Chapter 4
The motorcycle slowed to a stop in front of Stacey’s house, its engine humming quietly in the stillness of the night. Jhoanna turned the ignition off and pulled off her helmet, setting it on her lap as she looked up at Stacey’s familiar front porch. Stacey unbuckled her own helmet and slid it off, shaking out her hair before glancing at Jhoanna with a small smile.
Jhoanna hesitated, gripping the handlebars of the motorcycle. She didn’t want the night to end, but she knew she couldn’t keep Stacey here forever. Her chest felt heavy, and before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "Tuloy tayo bukas?"
She already knew the answer. But Jhoanna asked anyway, her voice betraying none of the turmoil inside her.
"Sorry Jho, nakalimutan ko. Niyaya kasi ako ni Gino nung isang araw sa kanila, birthday ng mom niya,” she said casually.
Jhoanna forced a small smile, even though the words stung. “Oh. Meet the family na?” she asked, trying to keep her tone light and curious, as if the answer didn’t matter.
Stacey shrugged, leaning back slightly on the seat. “Di ko alam dun,” she admitted. “Sana nga hindi eh, though. I mean, it hasn’t even been a month since we met. It feels too soon for all that.”
Jhoanna nodded, her heart aching even more. Stacey’s words were a small relief—at least she wasn’t diving headfirst into something serious with Gino. But the pain of losing their Sunday tradition was still there. Sundays used to be their day. They’d spend hours on the couch, watching movies and eating snacks, talking about anything and everything. It was their ritual, their comfort.
But now, everything was changing. New people, new routines, new priorities. Jhoanna could feel it slipping away, and she hated it.
Stacey must have noticed the shift in Jhoanna’s expression because she placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Hey,” she said softly, her voice tinged with concern. “Alam ko namang malulungkot ka dahil hindi tayo magkikita bukas, hays,” She smiled playfully, trying to lighten the mood. “Pero papa-miss muna ako kahit isang araw lang.”
Jhoanna chuckled weakly, but her heart wasn’t in it. She nodded, pretending to go along with Stacey’s teasing. “Yeah, maybe I’ll miss you a little,” she said, her voice quieter than usual.
The two fell into a brief silence, the kind that felt heavy with unspoken words. Jhoanna stared down at the handlebars, her mind racing. She wanted to say something—anything—but the words wouldn’t come. Finally, she took a deep breath and asked,
“Do you like Gino?”
The question hung in the air between them, and Stacey turned to look at Jhoanna, her eyes searching her face. The moonlight illuminated Jhoanna’s features, and for a moment, Stacey thought she saw something vulnerable in her expression—something fragile and unguarded.
Their eyes met, and Stacey’s heart ached. She thought to herself, Umamin ka lang, Jhoanna—if you just tell me how you feel—I’ll let go of him. I’ll choose you. But the words she was waiting for never came. Jhoanna stayed silent, her gaze steady but unreadable.
Stacey finally looked away, her voice quiet as she answered, “I don’t see any reason not to like Gino.”
Jhoanna felt like the ground had shifted beneath her. She forced herself to smile, even though it felt like her chest was caving in. “Didn’t we agree earlier that we’d support each other?” she said, her voice wavering slightly but still managing to sound composed.
Stacey smiled faintly and nodded. “Yeah, we did.”
Before Jhoanna could say anything else, Stacey leaned over and hugged her tightly. The warmth of Stacey’s embrace was both comforting and excruciating, a bittersweet reminder of everything Jhoanna wanted but couldn’t have. Stacey pulled back and looked at her with a soft smile. “Take care on your way home, okay? Don’t forget to text me when you get there.”
Jhoanna nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I will.”
Stacey climbed off the motorcycle and stood by the gate, waving as Jhoanna started the engine. Jhoanna waved back, watching as Stacey disappeared inside her house. The moment the door closed, Jhoanna let out a shaky breath, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her chest.
As she rode home, the wind whipping against her face, Jhoanna couldn’t help but wonder what it would take for her to finally tell Stacey the truth. But for now, she could only hold on to the moments they shared, even if they were fleeting, and even if they weren’t enough.
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Jhoanna was jolted awake by the sound of a loud thud echoing through the quiet house. Her heart raced as she quickly sat up, disoriented and groggy. Realizing the noise had come from her grandmother’s room, she sprang out of bed and rushed to check.
