I'll keep you safe
Harry never did manage to fall back asleep so he was down in the common room earlier than most, giving Parkinson a nod when they crossed paths. He had no animosity against her however they had never really spoken before. Harry did a double take noticing the pinched look on her face, as if she was annoyed with everything and everyone.
“Long day Parkinson?” Harry quipped. Pansy huffed and looked up from her manicured nails.
“It's not even 4 in the morning Potter” She smiled viciously “Whatever gave you the idea you were the first person I wanted to speak to today.”
Harry laughed suddenly, shoulders shaking as he tried to control himself. A small surprised laugh left Parkinson's mouth as well and soon enough they were both bent over in laughter, tears in their eyes. Finally, both regaining their composure, Harry gave her another small nod of approval and turned back to his task at hand of finding his notebook.
Harry looked over the small coffee tables, in the crevices of the sofa, under the chair but it was nowhere to be found. Tugging his hair in disapproval Harry turned in a full circle and started from the top. Maybe he hasn't lifted a blanket the whole way and it could be hiding there or maybe someone put it on the bookshelf in the corner of the roo-
“Whatever are you doing Potter?” Parkinson interrupted looking baffled
“Huh-” Harry never stopped his search; bending to look under the sofa again “I’ve lost my notebook. It's got a blueish-grey cover and kind of looks run over. Merlin above I hope nobody threw it out. It's the only one I have.” He grumbled thinking of the possibility.
“A journal? Livid in colour?” She pondered slowly “I thought it was Dra-. Never mind that thought.”
“Wow, you really know your colour wheel Parkinson. Yes blue-grey or Livid.” Harry deadpanned.
“Don’t you give me cheek, you’ll start sounding like a slytherin.” Pansy smirked. Still she reached over and took out a notebook greenish in colour. “Here, use this one. I bought it the other day for a friend but clearly he never needed one in the first place.”
“But it's green,” Harry mumbled, taking the notebook from her hand. It was exactly the same size as his other notebook, the paper not too rough as he gilded his fingers over its pages.
“That's Xanadu Potter.” Parkinson insisted, “Don't tell me you’ve got something against a nice xanadu colour.”
“No I-it’s perfect. Thank you Par-Pansy.” Harry acknowledged.
“A pleasure Harry,” Pansy stated “Now sit, you were making me dizzy with all your running about love.”
Harry let himself sink into an armchair by the window, wandlessly Harry mumbles for the closest blanket to drape itself on his legs and wonders to himself how his life would've been if he’d grown up with gentle words and terms of endearment. How he seemed to crave them now. How Pansy calling him ‘love’ seemed to sink all the way to his aching soul and warm it up a little.
“My beloved.” Aunt Petunia called after Dudley in a soft voice. One she would never use when speaking to him. “No running in the house, you’ll injure yourself.”
Low and behold as soon as the words left her mouth Dudley tripped on his shoes by the door, his head banging onto the foot stool. “Oh my beloved.” Aunt Petunia hurried over to Dudley who now sat on the floor, head in his hands. “Move boy-” she hissed at Harry pushing him out of the way. Harry tumbled backwards on his weak legs that had trouble holding him up. His head smacked against the floor harshly but no help came for him. No one calls him ‘beloved’. Aunt Petunia sneered at him, kicking him out of the way as she hurriedly made her way to the bathroom with a crying Dudley in her arms.
Harry heard the gentle shushing from the bathroom and he looked around, alone he was alone. Uncle Vernon was nowhere to be seen. Slowly Harry made his way to the kitchen. Terrified, he looked around. Still alone, he opened the fridge and grabbed an apple from the shelf and a few pieces of cheese. Gently closing the door to the fridge Harry turned going to creep towards his cupboard as he came face to face with Uncle Vernon.
“Just what do you think you're doing you freak?” Uncle Vernon towered over him, his voice accusing.
“I-I’m sorry, I was hungry. I haven’t had any food in 2 days Uncle Vernon.” Harry cried. He was so hungry. Hungry for food and comfort and love.
“How dare you,” Uncle Vernon roared, “How dare you act like such an ungrateful little shit. You have food now huh?” He demanded dragging Harry towards his cupboard. He threw him inside, locking the cupboard behind him. “See that it lasts you a week.” Uncle Vernon sneered from the other side.
Harry cried to himself. He should've grabbed more, he should've grabbed more.
