and our actions will dictate our lives, not the perception others have of us. I heard you have been taking over Arthur’s patrol shifts while he is still recovering.’ Casper nodded. ‘Doesn’t sound like something a coward would do to me, it sounds incredibly brave given what happened to Arthur.’
‘I volunteered.’ Casper was struggling against his tears. ‘It just didn’t seem fair to ask Tonks or Kingsley when they have properly important stuff to do. I just work in a shop.’
‘No, you don’t, of course you don’t,’ Remus implored. ‘Casper, you are a beacon of hope for many of us who struggle. You wanted to be a Healer, but when that failed you found a new way to help those who suffer, you saw that the load was growing heavy for the Aurors so you volunteered to help carry it in going on patrol. You are not just a shopkeeper, you are important, and we will not win the war without you, of that I am certain.’
I always admired Remus for his ability to instil bravery into anyone, but more than that, he allowed others to place value on themselves when they believed they had none. Casper had value and it just took a word from the greatest man I have known for him to see it.
Alfred seemed to be doing okay and the shop was closing early to avoid any unwanted visitors. Remus and I took our leave and went home for the evening to try to make sense of what was happening around us.
‘I like what you said to Casper.’ I said, pouring some hot water into two mugs while Remus locked up for the evening. ‘I think he needed to hear something like that.’
‘I think we all need a little encouraging from time to time, to remind us that there is hope for happiness.’ Remus gave a small smile as he wandered into the kitchen, leaning against the counter by the back door. ‘You’re thinking on Alfred, aren’t you?’ He knew me so well. ‘I can’t make you feel any better about it.’
‘I know.’ I nodded and wandered towards the fridge.
‘Angelina, you understand that that day is still a long way off?’
That was the only thing he needed to say to have me almost losing control of my emotions.
‘But it will come far sooner than I want.’ I sniffed, pouring the milk. ‘I knew, I knew when we first started seeing each other that werewolves have a shorter lifespan and I knew why, but I’d never even thought the day would come where you would die. Even a war starting didn’t make it a reality for me, but now…’
I was shaking and Remus hands sliding over mine was exactly what I needed. He kissed my hands and held them close to his chest.
‘Angelina,’ he breathed. ‘My wonderful wife.’ That made me chuckle a little. ‘Death is a part of life, you know that. Dwelling on it, fearing it, doesn’t stop it, nothing can. We will all die one day, but what we do with our lives is the one thing that really matters in the end.’ He kissed my hands again and brought me closer to his chest, running his fingers through my hair. ‘What’s the real problem here? What are you really afraid of?’
I couldn’t answer. I wanted to, I wanted to tell him everything that was inside my head, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
‘Take me to bed.’ I said and leaned up to kiss him.