Garuku Bluemoon
What are your personal flaws?
I try too hard, and it gets in the way a lot. I can't leave anything unfinished; it will drive me insane if it doesn't get done. I guess that's part of why I'm in Ravenclaw. It doesn't seem like my precise mindset should be much of a hindrance but it really is, especially when it comes to work. One thing has to be completed perfectly and completely before another thing can be started. It's irritating for not only me, but also everyone around me because with precision comes irritation that I can't be as perfect as I want to be, that it's completely impossible and implausible for perfection to actually exist for everything.
What are you afraid of?
I'm afraid to trust. Sounds crazy, right? I'm terrified of getting too close, only to be disappointed, especially when it comes to other wizards. It was difficult enough finding trust in Professor Sprout, but she took me in during my first year and treated me like a son. She is the mother I never had, but it took so long for me to trust her. I was terrified, to say the least. I know I tend to push people away, but that's due to fear. But with that said: Patrck? I don't know why that fear completely dissipates with him, almost like I'm not afraid to open up to him, for once in my life.
And that in itself terrifies me.
Who is the closest person to you?
In general, probably my father. He was my role model growing up, and still is to this day. When my mother walked out on us when I was young, he was all I had. My father is my best friend, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. But here, at school, Professor Sprout is truly a motherly figure to me, I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have her to confide in. She's such a loving lady, much better than the mother I remember from a young age.
Where is your favourite place in the world?
There's this creek, near my house at home. My dad would take me there when I was younger, before my mother left. He would take me out there and we would watch the water flow and the small fish swim around, as we waited out whatever my mother was up to back at the house. It was calming, peaceful. When mom left, my dad stopped taking me there, but I still went. It was the perfect place to think. I did that a lot as a kid: just think. Seemed like my mind was always on the run from something.
What was your family like growing up?
We were never the most perfect family in the world. In fact, some days were harder to get through than others. But my dad really was the person who got me through. I don't remember much about my mother: just that she wasn't the most kindhearted. She had no shame in bringing home other men, ashamed of her muggle husband. My mother was a whore, and had no shame in it. She treated me like garbage, and my dad even worse. The day she left, we celebrated, as sad as it may be to say that. But secretly, that night in my room, I cried. Admittedly I still cry sometimes, longing for a good relationship with my mother, one I knew I'd never get.
~~~
Patrck Static
What are your personal flaws?
Depending on whom you ask, this could be answered differently. If you were to ask my house: I'm weak, I don't understand the very principle that a Pure-Blood Slytherin wizard should be and that's something to be ashamed of, to be discriminated for. If you ask the rest of the school: I'm a pompous, sly, evil Slytherin with no respect, no ability to care for other people, and too damn egocentric to understand I'm hurting others. If you ask me, though: I'm so misunderstood. I care too much, I pay too much attention to the harm I'm causing others, and it made a block that's preventing me from stopping the abuse because the need to fit in is too great to ignore and I can't stand it. I can't stand knowing no matter what I do, I will be disappointing everyone.
What are you afraid of?
Managing to ruin the one healthy relationship I've managed to make at this school among peers. I know I will hurt Gar, I don't know why he's bothering with me. I can't understand why he cares, knowing I'm the Slytherin who bullied him from day one. I'm terrified I'll ruin this, that I will lose him just as violently as I have everyone.
Who is the closest person to you?
At this point, probably Professor Flitwick. He took me in; he nurtured me when I needed help. He's the only person who has taken the time to understand me and see I'm not how everyone tried to label me. I couldn't thank him more for that, for giving me somewhere to go when no one else would, for always standing up for me. He's my dad's best friend, and now he's mine too.
Where if your favourite place in the world?
The Forbidden Forest, if I'm being honest. I know it's supposed to be forbidden to students, but I find myself wandering in there almost on the weekly. It's a mystery how I'm never caught. It's dangerous and wandering in there voluntarily is almost like welcoming death with open arms and maybe that's why I'm drawn to it. If I'm not accepted anywhere else, maybe I'll actually be accepted in death. I mean, what else do I have going for me?
