JP Woodward
What are your personal flaws?
I really am bad at learning how to express myself. Words don't come easily to me, and I don't know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. It's why I'm a mystery to most people, even myself. I don't understand what I feel and who I am most of the time and once I figure it out, I don't know how to tell anyone else about it. It's why I don't speak much to people, I just can't find the words to say.
What are you afraid of?
I'm afraid of darkness. I'm afraid of the dangers and demons that hide out there beneath the shadows. You never know what's there lurking in the dark, where you can't see them. It's so easy to hide in the dark, and it terrifies me that anything can happen. But where I'm terrified at the prospect of danger beneath the shadows, I'm also comforted and enthralled by being enveloped in the darkness of the night. It helps me think, being blinded by the night. When I'm not distracted by the beautiful colours and shapes of the day is when I can best get my thoughts under control. It terrifies me beyond belief, the darkness and what's in it; but I feel the most at home without light breaking through and that aspect about myself in itself confuses me, but it is what it is.
Who is the closest person to you?
I love both my parents equally. They love me and want what's best for me and I love them for that. They were quite skeptical to send me across the country to an unknown school to learn about magic at first, which I completely understand. I wasn't too sure if I even wanted to go, not without my parents. But eventually they came to terms with the fact that this was real and convinced me to go, telling me it was what was best. I believed them, of course, I always do. I just miss them a lot. Life hasn't been the same not getting to see them every day and getting letters as often as I do makes me crave home even more.
Where is your favorite place in the world?
I don't necessarily have a favorite place. After all, they're all just locations on a map. Some may be more beautiful than others, and experiences may work to develop attachments to certain places, but once the moment's gone, all that's left are memories of what once was. Developing emotional attachments to locations is just something that doesn't make sense to me. After all, what does it matter where you are? It's the people you're with and the choices you make that makes all the difference. Otherwise, you just forget where you are completely.
What was your family like growing up?
My life as a child was no different than that of any other muggle family. I lived in a large city, in a small apartment with my mother and father. School life was hell, but at home I felt safe. I really miss that sometimes. The castle is beautiful and all, but I miss my family and the comfort and coziness of the small flat I grew up in. I'm not used to all the space I get at Hogwarts, and maybe the large sizes are what makes me feel so scared all the time. I just don't feel safe like I did back home. The closest I've gotten to that kind of serenity at Hogwarts is with Wade. Everything feels just a little less overwhelming with him.
~ ~ ~
Wade Barnes
What are your personal flaws?
I don't know when to give up. I push things past the point they should be pushed and it can cause issues. Take this situation with JP for example. I want to help him, it's why I wait for him every night, but I feel like I may be pushing him away with my persistence. I can't seem to stop, though, and I'm not even sure if I should. I don't know when I should give up on waiting for JP to grow accustomed to me, or if I even should. I just hope he allows someone in his life who will protect and care for him the way I'm trying to.
What are you afraid of?
I'm afraid of dying, or the prospect of dying, whether it's myself or someone close to me. We don't know what exists beyond life, or what eternity will be awaiting us, and that's what I find so terrifying. Maybe it's the unknown aspect that I fear, maybe it's the thought of leaving behind, or even losing, the people I love who love me in return. Some people say death is an escape, but I feel it's a prison. Either way, it is one thing in life that is inevitable, we all will face it some day, I'm just not sure if I'll ever be ready.
Who is the closest person to you?
Molly is probably the person I'd say I'm closest to right now. Weird how that works, right? I barely see her, but I'd say I'm probably closer to her than anyone else, including my parents. Not that I don't love my parents, I do, but they're always away. Both my parents are aurors, they're not around much so our house elf was who took care of me the most when I was younger. Molly is one of the only friends I've made since I've been here, and I'd do anything for her, even if we don't really speak much outside our run-ins in the Room of Requirement.
Where is your favourite place in the world?
My childhood home, before leaving to go to Hogwarts. Not necessarily because I have the best memories from growing up, or because of time with my parents as a kid; more because it's a place I could call home, where I know I'll always be accepted and protected. I live in a manor, many miles away from where Hogwarts is located. My family lives rather well off, and as a result my house is large and open, and I just feel free in it. It's not hard to find time to be alone, like it is at Hogwarts. I've never gone by feeling unloved in this home.
What was your family like growing up?
I had a decent childhood. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. My parents were never around, always out on some case for the Ministry, so I spent most of the time with our house elf. He was always so kind to me, and took care of me better than my parents ever were able to. Don't get me wrong, I do love my parents and I treasure every little second I get to spend with them, but it's not often I get to have that, even as a kid. My mom was around until I was old enough to walk, and then was right back off to work. Sure, I wish I could have more time with them, but I know they love and accept me for who I am no matter what, and that's all that really matters.
~ ~ ~
November 19, 2003
12:25am
It was a cold night on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as young 4th year Jeremiah "JP" Woodward wandered the halls, dodging behind tapestries and staying away from any light as he shivered, cold and alone, against the night air. The young student knew he had a place he very well could go, he knew someone was waiting for him, but he couldn't force himself to make that trek the few extra floors up to find that hidden room. Wade had done so much for him already, and JP was feeling guilty for taking advantage of his constant kindness.
