Garuku Bluemoon
-Tell the story of the day you first got your Hogwarts letter.
The day I first got my Hogwarts letter is a day I don't often think about. It was an emotional day for me and my dad. When my mom left, I swore I would never associate myself with the Wizard World, but suddenly I didn't have a choice but to. I didn't want to go, I burned the letter and ran down to that little creek I spent so much time at, holding back the tears until my dad came and found me. He wasn't any happier about his son being a wizard but he eventually convinced me to go. He told me I couldn't run away from who I am and the sooner I accept it, the sooner I will be comfortable in my own skin. He said that if I went, it would help us both open back up to the Wizarding World. That night, I cried harder than I can ever remember, trying to convince myself it was all a dream even though I knew I wouldn't be able to live in that fantasy for long.
-What is your biggest regret?
I would say my biggest regret is putting so much trust in someone like Patrck without getting to know him. I wish I had never gotten that detention. I wish I had restrained Dante better that night. That detention should have never happened, I would be so much happier if I never got to see the side of Patrck that makes me want to trust him because even after all of this, I still want to trust him. I just don't know if I can after what he did because I know now that he would just do it again.
-What is your best memory?
My best memory is the time I've spent with my dad growing up. He's my best friend, always has been. I know my dad will never let me down and he's the only person in my life I can really put all my trust in. I don't know what I would do without him in my life.
-What is your worst memory?
My worst memory is the day I got my letter, as I mentioned in the above question. It was such an emotional day and it took a lot of convincing for my dad to convince me to come. I hated the idea for being a wizard, I still do to some degree, but I'm more okay with it now that I'm here. That day was just not fun for anyone.
-Give an example of a time in your life when you felt you were truly saved.
I'm not sure I've ever had that feeling before. I've never really had anything extraordinary happen to me. My life so far has been a series of ups and down and nothing has really stood out for the better. Maybe one day, I will have that moment, but it hasn't happened so far.
~~~
Patrck Static
-Tell the story of the day you first got your Hogwarts letter.
The day I got my letter was really no different than any other day. I'm a Pureblood, both my parents went to Hogwarts, it was only a matter of time that I got my letter. It was just a piece of paper at the time. It wasn't until the day before I left that my parents made any kind of deal about me going, it was the day my mom sat me down to tell me about her experiences in Slytherin.
-What is your biggest regret?
My biggest regret is what I did to Gar. I don't know why I let my body take over, I don't want to fit in with the Slytherins anymore. All I want is the time I've spent with Gar to mean something. He's convinced I've made my choice but I didn't choose what I actually want. All I want is that feeling I get when I'm with Gar and not the emptiness that I feel with him gone. The Slytherins caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared for the decision, but now I am but it's too late now.
-What is your best memory?
My happiest memory is years ago, back before Hogwarts. Before I had to worry about reputation or stereotypes. I don't really remember what happened that day but I was upset or mad about something someone said to me or rather, that's not what's important. My mom found me in my room, upset and close to tears, and she just took me in her arms and quietly sang so me until I calmed down. At some point, my dad came in as well and it was just the three of us cuddled up on my bed, my mom singing softly. It was the most content I've ever felt in my life and that's the memory I always go back to when I need a reminder of my family.
-What is your worst memory?
My first night at Hogwarts is my worst memory. It's a day I don't want to relive any more than I already have. I think that day changed me. If nothing else, it certainly opened my eyes to the life I would have over the next six years and so far, my expectations formed that night have come true.
-Give an example of a time in your life when you felt you were truly saved.
The time in my life I felt I was truly saved was in the time I spent with Gar before I fucked it all up. He saved me from the life I have here, if only for a little while in secret. The moments I've had with him mean so much more to me than he knows and I don't know what I'm going to do now that I've had that little taste of something real, knowing I can't ever go back to that.
