And If You’re Homesick, Give Me Your Hand And I’ll Hold It

(If it wasn’t clear before the ~~ lines mean it’s the same day, and the — lines mean it’s a different day, or month as labeled)

Most people think, that when someone gets less than promising odds, their story can be like the ones they see on tv. On the news, a woman makes a full recovery from a 90% mortality rate. A guy gets to run again with his new prosthetic leg that the community raised money to get him.

“GET YANG AND ALTMAN.” Meredith shouted, through tears that she was fighting back,

“KEPNER, GO GET YANG AND ALTMAN RIGHT NOW!” 

These are all things we hope happen to us. Well, we hope that in those situations, these will be our stories, our odds. What we don’t wish for, is that our family and friends have to watch us suffer to get there. We want the success story, without the crappy part in the middle.

“R-right. I’ll I- I’m sorry.  I’m so- I’m sorry.”

April ran, in a sporadic and scattered manner, in the direction of the supply closet Meredith had told her her friends were hauled up in.

It might’ve been stupid to have April running hysterically through the hospital with an armed man still somewhere in the building, but it also might’ve been more stupid to leave her here with her bleeding husband.

So. It is what it is.

The part where we have to perform surgeries on best friends, the part where you’re lying in a hospital bed after you were just trying to live your life.

It turns out he wasn’t locked in a room with any  not-whores, but April Kepner, who thought it was a bright idea to leave the room when she heard Derek’s voice.

Meredith had seen across the way from the catwalk. Gary Clark in her left line of sight, Derek in her right. Like it was slow motion he lifted his arm, a loud bang erupted through the open space, and Derek was on the ground.

With the howling scream she let out it was a wonder Clark didn’t turn and aim at them too.

She almost ran towards him but she’d bumped into Jackson on the way, who had come out of his hiding place with the OR nurse and Anesthesiologist when Hunt had left with the patient in the bed, and he held her back.

it was scary for Jackson to see April with a weapon pointed at her, but thankfully she managed to somehow talk her way out of getting hurt.

He would’ve gone in place of her to go get Cristina and Teddy, but Meredith had seemed like she was fuming, and it was clearly directed towards April. And even though none of this is any of their faults, he knows she should’ve stayed where she was.

Meredith sent her because she was infuriated. Rightfully.

“Jackson go find a wheelchair or a gurney- SOMETHING.”

“On it.”

“Derek Shepherd you can not die on me do you hear me? You’re not allowed to die. Not today, not until we’re old and smelly and I’m all Alzheimer’s-y.”

Derek lulled his head to the side.

“You have to keep your eyes open. Hey, hey!”

In a hospital, with all odds against you, you have to fight for your own success story. For your own life. You can’t wait around hoping someone will hand you there’s. 

—

The grass was wet under her shoes. It had just been raining. Typical for Seattle. She barely had to look at the rows of small concrete structures engraved with various personalizations, knowing exactly where to go as if it was practiced.

She’d been here so many times after all.

I'm comin' up only to hold you under

And comin' up only to show you're wrong

And to know you is hard, we wonder

To know you all wrong, we won

“Hey, George.”

She sat down in the wet grass and tried to ignore the water seeping into her jeans. The soles of her black low top converse were covered in mud and blades of grass but it didn’t faze her.

Ooh

Ooh

“Sorry it’s been a while. A lot’s happened recently, and, I’ve been busy.”

Really too late to call, so we wait for

Morning to wake you, is all we got

“There was a shooting. At the hospital? A lot of people were hurt. Some people died. Do you remember any of them? If there’s really anything after you die, do you see them? Did they make it to wherever you are? Or is this all crap?”

And to know me as hardly golden

Is to know me all wrong, they warn

“Derek was shot. Me and- Dr. Teddy Altman, and Dr. Jackson Avery, yes Harper Avery’s grandson. Can you believe that? Anyway. We all operated on him, uhm, during the lockdown. The shooter tried to make us stop,”

“Stop! Let him die.”

“But Jackson took the monitor wires off of him while the shooter had his gun pointed at-.. and he convinced the guy that Derek was gone.  I’m glad you didn’t have to see Meredith. She was supposed to be hiding in the scrub room, but she came in and told him, Gary Clark, to shoot her instead. She had a miscarriage. She was pregnant. I don’t think she’s doing well, even if she says she’s fine. Lexie’s in and out of the psych ward and Derek was on bedrest and she has no baby, so, I know she’s not fine.”

At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral

At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do George. I can’t go back into the OR. I tried, but I just ended up on the floor. I couldn’t feel anything, it’s like I was paralyzed or something, and then Meredith was in front of me, and she took off my gloves and- and squeezed my hand-.”

 At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral

“Teddy would support whatever I want to do, but I can’t help but feel like I’m disappointing her if I stop being a cardio thoracic surgeon. It’s how we met, it’s a part of our relationship and I know it sounds stupid, but that matters to me. I want to be a cardio surgeon. I love my job. But what if I can never get back in an OR again? I don’t know what you would do, I bet it would go sideways but then be badass. You did heart surgery in an elevator. That’s about as badass as it can get.”

At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

“Alex got shot in the chest, and he wouldn’t get the bullet taken out until he was yelled at, and Bailey’s as tough as always, but that’s expected. It’s been hard for everyone, and I hope someone figures out how to get through it because just being fine like Meredith or- getting a stay in the looney bin like Lexie, don’t seem like great options. I wish you were here. You would’ve gotten into some crazy drama that could distract us from everything. And-, you could’ve met my wife.”

I'm comin' up only to show you down for

And comin' up only to show you're wrong

“Dr. Altman? Teddy.” She smiled at the thought of her,

“We got married last week. I know what you’d be thinking, no, it’s still not legal yet. But someday, when it is, we’re gonna get an official marriage certificate. I wish you could be here to see it, I think you’d love it. Everyone celebrating, people lining up at the courthouse to get Married. I know, I know, my last wedding didn’t go so well. And I’m me, how did I get married? It’s all Teddy. George, she frickin’-, okay so before the wedding, she came by Mer’s, while I was getting ready, and brought me a, well. It was something my mom gave her. I guess she called her at one point and they talked for a while which, is insane. You remember my mother…

Mer wouldn’t let her in at first, bad luck or whatever. I don’t really believe in that anymore. If I ever did.  Not with Teddy. Our relationship wouldn’t be- doomed just because she saw me before the wedding.”

“Altman. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know, I just came to give her something.”

“Supposedly it’s bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding.”

“Okay… but you and I both know Cristina doesn’t believe in that crap.”

“Touché Altman. Fine,” Meredith moved so Teddy could come into the house, “but you have to leave before she puts it on. She may not believe in superstitious crap, but she still wants it to be a surprise.”

“I’ll be in and out, twenty minutes max. If I’m not Arizona’s probably going to storm in and drag me out.”

“Let me go hide the dress first, and let her know you’re here. She doesn’t need anymore stress today.”

“She’s stressed? About what? Today is the day for her to not be stressed about anything Meredith, what-“

“Calm down, I shouldn’t’ve even said anything. Everything is under control. I’ve got her.” Meredith put a hand on her shoulder, 

“It’s your wedding day too, just breathe. Stop worrying, you have a lifetime to worry about her. I’ll be right back.”

“I was stressed because I was worried that something would go wrong, like last time. Except I knew Teddy would never do what Burke did. If she was going to call it off, she’d at least break to me gently, and not day-of. And then, while I was spiraling about it all..”

“Teddy?”

“Hey.” Teddy’s smile grew with each second she looked at her. 

Cristina was in a robe, borrowed from Meredith. Her hair was wet so her curls were strung out, and she was sitting on a chair (from the dining table downstairs) in front of the mirror in the communal roommate bathroom. 

Meredith had clearly been helping her with her makeup. Teddy stepped further in, coming up next to the chair.

“Hi? What are you doing here, I thought I wasn’t supposed to see you until later?”

“I wanted to bring you something. I was talking to your mom-“

“Oh god. I’m sorry about whatever she said.”

“No! it was- good, she’s really nice.”

“You were talking to my mother, right?”

“Yes.” Teddy laughed.

“Okay that’s sweet of you, but you don’t have to say that. She’s not- hiding in the shower or something.”

Teddy chuckled,

“We had a nice talk. Honestly, I was nervous, but, I think it went okay. Anyway, she said she had something to give me, we met up yesterday after her and your stepdad flew in so I could get it. This,” Teddy extended the medium sized box in her hands out to Cristina, 

“Was your dads.” 

The box was worn, it looked to be from the late 70’s or early 80’s. It was navy blue and white with accents of green.

The brunette turned and slid so she was on the edge of the chair on the right side, facing the blonde,

“What-?”

“Open it.”

Inside was a gold pocket watch, the kind with a locking cover; a sun etched into the front of it. She pulled it out carefully by the chain.

When she unlocked it, Cristina was surprised to see a photo of her dad, and her, at 6 years old. They had gone to one of those photo studios in LA, the kind you’d find in a KMart or JCPenny’s, but a stand alone shop that was its own studio. Cristina couldn’t remember the name if she tried. 

She just remembers going to get ice cream after, and the melting ice cream sticking to her hands.

Her dad was in a mustard yellow turtle neck, and a buttoned sweater vest with animals on it. Cristina had her curly hair in side pig tails with fun hair ties with plastic shape buttons attached to them. They were both smiling, Cristinas’ reaching her eyes. It was arguably the widest she’d ever smiled for a picture.

Tears welled up in her eyes. 

She’d probably ruin the makeup her and Meredith had just spent time on, but it was the last thing on her mind.

“Your mom kept some of his things. After he passed. She found this when she was looking through a box a couple weeks ago. She wanted me to have it so that I could return it to you. Because it’s always been yours; even when it was his. She told me that on the day you were born, your dad was so nervous about being a good dad. He couldn't be in the room, so he went out to the waiting room to take a breather, and when he sat down in a chair this was wedge between it and the wall. Apparently, he tried to return it and the nurse at the desk said finders' keepers. Anyway, your mom said this is why he called you sunshine. That you were the sun because you brought the sunshine to him on the day you were born.

She said to give it to you before the wedding, so that a part of him could be there because, she knows how much you love him. I thought you could have it with you so that your stepdad and him, could walk you down the aisle.”

Cristina closed the cover to protect the photo, then surged forward and enveloped Teddy in a tackling hug, her arms tight around her, which were met with Teddy’s own arms snaking around Cristina.

She was crying for real now. Silent sobs wracking her body as she clung to Teddy and got a bit of smudged makeup on her T-shirt.

“I love you.” Came from Cristina, muffled by her head being buried in Teddy’s shirt.

“I did good?”

Cristina nodded into Teddy’s shirt before pulling away and looking down at the object in her hand, feeling the etching on the cover with her thumb. She swiped at her eyes to stop some of the tears,

“I remember this pocket watch. I used to ask my dad what time it was, and he’d smile and pull it out, and dramatically flip it open like he was some French guy with a top hat and a cane, and I would laugh because it was so ridiculous. I forgot about that. I used to love when he did that.”

“My dad was always doing things like that, to make me laugh. I remember your dad was kind of funny, right? Mr. O’Malley. He talked about cars a lot while he was at the hospital, I remember that. I decided what my favorite one is, Thunderbird, any model.”

Her tears built up again, this time Cristina audibly sobbed. Teddy pulled her in again, tighter than before.

"I miss that. I miss it so much."

"Hey, you wanna hear something funny that happened last night?"

Cristina extracted herself from Teddy,

"Sure." She said, sniffling.

"I think I lost my mind, I spilled some wine and almost wiped out trying to get paper towels to soak it up. It was like a slip and slide."

"You need to be careful, weirdo." Cristina cracked a smile.

Teddy reached forward and wiped away her tears with the pads of her thumbs,

“You look beautiful by the way.” She observed in a gentle tone.

“Yeah right. I look like a mess.”

“You’ve never looked better.”

Cristina rolled her eyes affectionately,

“You’re already marrying me, you don’t have to flatter me.”

Cristina reached out and briefly pulled on the spot on Teddy’s shirt where her face had been buried,

“I got makeup on your shirt.”

“That’s okay, it’ll wash out.”

“Hey wait-, that’s my shirt!”

“Well- okay, Meredith made you stay over here last night.”

“Oh, my god,” Cristina laughed, “I’m marrying a golden retriever.”

“A cute golden retriever?”

“The cutest.” Cristina sighed contentedly,

“Thanks for coming. I needed this.”

“Meredith said you were stressed, wanna talk about it?”

“I’m okay now. It’s just- last time I did this, the guy walked out, packed his stuff, and left the state.”

“That’s not going to happen this time. We’re getting married, and I couldn’t be happier.”

“I know, it’s just nerves, but I won’t feel less anxious until it happens. It’s like, when you ride a bike, and the brakes give out, and you fly off the bike and break an ulna. It’s always going to make you nervous to ride that bike again. Any bike. Because what if you lose control down a hill and, flip over into the bushes?”

“I get it. I’d be scared too. But this is happening, I promise. And I bet you’re going to look even more beautiful than you do right now, if that’s even possible.”

Cristina reached up and put a hand on Teddy’s cheek,

“I love you.”

It elicited a goofy smile from the blonde,

“I love you too.”

“Teddy?” Meredith’s voice sounded from the doorway,

“Arizona’s downstairs.”

“I have to go.”

“Boo.”

“I’ll see you in a few hours. I can’t wait to see what you’re wearing, I can’t believe you still won’t show me.”

“I want it to be a surprise!”