/
Malfoy was correct; it was always cold in the potions classroom and he’d forgotten to bring a jacket again today. Harry shivered as he sat down in his seat. They were meant to brew Amortentia this class and he wondered if it would smell like it did last time. Clearly not if he wasn’t with Ginny anymore. He wasn’t blind. He had noticed how her and Neville seemed absolutely hooked. It didn’t bother him like he thought it would. If he knew one thing it's that he had been made to walk alone his whole life. He didn’t see how that would change now. He was pushed out of his thoughts as Draco Malfoy suddenly plopped down in the seat next to him. He didn’t have any paint on him this time around. However, he looked pale and a sheen coat of sweat coated his skin.
Huffing Malfoy removed one of his many layers and finally turned to look at Harry. He quirked an eyebrow at him and said nothing more. Harry would probably get hexed for what he was about to do but he slowly brought out a small container and placed it in front of Malfoy.
“What is this?” Malfoy intoned. Harry said nothing and simply looked at the container. With a sigh Malfoy opened it and immediately his stomach growled. “Food? Merlin Potter, we can’t have food in these classrooms; they could upset the neutrality of the brewing atmosphere.”
Harry let out a small laugh at Malfoy’s tone of voice which only caused him to twist his mouth. “You might as well eat it Malfoy before it ‘upsets the neutrality of the brewing atmosphere.’”
“Don’t laugh at me,” Malfoy grumbled but picked up a small piece of apple and bit into it. He hadn’t realised how hungry he felt and quickly made his way through the container under Harry’s watchful eye. “There. Happy now?”
“Not quite, but I guess it’ll do for now.” Harry shot back before attention was brought to the front of the classroom as Slughorn started reminding everyone that they were brewing Amortentia today. People started gradually shuffling around gathering tools and ingredients.
“Silver cauldron this time around?” Harry asked and was rewarded with an eye roll and a nod but Harry noticed the small uptick at his mouth as if he was trying to hold back a smile.
“We brew this potion in three parts every 7 days. The first portion is the easiest. I’m glad Professor Slughorn didn’t ask us to make it in one this time around, it would have made the potion inert.” Malfoy whispered to Harry although Harry thought he might be whispering it to himself. “Yes, add the lacewing flies now, Potter.”
Harry found himself in a trance slowly listening to Malfoy’s instructions. He didn’t belittle him or tell him he was a failure if Harry started grabbing the wrong ingredients; he simply gave him a look until Harry noticed his mistake.
“Cold again Potter?” Malfoy frowned at Harry’s shiver. “How do you not have a jacket? I told you these rooms were temperature controlled.”
“I forgot, I guess.” Harry shrugged, “If I focus on something else I'll forget about it soon enough.”
“What an absolutely ridiculous statement Potter.” Malfoy picked up his sweater he had thrown over the chair at the beginning of the class and threw it at his face. Harry put it on, a small flush blooming on his face. “Better?” Harry nodded and Malfoy went back to instructing him on what to do.
/
Draco was sitting in between Pansy and Blaise looking at his food in disheartment. He wasn’t hungry, had not been hungry in a while. But he thought of what Potter had said how he’d asked when the last time he ate was. He figured if the oblivious boy was starting to notice then it wasn't a good sign. He grabbed the cup of steaming coffee in front of him ignoring the few snickers from Smith and his cronies. Draco looked over at Harry and saw he was hunched over his seat eating only a few pieces of cheese here and there with an apple. He was writing in a notebook Draco hadn’t seen before. He internally kicked himself by remembering the notebook he’d wanted to return that he had forgotten once more in his room.
As soon as he took a large gulp from his cup he felt the potion kick in. The same potion that had led him to convulse as he refused to answer the dark lords questions. The same potion he had been given day in day out to help with the torture. Pale faced he turned towards Pansy, tugging on her sleeve.
“Pansy-” Draco coughed tasting blood in the back of his mouth. Concerned, Pansy grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly as he felt his breaths become too rapid to actually help him breathe. Great salazar slytherin he was panicking. He didn’t want to lose it now. Not in front of everyone.
“Malfoy” A voice sneered behind him. He turned only to come face to face with Smith and his friends. He didn't notice most students starting to rise out of their seats or the golden trio making their way over. “That good coffee?”
“Yes.” Draco’s answer shot out of him. He had no control just like before. Like all the other times. Draco closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose and slowly let go. Zacharias Smith wasn’t the dark lord, he was an angry Hufflepuff boy. Draco had been able to stand up to the dark lord, and had been able to go through torture. This isn’t what would break him now. “Although that’s a new low even for you.” Good, his voice had come out steady and not quivering like he felt on the inside. Impressions were everything.