As she pushed the door open, her breath hitched at the sight before her. Her grandmother was lying on the floor, her body convulsing in a seizure. Panic gripped Jhoanna’s chest like a vice, and for a moment, she stood frozen, her mind racing. Although she had witnessed her grandmother having seizures before, the fear never seemed to dull.
Shaking herself out of her daze, Jhoanna scrambled to her grandmother’s side. She dropped to her knees and gently turned her grandmother onto her side, remembering to keep her airway clear. She frantically scanned the room, pushing aside a nearby chair and blanket to ensure there were no objects that could hurt her. Despite her efforts to stay calm, tears were streaming down her face, and her hands trembled as she stroked her grandmother’s arm.
“It’s okay, Lola,” Jhoanna whispered, her voice quivering. “I’m here. I’ll get help.”
Still frantic, she grabbed her phone and dialed Stacey’s number. Her hands were shaking so badly that it took her three tries to press the right buttons. She held the phone to her ear, willing Stacey to pick up, but it went straight to voicemail. She tried 5 times. Desperation clawed at her as she hung up and immediately dialed Colet instead.
“Hello?” Colet’s voice came through the line almost instantly.
“Colet,” Jhoanna choked out, barely able to speak through her sobs. “Help...please.”
The urgency in Jhoanna’s tone made Colet’s heart skip a beat. She didn’t need any further explanation. “I’m on my way,” Colet said firmly. “Stay with her. I’ll be there soon.”
Jhoanna dropped the phone and returned to her grandmother’s side, softly whispering words of comfort even as her tears continued to fall. Minutes felt like hours, but then she heard hurried footsteps outside. The door swung open, and Colet rushed in, her face etched with concern.
“Jhoanna, I’m here,” Colet said, kneeling beside her. She placed a steadying hand on Jhoanna’s shoulder. “Take a deep breath. I’ve got you.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Jhoanna sobbed. “I’m scared.”
“It’s okay,” Colet said soothingly. “She’ll be okay. I called my mom.”
Her mom, a doctor, promised to come over immediately.
Within minutes, Colet’s mom arrived, carrying a medical bag. She moved swiftly, kneeling by the grandmother’s side and checking her pulse, breathing, and overall condition. Her calm and professional demeanor brought a sense of stability to the chaos.
“Her vitals are stabilizing,” Colet’s mom said after a moment. “She likely had a drop in blood sugar or blood pressure. Let’s get her to the hospital for further observation, but for now, she’s going to be okay.”
Jhoanna’s legs gave out as relief washed over her. She sat on the floor, covering her face with her hands as she sobbed quietly. Colet knelt beside her, wrapping her arms around Jhoanna in a tight embrace.
“You did everything you could,” Colet said softly, stroking Jhoanna’s back. “Your Lola’s going to be fine. You were so brave.”
Jhoanna clung to Colet, her tears soaking into Colet’s shirt. “I thought I was going to lose her,” she whispered brokenly.
“But you didn’t,” Colet said firmly. “And you won’t. She’s strong, just like you.”
As Colet’s mom finished explaining the situation, Jhoanna listened intently, her heart sinking at the news. Her grandmother needed a more thorough check-up in Manila, as there might be underlying illnesses causing the seizures. The local hospital’s resources were insufficient, and an ambulance was necessary for the transfer.
“I’ll arrange for the ambulance and ensure everything is ready for her safe transfer,” Colet’s mom reassured, placing a comforting hand on Jhoanna’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jhoanna. Your grandmother is in stable condition now. It’s just important we figure out what’s going on to keep her well in the long term.”
Jhoanna nodded, her throat tightening as she fought back tears. “Thank you, Doc. I’ll...I’ll let you know when we’re ready.”
Colet’s mom gave her a kind smile. “Take your time. I’ll be on standby.” She turned to Colet, who had been silently supporting Jhoanna throughout. “Take care of her, Colet. Make sure she eats something before the trip.”
“I will, Mom,” Colet replied, her tone gentle but firm. As her mom left the room, Colet turned to Jhoanna and her grandmother. “Okay, Lola, let’s get you comfortable. I’ll order some food for us too.”