“Alright.” Teddy conceded, “I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer.”

To the outside, the dead leaves lay on the lawn

For they don't have trees to hang upon

“I wore a suit. Teddy thought I was wearing a dress, but that’s just what Meredith told her, to throw her off. I couldn’t put on wedding dresses because no matter how hard I tried I just kept seeing-, his face… The moment he walked out of that church and left me to pick up the pieces.  But the second I looked in the mirror after putting on that suit, I don’t know I just felt... at peace. Teddy knew I was having a hard time, so I stopped shopping with her and told her that when I found the right one, I’d surprise her with it.”

Cristina pulled blades of grass from around her and mindlessly broke them up.

“Are you ready to do this?” Asked Meredith, smoothing the lapels of Cristina’s suit jacket.

“Ready.”

For the first time, there was no nervousness, no doubt in her tone.

(Granted, there was only one other time, but, still)

Meredith didn’t have to pep talk her into leaving her house, or walking down the aisle.

Cristina only had one moment in the car on the ride over where she seemed hesitant, but it was quickly explained as nervousness because of Burke leaving her at the church.

It wasn’t long enough ago for the wound to have healed entirely, despite her having fully moved on from him in every other aspect.

Not only that, but she questioned out loud to Meredith and Lexie (who was driving them all), if Burke dying was a bad omen or something, despite that happening months ago, and being completely unrelated to her wedding.

Meredith pointed out how that was ridiculous and then she went into some spiel about how this was different from Burke and how they weren’t even going to a church so Teddy couldn’t leave one.

(It was just ridiculous enough for Cristina to stop freaking out and enjoy the idea that soon she’d be, by heart and mind, regardless of law, married to Teddy.)

“Our wedding was small, but it was nice. We had the wedding party hold framed photos of people who died and couldn’t be there. It might be hard to believe, but Alex held your photo. Izzie came too. I didn’t think she would because, like I said a few visits ago she kind of went MIA after you died. But Teddy stole my phone and called her in secret and planned a whole surprise for me. It was only a little awkward between her and evil spawn, but I think by the end of the night they were talking and laughing, and Alex was so blushing.

After the reception me and Teddy went home and watched the videos Webber and Bailey took. All of our friends, family now I guess, my mom and stepdad. And we had a wall of Lamprocapnos flowers that matched the engravings on our rings. 

My mom told me she was proud of me. It was weird, but it felt, I can’t explain it. It meant a lot. And my Stepdad did the father daughter dance with me. He asked if Teddy wanted to join us, but Owen got up and held his hand out so he could dance with her. She tried not to cry, but you can totally see it in Bailey and Webbers video. Her parents died a few years ago, before I met her. It was hard for her to not have her dad or her mom there, so it meant a lot.”

Ooh

Ooh

“I miss you, George.”

“I’ll try to come by more. It’s been busy at the hospital, but they just took out the lame security system Webber tried to put in after the shooting, so it should be easier to come during my lunch breaks if I can’t make it another time. Next time I’ll bring Teddy, so that she can meet you.”

At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral

At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral

At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

“See you later…, 007.”

Cristina put her hand on George’s headstone, holding it there then patting it like it was his head of Moppy, mousy brown hair, standing up off of the grass, and leaving the cemetery.

“Do you, Cristina Naree Yang, take Theodora Grace Altman, to be your wife?”

(Do you Theodora Grace Altman, Take Cristina Naree Yang, to be your wife?)

“I do.”

(I do.)

—

The door to the firehouse opened and shut, alerting Teddy to Cristina’s return.

“Hey! How was it?”

“Good. Hey, would you wanna come with me next time?”

“To the cemetery?”

“I’d really like for you to meet George. You never got to, and-, I think he would’ve really liked you.”

“Are you sure? I know going is special to you, I don’t want to intrude.”

“I’m sure. I want to share it with you. But you might have to leave so I can talk to him alone after. If that’s okay.”

“Of course it is. I would love to go with you.”

Cristina made her way over to the edge of the couch.

“Oh!” Teddy exclaimed, “The hospital called, they have our new lab coats.”

“Already? Wow.” Cristina answered non commit-ally. 

“Mhm, we can get them next shift.” 

Cristina rocked back and forth from heels to toes anxiously as she watched Teddy write thank you notes.

They had been working on them together, but Teddy offered to finish so that Cristina could go visit George.

“I need to talk to you about something.” Cristina blurted suddenly.

Teddy put the half-written card in her hand down on the coffee table and sat up straighter, giving Cristina her full, undivided attention.

“Okay. What’s going on?”

“I was thinking... about taking a leave of absence.”

“A leave?”

“Yeah.” Cristina rubbed the inside of her wrists on her jacket in a repetitive motion,

“I asked Webber, he assured me that my residency spot would still be intact if I decided to take some time off. I told him I had to discuss it with you before I made any decisions, but I can’t go down in the OR again Teddy. It’s dangerous for the patients and for me. You were there, I couldn’t operate and I’m afraid if I don’t take time off while I can still work through it, I’ll never be able to operate again.”

Cristina began pacing, the motion of her wrists speeding up. She’d get rug burns, make her wrists raw from the scratchy fabric. But she was too caught up in finally letting Teddy in on her idea to notice.

“And I love what I do, and I’m good at it, and it’s- it’s us, y’know? It’s us so what if I take a break and end up stopping forever and then that part of us is gone? It’s how we met and why we’re together so what if we lose it? And what about my dad? What if I can’t fix anyone else’s heart and I fail him? What if someone else’s dad dies because I’m not there to op- “

She kept going, the rough fabric on her jacket became prickly with the intensity of her wrists going back and forth.

It hadn’t been this bad in a while. But since the shooting…

Teddy noticed the signs of overwhelm with ease nowadays. It wasn’t too often that it got to a point where Cristina might be physically harming herself in a way which she couldn’t control and didn’t always know she was doing. 

But when it did happen, it could go from bad to worse pretty fast.

 Cristina didn’t like to be touched when she was in intense sensory overload, or during a meltdown or shutdown, and even though usually Teddy was an exception, sometimes that applied to her too. 

But if she was hurting herself unknowingly Teddy had to stop it before it got worse, and gamble if the touch would be wanted or not.

She hated seeing her wife in any pain, physical, emotional, mental. She ached for the woman she loved so dearly.

Teddy got up off the couch and stepped forward towards her. 

Gently, she reached out and caught her arms at her elbows mid-pace. She was met with some resistance as Cristina jolted to a stop. 

She snapped out of her word vomit spiral she’d caught herself up in, tensed, and became rigid. Breathing heavily as if she hadn’t taken a proper breath.

Teddy didn’t say a word as she slid her hands down Cristina’s coat covered arms carefully, placing her fingertips gently on her wrists, careful not to touch where Cristina had rubbed them nearly raw. 

The brunette winced slightly.

Teddy lifted them and one by one kissed the agitated red areas.

(She was so gentle Cristina could’ve cried)

She then offered Cristina another way to stim, one that wasn’t harmful.

She never judged her for things like this. She just gently offered her a safer outlet.

“I think a leave of absence could be a good idea, and I’d love to talk about it. Let’s take a minute, we can come back to this after we have some lunch and have a breather. Does that sound okay?”

“Okay.”

“Come on, you can help me make sandwiches.” 

Teddy offered her wife a reassuring smile, which was met with a small, if not a bit uneasy, one in return.

“Help with sandwiches” meant Cristina sat on a bar stool in the kitchen, while Teddy made sandwiches and talked about mindless topics and Cristina watched and listened, with no pressure to join in on the conversation.

~~

Later that day, Cristina was lying with Teddy underneath her weighted blanket. (Which Teddy seemed to enjoy almost as much as Cristina, a development the brunette wasn’t prepared for but welcomed all the same.) 

She could never just lay with Owen or Burke because neither of them really cared for the added weight. With Owen it was about feeling trapped. Whereas with Burke, he just-, didn’t care for it.

But Teddy seemed to like the feeling of the weight. It was calming and she was surprised how well it worked to dissipate stress in her body. 

Truthfully though, if she’d liked it any less she would still use it if it meant getting to curl up with her wife more.

They hadn’t been back at work for very long since the shooting. Everyone was still trying to find their groove, and group therapy was still being mandated while a few stragglers (ahem, Meredith) got cleared.

It’s that damn therapist's fault! He won’t clear me because he’s looking for the right response from me and he won’t tell me what he wants to hear!!

Teddy thought about how it would work if Cristina took a leave of absence. 

She wanted her to do it. If Cristina could take some time to heal from the trauma of the event and come back a stronger and possibly better surgeon because of it? There’s no question she wants that.

But like many things, it isn’t that simple.

How long would she be out?  Would they need to find a resident from a different program to fill in and make up for the pair of surgical hands they’d be temporarily losing while she’s gone?

What if they were impressed enough with that resident that they decide to keep them, but there’s no space so they go back on their promise to keep her spot?

There was a lot to consider, but the positives did outweigh the negatives. 

Money wouldn’t be an issue since Teddy was an attending, and Cristina never really bought a ton of stuff anyway, so she had a respectable amount in savings.

And she wouldn’t miss out on work drama because Meredith would for sure fill her in on everything. All the latest in the halls of SGMW.

It would be nice to have a break. Cristina hadn’t given herself a break since- well since High school. 

And she had people in her corner that would vouch for her if anything prevented her from returning to work afterwards.

so, Teddy wanted this for Cristina, and Cristina seemed to really want it too. 

It was a no brainer.

“How are we feeling about, discussing the leave of absence?” Teddy asked carefully.

Cristina fidgeted with a slinky she kept on her nightstand. 

It was one of those small rainbow ones you’d win in a low-ticket small prize section at an arcade. Teddy won it for her on one of their ‘exploring the city’ dates.

“We can talk about it. I want to talk about it.” 

Cristina moved half out of the blanket to be more elevated on the pillows of their bed, so that she could see Teddy better,

“I want to take a leave. I need to step away from work or I think I’m gonna have a breakdown. I might already be having one, I don’t know. I just- I need, a break. I never stop and I need to stop.”

Cristina fidgeted anxiously with the slinky, avoiding her wife’s eyes,

“But... I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Hey,” Teddy reached for her wife’s hand, 

“You could never disappoint me. You’re the love of my life; I just want you to be happy and safe and well cared for.”

“So, you think I should do it?”

“I think... it could be really good for you. Your wellbeing is way more important than anything at the hospital. We’ll have plenty of hands while you’re gone. And it’s not forever, unless you want it to be. We can talk about that too if it gets to that point.

Just, know that, whether you’re a surgeon or not, you’ll still be the beautiful person I fell in love with. Nothing here, no decision you make about your career, is going to make me love you less.”

Cristina’s mouth curved up into a watery smile. Her eyes held back tears as she finally lifted her eyes and observed her wife lying next to her on their bed.

Wordlessly, she kicked off the rest of the blanket as best she could with the weight of it, and moved over to curl into Teddy, her hands still gripping the slinky.

“Will you come with me tomorrow to talk to the chief?” She asked eventually, nervously.

“What time? I’ll move my schedule.”

“I should probably do it before I get signed on to any patients.”

“Morning it is.”

“I gotta call the chief, tell him I want to meet with him."

“I’m proud of you, y’know.”

“For… calling the chief?” Cristina lifted her head, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

Teddy thought it was painfully adorable.

“No, not that,” she chuckled, “I’m proud of you for doing this, all of it. For putting yourself first and prioritizing your mental health over a job. I know it’s an important job, but you’re important too.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Cristina gave her a half smile, then nuzzled her sweatshirt covered shoulder.

“Maybe with the extra time, you’ll be able to explore more of the city that we haven’t gotten to yet.”

“Oh yeah.” Cristina smiled fondly, lost in thought, “Do you remember, when you took me to that bookstore,” she laughed.

“And you bought that bookmark with the Where the Wild Things Are characters that says, ‘Read Me Woman!’. I remember.”

They were both laughing now. Like two older people holding a photo album, reminiscing over their youth.

Except these stories were still new enough to practically be yesterday, let alone feel like it.

“And then we had that- what was that place called? It was like a diner or something,” Cristina sighed happily, “they had the best milkshakes.”

“Maria’s.”

“Was it? We have to go back there again.”

“It’s a date.”

“Mm. Although I like our date night spot.”

“It’s definitely unique. But perfect. Sitting on the bleachers of the baseball field with a picnic and a good baseball bat.”

“You know, on that baseball field is the first time I told someone that I loved you.”

Teddy perked up more at that,

“Really?” 

“Mhm. Meredith. This was before I realized it was more than appreciating your skills, that I might have actual feelings for you. It was around when I first met you, and I had just gotten over being the bitter about having a new Cardio attending and being judgy and all that crap. Me and Bailey and Mer, and Callie and Arizona, we took you out to swing the bat for the first time.”

“I remember. I think I said, ‘I’m a badass chick, I’ve swung a bat before.’.”

“Right. I was talking to Meredith, while you were swinging away. It was very bad ass by the way. And hot.”

“You know, I’m in love with Teddy, I love her.”

“You’re like Lexie with the inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people.”

“What can I say, my heart is in my scalpel.”

“Why don’t I know about this?” Teddy asked curiously, a lightness to her tone.

“I was mortified about you finding out how far gone I already was for you before I even knew it.”

“That’s not mortifying, I think it’s cute.” Teddy’s mouth curved up into a mischievous grin, “I guess the scalpel wants what it wants.” She teased.

“Oh what-ever.” Cristina scoffed, her smile growing, “you married me.”

“And I’d do it again.”