“Did you enjoy being a death eater Malfoy,” Zacharias spat out “Killing innocents?”
Draco stood brushing off invisible specks of dust from his sleeves. “What is it you want to hear Smith? What is it you so desperately want to know from me-” He coughed wiping blood from the edge of his mouth. Unaware of the hand that supported him on his back when his legs stumbled on nothing but he continued “-What do you want me to say? That I killed? That I tortured? You are a fool and you always have been.” Draco said with finality, nose upturned. More coughing resounded and blood started to drip from his nose as Draco finally looked away from Smith and to the person helping him walk no march across the great hall.
It was Potter, Harry Potter whose arm he was gripping. It was him who was marching him across the hall. Draco let out a soft sigh, his sight was failing him he thought as black spots entered his vision; only the resounding gasps told him he was wrong. Potter had lost control of his magic, again, and shadows seemed to race towards him. Lights snuffing out and a crash with a startled ‘aguamenti’ was the last thing he heard before his legs completely failed him.
“Merlin Potter, breathe. You’ll have the ceiling crashing down on us in no time if you keep this up.” Draco croaked.
Harry snorted and everything returned to normal in a blink of an eye as he swept Draco Malfoy up in his arms and finally exited the Great Hall hurriedly making his way to the medical wing.
/
“Don’t you have anything to say?” He ranted “Boy-” He gripped his chin harshly, nails digging in. “Tell me the truth.”
“Because-” Draco spat out the word, his breaths coming in gasps as he felt the blood oozing from his back. Numb with agony Draco tried to hold his words but he’d failed, finally he’d failed.
“Put him there Harry dear,” Pomfrey ordered frantically, “Don’t hold him down, put him on his side. -Yes exactly like that”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s convulsing -don’t hold him down dear.” She breathed “From overexposure to the veritaserum no doubt. Careful now I've got the antidote right here love.”
He screamed out in pain as nails dug in his back “Because you’ll never win” Draco spit out blood staining the floor once more.
“You’re wrong.” The dark lord seethed “I’m winning right now Draco my boy, or are you not in a dungeon? Are you not being whipped? Are you not being put under Crucio and the Cruciatus curse over-” Pain, red hot agony “-over-” a blood curdling scream “-and over-”
“Please-” Draco screamed “Stop-stop.”
“We're not doing anything Malfoy,” He heard a familiar voice say but he didn’t know who it belonged to. He didn’t remember, he only knew pain. “You’re safe Draco, you’re safe.”
Draco could feel the gentle rocking of a body beneath him, soft shushing sounds in his ear. Unknowing who Draco felt himself grip the front of his shirt tightly and muttering words in a mantra “Don’t let go-” a soft shushing sound and words but he couldn’t understand words right now.
“Don’t let go-” a gentle “I won’t, I won’t” answered in turn.
“Don’t let go-” a small tentative press of lips to his brow and a gentle answer;
“I’ve got you, I promise I'll keep you safe. I’ll keep you safe.” Finally Draco followed the soft voice and gentle rocking into an untroubled sleep.
/
Harry looked down at the man in his arms. Draco Malfoy was curled up in his arms, his hands twisted in his shirt in a death grip. Malfoy had looked him in the eyes, given a chuckle and suddenly his eyes had rolled back and his whole body had started to spasm. He’d never seen anything like it and never wanted to see such a thing again. Malfoy had begged him not to let go and he wouldn't. Clearly he hadn't been aware of what was happening at the time but Harry took it to heart. He’d never let anything else happen to him, he thought to himself. He would protect him however he could.
The hurried steps reached his ears and he looked up to find Hermione, Ron, Pansy and Blaise coming up to the bed.
“He asked me not to let go.” Harry stated to nobody in particular.
“Then don’t let go.” Pansy responded by taking the chair by the bed and dropping down into it. Blaise leaned over Pansy’s chair but said nothing more.
“Madame Pomfrey spoke about overexposure to veritaserum,” Harry continued “Wouldn't happen to know anything about that now would you Pansy?” He curled an eyebrow giving her a piercing glare.
“Not my story to tell, don't you think Harry?” She quipped from the side, her eyes not straying from Malfoy’s sleeping form.
“Wait what?” Ron said quizzically “Pansy? Harry?”