~~~
Gar was released from the hospital wing a few days after the incident. In his opinion, he was perfectly fine to leave sooner but Madame Pomfrey was adamant on keeping an eye on him till everything was completely healed. Gar was almost positive she was just doing it to keep him away from people who may do this to him again which he appreciated, he just did not really appreciate being stowed away in a bed for days on end.
In the time he was there, Gar got a few visitors here and there. Mostly it was just kids in his house who heard what happened and just wanted to see if he was alright. The only visitors he got who he said more than two words to were Molly and Wade. He told them both what happened as they already knew what was going on between him and Patrck before. Molly was sympathetic, hugging him tightly and assuring him that he did the right thing. Wade, however, had less to say about it. Gar could see anger rising in him, could see his fists clenching by his sides and it both made Gar feel better and feel worse all at once.
It was during Wade's visit as well that Gar was told he was allowed to leave. Madame Pomfrey fussed over Gar for a few minutes but before they knew it, the two boys were off wandering away from the hospital wing together.
"Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?" Wade asked, shooting Gar a concerned glance. Gar shook his head, looking up at the other.
"No, I think I'm going to head up to the owlery and send my dad a letter before I head back."
"Are you sure?" Gar sent him a soft smile.
"I'm fine, Wade. You go on." Reluctantly, Wade agreed and the two parted ways, Gar heading up the many flights of stairs it took until he reached the owlery.
Gar had decided at some point during his time in the hospital wing that he really needed advice from his dad. Sure, Molly and Wade were amazing to talk to, but what he really needed right now was his dad. So with that thought in mind, Gar grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill and began writing.
Hello Father,
How have you been? I miss you a lot, it's never felt quite right up here. Hogwarts just isn't home to me. It never has been. I wish I could be home with you. One and a half more years, though. Then I won't have to be here any longer and I can be home with you.
The reason I'm sending this right now is because I really need some parental advice. I really just need to hear from you, you always know the right thing to do.
A few weeks ago, Dante got me another detention. I know, I need to control that dog better but he just gets so restless staying in one room all night and my roommates were complaining again and I really don't know how he keeps getting in the library at night. I'll figure it out, though. That's not the real point I'm sending this.
During the detention, I met this boy. Well, I didn't really "meet" him. I knew him before, he's the guy I've told you about before. The one who's bullied me for years: Patrck Static. During detention, though, he showed a completely different side to himself. He seemed truly sorry for his actions and one thing led to another and next thing I knew he was kissing me. I don't know if I really understand what happened, even now. It gets even more complicated from there, though, so I guess that makes sense.
The guy is in Slytherin and I know you don't really understand the whole "house" thing at this school but basically the Slytherins are the discriminatory snakes at this school with all-wizard families who believe that those without magic or with non-magical relatives are disgusting and don't belong in the Wizarding World. Or, most of them are, at least. Patrck just seems so different, like he doesn't belong with the likes of them. He's just scared, is all. I don't really blame him, though. I would be too in his position.
See, Patrck has made it clear to me that he doesn't believe in the same things the other Slytherins do: that those with non-magical parents aren't an abomination and he's been acting purely out of fear of his housemates who have already banished him once. I think I believe him, I don't know. I just don't know if I truly believe him or if I'm convincing myself he's telling the truth because I like him. Which I really do, dad. I really like this guy and I feel like I could really fall for him if he just grew some balls and stood up to his house instead of relying on a false reputation he'll never live up to. That's what makes the rest of this so much harder to deal with.
A few days ago when I was going to meet him, I got jumped by a couple of Slytherins. They beat me and hexed me until I could barely move. Before long, Patrck showed up and I thought he would choose to help me. I really thought he would choose me over the Slytherins but his fear ended up taking over and he finished the job for them. He looked me dead in the eye and told me I didn't know him as he threw the first punch. I've been in the hospital wing for days now and I only just got released. But don't worry, I'm okay now physically, Madame Pomfrey is really good at her job.