“Sap.”

“You love it.”

Cristina scanned her wife’s face, her smile growing softer,

“I love everything about you.”

Teddy reached over and brought her hands up to Cristina’s face to pull her in for a kiss. 

Cristina smiled wide as they pulled away, looking into her wife’s eyes with a spark of happiness.

She finally curled her head into Teddy’s chest, taking comfort in the sound of her heart beating.

“Oh! There’s a cardio thing on at seven, can we watch it? It’s called ‘Matters of The Heart’, I think.”

“Of course we can. What time is it now?”

Cristina rolled over to check the clock on the nightstand. 

Thank god for digital clocks

“It’s six twenty-seven.”

“Why don’t you call the chief, and I’ll go see if I can find what channel it’s on, so we don’t miss it.”

“Deal.”

—-

The next day

“Altman-yang,” he turned to Cristina, “Altman-yang,” he turned to Teddy, “What can I do for you?”

The chief sat at his desk, Teddy and Cristina in front of him in chairs.

Teddy was only here for moral support, and to chime in if Cristina needed her to.

“I’m requesting a leave of absence.”

“So, you’ve thought about it.”

“Yes sir. I thought about what you said, and I think it would be in my best interest, and the best interest of the hospital, if I stepped away for a bit. If I can’t operate or even be in an OR, then I’m helping no one by being here. And it’s not that I’m not cleared, I am cleared. But I shouldn’t be. I was cleared to do surgeries because I’m capable, and I think the therapist, he saw a breakthrough? But my ability has nothing to do with this. The things I see and feel when I step into an OR right now, are too much. It’s debilitating and I can’t perform at my best. It puts patients at risk.”

“How long?” 

“Sir?”

“How long do you need?”

“A few weeks at least. Maybe 2 months. I think I’ve well exceeded my hours. It should cover the days I’m missing, and anything I have to make up I can do that I can work longer shifts, heck I’ll take the pit, the clinic, whatever you want.”

“I don’t, think that will be necessary, but I like the commitment. Dr. Yang, sorry, Altman-Yang I- you know what for the purposes of this conversation I’m just going to say Cristina. Cristina, you’ve been a valuable member of our staff since the early days of your internship and residency. I’ve seen you perform under all types of stress and come out the other side a better surgeon. I’ve also seen surgeons lose their ability to be surgeons because they never let themselves recover from a traumatic event. We all value, I value, your work, and everything you bring to this hospital. It’s not worth losing, so, if time off is what you need, then take some time.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Now, Altman,”

Teddy and Cristina both looked up expectantly.

“Theodora,” the chief corrected,

“I hope your prescience here doesn’t mean that you’ll be taking a leave as well?”

“No, not at all. I just came for moral support.”

“Good, good. Well, I’ll draw up the paperwork. You can go on home, and you can get back to work. And-, Dr. Yang, Cristina..., I’ll look forward to welcoming you back when you’re doing better.”

“Thank you.”

Teddy walked with Cristina to the doors. It was a rainy day, so she didn’t walk her out to the car.

“Call if you need anything.”

“I’ll see you at home tomorrow, weirdo.” 

They stood staring at each other for the briefest moment before Cristina leapt forward and caught Teddy in a crushing hug, her hands bawling up the back of her jacket as she gripped it.

“I love you.” She said, low enough for only Teddy to hear.

Teddy wrapped her arms around her wife tightly, burying her face in her hair and taking her in, filling her senses with her before she had to go to work, and they had to part ways.

“I love you too.”

They separated, now holding hands.

“Call me later, if you have time?”

“I was planning on it. Be careful on the road, it’s raining pretty hard out there.”

“I will.”

They shared one last flash of a smile before they released their hands and parted ways, Cristina leaving through the automatic sliding doors, and Teddy waiting until she was just out of sight before heading towards the attending’s locker room. 

~~

Sirens blared in the distance as Meredith, Bailey, Alex, and Lexie waited for the ambulances.

“Sorry Cristina’s doing what?” Alex asked, incredulously. Loud enough to be heard over the pounding rain.

“She’s taking a leave of absence. Teddy said it was her idea. She needs more time before she can come back for real. I don’t know, she won’t talk to me about it. She seemed okay when we were doing wedding stuff-,”

“By wedding stuff do you mean drinking tequila and ignoring your problems?”

“There was only a little tequila, the night before, and we weren’t ignoring our problems, they just happened to- not come up.”

“You know what I think? I think she can’t stay away, she’s a surgical junkie. By next week she’ll be right back here begging for whatever poor sap she can get her hands into.”

“Okay Alex- gross visual, and Meredith, I’m sure there’s a very good reason she’s not talking to you. I was in psych for, God knows how long, because I was traumatized. We all react to it differently. I could try talking to her if you want, I might be able to understand, in a way you won’t?”

“How could you understand Cristina better than Mer? Teddy’s the only one who could come close.”

“Well actually I think Teddy’s doing better than me nowadays but thank you for thinking of me.”

“Because we’re both autistic, Alex. Not that every autistic person is the same, we’re not I mean-, it’s different for everyone b-because everyone in the world is different, y’know? But- but maybe I can relate to feeling, overwhelmed the way she might, you know? And the whole situation was already a lot for everyone, so I just figured-"

"Lexi, that's nice of you, but Cristina's my best friend, I'll just, wait for her to come to me."

The ambulance halted to a stop in front of them. EMT's raced out with a gurney.

"Female, late twenties early thirties, Possible crush injuries to the abdomen and lacerations on her chest and neck areas plus possible fracture in her left arm. It appears that the rain caused a car to slide into her vehicle. Both vehicles were stopped by a lamppost. A second ambulance is on route."

Everyone rushed to the gurney, but Meredith froze when she saw who the person was.

“I sure hope that’s not what you meant.” Alex stated, his own shock and concern settling in.

“Karev, Page Dr.Altman.”

“What? Meredith- “

“Alex,go get Teddy!”

“Alright. I’m on it.” His tone was mildly annoyed, but he was mostly horrified, trying to snap out of seeing Cristina lying on the gurney like that.

It wasn’t the worst he’d seen, by far, but it was Cristina.

“Dr. Grey, you can’t be on this one, you’re family.”

Meredith had a brief moment where she felt like she might throw up, but she shoved it away. She had to be her doctor right now, not her best friend, or her soulmate, or her family.

“WE’RE ALL FAMILY. Lexie, stay with Bailey and wait for the other ambulance, we have to go, NOW!”

“DR. GREY!  DR. GREY YOU ARE NOT AN ATTENDING, Wh- hhh,” Dr. Bailey grumbled, 

“That girl will never listen. Uh- wait here for the other ambulance, once you’re made aware of possible injuries bring the other patient in. I can’t let that girl operate alone.”

~~

“Get me his chart and I can take a look at it. Okay, thanks.”

“Dr. Altman- DR. ALTMAN.” 

“Karev, hey! Have you... heard from Cristina? I tried to call her, and she didn’t pick up.”

“Come with me.”

“Wh- “

“RIGHT NOW.”

“Okay! Where are we going?”

“Teddy,” Alex turned to her, out of breath, his voice growing more sympathetic, “it’s bad.”

“What are you talking about- what’s going on?”

“It’s Cristina. She was in an accident.”

The words wouldn’t register in her brain as facts.

She was fine. Cristina had gotten in her car and made it home and she was just napping or something.

That’s why she wasn’t answering.

It had to be. 

“Dr. Altman? Teddy. Hey, you should go wait for her. She’s in surgery now so- “

“SURGERY?”

“Well- yeah. They think she might have injuries to her abdomen, as well as minor chest wounds and a possible head injury. They had to her take in right away.”

“What OR?”

“Teddy- “

“KAREV what OR?!”

“I- I don’t know! I left before they took her in!” 

Uncertainly, he continued, “I think shepherd might still be operating on his tumor guy- maybe OR two?” 

Teddy sped past him, ignoring the running in the hospital rule.

“Dr. Altman you can’t- go in there. TEDDY! Damn it.”

Karev chased after her, hoping to catch her before she tried to go into the gallery or worse- into the operating room.

~~

 “It’s been too long.”

“Would you stop pacing like that, you’re stressing me out.”

“Well, I’m sorry, okay? That’s my WIFE in there! Don’t you have somewhere more helpful to be than sitting here, telling me how to respond to my wife being in an accident Karev?”

“I’m staying with you so you don’t run in there and.., try to watch from the gallery.”

He almost sounded guilty.

“I don’t need a babysitter. I’ve seen a lot of things in the OR and in the field but..., I don’t think I could stomach going up there.”

“Yeah. Well that’s my sister in there. So, could you please stop pacing, it’s making me sick.”

Teddy rolled her eyes defiantly but stopped her back and forth movements and sat down next to Alex. 

He was sitting slouched in a chair with his arms crossed, his usual mildly annoyed or indifferent face not without a hint of uneasiness. Like a seasick passenger on a ten-day cruise.

“Can I sound like an irrational family member and not a surgeon for a minute?”

Teddy glanced over at Alex, looking for the response she wanted. She didn’t want to hear ‘no, you’re a surgeon, you don’t get to be irrational.’

“Go ahead.” He said instead, his gaze fixed in front of him.

Teddy breathed out in relief.

“What if she dies? What am I supposed to do? We’re married but we’re not- married. I have no rights about anything if she dies. And I’m not-, prepared for this I’ve barely gotten a year with her. It’s not fair.”

“No one’s dying. This is Yang we’re talking about. She’s going to fight, she has to.”

Silence fell over them.

After a while, the sound of footsteps coming towards them made both of their heads snap up.

Dr. Bailey sighed when Teddy immediately sprung from the chair,

“She’s out of surgery, yes you can see her. But she’s still asleep so- “

“Idon’tcare. Take me to her.”

“Dr.Altman, she just got out of surgery and- “

“And she’s, my wife! Dr. Bailey, please. It’s not like I’m just some family member. I get it, okay? I know how this works.”

“I understand, Dr. Altman b-,”

“Altman-Yang.”

Bailey paused, she was stuck between being frustrated with the correction, and feeling sympathetic towards Teddy,

“Altman-Yang. But there’s a protocol, you know that.”

Teddy rolled her head back in frustration.

“Look, I have to inform you, so please, let me inform. The sooner I do that the sooner you can see her.”

“But- “

“Cristina has been through a lot in the last few hours, she is going to be sore, and in pain, and need to be under observation for at least a few days before she can go home. Most importantly she’s going to need you. You need to make sure she doesn’t overdo it.

She’s Cristina, she hates being a patient. So, she is going to be persistent and complain about being on bed rest. Please, I’m asking you, as a friend and as a colleague... make your wife rest.”

“Can you- can you tell me what happened?”

“We don’t know exactly. The EMT’s suspect the other car slid on the road from the rain, and that caused her car to be hit and crash into a lamppost.”

“Oh my god.”

“We’re still waiting to hear back from the police to confirm. But the surgery went well. She has some stitches in her abdomen, a broken arm which Dr. Torres can explain more to you., as well as some minor cuts, which should hopefully heal fully in time. We can get into the more technical stuff later, if you’d like, but with proper rest.. I think she’s going to be alright.”

Teddy collapsed into a chair, elbows on her knees, head buried in her hands. 

The tears came fast, and they didn’t seem like they’d be stopping anytime soon.

Miranda’s face softened as she took in the sight.

“Hey now,” she tutted gently, moving to sit next to the blonde on the side Karev wasn’t on, and wrap an arm around her,

“There will be none of that. Your wife is one of the strongest willed, stubborn people I have ever met. She fought like hell in there, just like she’s always fought to be a cardio surgeon, just like I’ve seen her fight me countless times over the years. And I know it wasn’t just for herself this time.”

Sobs wracked Teddy’s body,

“I just want to see her.” She cried.

“Okay, come on, I can take you back now. Karev, go find Meredith, you guys can go check in on the patient from the other ambulance.”

“Fine. I’ll come check on Yang later.”

He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to do anything but run in there and see her for himself. See her breathing and know she was okay. Cristina was one of his best friends and although he’d always resisted anything mushy, he loved her.

But if Meredith wasn’t going, then he would wait so they could go together. Even if Meredith had already seen her in the OR.

Miranda helped Teddy stand, then led her towards the room Cristina had been brought to.

“She’s okay?”

“We’re taking very good care of her.”

“Thank you Dr. Bailey.”

“Don’t thank me. If Meredith hadn’t been so pushy, who knows what would’ve happened.”

“Wait did Meredith operate on her? Karev said she brought her in. Is that allowed? They’re family.”

“Teddy. We’re all family. And I was in there too, so there is nothing to worry about.”

Bailey soon stopped in front of a room door, turning towards Teddy with a serious expression,

“She’s in here. Dr. Altman- “

“It’s fine, Dr. Bailey. I’m okay I just-, need to be with her. I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up.”

Miranda grabbed the handle and opened the door, allowing Teddy to step in first.

The sight before her absolutely broke her.

Cristina’s face was relaxed, she had two cuts on her face (on her left cheek and above an eyebrow) and one smaller, less noticeable one on her chin.

Her left arm was in fiberglass. It seemed Meredith had taken the liberty to choose black for the color, though that may have been Callie, considering she would’ve been the one to put the arm in the cast.

Teddy slowly made her way to the left side of the bed, her eyes scanning over her wife as she choked back a sob.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She whispered.

“Let me give you some space. I’ll go find someone to cover your patients for the rest of the day.”

Dr. Bailey turned to leave.

“Dr. Bailey?” Called Teddy, never taking her eyes off her wife.