“Yes this is Pansy Ron, I'm sure you've met her multiple times in the past.” Hermione elbowed her way into the semi circle around Harry and Malfoy. “I'm sure new introductions are in order. I’m Hermione” She shot out her hand to both Pansy and Blaise.
“Well met,” Blaise answered, shaking her hand. “I’m Blaise.”
“So, are we all friends now?” Ron inquired, running a hand through his hair visibly stressed.
“I guess we are.” Pansy nodded, giving Ron a vicious smile.
“Right,” Ron audibly gulped, “I’m Ron then. I say the wrong things sometimes and it takes me a while to notice that.”
Harry gave a small laugh at Ron’s awkwardness but he was glad that his friends were trying. That they were willing to put themselves in uncomfortable positions for him. He gave a nod to Ron who seemed to let out a breath before giving a shy smile of his own. He was trying and that was enough for Harry.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sleep that well since the war.” Pansy muttered looking down to her manicured nails then back up. An anxious tic Harry noticed. He’d seen her look down to her nails so often in the past but it always meant she wanted to seem more unbothered than she actually was. “We should go, he would hate to wake up to all of us surrounding him like this.”
“Harry,” Hermione took Pansy’s chair as they all left. “You can talk to me if you need help, I've noticed that it's been hard for you since returning to Hogwarts. You can let me know if there's anything, anything at all that I can do for you.”
“Thank you mione, i’ll be alright.”
“If you say so Harry” She sighed, getting up and giving a small kiss to the top of his head.
He let himself drift off not asleep but not awake necessarily. He noticed Madame Pomfrey coming in to check on them and letting out a small ‘tsk’ of disapproval at their position but she didn’t make Harry let him go. She had witnessed with tears in her eyes Draco begging him not to let him go, and he thinks even the most cold hearted person would have shed a tear at the pain and utter desperation in his voice.
Harry let out a sigh of contentment as a soft breeze from a nearby window made its way over to them. Draco was still fast asleep, his hands having let go of their grip of his shirt and instead were smoothed over his abdomen, Draco’s head resting on his chest.
‘Why aren't you asleep?” A soft voice asked, not moving from Harry’s chest. Harry blinked in surprise and looked down at the questioning grey eyes.
“I thought you were asleep.” Harry mumbled running his hand through his hair.
“I was,” Draco blinked, “But your mumbling woke me up.”
“I didn’t realise, what was I saying?” Harry let his head drop back on the pillow behind him, staring up at the ceiling.
“I don’t know, it was pretty though.” Draco pondered, “Something about how rare and beautiful it is that we even exist.”
“Sounds like my nervous ramblings,” Harry laughed, holding on a bit more tightly to Draco not wanting the moment to end. “I’m a nervous wreck most of the time.”
“It sounded quite poetic to me, not like the nervous ramblings of a man.”
“What happened, Draco?” Harry finally asked the questioning that had been in his mind for hours. Grey eyes shot back to him at the use of his name and finally rolled his eyes at Harry’s unmoving serious face.
“Well, Potter,” Draco sighed, turning so his back was flush against Harry’s front and let his head fall back against his arm. “The war was an absolute shite time is what happened.”
“Tell me what happened?”
“Great Salazar Slytherin must you?” Draco snapped, “I don’t want to talk about it, Potter.”
“Fine, don't talk about it but I'll find out, Malfoy.”
“Back to Malfoy are we now?”
“Merlin, you are frustrating” Harry looked up at the ceiling as if in prayer. “Tell me and I'll tell you why I'm not sleeping.”
“Sounds like coercion to me.” Draco insisted “Fine-” Malfoy sighed at Harry’s grumbling “-I pissed him off during the war. He imprisoned me and I became his favorite torture past time. Lets just say no small amount of Veritaserum was used. That's why I reacted the way that I did.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you Malfoy, was it because you lied for me?” At Draco’s small nod Harry let out a sigh and held him tighter. “I’m sorry, I'll keep you safe now. I promise.”
Draco let out a noncommittal sound and seemed as if he wanted to say more but instead went with: “Why can’t you sleep?”
Harry let out a sigh and turned them slightly so he could look into Draco’s eyes “That's the big question isn’t it. I-I’m honestly unsure. I know I have horrid nightmares but recently I seem to be having nightmares during the day too. I feel like another part of me is waiting for the other foot to drop. Like we haven’t really won yet, and something else that's huge and horrible is going to happen at any moment. I need to be ready for it because if I'm not ready then who's going to take care of it? Who’s going to save everyone?”
“I think we’re both kind of messed up, aren't we?” Draco quipped