What was your family like growing up?
I love my family. My parents stayed supportive of me throughout my childhood, loved me and gave me the life every child would want. When I was approaching my start of Hogwarts, my mom got concerned because she knew I would become Slytherin and gave me the million dollar warning and I love her for that, I really do. If only I had listened to her better than I did. Maybe I would have a good relationship with someone, anyone, really.
~~~
If there was one thing Gar was positive about, it would be the fact that his interest for Patrck only grew after their first real conversation. He had started keeping an eye on the Slytherin, more so than normal. He could see everything emitting off him now, even through the barricade he put up. His glares and insulting words suddenly had less of a punch. The lack of people around him constantly suddenly made Gar sad, like he knew he could change that if only Pat would let him interact with him in a non-violent manner in front of other people. Yet, unfortunately, Gar was stuck on the sidelines as Patrck's little secret, waiting for him to give him a message or a sign for when he could talk to him again.
He didn't have to wait long, though. Patrck was just as anxious. However, his anxiety was in being around someone who actually cared. For once in his time at Hogwarts, someone actually gave him a chance and cared about him. He didn't think Gar could even begin to realize how much that meant to him: actually belonging, if only with one other person.
So there they sat, a mere three days after their conversation, in the Room of Requirements (a place Molly had told Gar about), basking in silence. Neither felt it necessary to break it, just the presence of another was fine for them. Gar sat on a sofa, a book in hand, reading it quietly, yet not necessarily letting the words sink in. Patrck was distracting him with his stares, and he hated it. Gar could feel the eyes gazing into his soul, trying to pick him apart from the inside out. Trying to find any reason to believe Gar didn't actually care; trying to figure out why, after everything Patrck had done to him, why he suddenly cared now.
It was a fair curiosity to bear, Gar presumed. He himself wasn't too sure where these feelings were coming from. They just were, they existed somewhere deep within him but as long as he tried to grasp the true meaning behind them and where they originated, he came up blank. That's what he was really thinking about with his face nuzzled in his book: how to answer Pat when the inevitable question arises. How to explain to someone as desperate to trust, yet as cautious to, as Patrck was, as they both were, what's going on in his brain.
"Tell me." Patrck began quietly. He lifted a hand, placing it on top of Gar's book, and pushing it down to lower it from his view. "Why now?"
Gar wasn't startled by the question, nor was he confused. He knew it was coming. He just let out a sigh, still staring at his lowered book, no longer trying to read it, just trying to avoid Patrck's eyes.
"If you're looking for a full answer, I'm not too sure I can give you one at the moment." Gar answered truthfully. "You interest me, Patrck." Patrck let out a dry chuckle at the word choice, looking away from the boy next to him.
"Yeah? Interest can come in many forms, Garuku." The Slytherin stated, an accusing air to his voice, causing Gar's head to snap up. "Why are you really here? Why do you really care?"
"It's not that simple, Patrck." The Ravenclaw responded carefully.
"And why not? Why can't it be simple? I'm tired of everything being such a complicated mess, to the point I can't function. I'm tired of my life being so damn contradictory." Patrck was getting irritated, that's easy to see. Gar wasn't too sure how to respond to the outburst. He was used to them from Patrck, sure, but this one was so much more personal compared to the usual ones.
"Listen Pat. I know you're confused. Hell, I am too. I've always been terrified to trust, ever since my mom left us when I was young. It's different though, with you. I don't know why, but I'm not scared. Like I know you won't leave me, like I know I'm safe with you. I don't know if that makes sense, it doesn't to me, if I'm honest, but it's the truth."
Silence followed Gar's statement. The Ravenclaw was proud of himself, being able to admit that to Patrck, to admit it without looking away or getting too embarrassed. He could see the wheels turning in Patrck's brain, trying to process the information that he just received. It was foreign to Pat: someone trusted him, done and done, no fear about it. He couldn't grasp it, not if Gar explained it a million times. It was just so hard to understand, especially considering the past they shared.