The woman turned back around; a questioning look on her face.

“Thank you.”

Miranda’s faced softened and she nodded, briefly looking over at Cristina before silently leaving the room.

Teddy pulled a chair around to the right side of the bed and sat down, carefully smoothing some of Cristina’s hair back.

“Hey babe,” she said gently, swallowing back sobs, “I’m right here. I’ve got you.” 

She reached out for her free, un-casted hand, and held it in her own.

The room was uncomfortably silent, casting a heaviness over Teddy as she kept her eyes fixed on her wife.

She sighed,

“Life doesn’t know when to quit, does it?” 

Cristina’s chest rose and fell with her breaths.

“Things just got back to normal and now-. But you’re going to be okay, Bailey said you would. And I’m going to be right here. I’m so sorry Cris, it’s just one thing after another, isn’t it?”

~~

A few weeks prior (post shooting)

“First week back is almost over. How are we feeling so far?” 

Arizona was a little too cheery for Cristina’s liking. Teddy hated to admit she agreed. 

(Arizona was one of her best friends, but she didn’t think even Arizona could be as cheery as usual after everything.)

Her smile as she asked how they were “feeling”, made Cristina “feel” like throwing up.

 The question was directed at the few of them who were waiting at the nurse's station for it to be time to go into group therapy.

As much as Arizona’s bubbly personality was a much-needed reprieve, and held a nice sense of normalcy, it didn’t feel right. It didn’t match the somber overcast of the hospital, and the lingering feeling of every corner. Every hall and ever spot he may have turned, every inch of floor he may have walked on. 

And God was Cristina stepping on a spot he stood when he pulled his weapon right now?

Did he kill someone here? Oh god I’m gonna puke.

Cristina looked up at Arizona, glancing at her face before realizing the question wasn’t rhetorical, or some sort of attempt at self-deprecating humor. 

Teddy had seen Cristina do a lot of that in their time off, the self-deprecating humor. Except it was too half-assed and half-hearted to be effective.

“Oh. You’re serious?” Cristina assessed pointedly, “hm, let’s see. Alex, has a bullet in his chest that he’s- apparently decided he’s not going to get removed, Meredith is ‘fine’ like every other tragedy, which seems humanly impossible at this point but she has issues so we pretend to let it slide, uh... Lexie’s in the looney bin, Kepner looks like she’s about to throw up, Derek is on bed rest after he was shot in the chest. And Teddy’s incredibly clingy, like a needy orphan puppy.”

“Hey! I’m right here.” Teddy scoffed, half offended.

“Exactly my point.”

“Stop! Let him die.”

“So snarky this morning.”

“What are you gonna do, divorce me before we’re even married?”

“I might.”

“Hey.” Cristina’s tone became more serious, as her eyes flashed with unnecessary genuine concern, “joking?”

“Joking. besides, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“Because I’m a ray of frickin’ sunshine?”

“You are the sun, and they are the clouds.”

“That,” Teddy chuckled, “and, legally it’s impossible.”

“No! You need to fix him! His heart isn’t working! I can’t feel his heart! You have to fix my daddy’s heart!”

“But if you could...?” Cristina raised her eyebrows in faux seriousness.

Teddy rolled her eyes fondly,

“You’re ridiculous. No, I would never.”

I couldn’t save my dad,

“When I was your age, my dad and I got into a car accident and I was scared, so I know.”

“Mommy!” 

I couldn’t save that little girl's mother, just like him,

“Daddy!” 

Screaming for our parents not knowing it would be the last time we saw them.

And now Derek is...

“You two are so cute.” Arizona quipped warmly. 

Her smile hadn’t wavered since she joined the two at the nurse's station. It was almost eerie and uncanny how she could keep her smile so wide for so long.

But that was just Cristina’s two cents of it.

“Oh! By the way, how are things with you and Callie?” Teddy asked.

“Great! That’s- probably why I’m so vibrant.”

No I think that’s just you.

“I’m so relieved we worked everything out. It was driving me nuts that I couldn’t be with her all because of something like- whether or not we want kids. Speaking of, do you guys think you’ll have any kids?”

“Hard no.” Cristina replied instantly, studying her hands folded on the countertop as she fidgeted with her fingers.

You already know I don’t want kids. Remember the merger? That stuffed bear. God.

“Yeah, I’m with this one,” Teddy gestured with her thumb, as she leaned on her elbows, towards Cristina, “whatever she wants, as long as I get to be her wife.”

“But the thought has crossed your mind?” Arizona pressed.

“Maybe. But my life is right here. I don’t need anything else to make it whole.”

How is everyone so calm, how can they be so normal after Derek got SHOT? After we almost-

“See? Orphan puppy.”

“Hey, be nice.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

“Is that right?”

Cristina looked up at her fiancée with pursed lips, her internal spiral calmed slightly at the sight of her. Here, happy, and alive.

“Mhm.” She replied.

Teddy smiled and nudged her, gaining a small smile in return.

We made it out. She’s here and she’s real and her heart- God her heart’s still beating, right?

Cristina had the urge to reach out and put her hand over where Teddy’s heart was in her chest to feel it beating.

Instead, she, relatively discreetly, dragged Teddy’s hand towards her so she could hold her fingers to her wrist, to feel her pulse.

It was something she’d been doing a lot lately. Teddy had for the most part gotten used to it.

Though she never became less concerned about it.

“You think they’ll finally clear you today? I have a mitral valve repair later.”

Still beating.

“Stop teasing me.” Cristina sighed, “hell if I know, they haven’t cleared Mer either.”

“They will soon,” Teddy sighed, “they have to, you’re Cristina Yang.”

“Altman-Yang,” Cristina released her hold on Teddy’s wrist, “and damn right.”

“Sorry, Altman-Yang." Teddy rolled her eyes fondly, “I gotta go, good luck in group therapy. We’ll talk later?”

They separated group therapy by title. The nurses and interns had their own groups, and the attendings, and then the residents.

Teddy and Cristina agreed that it was good to be separate for therapy. Especially with what went down with Derek.

It would’ve been hard to talk about it while more knowing eyes bore into each other, to admit-

“We live together, of course we’ll talk later.”

“Remember, the jeweler wants us to look over the design for the ring engravings this afternoon. Lunch hour, don’t forget!”

“I won’t.”

“I’ll send an intern to pull you out of whatever surgical text you get sucked into.”

“I won’t get sucked in!”

“Tell that to the pile of open textbooks you left on our bed this morning. You’d still be there if you didn’t hate being late.”

“Hey! Not all of those were textbooks, one was a magazine!”

“Yeah, the one I threw to get your attention. Cris, babe, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I love your interests. I just know you’ll get hyper focused, and you can’t pull yourself away sometimes. I don’t want you to be stressed about time.”

“Fine. But I make no promises about being nice to the intern.”

“Yeah, I know.” Teddy cracked a half smile and moved to leave, “Love you.”

“You too.”

 “Ring engravings?”

The sound of Arizona’s voice snapped Cristina’s focus from Teddy’s retreating form,

“Wedding rings.”

“Ah, right. Are you getting excited? I’d be jumping for joy right now, with Callie of course.”

“I’m not really a ‘jump for joy’ kind of person. At least not publicly.”

Arizona gave her a look, on the verge of knowing and attempting to get more out of her.

“What do you want from me?”

“Nothing. It’s just nice to see you happy. Friend to friend, I know things have been hard for you recently, and I’m glad to see you’ve got someone who seems to make things... lighter.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“You know Robbins, that is the first time I actually feel like I’d hug you.”

Arizona held her arms out, a friendly smile on her face.

“Oh, I’m not going to.”

The blonde chuckled,

“Never change, Cristina Yang.”

“Altman-yang.”

“Altman-Yang.”

—

“Last night, when you fell asleep on the couch, I was watching the wedding footage, of our first look. The one Owen took. You look just as beautiful now. In a suit at our wedding or a gown in a hospital bed, it doesn’t matter. You’re always beautiful to me.”

—

Cristina waited behind the corner with Meredith, who was holding one of the video cameras up, zooming in and out on her best friend's face.

Owen had the other one on Teddy, and they would go to Webber and Bailey just before the ceremony started.

“Are you ready?”

Cristina turned her head to Meredith and nodded,

“Uh huh.”

“Are you guys ready?” Meredith called over to the two people on the other side of the wall.

“Ready!” Called out Owen.

“Okay, turn around.” Meredith directed her best friend, “Both of you!”

“Is that camcorder on?” Called Owen.

“It’s on!”

“Don’t let me trip.” Scolded Teddy, as Owen put his hands, one still holding a camera, on her shoulders to direct her.

“Okay, Cristina’s going to stay put, and you’re going to- slowly, walk Teddy back over here. And don’t drop that Camera!”

“Why am I nervous?”

“Maybe because I’m guiding you backwards while you’re in heels?” Suggested Owen with a smile behind the camera, messing with her.

He got her around the corner, stopping her just before her and Cristina’s backs could touch.

“Okay, here we go.” 

Owen moved to capture Teddy, and Meredith was already on Cristina.

“3,” “2,” “1.” They said in sync.

As they turned, Owen caught Cristina’s reaction, and Meredith Teddy’s.

The moment Teddy saw Cristina’s suit for the first time, it was like everything stopped. 

Cristina gave her a bashful half smile. 

Her suit was black, with a lilac purple suit vest as the top. She was going to go the full nine yards and do the button up shirt with a bow tie.

Her dad’s pocket watch was securely in the pocket.

“Hi.” Cristina said bashfully.

“So a suit, huh?” Teddy’s smile was wider than seemed possible.

“Mer helped me pick it out.”

“You look beautiful.”

“Are you kidding? Look at you. You’re perfect.”

Teddy was in her moms wedding dress. Her and Teddy’s dad had had an almost hippie style wedding, and the dress made both Teddy and her mom look almost like Princess Leia. 

Other than them both being blonde of course.

Teddy’s hair was styled similarly to how her mom's was in photos she saved from her mom's apartment in photo albums. With a few more modern-day touches of the late 2000’s.

She’d never really thought about wearing her mom's wedding dress until it was one of the last remaining possessions of hers she had.

When she’d gone to mom's apartment with Allison, she hadn’t been able to stay too long without completely breaking down, so she quickly grabbed one box and filled it with only the most important stuff.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“What? But you’ve already done so much.”

“It’s nothing crazy, I just thought you’d like to have all of your friends at our wedding.”

“What- all of my...”

Short loosely curly blonde hair came from around the corner, as a woman with shoulder length blonde hair stepped out from where Teddy had just come from,

“Happy wedding day.”

“Izzie?”

"Hey. I got a call that you were getting married, and you really wanted me to be here."

"You-what?"

"You're fiancée's really nice by the way. You got one of the good ones."

"You were saying that you wished Izzie could come to our wedding because you were her maid of honor once, and so I stole your phone and got her number."

"Yep. she was very insistent on the phone that this be a surprise."

"And you're..., okay- with this? I mean..."

"Are you kidding? You found your true love, that's awesome. You should've called, we could've celebrated. I would've made cake."

Cristina's face softened, and tears welled up in her eyes as she speed walked into an almost run to tackle Izzie in a hug.

Izzie chuckled as she caught her friend and wrapped her arms around her,

"I made cupcakes."

"...The chocolate ones?"

"Yep."

“Can I come in?” 

Teddy looked up from the hospital bed to find Meredith in the doorway, looking on tentatively,

“Mhm.”

Meredith noted Teddy’s red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

“How’s she doing?”

“She hasn’t woken up yet. I’ve just been sitting with her. Talking to her.”

“Good, that’s good. She should wake up soon.”

“I hope so.” Teddy sniffled, “do you wanna sit with her? I can keep busy if you want a moment-“

“No, that’s okay. You should be with her. She’ll want you to be here when she wakes up.”

“Well, there’s two chairs.” Teddy offered.

Meredith stared for just a second before nodding and taking the invitation to sit on the other side of her best friend.

“Bailey told me what you did.”

“What?”

“Making sure she got to an OR. Not waiting or letting anyone stop you. thank you.”

“She’s my best friend, I’m sure she’d do the same for me. Actually, what she’d really do is go buy a bunch of crap like an insane person to avoid seeing me. But the sentiment’s still there.”

“She’s lucky to have you. God, I wish there was something I could’ve done.”

“She’s lucky to have you too you know. You dropped everything the second Alex told you something was wrong.”

“Sickness and health.”

“Mm. It’s more than that.”

Teddy looked up, a questioning look on her face.

“It’s one thing to honor your vows. It’s another to love someone so completely. As much as I hate to sound like a lame ass cliché here. Impersonal vows that everyone agrees to at their wedding are one thing, but real, unfiltered, gut-wrenching love? That’s what you two have.”

Teddy reached over and squeezed one of Meredith’s hands which had been resting on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t believe she has a broken arm. She’s gonna be so pissed.” 

The two blondes broke into laughter then. 

It was a mix of hysterics and a break of tension, and somewhere between bittersweet and something that would get them odd looks if anyone passing by saw them laughing at the bedside of a car accident patient with cuts and slowly but surely forming bruises.

“Callie made sure her cast was black, so she’d ‘look cool’. But she also insisted we all sign it in silver sharpie, so.” Meredith shrugged,

“At least her hands still have full functionality, so she doesn’t have to worry about her residency.”

“You think she’ll still want to be a surgeon after this?”

“Why wouldn’t she? Did she say something?”

“She hasn’t talked to you about it?”