Besides, it had been too long since JP had gotten a night to himself, just wandering the halls. He was itching for an opportunity to clear his mind and figure out exactly why he was allowing the older Gryffindor into his life the way that he was.
JP was not entirely sure what exactly he was in Wade's eyes: a broken kid, maybe? Some charity case? The younger could easily admit he had issues adapting to Hogwarts, and it may have affected him a bit more than others, but he really hoped that Wade wasn't helping him solely because that's all he saw him as. It may have been wishful thinking, but JP was really hoping Wade saw him as something a bit more than that. The Hufflepuff, at least, saw the other as a friend, he just hoped he wasn't reading too far into their interactions.
Wandering the halls in the dark this night, JP soon found himself slipping into a blissful sense of peace that was brought by the darkness, as well as the heavy pounding of his own heart. Fear was rearing its head on the young Hufflepuff, but that was the main reason for the ease. JP thought of the conversation he had the other night with Wade, how he exposed his fear, and how Wade, himself, spoke deeply in response to the question.
JP let out a silent sigh as he turned a corner, glancing to the side at a particularly large painting, the occupants of which lay against each other as they slept. JP couldn't help but wonder in slight amusement how paintings managed a better sleeping schedule than he did. It seemed he was the only one in the castle who struggled to so much as close his eyes at the proper time: if at all. It didn't seem fair: JP was just so tired all the time, but he couldn't do anything about it. Even when he did manage to sleep, he always woke up only a few hours later, more tired than he was to begin with.
Once more, he thought about Wade. If only he knew how much he really had been helping JP, even in the short time they knew each other.
If only JP knew how to tell him how much it meant to him that he actually cared.
~ ~ ~
November 20, 2003
1:19am
JP stood outside the place he new the Room of Requirements was located, just staring at the blank wall, refusing to let the door appear. Wade was in there, he was every night. Probably just patiently waiting for him to come, trying to keep from falling asleep in case JP did show, but refusing to let himself close his eyes. JP knew that Wade seemed to be prioritizing trying to fix him over his own health and it was paining the younger to see.
Maybe that's why he was staying away, maybe after so long Wade would just give up and stop coming, but JP knew that that probably wouldn't happen.
The young Hufflepuff also knew he wouldn't be able to completely stay away. He felt safe with Wade. Safe in a way he hadn't felt since before coming to Hogwarts. He's grown addicted to the warm feeling that Wade brought him, and he doesn't know if he could go back to never feeling that way, even if he did find it painful to actually face the older in this situation.
JP just didn't know what to do anymore. Everything was always conflicting in his brain and he just wanted it all to slow down for just five minutes so he could figure everything out.
Just as that thought crossed his mind, the door that lead to Wade began appearing in front of him, causing the younger's eyes to widen. He didn't think he could face this right now, not before figuring everything out.
Before he could really think through what he was doing, JP turned the opposite direction and bolted. He didn't stop until he was out of sight of the door completely. After a moment, he glanced back around the corner he had turned down. Standing there in the middle of the hallway was the outline of the older Gryffindor boy, looking around as if he knew JP had been there.
JP felt a small pang of guilt as he watched Wade bow his head in what he could only assume was disappointment and wander back into the room that he was previously in. After a moment of hesitation, JP turned on his heels and wandered away from the floor completely, ducking back into the shadows and away from all peering eyes.
~ ~ ~
November 21, 2003
12:46 AM
JP lay silently in his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his dorm, listening to the quiet snores of his roommates. He couldn't sleep, but what else was new? Though for the first time since he came to Hogwarts, the reason behind his sleeplessness wasn't the suffocating feeling of being homesick and missing his parents; but rather it was a certain Gryffindor that had managed to invade his mind.
The young Hufflepuff couldn't help but feel bad for avoiding the guy like he was (he was just trying to help, after all), but he just couldn't handle watching someone he barely knew slowly destroy himself just to help him out.
It wasn't hard to see that Wade wasn't taking care of himself like he should be. JP had started keeping an eye on him during the day and would often catch him sneaking naps during meals and he could only assume he was doing the same during classes. When the younger did manage to catch his eyes, Wade would have the deepest bags under his eyes that the younger had ever seen and it made him feel sick. Especially since he knew it was his fault for that.
That's the reason the younger stayed in his dorm tonight, he knew he would end up wondering to that damned seventh floor corridor and stress himself out trying to decide whether or not to go in. By going in, he would be faced with sickening guilt; but by staying away he knows he may never be able to sleep again. Wade was the only reason he's gotten any in such a long time and it was a selfish thought, but he missed it, even if he was destroying the older's health. The few nights he spent with the older have been the best ones he's had at this school.
But that didn't stop the truth from plaguing JP's mind like a virus: he needed to stop seeing Wade completely, for the sake of the older.
The Hufflepuff couldn't help but choke up slightly as the realization hit. He didn't want to give up the best thing that's happened to him in years, but he needed to. It wasn't fair to Wade for him to selfishly stick around. Every bone in his body was screaming at him to go find Wade and spend one more night with him, but he couldn't do it in good conscious.