The silence lasted a bit too long, by the time Patrck was able to come up with a response, Gar had decided to go back to his book, a sign of patience, that he would wait.
"I am scared though, Gar." Pat admitted quietly, causing Gar to close his book once more and glance up at the older. "Iam scared I'll hurt you. I don't want to, not any more than I have already."
Gar didn't respond. Not verbally, at least. He just calmly sat down the book in his hand, and wrapped a comforting arm around Pat in a bit of a hug. It told Pat everything he needed to hear: "You won't hurt me," It said, "I have faith in you."
And then, Patrck cried.
He cried until he fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was alone, but a promise lingered in the air.
So with that promise, he headed off to classes for that day.
~~~
It was a week since their last meeting. Pat was growing anxious to see Gar again, and even more so in the fact he was running late.
Typically, Patrck wouldn't have thought much on the tardiness of his companion, but this was Gar. Precise, reliable, perfectionist Gar. If it was anybody else, he wouldn't have thought twice, but because this was Gar, he was worried.
On top of that, a sinking feeling was growing in Patrck's stomach and he felt sick. He knew something had to be wrong. No other explanation was plausible.
So, with that thought plaguing his mind, Pat made his way out of the room. He was practically running, worry overflowing in his mind. Random scenarios played in his brain, allowing anxiety to settle in.
Pat would admit it: he was a mess; he had never experienced this feeling before. The worry running through him, for someone he barely knows, for a reason that could be absolutely nothing. It was completely wrong, it seemed, to care so much for someone so quickly, when he's so unused to feeling trusted. It just wasn't fair.
And so, it became even more unfair when Pat came to find the very person he was in search for, and his heart sank so far. He felt like he couldn't breathe, the walls were closing in. His everyday life was coming to destroy his secret, his new found safe haven, the one thing that took his messed up life away, or so it seemed. At least, just for a minute.
Standing in front of Patrck was an army, it seemed. There were only three guys, but it felt like a full on army. Dan stood there, along with Adam and Donald. All three Slytherins, all three a huge part of kicking Pat his first night in the school. All three have always been adamant on making Pat's life a living hell.
And at their feet, laid a body, the body of Gar, bloodied, bruised, and writhing on the floor. Whimper after whimper left his lips as weak arms tried to lift him up, only for a foot to land on his back, pushing him back down. It enraged Pat, but he didn't say anything, just walked up to them quietly with clenched fists, letting no emotions come through.
"Ah look who it is." Dan said with a nasty sneer, glaring at Pat. "The blood-traitor came to watch the show." Snickers came from the other two.
Pat just stood, watching as Gar lifted his head desperately, craning his neck for a glimpse at Patrck. It took everything in him to not look away, nausea erupting his senses, but he kept his emotions buried. He came to find Gar, but he couldn't let the fellow Slytherins know they were friends.
"Pat..?" A weak voice sounded from the floor, and the mentioned tried as hard as he could not to flinch at the sound.
"So faggot knows the bloodtraitor." A voice hummed in amusement. Pat's gaze snapped up to the three in front of him. "We always suspected you were into dick, Static. You always came across as that type: as disgusting as you are."
"I don't know what you're insinuating, Dan." Pat responded, keeping his eyes off Gar as best he could.
As if on cue, Gar erupted in a fit of cough.
"Shut up!" Adam yelled, kicking the Ravenclaw in the face, causing him to fall back. Pat kept his eyes off of Gar as this happened, refusing to see the pleading eyes Gar was no doubt shooting him.
"Pl-please Patrck.." The weak, broke voice sounded, and Pat was struggling more and more to keep from the flinches. Tears were threatening to escape, but Pat didn't let them. He couldn't. Not if he valued his livelihood. One tear and his already broken home atmosphere at this school would become a worse environment that it already was.
But that's just it, it wasn't his home. Nothing about Slytherin house was homely. Not even the bed he slept in nightly, because just mere feet away were people who practically wanted him dead.