A sigh came from Meredith; she turned to look at her best friend still lying peacefully on the bed,

“She hasn’t talked to me about a whole lot recently. I mean, I’m used to her shutting me out sometimes. She shuts most people out, to protect herself. But she usually comes to me by now. At least to keep me up to date on her life, even if she doesn’t always say a whole lot.”

“It’s not really my place to get into it then. Especially when I can’t ask her if it’s okay. But honestly, I am worried.”

“In my experience, Cristina just needs time, and a safe space. You’re her safe space, so, just time.”

“Right. Of course.”

“I hate to say it, but I think that leave of absence will be good for her.”

“I wasn’t sure, but the way she explained it to me, it’s definitely the right choice.”

“Oh, by the way. She’s not supposed to have any heavy weight on her while she’s healing. So, no tight hugs or-, heavy blankets. For at least 2 weeks. We can reevaluate once she comes back in for her checkup.”

“Okay. Whatever it takes.”

“I know those can be necessary for her so, remember that it’s helping her, and don’t feel guilty for turning her down if she asks for that stuff.”

“To be honest my mind still hasn’t wrapped around the fact that this is happening in the first place. The extra stuff is just- kind of swirling around in my brain right now.”

“That’s okay, we can write this stuff down for you for later. I’m sure she’s gonna want to read it too.”

“Thank you.”

~~

Teddy and Meredith talked for a while. It was mostly random stuff to occupy their minds from the reality of the situation.

Meredith cared a great deal but was content with the comfort of knowing she did her job and the surgery went well.

Teddy needed more. I mean, the love of her life was in a hospital bed. 

So, they talked about meaningless topics that were easy for the setting, which turned into a meaningful thing for the both of them.

Eventually, Alex joined them, finding a spot on the floor to sit and lean against a wall. 

After some time, slowly, Cristina stirred.

Small winces and whimpers left her as she woke up and felt the impact the crash and the surgery had on her body for the first time.

Teddy and Meredith both sat up and immediately drew their attention to the woman in the bed, with Alex’s head popping up, followed by him hopping up from his sitting position on the ground to lean against Meredith’s chair.

“Cris?” Came from Teddy.

Cristina’s eyes opened, closing tightly a second later at the brightness of the lights in the room, letting out a small noise of discomfort and attempting to turn her face to the side, in Meredith’s direction.

These lights were manageably overstimulating on a better day, so they were worse now.

“I’m sorry, I forgot about the lights,” Teddy said gently, “Is the dimmer on that side, Meredith?”

Meredith checked around for a split second, 

“Yep, found it.”  She dimmed the lights just enough.

“There. Is that better?” Questioned Teddy.

Cristina was too overwhelmed by all of the sensations hitting her at once to respond verbally, but she did trace the sound of Teddy’s voice to her other side and slowly opened her eyes as she attempted to turn her head and body that direction.

“Careful. Don’t overdo it.”

Teddy held her hand again, and Cristina responded by lightly squeezing Teddy’s hand and gently wrapping her fingers around it.

“Meredith and Alex are here.”

“Hey, Yang.”

“We’re only going to stay for a second because we have patients and work, and I’m sure your wife wants some time with you. We’ll be back later though.”

“I’m really glad you’re okay.” Said Alex.

“Me too. Derek should be in soon to do a basic neuro exam, make sure your memory’s okay. But everything looked good in surgery.”

Cristina’s hands and arms were sore. 

Like most people whose bodies have been jolted forward and back, and jostled around and whiplashed by a seatbelt, her whole body was sore.

She attempted to stretch out her fingers in both hands, and that’s when she couldn’t feel the weight of her wedding ring on her left ring finger, but instead the weight of a cast on her arm and the feel of it underneath the lower half of her fingers on that side.

In a panic she weakly lifted her arm, sluggishly, but too fast for Teddy’s liking, and turned her head, too fast for her own body’s liking -as it screamed out in pain-, and she saw the cast for the first time.

Her eyes widened in horror, not for the cast (though it should’ve been), but for the ring absent from her hand.

“Woah, careful. You have to take it easy.”

Teddy saw how her eyes and her entire face became visibly distressed,

“They had to put a cast on your arm. I know you probably already hate it, I’m sorry, but you’ll need it so your arm can heal properly.”

The brunette moaned in pain as she turned her head back in Teddy’s direction and focused her attention on her scrub top.

Her fingers lethargically moved to curl around the ring pinned to it and make a motion mimicking how she would twist her own when it was on her finger.

It was a movement she did with her ring, except hers was gone and she couldn’t.

It had only been about a week, but Teddy had picked up on it at their wedding reception and had continued to notice it since. Not that it was a big deal or a concern of hers, just something she noticed.

Because she was always noticing her wife. 

As cliché as the saying is, she could pick her out in a room full of duplicates no problem.

The look of distress on Cristina’s face morphed into fresh tears, as slowly building sobs caused her cheeks to become tear stained, and her nose to become a bubbly mess.

“Okay, something else is wrong.” Observed Teddy.

“How do you know?” Asked Meredith, genuinely concerned and curious. 

“Dude, she just survived an accident, of course something besides a broken arm is wrong.” Came from Alex.

He had a point, but Teddy knew her wife. It wasn’t about the accident.

Teddy forwent responding to either of them, instead focusing all of her attention on Cristina, 

“Cris, honey, I understand you’re having a hard time talking right now. I know it must be frustrating, I’m so sorry. Is there another way you can let me know how to help? Maybe pointing, or writing. I don’t know how strong you’re feeling right now.”

Rather than do any of that, she gripped the ring tighter, with what already waning strength she had, Teddy’s scrub top crumpling under her fist.

It took a few more seconds for Teddy to put it together,

“Oh! I’m sure Meredith put your ring with the rest of your stuff. She wouldn’t let it get lost, I promise. Right Meredith?”

“Right, it’s right here, actually.” Meredith pulled the ring from her lab coat pocket, “your clothes were practically unsalvageable, sorry about that, and I didn’t want anyone to lose it. I slipped it in my pocket before we took you into the OR.”

She handed the ring over to Teddy, so that she could return it to Cristina,

“I was gonna clean it before I gave it back to you, but I didn’t get the chance. It still has some blood on it, sorry.”

“Thank you, Meredith. See, it’s alright, your rings safe. We should probably clean it before you put it back-"

Cristina reached for the ring out of Teddy’s hand and tried to put it on the ring finger in the cast, since that’s the hand it’s been on.  She just managed to fit it with the lower half of her fingers being inside the cast.

“On… Okay. As long as you’re okay with it.”

Cristina breathed a sigh of relief feeling the metal and the weight of it on her finger. 

She turned her head, using her last bit of solid energy to move and lay it on the space between Teddy’s chest and shoulder.

Her eyes closed as she settled in there, in what looked to Teddy like the most uncomfortable position but was everything Cristina needed right now.

She just wanted to be close to her wife. 

“You know what, I think we better go.” Announced Meredith.

“Yeah. The sooner we finish up the sooner we can come back.”

“Make sure she doesn’t move too much; we don’t want her to pop her stitches.”

“You heard her, back into bed.” 

Cristina whined in both pain and dislike of being moved from her spot against Teddy, but willingly let her wife guide her gently back into the semi-upright position against the pillows.

“Thank you, again. And Karev? Thanks for earlier.”

Alex nodded at Teddy.

“I’ll write down all that stuff for you. For when you go home.” 

Meredith really wanted to stay, but she wanted Teddy to get some time with her wife. She could see her person later, and besides, her and Alex had plenty of work to do and could her after they were off shift.

Meredith dropped a kiss on Cristina’s forehead, then moved to leave.

Alex came up to the bed and put his and on her shoulder gently, before mussing her hair up in an attempt to make her laugh. 

The crack of a smile was enough for him.

“Glad you’re okay dude. Seriously. You scared the crap outta me.”

Once Mer and Alex left, Teddy let out a sigh that encompassed all of her emotions from the last few hours.

It was already dark before, given that it was one of the rainier days in Seattle. It was even more dark now, so late into it, and If Teddy was exhausted, Cristina was like five people, literally running, on no sleep.

Cristina reached out for Teddy once the room fell into silence.

It was hard for her to talk, but she needed her wife to be closer, so she got out what she could.

“Lay with me?”

It was a quiet, rough voice. But it was so unmistakably Cristina that Teddy could’ve cried all over again right then.

It had taken everything in her not to climb into the bed right next to her the second she woke up.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

The blonde made quick (but careful) work of adjusting Cristina so that they could both fit onto the practically twin sized bed.

Once she slowly lowered herself down into it, Cristina turned her head so that it could be burrowed into Teddy’s chest.

She needed contact with her wife in any way she could get it.

Teddy was the person who grounded her. She made most situations less overwhelming just by being next to the brunette, and right now everything was so much, and Cristina just needed her. Existing, right next to her, breathing and being.

Suddenly Teddy was crying and trying not to squeeze her wife too tight as she held her.

Cristina lifted her head and carefully brought her non casted hand that was lying between them up to her loves face.

“No crying. Goofball.” She said slowly.

Teddy chuckled through her sobs,

“I’m sorry. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m okay. Hurts like hell. But-" Cristina hissed in pain, “I’m okay.”

“Oh my god, babe.”

“Am I-" another hiss in pain, “Am I too gross to kiss?”

Now Teddy was laughing, and crying, all at the same time and it felt ridiculous that she was in this situation right now.

“Never.” She replied, leaning in.

It was a familiar, full of emotion kiss that broke Cristina down, and by the end of it she was softly crying.

Teddy kissed her forehead and pushed her hair back.

It was probably bothering her a lot right now.

Cristina prefers it to be braided or tied up away from her neck and face when it’s a hotter day or she’s overwhelmed or overstimulated.

“Do you want me to braid your hair?”

After it gets properly washed, she’s going to re-braid it for her. 

But she doesn’t like seeing her wife in any discomfort, and she can’t do much about anything else right now.

Cristina nodded.

“Okay, let’s sit you up. I’ll be gentle, promise.”

As if she could be anything less than gentle.

“We’ll wash your hair when we get home and make it nicer, but this can’t be comfortable.”

Teddy carded her fingers through her hair, getting out all the knots and tangles as her wife closed her eyes, leaning into it unknowingly.

Cristina started unconsciously humming the classic Scooby-Doo theme.

Scooby-Doo was a special interest of hers from childhood. The mystery and the routine of a ‘monster of the week’ set up made the show appealing, and once she got into it and fell in love it became as important to her as care-bears, and eventually the heart was the only other thing that could rival the two.

Teddy smiled, the sight warming her and slowly but surely putting her mind at ease.

Back and forth, back and forth, over and under and under, under and over and over, over and under and over and inside and outside and through. 

Teddy braided each side until she had two decent, relatively similar sized, braids.

After the first one she’d reached over into the pocket of her new lab coat, which was across the back of the chair she’d been sitting in, and pulled out two hair ties.

“There, all done. Is that better?”

The sound of her wife’s voice knocked Cristina out of the bubble she had been in. 

She opened her eyes and reached up to slide her good hand down one of the braids.

A soft smile formed on her face, the kind where your teeth just barely show, and she slowly turned back to her laying position so that she could see Teddy.

“I love you.” She spoke.

And that’s all Teddy needed to rejoin her in laying down.

Cristina kissed where she could reach on Teddy’s face and laid her head back on the woman’s chest.

“Are you feeling up for talking right now?”

“Mm, I guess so.”

“Do you… what do you remember about the crash?” Asked Teddy, hesitantly.

“I was listening to... the radio. The song we danced to at our wedding, came on, so I turned it up..”

You say, go slow... I fall behind.

The second hand unwinds

“I had, the wipers on. So I could see?”

If you’re lost you can look and you will find me,

time after time

“And., I think I slid? Then, I felt and heard a loud crunch.” 

If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting,

time after time

“The last thing I remember is the pole.”

Cristina burrowed her face further into her wife,

“I’m tired.”

“Okay,” Teddy’s tone was one of concern, “why don’t you get some sleep. You’ve had a long day.”

“What’re we gonna do about my car?”

“Don’t worry about that right now. We have my car.”

“We came in my car. How are we gonna get home?”

“We’ll figure something out. It’s not for you to worry about. You just need to focus on getting some rest. Okay?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“The car. The hospital. Making you worry.”

“Honey, no. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Absolutely nothing. As for the hospital, we’re doctors, we have excellent health insurance. And the love of my life was in an accident, of course I’m worried, but you don’t need to be concerned about that. You’re here, your surgery went well, I’ll be fine.”

“…okay. I know you’re on shift, but will you stay with me?”

Teddy quirked a smile,

“Like anything could keep me away. You’re more important than work.”

“You’re a heart surgeon.”

“So? I was just doing post op checks and paperwork. No surgeries.”

“...Theodora?”

“Yesss?”

“I’m overstimulated. I need you, but…”

“You want some quiet?”

“Please.”

“Whatever you need my love.”

A smile made its way onto Cristina’s face. It infiltrated her tone, and she couldn’t help but feel warm in her sore, aching bones,

“I love it when you call me that.”

“And I love you.”

“Mm, love you.” Cristina mumbled out.

Teddy kissed the top of her head, blood and grime and hospital grossness be damned.

Within minutes Cristina was out, sleeping as peacefully as she could in her discomforted state. 

Teddy, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep if she wanted to.

She had to watch over her wife, make sure she was okay, and that nothing would happen. No unexpected complications from the surgery that weren’t caught, no movements in her sleep that would twist her broken bones or break open her stitches.

She knew that Cristina sometimes tossed and turned in her sleep, because of her nightmares, so she was being cautious.