Patrck showed up to the hospital wing the morning after he did that to me and begged me for forgiveness. I told him that he made his choice and I was holding him to it. He said he changed his mind and that it's me he wants, not them. Did I do the right thing? He looked so torn up over what he did, telling him to leave was so hard to do. I just don't know if I made the right choice. Should I go back to him and let him choose me, even if it means he may do something like this again? I'm just so confused.
I really miss you dad. I love you and can't wait to hear from you soon.
Love,
Garuku
Gar wiped away at the tears threatening to fall as he folded the letter into an envelope. He really wished muggle technology worked at Hogwarts, all Gar wanted was to be able to call his dad and hear his voice instead of having to rely on an owl to give the word. But since there was no way to get his wish, Gar retrieved an owl and sent it on its way with the letter in hand before heading back down towards his dormitory.
~~~
"Hey, Static!" Patrck heard an angry voice coming from behind him, and next thing he knew, he was being shoved up against the wall. "What the fuck is the matter with you?"
Patrck turned he gaze over his shoulder to see the older Gryffindor kid from the detention with a murderous look lacing his features. Patrck didn't know what he did to this guy or why he was being attacked, but he swallowed down his fear and directed his glare in the guy's direction.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Patrck hissed, struggling against his hold. "Get your hands off of me!" The guy tightened his grip in response.
"Not until you give me an explanation, and it better be a damn good one."
Patrck sent a dry laugh in his direction. "Look, I don't know what you think I did to you but I really don't need these accusations right no--"
"Don't give me that shit, Static, this isn't about me and you know it. Don't you dare play innocent right now. Gar did nothing but put his damn misguided trust in you and you went and pulled the shit on him." Patrck felt his heart stop in his chest, and sharp gasp leaving him. Of course this was about Gar, he should have known. Patrck struggled more against the Gryffindor's hold, desperately trying to get away before the floodgates opened and he snapped.
"Look, I don't know what he told you but this doesn't concern you." Patrck tried again to get away, but he was just met with a sneer.
"Like hell it doesn't concern me, I actually care about Gar. You may claim to but actions speak louder than words, Static. I know you think you can get away with playing with his emotions bu--" Patrck cut him off again, feeling his heart crack painfully at the accusations. In a moment of blind rage, Patrck pushed the guy off of him and turned around, fury burning in his eyes.
"And what do you know exactly, huh? Since when are you and him even friends? I haven't once seen you two together since that detention so you have some real nerve pretending like you know what this is." The guy opened his mouth to protest but Patrck beat him to the punch. Patrck had lost all control of his words, his broken heart and anger taking complete control. The anger boiling in his chest was spitting out words faster than he could register what he was saying. "Yes, I did it, is that what you want to hear? I saw Gar broken on the ground and instead of helping him, I continued to beat him to the point he couldn't fucking speak and you know what? I loved every minute of it. It felt fantastic."
"You motherfucker!" The guy grabbed his wand and sent Patrck flying against the wall once more, pain erupting down Patrck spine as he collapsed to the ground. "I don't want to see your face anywhere near him again, you hear me?"
Patrck felt tears threatening to form in his eyes as he stared the guy straight in the eye, anger boiling but the pain in his heart and his spine preventing him from standing, as he spat out the last thing he'd ever mean to say: "Good, he's a good-for-nothing faggot anyways."
The raised his wand again, intent to hex Patrck clear in his eyes when a soft voice sounded from nearby.
"Wade, what are you doing?" The two boys looked towards the voice and Patrck felt all air leave his lungs as he saw Gar standing there, a blank expression on his face. Patrck couldn't tell how much of that he heard, he was giving nothing away with his expression and Patrck's anger suddenly turned into intense fear at the prospect of making his situation with Gar so much worse than it already was.
But the most painful part of it all was Gar's eyes which stayed trained to Wade, not even sparing a glance towards Patrck.