A sickening chuckle sounded from the three goons. "Now this is interesting." Dan smirked, glancing back and forth between the masked Slytherin and bloodied Ravenclaw. "You may wear green, Static, but you'll never be a Slytherin. I believe you have a choice to make here: you can try to fit in, try your hardest to become the very person you try too hard to emulate, or you can accept you're an abomination to the robes you wear, that you will forever be a disappointment, a fucking disgrace."
Pat closed his eyes, a knot tying itself in his throat. He couldn't believe this was happening. Dan's words whirled through his head and his heart, mixing around and blurring his thoughts. He could ruin his life, but gain the only true friend he had ever had, or he could continue the lie he's living, trying to ease his conscious for not being what he's supposed to, but break not only his own, but Gar's heart along the way.
Could he really give up everything he's worked for to experience someone who could actually potentially care, someone who could actually love him for him?
Could he really sacrifice everything he's ever wanted to keep fighting for the respect he'd never get from the house he'd never belong in?
Pat couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he could barely even remain standing. His vision was blurred and he barely knew what was happening. Not when he walked towards the crowd in front of him, not when he pulled out his wand, not when he pointed it down at Gar, staring the person he'd grown to care about so much dead in the eye, so much conflicting emotions breaking through and mushing his willpower. Not during any of it.
"Th-this isn...this isn't you, P-Patrck." A coughing fit broke through. "Y-oyou're stronger than..than th-this."
For a moment, for half a second, Pat realized what he was about to do. He realized what he would be ruining.
But as soon as the thought was there, it was gone, and Pat was back to not understanding his surroundings.
"You don't know me." Was all Patrck said.
Then the spell was released.
And Gar was being beaten once again.
But suddenly, the physical pain the Ravenclaw was encountering paled in comparison to the pain in his heart and regret that built for allowing himself to trust for once. He should never have let himself trust.
Especially not a Slytherin.
~~~
The next morning, Pat rushed to the hospital wing as fast as he could. It hit him once he got back to the dorm that night what he had done and he ended up silently crying to himself the entire night through. He knew he had ruined everything, but he also needed to try to fix this. To fix the mess he had made. He couldn't go back to a life without trust, he couldn't go back to Slytherin being the only thing there for him in his life.
Gar wasn't asleep when Patrck showed up, but he was also barely awake. He looked like he was just...there. It broke Pat's heart seeing him like this, knowing he had been the cause of this. Knowing he did the very thing he was afraid of: the very thing Gar knew wouldn't happen. Knowing he disappointed Gar like he did.
Nerves welled in Pat's stomach as he slowly approached the bed in which Gar laid. He was expecting the worst from this conversation; he knew Gar wouldn't forgive him. Not this time. The Ravenclaw was generous enough forgiving him for the last five years, but he knew this was too far.
"Hey.." Pat greated quietly, getting Gar's attention. The Ravenclaw slowly looked towards Pat and the latter felt like he would cry.
The physical wounds were still there, every little bruise or cut on Gar's body that Dan, Adam, and Donald had caused.
Every fucking bruise and cut Patrck had created.
Gar nodded in acknowledgement, motioning for Pat to sit in the chair next to his bed. Pat complied, sitting rather uncomfortably.
"So..how are you fee—"
"Before you finish that question, I have one of my own." Gar cut in sternly, looking over at Patrck, his voice sounding hoarse. He was no longer stuttering and struggling to get sentences out, but his voice still sounded weak. "Why?"
Pat shifted uncomfortably. "I-I wasn't thinking. I didn't know what was happening."
"That's not what I meant." Gar said, shifting himself so he could get a better view of the Slytherin in front of him. "Last week, I told you I trusted you. I knew you wouldn't hurt me, I had faith in you. And you told me that you were scared—no, terrified that you would hurt me. That you didn't want to. And yet you did. Why?"