Whether it was too cautious, was up for debate.

Teddy didn’t care if she looked ridiculous or overprotective. Her wife was injured.

So, she’d lay in a hospital bed that barely fit the two of them, in her scrubs that she’d been wearing all day, and she’d hold her wife as close as possible, because she could’ve lost her today, and the reality that she didn’t is still sinking in. Becoming real.

__

“Excuse me, Dr… Altman-Yang? Theodora?”

“Uh, Hi. What can I do for you...?”

“Styles and Tyler.” The man pointed between himself and the man beside him, “Me and my Partner are with the Seattle police department. We’re here to discuss the car accident that took place yesterday? Your chief- sent us up.”

“Of course. I can answer any questions, and anything else you need I’ve- got all the information. Car registration, insurance.”

“Actually, we need to speak to the, other, Altman-Yang. We were hoping you could take us to her.”

“Well, she’s not really able to talk right now, but she gave me as much information about the accident as she could, so I could relay it to you if you want.”

“I understand, but we have to hear it from her.”

“Yes, but as I’ve said, she’s in recovery and currently unable to speak with you-, or anyone for that matter.”

“Ma’am, I realize you’re trying to be of assistance, But Miss Yang currently has no legal entwining with anyone, spousal or custodial, and she has no known conditions that require her affairs to be handled by a caregiver, therefore we must speak to Miss Yang directly about all matters in-"

“I’m her wife.” Teddy crossed her arms and stared down the officer, her tone growing more exasperated.

“I do apologize ma’am, but as it is not legal in the state of Washington to-"

“You don’t have to explain. I get it. I’m not a legally documented spouse so I have no rights here.” 

Teddy raised her eyebrows and threw her hands up in annoyance and mild anger. Her hands flew down quickly, the sound of them slapping the side of her scrub pants nearly drowning out the sounds of nurses gossiping on the other side of the nurse's station,

“Great. No offense officers, but this is bullshit. I used to be in the army, so I have full respect for the protocol you guys have to follow, but this is crap. Can I at least be in the room when you talk to her?”

The two officers shared a look.

“She won’t talk to you if I’m not there. I promise I won’t interfere with your procedures; it’s just been a tough couple of days.”

“… alright, fine. But please let us do our jobs.”

“You have my word. Her rooms this way.”

Teddy led the two officers down the halls to the room Cristina was in.

She considered taking detours just to postpone and make their job harder out of spite, but she recognized that her anger about the laws had nothing to do with them, and it was pointless to take it out on two people just doing their jobs.

Carefully, once they made it to their destination, Teddy knocked on the door and slowly opened it.

Cristina was up and awake, after sleeping through most of the morning.

She smiled once she saw her wife.

“Hey,” said Teddy, gently.

“Hi.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Cristina joked, pulling a short laugh from Teddy.

“Uhm, there’s some police officers here, who’d like to talk to you about the accident. Are feeling up for it?”

“No. But, I doubt they’ll leave unless I talk to them.”

“Miss Yang, we just have a few questions to ask you, and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

Teddy came closer to the bed, pulling up the chair she’d been intermittently using, and reaching for Cristina’s hand as she sat down.

“I’ll be here the whole time. If you need them to stop just squeeze my hand.”

The officers talked for what seemed like an hour but was really more like twenty minutes.

Cristina did her best to answer all of the questions, but she was so fatigued and lethargic from everything, she had brain fog, and with every question she was becoming more annoyed than anything.

She wanted to be helpful, and get them to leave as soon as possible, but it just seemed like the questions were never ending.

Teddy noticed the agitation mounting, and squeezed Cristina’s hand once in question, which she didn’t return.

With no response the blonde let it be, allowing the officers to continue with their slew of questions.

“And did you happen to see the other driver?”

“… No, but I think Dr. Lexie Grey brought her in. That’s all I know. I didn’t get a good look at her car, I don’t know why she slid off the road, and I don’t know if she was speeding. All I know is I was trying to go home. I had just been granted a leave of absence from this hospital, and I was trying to go home. There was a shooting here, not long ago, I’m sure you heard about it. I almost died. Dr. Altman she almost died okay we had a GUN, pointed at our heads while we were trying to save my BEST FRIENDS husband. I didn’t want to have to come back here until my leave was over. And now-,” 

Cristina laughed hysterically,

“I’m stuck here! All because of the stupid weather, or maybe because someone decided to speed, or drink, or- I don’t know talk on the phone, in a rainstorm! Or maybe her car just hydroplaned because the rain was so bad. I don’t know, but I’m in so much pain it hurts to keep going over it again, so I’m sorry but I can’t answer any more of your questions right now.”

“We just have-"

“Please leave.”

The officers glanced at each other. One seemed frustrated, while the other looked sympathetic.

It was the latter, Tyler, who spoke next,

“Thank you for your time. This should be sufficient enough information for now. We’ll reach back out if we need anything else. Come on Styles.”

Teddy let out a sigh of relief when the officers finally left the room.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t know the police would be showing up.”

“They have to take statements. I get it.”

“Do you need a minute?”

“Mhm. Just- they’re not coming back, right?”

“If they try, I’ll tell them to beat it.”

Cristina’s laugh was a relief to Teddy.

“Okay Michael Jackson.” 

“I called your mom, to let her know what happened, and that you were okay.”

“I think she likes you more than me.” Cristina joked.

“I don’t know about that, but your stepdad definitely loves you a hell of a lot, because he insisted they fly out here to see you. I tried to tell them you might not want visitors, but your mom just kept going on about how ‘you were stubborn like this last time you were in the hospital’, and that they were already on their way.”

“Oh god. Last time I cried and yelled at her to get out. I don’t think I have the energy for it right now. I love my mom, but she just doesn’t get it. She never has and normally I can handle it, but I don’t feel good and I’m so sore and I just- don’t think I can do it.”

“Well, if it gets too much, I’ll politely ask them to leave.”

“When did you call them?”

“A few hours ago.”

“So, they’ll be here soon.”

“I was going to tell you earlier, but Arizona needed a consult. And then I just got busy, and then the police showed up and-"

“Hey,” Cristina said gently, “it’s okay. I’m not mad. Thank you for calling my mom.”

“I just thought if it was me, and I could call my mom, I would want someone to do that for me.”

“Come here.” 

Cristina gestured towards the bed, attempting to on her own move to make a spot for her wife in the confined space.

Teddy wasted no time helping her ease into a comfortable position, “careful.”, before climbing in next to her.

“I can’t stay long; I have some work I still need to get to. But I promise, later, I’m all yours.”

“That’s fine. I’m just glad you’re here, even for a few minutes.”

“So, how’re you feeling? Any better? Worse?”

“Not worse. Not better. Y’think these cuts on my face will scar?”

“Well, if they do, you’ll look bad ass.” 

“Thanks.”

Cristina offered her wife a small smile, and was met with a kiss in return,

“You’ve got a lifetime of me and these sexy scars babe.”

“Looking forward to it.” Teddy rested her hand gently on the top of Cristina’s head, which was still in the braids Teddy had done for her the day before,

“Hey, I’ve gotta go, but I’ll try to be back before your mom gets here.”

“Boo. Can’t you just stay for a few more minutes?”

“Babe, you know if I stay, you’re going to fall asleep on me. And I won’t be able to move once you’re comfortable.”

“Maybe that’s my plan.”

“If this was any other job, I’d totally blow off work for you.”

“Aren’t you tired? I know you didn’t get any sleep last night.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you. You were probably up all night staring at me to make sure I didn’t die or vomit or something. Which brings me back to my point, you didn’t get any sleep.”

“I’m fine, I took a Power Nap.” 

“When?”

“In… my head. Mentally I napped.”

“What happened to ‘sleep regulates the body’, huh?”

“I can’t believe you remember that. That was like, a year ago.”

“A few minutes won’t hurt honey. Sleep when you can, where you can. One of Bailey’s sayings. Plus, I get to cuddle you if you sleep here. I can be your excuse; I’ll just tell people I forced you to take a nap.”

“As much as I would love that, I’m sure I’ll be paged any second.”

“Come on, your injured wife is begging here.”

“Oh, we’re pulling the injured card are we.” Teddy lifted her eyebrows.

“Yes. And the wife card.”

“Fine. But if you’re awake you have to wake me up if my pager goes off.”

“Deal.”

“I can’t believe you’re the one with stitches and a cast and you’re taking care of me.”

“You stayed up all night for me.”

“Wake me up in fifteen minutes, okay? Fifteen.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“I’m serious, Cris. I’m still on shift and I’d really like to keep my job.”

“Fifteen minutes. Although, asking your dyslexic wife to read an analog clock is kind of cruel.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m really distracted today.”

Cristina smiled an easy smile and kissed Teddy’s cheek.

She’s so cute and so out of it. God, I love her.

It was so easy for Cristina to tell how tired her wife was, she was always an extra layer of Teddy, which was goofy and sweet and kickass on a normal day.

“How about, you close your eyes, and when it feels like it’s been about that long, I’ll wake you up.”

“Or if I get a page.”

“Or if you get paged.”

“Okay.” 

Teddy moved to get more comfortable on the half comfortable bed, and carefully curled into her wife’s side,

“I guess,” she yawned, “I am kind of tired.”

Her head nuzzled Cristina’s right shoulder, and she leaned on it as she fell asleep.

~~

“Cristina Nari!”

“Hi Umma.”

Cristina’s Stepfather, Saul Rubenstein, and mother, Helen, showed up 2 hours after Teddy left to get back to her patients.

If there were more flights they’d have been there much sooner.

“How are you feeling Ziskeit?”

“I’m okay, Aba. You guys didn’t have to come.”

“Your wife said you were in a car accident, of course we had to come! Is a mother not allowed to worry about her daughter?”

“Speaking of your wife, is she working today? I assumed she would be here.”

“Yes, actually, let me…”

“It’s so dark, you need some light in here.”

“Call her... I don’t- know where my cellphone is. Aba, would you mind if I used yours?”

“Of course!”

“Thanks.”

“Umma the lights are off on purpose.”

Cristina used her free hand to dial the number she’d memorized so well. Waiting as it rang a few times.

Teddy must be in surgery.

“Dr. Altman-Yang speaking.”

“Teddy. Parents. Here.”

“Cristina?”

“Yes.” The brunette whispered sharply, “where are you? You said you’d be here.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Emergent surgery I-, it shouldn’t be much longer. I promise the second I’m finished I’ll be right over.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too. (Oh, quit looking at me like that Aver-)”

Cristina hung up, smiling to herself, and passed the phone back to her stepdad,

“She’s in surgery. She’s going to be done soon.”

Her mom gave her a disapproving look,

“So, you talk on the phone during heart surgery? Very irresponsible Cristina.”

Cristina’s face instantly fell, her mood shifting,

“It’s not like she’s picking up the phone. The OR nurses do that. They hold the phone so that the surgery doesn’t get interrupted. It could be urgent; they have to answer pages and calls.”

“Is there anything we can get you Metukà?”

“… chocolate pudding would be nice. The pudding here is kosher.”

“Helen, would you mind going to see if you can find us some pudding? You’ve been her before, so you’d know better than me where everything is.”

Helen sighed, but set her coat down and silently left, giving her daughter a quick once over.

“She’s just worried.” Said Saul, coming over to her left and sitting down in the chair Meredith had been taking up in her free time.

“Yeah? she has a really interesting way of showing it.” Cristina grumbled.

Saul gave her a sympathetic look.

Suddenly, he perked up,

“Oh! I brought you something.”

He put what looked to be a tote bag in his lap, and pulled out an old, 1980 Mighty Star brand Scooby Doo stuffed animal.

Cristina’s face lit up, her free hand already wiggling with excitement.

She smiled giddily,

“My Scooby.” 

“I grabbed him on our way out. Thought you’d like some comfort.”

Saul handed the stuffy to her, watching with fatherly adoration as she snuggled right into his fur and gripped him tightly in her good hand.

“Thank you, Aba. I missed him.”

~~

Teddy speed walked towards Cristina’s room. 

The surgery went on for another two hours after Cristina had called her. She hadn’t wanted to take any longer than she had to, so she was speed walking as fast as she could through the halls, until finally she made it to the door of her wife’s room.

“Hey. Sorry about that, I had an unexpected emergency surgery.” Teddy came over to Cristina’s right side, smoothed her hair out where some of it had stuck out of the braids, and gave her a kiss on the top of her head,

“How are you feeling?”

“Mm!” 

Cristina had a tray out in front of her; her empty pudding cup was lying on it’s side on it.

She pulled her childhood stuffed animal out from underneath, where she’d been holding onto it as it sat on the pile of blankets on the bed,

“Look! Aba sheli brought my Scooby from when I was a kid.”

Teddy smiled at the bright expression on her wife’s face, a contrast to the many moments of discomfort she’d seen in the last two days,

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm.” Cristina nodded, “he was my favorite.”

“He’s adorable. How’s your arm?”

“Mm... same-same.” Cristina replied noncommittally, not looking up from her stuffy.

“And your stitches?”

“Hurts less when I don’t think about it.”

“Can I see your face?”

Cristina looked up towards her wife and Teddy inspected the cuts that adorned her face.

Cristina kept glancing at her Scooby anxiously, antsy to get back to focusing on him.

“Well, they seem to be healing okay.  It’s still a little early to tell, but, hopefully they won’t scar.”

“Is your shift over?”

“Yep. I’m all yours. Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good. Umma got me some pudding earlier.”