Jhoanna’s grandmother, though weak, gave a small nod, her eyes full of gratitude. Colet gently helped her back into the hospital bed, adjusting the pillows and blanket to make her more comfortable. Once she was settled, Colet turned her attention to Jhoanna.
“Gusto mo ba kumain muna? Baka gutom ka na eh,” Colet said, her eyes full of concern.
“Okay lang naman,” Jhoanna replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
“No, you’re not,” Colet said, stepping closer and pulling her into a hug. “You’ve been running on pure adrenaline. You’re such a good granddaughter, Jho. You’ve stayed by her side through everything. But you can’t take care of her if you don’t take care of yourself too.”
Jhoanna melted into the hug, her body trembling as she let out the emotions she had been holding in. “I... I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her,” she admitted, her voice breaking. “She’s all I have.”
“And you’re all she has,” Colet replied gently, pulling back to look Jhoanna in the eyes. “That’s why we’re going to make sure she gets the best care. But you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here, okay? Whatever you need, I’ve got you.”
Jhoanna nodded, wiping away her tears. “Thank you, Colet. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Good thing you don’t have to find out,” Colet said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. “Now, let me go order some food. You’re eating whether you want to or not.”
As Colet left the house, Jhoanna sat beside her grandmother, holding her frail hand. Her grandmother stirred slightly, opening her eyes to look at Jhoanna.
"Thank you, anak ko,” her grandmother whispered, her voice weak but full of warmth. “Don’t worry about me too much.”
Jhoanna blinked back tears and kissed her grandmother’s hand. “I’ll always take care of you, Lola. Just focus on getting better, okay?”
Her grandmother nodded, and Jhoanna stayed by her side until Colet returned with food. As Colet handed her a rice meal and a bottle of water, Jhoanna silently thanked her. Deep down, she felt a pang of guilt. She had always leaned on Stacey, but now it was Colet who had come through for her.
Jhoanna sighed, taking a bite of the sandwich. She realized that sometimes, help comes from the people you least expect—but it doesn’t make their kindness any less valuable.
After they ate, Colet stood up, brushing off imaginary dust from her pants. “Uh, una na ako, Jho,” she said, her tone light but her eyes filled with concern for Jhoanna. “Pero if ever, call me if anything happens—or if you just need someone to talk to, okay? I’ll come right away.”
Jhoanna nodded, her heart swelling with gratitude. “Thank you, Colet. For everything.”
Colet gave her a small smile before turning to Jhoanna’s grandmother, who was resting on the bed. “Take care, Lola. I’ll see you again soon.”
Jhoanna’s grandmother gave a warm smile, her voice soft but steady. “Thank you, hija. You’re a good friend to Jhoanna.”
Colet nodded, gave Jhoanna a final wave, and left. The room felt quieter in her absence, but the air was still heavy with the earlier emotions.
Jhoanna sat down beside her grandmother on the bed, taking her frail hand in hers. “Lola, you should rest. The doctor said you need to conserve your strength.”
Her grandmother chuckled lightly, patting Jhoanna’s hand. “I will, apo, pero kwentuhan muna tayo. Namimiss ko na eh. Come here.”
Jhoanna obliged, leaning closer as her grandmother began reminiscing. “Nalalala mo nung bata ka pa, tayong dalawa lang lagi magkasama. Your parents were always busy with work, and I had to stand in for them. I worried back then, wondering if you’d grow up lonely because of their absence.”
Jhoanna listened intently, her throat tightening at her grandmother’s words. “I never felt lonely, Lola. You’ve always been there for me.”
Her grandmother smiled, her gaze distant as she recalled the past. “I did my best to raise you well, to teach you to be kind and brave. But I thought you’d grow up shy since you only had me to talk to most of the time. Then Stacey came into your life.”
At the mention of Stacey, Jhoanna’s heart skipped a beat. Her grandmother’s smile deepened. “Nakakatawa nga. I remember how she’d tag along when we went out, di naman natin siya iniinvite, pero sumasama siya sa atin. Lagi kayong nag-aaway nun pero maya maya bati na ulit."
Jhoanna laughed softly, the memories bringing warmth to her chest. “She’s stubborn. But I guess I am too.”
Her grandmother chuckled. “You two balanced each other out. I always admired how she brought you out of your shell, how she helped you open up to the world. She’s been with you through so much, Jhoanna.”