"I-I kinda lost my temper." Wade lowered his arm, putting his wand away. "I mean it though, Gar. I want you two to stay away from each other. He doesn't deserve you in his life and you don't need to concern yourself with the likes of him." Wade's voice was so much softer now that his gaze was turned to Gar, it made Patrck feel sick to his stomach.
"I'll be okay, Wade. I promise." Gar said quietly, expression not changing at all from the blank stare. "I just want to have a word with him."
"But--"
"Please." Wade nodded, shooting one last threatening glare in Patrck's direction before walking off slowly. Gar didn't move a muscle as he left, just stared blankly after him, his expression unreadable. Patrck's expression, however, was pale and pleading. He felt sick, like if he tried to speak at all he may end up throwing up instead.
Once Wade was completely out of sight, Patrck found it in him to make the first move. He swallowed down his nausea, and opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off by the quietest sound he has ever heard and it broke him to his core.
"You know, you really had me going." Gar practically whispered over to him.
"W-what?" Patrck stuttered out, sinking just that little bit more into the floor as Gar's eyes finally made it over to him.
"All those stories, all those tears, all those lies you told me. You really had me going. I can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for it."
"No, Gar--"
"You know what gets me the most, though? I actually believed you were sorry. After everything you've done to me, I actually believed you when you said you weren't thinking, that it was an accident." Gar took a step closer, fists clenched at his side so tight his knuckles were turning white. But his expression was still as blank as ever, eyes cold and unforgiving. "How long did you think you could keep up this little charade? Until you got bored with me? Was I just some little play thing for your amusement while you laughed it all off with your little Slytherin friends?"
"That's not what this is, please bel--"
"There it is again, more damn lies!" Gar spat down at Patrck incredulously. "When is it gonna stop? Huh, Patrck? When are you finally going to tell me the damn truth for once?"
Gar was now standing over Patrck, a first raised and ready to attack. Patrck swallowed thickly, eyes locked with Gar's now as he tried to keep the contents of his stomach where it was. All he could feel was the pain in his heart tearing him apart, the pain from hitting the wall now just a dull numbness.
"Go ahead, what are you waiting for? Punch me, I deserve it." In a last attempt to get Gar to see the truth, he tried to push all the sincerity he possibly could into his expression. Gar's eyes softened the slightest bit for half a second, it was there and gone so quickly that Patrck thought he imagined it entirely. Instead, Gar lowered his fist and the next thing Patrck knew, he was alone.
Patrck slumped back against the wall, letting the pain flow through him as he quietly sang to himself that song his mother once sang to him, reminding himself of his family far away from this place.
~~~
No matter how much he wanted to in the moment, Gar couldn't do it. Hitting Patrck would do nothing but make Gar no better than the Slytherins. All he could do was walk away and leave the boy on the ground. Anger was coursing through Gar's entire body so intense it almost completely overpowered the pain in his heart. What Gar saw, what he heard Patrck say, was so much more painful than the beating he received just a few days prior.
Gar stopped walking again in an empty corridor not too far off, though out of earshot of Patrck. The words echoed in Gar's skull, playing over and over again, until he felt sick.
It felt fantastic...loved every minute of it...good-for-nothing faggot..
The words spun around and around until all Gar heard was ringing and all he felt was empty.
good-for-nothing faggot...
Gar threw a punch as hard as he could at the wall, feeling nothing even as specks of blood appeared on his knuckles. The action did nothing to make him feel better, but he couldn't seem to stop.
good-for-nothing...
More punches were thrown, the surrounding portraits mumbled to each other, cowering to the corners of their frames in fear. A visible dent was appearing in the wall as Gar continued to throw punches, letting out frustrated screams and cries every so often.
Nothing.
Gar's back hit the opposite wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground, knees tucked tight under his chin as dry sobs wracked his body, hyperventilating at the mere thought. Suddenly pain erupted inside Gar, consuming him completely as the real truth hit him like a train:
"I really am nothing to him."