Teddy looked up in Cristina’s mom's direction,

“Thank you, it’s her favorite. Sorry, I’m a little all over the place today, how was your flight?”

“It was alright.” Recalled Saul, “We were a little anxious to get here.”

“I can imagine. Do you guys have somewhere to stay? Our apartment is always open to you.”

“We didn’t really think about it, we just threw some stuff in a bag and got on the first plane here.”

“Well, you can stay at our place. I can be here past visiting hours because I work here, so before the nurses come around, I’ll take you over so you guys can get settled. And then I’ll come back here, and I can pick you up tomorrow and bring you back so you can visit for longer.”

“That is very kind of you.”

“It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for her her whole life. She’s very lucky to have you both.”

“You hear that, Saul? Our daughter is lucky to have us.”

Cristina hid her face in her Scooby with a noise of displeasure,

“When can I go home?”

“Soon. Meredith said it’s only another day or two. For observation.”

“I just want to go home.”

“I know sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“Can you at least bring me my weighted blanket?”

“I wish I could, but you can’t have that extra weight on you right now. Meredith’s orders. Although I agree, it could be dangerous to your recovery.”

“Can you bring me anything?”

Her tone wasn’t accusatory or held any anger at Teddy at all, it never would unless they were in the throes of a very very rare bad argument, though her mom clearly didn’t view it that way,

“Cristina! Don’t be ungrateful.”

“I’m not, umma.” She tried to explain, but she could never explain herself properly to her mom.

“Could have fooled me.” Mrs. Reubenstein crossed her arms in the chair she was occupying.

Teddy slid her hand to the back of Cristina’s head to lightly scratch it as a gesture of support.

As nice and gracious as her mom could be and had been towards Teddy, she still had somewhat of a harder time connecting to Cristina. 

She had her whole life, and it was more so out of worry than anything else, but it still caused a rift in their relationship and as much as she loved her daughter, she could be incredibly nit-picky about some of her behaviors and how she expressed herself sometimes.

“I can bring you that U of T sweatshirt you love?”

“Anything else?”

“Some real clothes. I’m sure you’re tired of this gown.”

“Can you bring, your blue sweatpants and a tank top?”

“You got it.”

“…Teddy?”

“Yes, my love?”

“How are you going to get home?”

“Hm?”

“The cars? Yours is at the apartment, and mines, squashed on the road somewhere.”

“I’ll call a cab. And then when everything’s sorted out at the apartment, I’ll take my car back here, so that when I can finally sign you out, I can take you home in a car you’re familiar with.”

“Please be careful.”

“Okay. I don’t want you to be alone worrying while we’re gone. Alex went home, but I can probably page Meredith if you want? I want someone to be with you.”

“I’ll be fine, just hurry back. But not too fast.”

“No see, I don’t know about-"

“Teddy. I want a few minutes alone. Please. I’m so overwhelmed. I need to breathe. I want you here, but I need everyone to leave for a minute.” Cristina looked from her wife to her mom and stepdad,

“I’m sorry Aba, Umma, I’ll be better company tomorrow. I’m just so tired.”

Saul smiled at her sympathetically,

“Don’t worry about it sweet pea. Get some rest, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Saul stood, gathering his and Helen’s big, joined suitcase, and smaller tote bag, and fixing his windbreaker.

Helen got up and walked towards her daughter, carefully putting her hands on either side of her face and resting her forehead against hers. 

Cristina’s eyes closed as she did so, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Her mother had made the room tense for her. Not knowing how she was feeling or how she saw this whole situation made her have an uneasy, sick feeling in her stomach.

Her mom had never wanted her to drive. As much as she insisted on her having that independence and learning a valuable skill, she was always greatly concerned that other kids at her high school would take advantage of her if they found out she had a license.

It was crap because she’d have to have any desire to interact with those people for them to be able to, what? Get her to drive them around for free? In their neck of the woods? Ha!

That’s about as likely as another Elevator surgery in a black out.

Her mom hated it even more when she decided on a motorcycle as her mode of transportation.

Cristina argued that it couldn’t carry more than two people, and she didn’t like to be touched anyway, so really it was just a one-person vehicle, and no one could take advantage of her having a car.

Her mom thought it was a death trap on wheels, a point which Cristina couldn’t argue too much after working at Seattle Grace Mercy Death for long enough.

It’s why she sold her motorcycle and got a car instead.

Now she doesn’t know if she’ll ever want to drive again.

Helen and Cristina pulled away.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Asked Teddy.

She was worried, and Cristina thought it was sweet. She’d never been with someone who cared so much.

“Yes. Please go. And, if you have time, could you bring me back something I’ll actually eat besides pudding? I’m starving.”

“I can do that. Anything in particular?”

“I don’t know. You know what I like.”

“Okay. Why don’t I go change out of these scrubs really quick, and you two can wait in the lobby, and then we can get out of here.” Teddy smiled brightly at her sort of In-laws.

Teddy loved having In-laws. Cristina knew she did because they’d arrived in town a few days before their wedding, and Teddy insisted they host another game night, because the one Cristina put together was such a hit.

Teddy had kept the games going for as long as she could before Meredith had to convince her it was time for everyone to leave and head to bed.

Maid of honor duties are complete crap. A gimmick to get your best friend to do bullshit you don’t want to do.

Cristina had thought it was adorable.

Teddy didn’t have any biological family anymore, so she’d really been going above and beyond to keep in the good graces of the in-laws she’d acquired.

(Not that she had to. They’d grown to like her very quickly.)

Teddy leaned down to kiss Cristina’s temple for a long moment, lead her parents out of the room, and like a flash they were gone past the window and out of sight.

As soon as everyone was gone, she broke down crying. 

Holding onto her Scooby and burying her face in it, she let out all of the emotion she was holding in.

The one cop, Styles, kept asking her questions as if he was trying to get some truth out of her that just wasn’t there, because she had been cooperative and honest the entire time, up until she had to force them to stop asking questions and leave. 

And fuck her abdomen hurt like hell.

It wasn’t anything concerning, it’s just that the pain killers had worn off earlier and she didn’t have it in her to tell Teddy and delay her already hectic day.

She was tired and her arm throbbed, and she hated having a part of it lodged in a cast. She would prefer it be ripped off.

It wasn’t too annoying it was just an awkward weight and a different temperature to the rest of her body because the cast kept it just slightly too warm, and she’s sure it would be sweaty and gross once she finally got it off.

It made her want to throw up.

~~

“Alright, so. I’ve got sweatpants, my blue ones, a tank top, I brought the sweatshirt anyway because I figured you’d want it, and then a blanket from home so you’re more comfortable, and some chicken tenders from Joe’s.”

The door to the room was now shut, giving the couple some semblance of privacy.

By the time Teddy got back, now in a sweats outfit and carrying a bag full of stuff, Cristina had for the most part been cried out.

She was spent and just wanted to eat something and curl up with her wife.

She smiled a soft smile at Teddy,

“Thank you.”

Teddy set her bag in a chair and came over to press a kiss into her hair.

“I also brought your toothbrush.”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Cristina joked.

“No, you dork.” Teddy smiled.

“I do feel gross not brushing my teeth.”

“I’ll help you in the bathroom in a few. Do you wanna get changed and eat first?”

“Please.”

Wordlessly, Teddy moved the bed tray out of the way and gently moved the blankets.

As she lifted up the hospital gown, got to see Cristina’s stitches for the first time, her unseen bruises, Teddy held back tears.

She slowly, as gently as possible, glided her hand across the sewn-up skin.

She traced the bruising with her fingers as if she was in a trance, unaware of her wife’s eyes on her.

“Uh, Teddy? Unless it’s worse than I thought-"

“Huh? Oh. Sorry. No, it’s not- I mean it’s not great, but not worse.”

“Can you... I’m kind of exposed here.”

“Yes. Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.” Replied Cristina, gently.

“Right. Sor-... right.”

Teddy reached into her bag and pulled out the clothes she brought.

Tenderly, she lifted Cristina’s legs, helping her into the sweatpants one leg at a time, before helping her lift herself up high enough to slide the pants the rest of the way up.

It was tricky with one hand, but she managed to make it work while holding her wife carefully around her middle.

Cristina only had one arm to hold herself up, so she wrapped it around Teddy’s shoulders so that she would have an easier time holding her in place.

Once she carefully set her down, the blonde moved on to her shirt. 

Rather than make her lift her arms up, Teddy untied the back of the gown, then slowly maneuvered the left sleeve around Cristina’s cast. 

It was wide enough to go around it without much issue, though Teddy wanted to be careful not to bump the cast accidentally.

She put the tank top over her head and lifted each of her arms individually as she placed them into the arm holes.

Even more carefully, Teddy pulled down the shirt over Cristina’s stomach.

She winced as the fabric slid across her stitches.

“Sorry.”

“You didn’t- I’m just sore.”

“Did they give you more painkillers?”

“…I didn’t ask.”

“What.” Teddy responded softly.

“I was gonna tell you, when they wore off, but you were so busy, and you seemed out of it. I didn’t want to bother you with it. Which I know is stupid but- you’ve done so much and you’re already taking care of me enough.”

“Cris, oh god. You need to tell me if you’re in pain, honey. You’re my number one priority, okay? I’m going to take care of you, you’re my wife and the love of my life.”

“But I-"

“Cristina. You were in a car accident. You were hurt and you had to have surgery. You’re not going to be able to do all these things yourself.”

“…”

“I know it’s difficult, I can’t imagine how difficult but, I’m gonna be here, every step of the way. I’m not going to let you do this alone. Just like how you’ve taken care of me since the lockdown.”

“I didn’t think you-"

“Didn’t think I noticed?”

Cristina nodded hesitantly.

“Honey, you’ve done so much for me. The movies and the ice cream and the game night with our friends playing scrabble. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, I see and appreciate everything you’ve done. You take care of me, so let me take care of you.”

“… Okay. I still hate that you have to.”

“I know. Bailey told me all about how much you hate being a patient.” Teddy smirked.

A small smile slowly made its way onto Cristina’s face.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

Teddy moved the tray back and set the boxed-up food on it. When she opened it, it was still warm.

“You’re sharing those fries.”

“Go ahead.” Cristina pointed at the box, a fry already in her hand.

Teddy pulled the nearest chair up to the edge of the bed and reached for a fry.

She said something to make Cristina laugh, and the tension broke like clippers to an unruly plant in a garden.

Conversation became as easy as it’s ever been, and for a minute, Cristina almost forgot she was ever in an accident. Her safe space had been rebuilt just as quickly as it had been punctured. 

Like an open wound sealed with plaster.

After a while of talking and eating, Teddy helped Cristina out of bed.

It was her first time standing and walking since the accident, and Teddy had asked if she wanted her to get a wheelchair, but she wanted to be up and moving.

Cristina held her IV pole, while Teddy held onto her under her arms, careful to avoid her bruises as she helped her to the adjoining bathroom in the room.

It was slow and uneasy, but eventually they made it to the sink. 

Cristina held onto the sink with her good hand as Teddy let go, making quick work of getting toothpaste on her toothbrush for her.

She wrapped her arm around Cristina’s middle as she handed over the toothbrush so that she could hold her up.

It took longer than Cristina liked since she had to keep leaning her arm on the counter to take breaks, because holding it up was exhausting.

She became frustrated, wanted to throw her toothbrush into the sink.

She did.

“Want me to help with that?”

“No. I can do it myself. I-god. This is stupid!”

Cristina sighed intensely, her frustration mounting even more,

“Just- take me back to bed.”

“Cris-“

“Please.”

“...Okay. Spit the rest of the toothpaste out first, please.”

Cristina did as she was told, put her hand on the counter for support, and leaned her head down.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“I know.”

“I’m mad at myself. I can brush my teeth.”

“I know you can.”

“I want to go home.”

“You will soon, my love.”

“I hate this. I hate it.”

Teddy looked on, not quite knowing how to help, but wanting so desperately to ease the pain even just a small amount.

Cristina’s voice softened just barely,

“Don’t let go.”

Hold onto me, don’t drop me. Don’t leave me. I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now.

“I won’t.”

(I’ve got you. I’m your anchor. I won’t let you float away.)

—

The next day

“Hey, um, sorry, some… people, friends really, wanted to bring some stuff by. Get well soon stuff.”

“Okay. She’s still asleep,” Teddy half whispered, “but yeah, they can come in.”

“They tried to decorate her cubby, but I told them she wouldn’t see it, so they insisted on bringing it here. Sorry if it’s overwhelming.” Meredith scrunched her eyes and mouth in apology.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. That’s very nice.”

Meredith turned around in the doorway and gestured over to the people in the hallway,

“Alright, come on. But don’t stand around too long, Cristina’s asleep and I’m sure they’re both exhausted.”

Teddy was in the bed, Cristina to her left, knocked out in a peaceful sleep from the pain meds and pure exhaustion. She was curled into her wife’s side as much as she could be. 

Her casted arm was unceremoniously sprawled across Teddy’s lap; the only issue was that she was half laying on the side that her stitches were on.

One by one, everyone filed into the room.

Callie and Arizona, Lexie, Alex, Bailey, April, Owen, Jackson, Derek, and even Mark, we’re all there.

Each one had an armful of various items and cards.

Callie and Arizona brought Cristina’s favorite snack that Callie had remembered her having at their apartment on the regular, and a “get well soon” Tenderheart care-bear (Arizona’s edition once Callie had mentioned that Cristina loved care-bears, something she found out on accident whilst living with her, and was sworn to secrecy about).

Lexie brought movies to keep her entertained while she was recovering.