So he laid there the whole night through, silently crying into his pillow until the sun was up in the sky once more, and the day was expected to start.
Another sleepless night gone, and the day awaits.
~ ~ ~
November 25, 2003
11:53 PM
For the first time in days, JP found himself wandering towards the seventh floor corridor. He had been doing good at staying away but it was becoming increasingly hard.
Wade had tried multiple times within the last few days to corner the younger during the day to talk to him but he had avoided him every time. Just looking at him had become more than the younger could handle.
And yet here he was, staring up at the wall the door could be, if he just allowed it to appear. But he couldn't, not anymore. Instead he sat down against the opposite wall. He knew he was torturing himself, but he didn't care. He missed it, but this was the closest he could allow himself to come without being overrun with guilt, so this is where he would stay. Just sitting in the middle of an empty corridor in the dead of night, staring up at a blank wall and wanting nothing more than to just take the extra step and enter the room on the other side.
If only he could.
~ ~ ~
November 29, 2003
1:05 AM
JP was back, sitting in front of that damned wall. He had been here every night for the past few nights, and he was only being drawn more and more toward the room and the guy he knew was inside it. He has barely slept since the last time he actually met Wade in that room, a few weeks prior. Since then it had only been 20 minute naps, only to be suddenly awaken by a nightmare and an intense pain in his heart.
He had already been sitting here for over an hour, or so it seemed. He had no recollection of the time, he just knew that it was past midnight and he could get in serious trouble if a teacher caught him here, but he had grown to not care. JP was addicted to this corridor, and he didn't care if he got detention for sitting here, as long as he got to have just one more night of being here, as close to Wade as he could be.
What JP did not expect, however, was when a sudden figure sat down next to him silently, startling him awake from his thoughts of the older Gryffindor. His pulse suddenly sped and fear shot through him as he slowly looked over to see the school's headmaster casually lounging next to him, staring with interest at the wall that's seemed to captivate the young Hufflepuff.
"Professor!" JP exclaimed, confusion and fear lacing his voice. "I-I was just--"
"Don't worry, Mr Woodward, you're not in trouble." Dumbledore spoke, in a voice that was as calm as ever. JP visibly relaxed at the headmaster's words. "I just figured you could use some company."
Silence enveloped the two for a while after that, JP turning his attention back towards the wall. It didn't take long for the younger to forget Dumbledore was even there, his mind too wrapped up in thoughts of Wade.
"Is there a reason we are here when we could very well be in bed?" The headmaster inquired, making JP jump for the second time. He let out a sigh once he was able to compose himself, dropping his gaze towards the floor.
"I don't really know, Sir." JP spoke truthfully. "I couldn't sleep, so here I am."
"If I'm not mistaken you have trouble sleeping most nights. Am I correct?" JP nodded slowly, slightly embarrassed that the headmaster knew this. "Yet this is where you have been every night for the past week. This exact place in this exact corridor. What is the reason for that?"
"How do you know that?" JP asked fearfully, avoiding the questions Dumbledore was asking. He wasn't sure how to go about talking about his reason for being here.
"I'm the headmaster, Mr Woodward. I know all that happens at this school." He let out a soft chuckle, quieting back down to give JP room to answer. The young Hufflepuff wasn't sure how to, he didn't think he could talk about Wade without wanting to cry. He wasn't sure he even knew how to talk about Wade, his brain hasn't even figured out how he feels about the older yet. Even if he did, he didn't know how to put it into words.
"I-I really don't know, Professor." The elder turned towards JP. Patient, sparkling eyes stared down the other, a knowing glint illuminating through. "I just can't seem to stay away."
Another soft chuckle emitted from the elder, as he leaned back, staring back up at the opposite wall. "Ah yes, young love."
JP nearly choked at hearing that, a blush spreading across his face. "I-I'm not in l-love with him." he stuttered out, embarrassment clear in his voice.
"So you admit you're here for that boy?"
"I didn't say that." JP groaned, letting his eyes fall shut as his mind spun with thoughts it's never even considered before. He would admit he was obsessed with Wade and being around him and the safety he felt when he was with him, but that didn't mean he was in love with him. Wade was just a friend who offered to help him with his demons.
"Mr Woodward, it may do you well to think on your relationship with Mr Barnes." Dumbledore stated matter-of-factly.
"I've been thinking about it, Professor, and I'm just confusing myself even more." The Hufflepuff complained, looking towards the outline of the headmaster next to him. "It's just better for me to stay away, that's all I can figure out."
"If that were true, then what are you doing here?" JP couldn't stand the knowing tone in the headmaster's voice. He knew the elder had a point, but it was one he didn't want to think about. He needed to stay away from Wade, it would be selfish to do otherwise, but it was proving harder than it should be to do so.
"Perhaps you should speak to Mr Barnes about this yourself, hmm?" The headmaster stated. JP nodded, an unsettling feeling raising in his gut. "Off to bed now, Jeremiah. Don't delay, we don't want you being caught by a teacher, now do we?"
"Wait, Professor--" But it was too late, Dumbledore had already wandered off, leaving JP even more confused than he was before.