Jhoanna’s smile faltered, her grip on her grandmother’s hand tightening. “Lola… things are different now. Stacey… she’s happy with someone else.”
Her grandmother’s expression softened, and she turned to look at Jhoanna with knowing eyes. “You love her, don’t you?”
Jhoanna’s lips parted, but no words came out. She simply nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.
Her grandmother reached out, brushing a stray tear from Jhoanna’s cheek. “Kilala kita, anak ko. You’re not the type to give up so easily. Don’t let fear hold you back. Stacey has been with you your entire life—there’s a reason for that. Sometimes, love takes time to be fully realized.”
“Pero la,” Jhoanna whispered, her voice trembling, “she’s with Gino now. I can’t come between them.”
Her grandmother shook her head gently. “I’m not telling you to interfere, but I’m telling you not to give up on what’s in your heart. Sometimes, people need to see what’s been in front of them all along.”
Jhoanna leaned into her grandmother’s embrace, tears silently streaming down her face. “Thank you, La,” she whispered.
Her grandmother kissed the top of her head. “Whatever happens, apo, I’m proud of you. Remember, you’re stronger than you think.”
As Jhoanna lay beside her grandmother, holding her close, she felt a small glimmer of hope spark within her. Though the road ahead was uncertain, she resolved to face her feelings with the courage her grandmother had always taught her to have.
As Jhoanna lay beside her grandmother that evening, her thoughts wandered to the countless memories she shared with Stacey, each one a piece of the puzzle that made their bond so unique and irreplaceable.
She thought about their childhood days, back when the world was simpler. Stacey was always her shield, stepping in whenever someone tried to bully her. Jhoanna could still hear Stacey’s voice from those days, full of conviction as she stood up for her. “Leave her alone!” Stacey would shout, her small frame trembling but never backing down. Stacey’s bravery was something Jhoanna admired deeply, and she often wondered if she’d have made it through those years without her.
Her lips curled into a smile as she remembered one particular day at the playground. Stacey had begged Jhoanna to push her on the swing. Jhoanna, reluctant to ride herself, had obliged, pushing Stacey higher and higher. “Jho! Tama na! Ang taas na, nakakainis ka!” Stacey had squealed, gripping the chains tightly, her face a mixture of terror and laughter. But Jhoanna, unable to resist teasing her, pushed a little more before bursting into laughter. Stacey had almost cried when the swing slowed down, but Jhoanna quickly hugged her tight, her laughter turning into heartfelt apologies.
As they grew older and entered elementary school, their bond only deepened. Their school was within walking distance, and every morning, Stacey would wait for Jhoanna at the corner of her street, their steps in sync as they made their way to class. Stacey was the academic star, frequently participating in quiz bees and competitions. Jhoanna took pride in helping her review, quizzing her on facts and cheering her on from the sidelines. When Stacey won, Jhoanna was the loudest to clap, her face beaming with pride.
Christmases were particularly special. Stacey and their close-knit group of friends—Mikha, Gwen, and Aiah—would gather at Jhoanna’s house for their little exchange gift tradition. Laughter filled the room as they unwrapped presents, their hearts light with the magic of the season. Jhoanna always made sure to put extra thought into Stacey’s gift, wanting to see her best friend’s eyes light up in delight.
Then there were the street food dates, simple yet cherished moments. After exams, they would head to their favorite spot, indulging in fish balls, kwek-kwek, and isaw. Stacey always scolded Jhoanna for eating too fast, worried she’d choke, but Jhoanna would just grin, challenging Stacey to a contest to see who could eat more. The teasing was endless, but it was what made their time together so much fun.
Every memory brought a fresh wave of emotion, and Jhoanna realized just how deeply Stacey had become ingrained in her life. Stacey wasn’t just a friend—she was a part of her. And as much as Jhoanna tried to push down her feelings, tonight, she couldn’t ignore them anymore. She didn’t want to let Stacey slip away.
Her decision was clear. Tomorrow, she would tell Stacey how she truly felt. It terrified her to think of what might happen, but she was ready. Whether Stacey accepted her feelings or not, Jhoanna knew she had to take the leap. Stacey had always taught her to be brave, and now, she would honor that lesson.