"I told you, I wasn't thinking—"
"That's not what I fucking want to know, Patrck!" Gar practically screaming, before erupting into a coughing fit, causing Pat to flinch, a soft whimper escaping. "I want to know why you did it when you were so scared to hurt me. Why you continued to do it. Were you lying when you said you cared? Have the last few weeks been a joke to you? Because it seems damn well like a joke to me, you've got me fucking hysterical."
"It's not a joke." Pat said quietly, gaze focused on his fingers, which were fiddling in his lap. "It never has been. Not to me, at least."
"Then tell me why you did it." Gar demanded. "Tell me why you chose them over me, if you hate them so fucking much." Gar paused for a moment, eying Patrck in accusation. "Unless you hate me, as well."
This caused Pat to snap his head up. " No. No, Gar I don't hate you."
"Then what is it?" Gar may have been trying to hide it, but Pat could see the overwhelming fear that wasn't there before. Not fear towards Patrck, but fear towards himself. Fear because he trusted when he shouldn't have. Pat knew he shouldn't have. If only Gar wasn't so adamant that he wouldn't do it.
Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin.
Pat wanted to tell him this, wanted to tell him he shouldn't have trusted. It was a mistake trusting Patrck, Gar should have listened to his usual fear. But he didn't, he knew this wasn't Gar's fault. It was his own.
"I think I know, actually." Gar cut in after a few moments of nothing. "You are a fucking coward."
Pat gulped, hanging his head. "What?" Came his meek voice. He knew Gar was right. In fact, he couldn't have been more spot on. Pat was a coward, he still is. He would always be a coward.
"You're a fucking coward, Patrck. You're too scared to stand up to Slytherin house, too scared to show them you're not like them. You're too fucking afraid of them hurting you when you're not understanding they already have and will continue to no matter what move you fucking make. Stop being so afraid of everything. It's okay if you don't believe the same shit they do, it's okay if you socialize with people outside your own house. It's okay if you are gay, and it's okay if you're not. What's not okay is trying so hard to conform to your fucking lie that you lose the answers you're after completely." There was silence for a moment, letting Patrck just take in Gar's words. Pat knew he was right, every word he said. It wasn't fair for it to be, but it was.
"I know, okay? I know I'm a coward. I know I fucked up, Gar. I fucking know. Any chance we can put this behind us, I care you you. I care about you so much I don't know how to handle it." Pat knew he was begging but he didn't care. His gaze had risen to be locked with Gar, who stared back in pity. Fucking pity.
"You made your choice, Patrck, and I'm holding you to that." Gar's voice was solid, stern, even, and Pat felt his heart break completely. "I think you should leave."
"Gar, wai—"
"Now, Static."
Patrck stood, however he had no intention of leaving quite yet. He felt tears rimming his eyes, and he wiped at them furiously, refusing to let himself cry. Not now, not again.
"What can I do to change your mind?" Pat asked frantically, giving up on keeping the tears away.
"I should be the one asking that question, don't you think?" Gar asked with a sense of dry humour in his tone. "This was your choice, I have nothing to change my mind about."
"Then, I change my mind. I want you, not them. I'm dying in there, Gar."
"It's too late, Pat. You should have thought about that last night. Please Pat, just leave."
"I..I can't just leave! Not when you mean so much to me!"
Sadness enveloped Gar's feature. No fear, no anger, no pity left. Just sadness. It made Pat want to turn back time and do it all over differently. "You can and you will. Class starts soon, you don't want to be late."
"Gar—"
"Please, Patrck. Go."
And with those words, Patrck finally gave. There was no swaying Gar, he knew this. So with dampened eyes and an aching heart, he left the hospital wing, losing the only person who gave him hope that he could be trusted and loved.
And Gar? Well Gar laid back and cried for hours once Pat left, his heart aching just as much as the Slytherin's.
Because suddenly, the moment was over, the Patrck Static moment, and he was sure it would not come back.
But love does work in mysterious ways.
And hearts certainly find each other, even when hope seems lost.
And time will never run short when it comes to the will that the hearts demand, that love will bring.
In time...