Alex brought her his favorite snack, which he would often share with her, a cool Care-Bears themed balloon, and a stuffed cow wearing a shirt that says “this is bull-shirt” (a play on bullshit).

Bailey brought a card and an array of blue flowers (Cristina’s favorite color).

April brought flowers and a stuffed pig, because she grew up on a farm and thought farm animal stuffed animals were cute gifts. She included a little note that she hole punched in the corner and tied around the neck of the pig with a blue curling ribbon.

Owen brought rainbow flowers, each section in the vase a different color of the rainbow, and an anatomical heart shaped foam stress ball, for when she gets her cast off and has to get strength back in her arm.

Jackson brought a card, a Scooby Doo “get well soon” balloon, and “the coolest movie she’ll ever see”, Scooby Doo Zombie Island, because he found out at the Altman-Yang wedding that Cristina loved Scooby Doo. 

Derek brought her a first edition of one of her favorite Cardio books, as well as writing a note on the inside for her.

Mark brought her a gag gift and a real one. The gag gift was one of those pens where the bikini falls off the girl when you turn it upside down. The real gift was a giant stuffed bear holding a get well soon heart.

Like, the biggest bear he could find. Seriously, it was massive.

“this is all very thoughtful guys. Thank you. I know when she wakes up she’ll love it. All of her favorite things from all of her friends.”

“How is she?” Asked Arizona.

“She’s doing okay. I think she’s a bit frustrated, but, her body’s been through a lot and it’s recovering. It's going to take a while to get all of her strength and everything back.”

“Is there anything you guys need?”

“Yeah,” Jackson interjected, “how can we help?”

There was a symphony of other responses in the same vein that followed.

“I think we’re okay. But thank you guys, seriously, this is all so sweet. She’s going to be so happy when she wakes up.”

Eventually everyone left, but Meredith hung back, standing tentatively in the doorway,

“Alright, what is it?”

“What?”

“Something’s up with you. and don’t say it’s nothing because that’s my best friend and I was her doctor so if somethings going on with her, I need to know.”

“It’s nothing, really. She’s just… having a hard time realizing there’s things she can’t do like normal right now. And, I don’t know how to help. I wasn’t in the accident, I don’t know how it feels, or how she’s really feeling. I just know that it’s hard and I want to make it better but I can’t.”

“It’s not about making it better, you can’t fix what happened or make it go away. What you’re doing? Being here and being a person she can lean on for support, loving her and taking care of her? That’s what she needs. You’re doing fine Teddy.”

Teddy looked down at Cristina, who had leaned into her entirely. Her body draped around Teddy, trapping her in place (not that she was complaining).

“I have to go. I’ll be back later.”

“Her mom and stepdad are staying at our apartment, I have to go pick them up soon. Can I page you in a while so that she has company while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, page me when you’re getting ready to leave.”

“Thanks. Meredith? Can she, I mean do you think she’ll be able to be discharged soon?”

“.. It depends on how her stitches are healing. We’ll want to make sure there aren’t any concerns. But I don’t see why not. If she’s doing well enough, we’ll shoot for tomorrow, end of the day. Most likely It’ll be the next day. I know she’s eager to get home, but I don’t want to push it and risk anything.”

“Of course not. Her recovery is the most important thing.”

“I’ll see you later.” 

Meredith turned to leave.

“Meredith.” Meredith froze, not turning around. “She’s here. She pulled through. It’s okay, everything's okay now. Or-, it will be.”

Meredith let out an audible sigh, her voice becoming shaky, though she tried to mask it,

“My best friend almost died. My soulmate, my person. I operated on her. It was on me if she died. I get it now, why they don’t want you to operate on family members. I could have killed her by being too emotionally involved. It would have been my fault. If you lost her, if Helen and Saul lost their kid. If Alex lost his sister. And I put it on myself. I didn’t think I just acted. I wasn’t Meredith anymore, I was Dr. Grey.”

“I’m not upset at you for doing that. I’m not upset at you for being Dr. Grey. If she had died it wouldn’t have been your fault. No one would have blamed you. I wouldn’t have blamed you. She was very lucky and it was because of you, but it wasn’t all because of you. Any surgeon could’ve saved her or lost her. Honestly, I don’t know who else I would’ve trusted to operate, so, I’m glad it was you.”

Meredith gave a sharp nod and walked out of the room.

~~

About thirty minutes later, Teddy decided she needed to get up so she could go get Cristina’s parents.

The brunette was still sleeping, so peacefully that Teddy felt badly for having to wake her.

Gently, she ran her hand over her head, smoothing the bits of hair sticking out of the braids Cristina still had in, and started coaxing her awake.

“Cris? It’s time to wake up babe.” 

Cristina slowly started to stir.

“Some people brought by some ‘get well soon’ gifts.”

“Hm?”

“Arizona and Callie brought you a care bear. Bailey, Alex, Jackson, Lexie, April, Owen and Derek all brought you things, hell even Mark Sloan brought you a giant teddy bear.”

“Mm, that’s nice. They didn’t have to.”

“They wanted to. They all care about you, and they’re all so glad you’re okay.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Alex was so excited to show you what he brought you. Look.”

Cristina lifted her head,

“This is all… for me?”

“Yeah, they all love you.”

“But.. I’m… really?”

“Mhm, the rainbow flowers are from Owen, and Bailey brought the blue ones. We can look through all of it once you’re more awake. I have to go get your parents from the apartment, so we can do all of that once I get back. Sound good?”

“Mm, nooo. Stay.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

“Whhyyy?”

“Because I want your mom to like me.”

“She already likes you more than me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Mhm! At our wedding, she couldn’t stop talking about you. ‘She’s so polite’ ‘she’s so kind’, which is all true, but then she looked at me and told me to sit up straighter.”

Teddy gave her wife a kiss on her forehead,

“How’s your arm feeling?”

“Like an arm that’s broken.”

“Yeah, broken limbs will do that. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t break it.”

“I know. I’m sorry because you feel like crap and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“This is helping.”

“What?”

“Cuddling.”

“Oh, well there can definitely be more of this when I get back.”

“Or you could stay.”

“I’m not leaving your mom and stepdad stranded at our apartment waiting for me to pick them up. Besides, I have to change. I’m still in my clothes I wore here two days ago.”

“Why? You look beautiful.”

Teddy laid her hand on the top of Cristina’s head,

“That’s very sweet, but I didn’t get the chance to shower after my shift either, I’m sure I’m all gross.”

“I don’t care. I haven’t showered in days. I’ve got, blood and other crap in my hair, and I probably smell like an OR.”

“So we match then.” Teddy offered a comforting smile, one that always made Cristina feel warm.

She returned it, giving Teddy a smaller, yet not less meaningful, smile of her own.

“How about I bring back some shampoo and we can try and wash your hair in the sink?”

“That sounds nice.” Cristina sighed, wistfully, “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Cris. So much. Sorry I haven’t had time to get you flowers or something. Truthfully, I wasn’t even thinking about it until everyone came in this morning.”

“I don’t care about flowers. You’re here. Plus, you got me chicken tenders. I love chicken tenders.”

“Oh stop, that doesn’t count. I can get you chicken tenders whenever you want. I got you chicken tenders like two weeks ago.”

“Theodora, I got to marry you last week, and you got frickin’ Korean heart flowers as centerpieces because I said I liked them. They’re in our-, windowsill. They’re on our rings. You really don’t have to get me more flowers, or anything else. I have your flowers with me all the time. And they’re the best flowers I’ll ever get.”

“God don’t make me cry.” 

Cristina’s entire face became soft, her voice was so gentle,

“Sorry.” She said.

Teddy tenderly put a hand on Cristina’s face,

“Thanks for marrying me.”

Cristina nuzzled her hand, something that had been missing from the last few days that Teddy had just now realized was weighing on her, the absence like looking at missing dog posters. 

Feeling a loss but not being able to connect it. 

“Thanks for asking.”

“Mm anytime. Okay I really do have to go now. I can be back in an hour if I leave now.”

“An hour!?”

“Honey, I have to shower and change, and I was gonna get you breakfast.”

“Oh. Well. That’s nice of you.”

“So you’ll let me go?”

“I’m warming up to the idea.”

“Cris. I’d love nothing more than to stay here and curl up with you, and I will for the rest of the day, I promise, but your mom and stepdad came from California after they were just here last week, because they care about you.”

“I know... I’m stalling. You can go, but I want pancakes!”

“How do you know I wasn’t already planning on getting you some? Goofball.”

“You know me so well.”

“Like the back of my hand. Come on, time to get up.”

“But you’re so comfy.”

“You shouldn’t be laying on your stitches.”

Cristina, having to admit it was sort of uncomfortable having been on that side all night, sat up slowly, her- well, everything, sore.

She winced as she attempted to get her body in a half decent upright position,

“Ow. This bed is so uncomfortable.”

“What can I do?”

Cristina attempted to put a mischievous smile on her face, though it was twisted in pain,

“A kiss might make it better. If you’re gonna abandon me.”

“I’m not abandoning you.” Teddy rolled her eyes fondly, leaning over to leave a sweet kiss on her wife’s lips,

“Oh speaking of... do you want to try brushing your teeth again before I go?”

Cristina’s face dropped, and she averted her eyes.

“You don’t have to, but you should keep trying. It’s good to work the strength back up in your arms, and standing even with me holding you up is good for getting you back to where you were before.”

Where? On the floor of an OR? Wide awake in the middle of the night because I can’t stop having nightmares about my wife dying? Trying to save you but I can’t run, and I can’t- move... Just like when I was stuck to the floor after I fell over while we were operating, just like when that gun was pointed at your head and then mine and Jackson’s? 

“And if you maybe wanted to talk to me about how you're doing, emotionally, with everything, while no one else is here?”

“I don’t wanna talk about that right now Teddy.”

“And that’s fine, but I need you to know it’s okay to talk about it, whenever you do want to. I won’t get upset if you need to get something out that you're holding in to try and spare my feelings. I won’t take you yelling or crying or talking at me as if you're really mad at me. Because I know it’s not about me.”

“What do you want me to talk about? How I almost botched heart surgery because I have PTSD? How everybody else seems to just be fine but I feel like I’m having an emotional break down at least once a day? Or- How all of this work will get me back to being an adult woman who CAN, brush her teeth and stand on her own. I can’t- do it anymore Teddy. I thought I could have a break, but it turns out I’m not allowed to have a second of peace.”

Teddy’s face morphed into an expression of full concern, her tone was careful, and she spoke as gently as she could,

“What do you mean you can’t do it anymore?”

“Don’t you have to go?” Cristina deflected.

“No, talk to me.”

“But my parents-”

“Can wait.”

Teddy looked at Cristina expectantly, but not accusatory. There was nothing but care and concern in her features.

They stared at each other, locked in a stalemate. Teddy’s eyes peered into Cristina’s soul like they always did.

The brunette couldn’t hold it in. She broke down crying, and Teddy quickly attempted to scoop her up in her arms as much and as carefully as she could.

“NO.” Cristina resisted the hold, pushing back and fighting futilely against Teddy.

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

A flinch back from one of them caused the stack of DVDs on the side table to fall to the floor with a loud clatter, followed by Alex’s silly cow stuffed animal.

Cristina automatically put her hands up to cover her ears, crying out in pain as she moved her broken arm too fast.

Teddy’s voice became as soft and quiet as she could get it where she could still be heard. She did her best in the slightly cramped bed to give Cristina a comfortable distance between them,

“Please talk to me, my love.”

Cristina attempted to calm herself down before speaking, her words still coming out in a bit of a babbly mess from crying,

“It’s not okay.”

“What’s not okay?”

“Nothing is okay! I tried... I tried to fix it. I tried to take time off. And I’m being punished for choosing myself over work! I’m glad I’m alive, I am. I’m so afraid of dying. I don’t want to die until I’m all old and gray. But why… what did I do to deser- to deserve this? I’m so tired Teddy, I’m so tired and I just want it to stop. I want it all to stop. I just want to go home and lay in bed and take a break and not think about work or how much pain I’m in.”

Teddy’s softened into something knowing and homey,

“Touch okay?”

“Not right now, please.”

“No problem.”

“Headphones?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t bring any. I Might have some earplugs in my lab coat, but it’s in my cubby.”

“Can you... bring some?”

“Of course I can. I’m going to call your mom and let her know I won’t be picking them up for a while, I’ll go get those for you while I talk to her. Is that okay? If I leave for a few minutes?”

“How long?”

“Hmm... It should take me seven minutes if I speed walk. Ten at the most.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want your Scooby?”

Cristina didn’t look at her, instead her eyes scanned the room as she rubbed the sleeve of the UT sweatshirt that had been in her lap against her lips in a comforting manner,

“Mhm.”

Teddy moved where the blanket she’d brought from home was tangled between them and pulled out the Scooby doo plush that was wrapped up inside.

As soon as she handed it to her wife, Cristina dropped the sleeve in her hands and switched it for the stuffed dog, the smooth fur of the plush a soothing feeling for her.

Teddy hopped out of the bed, careful not to jostle it too much.

Her shoes were on the floor haphazardly, as she’d toed them off last night, and her pager and cell phone were in the chair on her side of the bed.

She gathered everything up, sliding the shoes on without untying them, and then moved towards the door to leave.

“Teddy?” A really quiet, hoarse voice could be heard from the other side of the room.

The blonde turned around; a question written all over her face.

Cristina pointed at herself; the motion dragged out a beat and then pointed at Teddy.

Her wife smiled, repeating the motion back.

Me and you.

I love you. 

(I love you too.)