Cartoon Logic dies at the first application of Real Life Logic
Junie Wilson is known to be a kind woman. She’s very put together for her age, having graduated college early, and bought her own home at the age of twenty-six (with the help of her aging parents.) She’s been everything from a teacher’s aide to a nurse, and her patient and compassionate nature shows everywhere she goes. This is all to say that when the social worker handed her the case files of three young boys, they were not expecting the pure rage and disgust that graced Junie’s face as she read them.
“Is there a problem ma’am?” The social worker asks from their seat at their desk.
“How could these poor kids have gone through so much without anyone doing anything this long! And right on the same street no less!” Junie sighs and sets down the files, calming herself. “I’ll take all three of them in, no need to look for other placements.”
“Your application does show that you could handle it financially, and you passed the parenting classes just fine. But are you sure you want to undertake something like this? You’re still young yourself.”
“I’m very sure. When can I meet them?”
Eddy thought he finally had life all figured out. After the incident with his older brother Terry, the other neighborhood kids finally accepted him and the Eds. Sure his dad got on his case for being so far from home, and his mom just stood by and shook her head when she’d heard who he'd gone to see, but his dad being angry wasn’t anything new. He cut back on his scams (somewhat), started paying slightly more attention in class, and stopped trying so hard to imitate Terry. All in all, things seemed to have calmed down in the past month or so. “Well, except for Double-D, but that’s because the poor guy has some kind of OCD, like for real.” Eddy thought while on his way to meet up with his friend for lunch period. He sits down at his usual table to see that Double-D isn’t there, but his other friend Ed is.
“Hey Lumpy, where’s Sockhead?” He says looking around the room.
“Double-D said the counselors office called for him Eddy. I’m supposed to go after him. Maybe they want to steal our brains like in ‘Attack of the Brain-Eating Therapist’ volume 45! Oh Eddy not our brains!” Ed exclaims now panicking at the thought.
“Can it Ed, I doubt its anything that stupid. I bet ten bucks that it's just one of those dumb adult’s attempts to put us on the straight and narrow again” Eddy says with a huff. “It’s like they don’t even see how much we’ve cut back on screwing around.” Just then, Double-D enters the lunchroom and makes a beeline for his friends, his face pale.
“Did they steal your brain Double-D? Why are you making that face? I'll save your brain!” Ed exclaims while shaking Double-D.
“No Ed, my brain is just fine thank you. I think you should go see the counselor post-haste.” The boy says somberly. To his credit Ed stops panicking and stumbles off towards the counselor's office.
“So like, we in trouble Double-D?” Eddy says, picking up on the other's mood
“Worse Eddy. I think after Ed’s turn you’ll need to go to the counselor and hear it yourself.” At this Eddy’s imagination goes wild. He wracks his brain, trying top think of what the counselor could possibly have to say to the trio. What would Double-D consider worse than their usual talks and punishments? After about 15 minutes pass, Ed spots Double-D and launches himself at him for a hug. Sniffling, he turns to Eddy:
“It's awful Eddy! Worse than when I found out where chicken nuggets came from!” Ed bawls.
“Jeez guys you’re making me nervous. Wish me luck I guess.” Eddy says as he drags his feet towards the counselor's office. The suspense is just about giving him a heart attack as he quietly opens the door to the office and steps in.
“Hello Eddy, please close the door behind you.” He hears the counselor say. Once he closes the door he turns to find not only the counselor, but two adult women he doesn’t recognize holding clipboards. “Jeez, bathe in perfume much?” Eddy thinks to himself, wrinkling his nose at the smell wafting from the women and taking the seat in front of the counselor.
“I’m Jennifer, and this is Mikayla. We’re social workers Edward.” The bigger of the two women states with a fake grin.
“We have something we want to discuss with you today, I hope you feel like you can talk to us freely.” Says the counselor, Mr. Evans. “Have you by chance had a run in with your older brother recently?”
Eddy gulps, not knowing where this is going, before answering with fake confidence: “So what if I have? What’s weird about that?’
“We’re not trying to scold you Edward, just the opposite. We’re here to help.” States the smaller social worker, scribbling something on her clipboard. “We received a call from a concerned parent about the incident and discovered that it was not the first concerned call we had received about you and your other two friends.”
“What do you mean? Nothing outside the normal happened. What’s the big deal?” Eddy says increasingly more upset.
“That’s exactly what we’re worried about Edward, that sort of thing isn’t normal, and the fact that your parents let it happen in the first place is a big issue. We contacted your father, and his violent language has led the state to reach the decision to remove you from your parent’s custody for the time being.”
“WHAT! NO WAY!” Eddy snaps, red in the face. His reaction startles the counselor, but the social workers only shake their heads sadly.
“We’re afraid the decision is final Edward. We’ll be taking you and your friends to grab your belongings from your homes after this meeting is over.” Eddy makes a noise like he’s going to argue but then deflates. “Please follow us out into the hall and wait by Mikayla so I can grab the other two.” Jennifer states flatly, ignoring his morose state and heading towards the lunchroom. She returns quickly with a sobbing Ed and a near-catatonic Double-D behind her. “Now then, grab your things and we’ll be on our way boys.”
As the social worker’s van pulls up to each of the Ed’s respective homes, police can be seen outside stopping the boys' parents from talking to them, except for Eddward’s ever absent parents, the aforementioned boy notes. Eddy's Father is yelling while his mother looks on silently. In less than an hour the three boys find themselves with all their worldly belongings in boxes in the back of a van. They sit in a strange building full of social workers, lives shattered over an afternoon. As they sit their faces show emotions ranging from numbness to fury, the social workers don't even pretend to notice.