The Day Before
Regulus was sitting in the backseat of the car, lazily scribbling into his notebook, attempting to tune out the blaring of Sirius’ music. Sirius sat in the front seat as he absent-mindedly tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, humming.
It wasn’t long until they could hear the front door of James’ house slam shut. The noise drew Regulus’ attention out his window as his notebook snapped shut. His eyes were trained on the boy—messy hair, glasses reflecting the early morning light, tanned skin, perfect teeth—as he made his way to the car.
Regulus Black envied James Potter. He envied everything about him.
He was effortlessly perfect—flawless in a way Regulus could never be. James had everything: the popularity, the friends, the girlfriend—Sirius.
That’s the one thing Regulus hated the most. James had Sirius. Regulus envied that with his whole body. He hated James for it. Regulus wanted to have the brother Sirius was to James. He wanted to be seen as more than an obligation. He wanted Sirius to stop treating him like a child, but he knew that would never happen, Sirius was too stubborn.
Regulus Black hated his brother. Hated his chaos, his awful taste in music, the way he never thought about consequences, his confidence—he hated it all. He thought his brother was an idiot. Sirius Black was the biggest idiot he had ever known.
Sirius Black hated his brother too. Hated his silence, his stubbornness, the way he sucked up to their parents, and how he let every authority figure walk all over him. To Sirius, Regulus was nothing more than a stupid child.
It didn’t matter to him that Regulus was 17—he was still a child to Sirius. A kid who needed protecting. And Sirius always protected him. He took the blame for every mistake, the punishment for every wrong. He let himself be the disappointment so Regulus could be the golden child. So their parents didn’t destroy Regulus the way they did Sirius.
But Sirius envied him too. He envied the way their parents saw no flaw in Regulus. Envied the “love” he got—if you could even call it that.
There was hardly any room in Walburga and Orion Black’s hearts for love. They saw it as a weakness—something petty and soft. Yet they spent all their time doting on Regulus.
Their perfect little boy.
Regulus hated it. Sirius envied it.
They were two sides of the same coin—never understanding one another, and yet, somehow, understanding completely.
James never understood the dynamic between them.
It confused him—how two people could be so alike yet so different. How they could hate each other, and yet, still love each other.
James never had siblings. He was an only child. The closest thing James ever got to a brother during his childhood was Peter, and even then, it was never the same. They didn’t share blood. They didn’t share pain.
James never felt like he wasn’t enough. Never had to fight for attention. He didn’t know what it was like to be hated by someone who was supposed to love you.
But he had heard plenty about it from Sirius.
Sirius Black never cried—not unless it was in front of James.
James had heard it all: the scoldings, the punishments, the envy. The silence between the two brothers who never seemed to get it right.
Sirius confided in James like a brother.
To Sirius, James was his brother.
James didn’t talk to Regulus much, but he tried. James wanted to be friends with him—wanted to build a connection the way he did with Sirius. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t break through.
Regulus wanted nothing—yet everything—to do with James Potter. He couldn’t decide if he outright hated him or envied him more. Regulus wanted everything James had. But most of all he wanted his attention. Regulus wanted James to look at him the same way he did Sirius. Maybe even the way he looked at Lily.
James slung the door to the passenger’s seat open and got in, his backpack sitting between his feet. “Mornin’ Padfoot.” He smiled patting Sirius on the shoulder.
Sirius sent him a lazy smirk, “You’re late. That’s new.”
James shrugged, unfazed. “Couldn’t find my glasses, got knocked under my bed last this morning.”
The two drifted into their own conversation effortlessly, in a rhythm that Regulus was never able to find with either one of them. It was like a language he could barely speak—familiar, yet always out of reach.
James turned back to face him reaching around his seat to pat Regulus’ knee. “Morning, Regulus.” He said brightly, smiling.
Regulus nodded once, silent. He could feel his face growing in temperature.
James patting his knee once more before turning back to the front. Sirius looked at Regulus through the review mirror, not bothering to comment on his lack of response. He cranked up the music and looked up at the road as he pulled away from the curb.
Regulus looked out his window, watching the houses blur into gas stations and old run down shops. He could still hear them in the front—laughing, making fun of Peter for always forgetting something when he packs, making bets of what it’ll be this time around.
They didn’t need him.
They never did.
—
The school day went by in a blur. So did soccer practice. Regulus wasn’t even apart of the team, was just forced to sit and watch with stupid Pettigrew since Sirius was his only ride home. The boys practices were the same time as the girls, the field split between the two teams and then they went against one another during scrimmages.
Regulus didn’t want to go to Nationals with them, but his friends insisted, saying they didn’t want to be left alone with his brother and his cocky friends. So he agreed.
Regulus glanced up and watched practice every now and then, most of the time it grossed him out—the sweat and the dirt—but it was different when it came to James. Something about him covered in sweat and dirt make something in Regulus’ stomach flip.
When practice came to an end, James jogged up to Lily and placed a big kiss to her cheek, causing the girl to burst into a fit of giggles and push him off of her. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked back to his notebook, busying himself until Sirius called him to go.
One week stuck in a hotel with his brother and his friends. One week of having to see James all over Lily. One week of being forced to sit and watch a sport he didn’t even like—nor understand.
He couldn’t wait for next week to be over already. He couldn’t wait until June when all of them would graduate and go off to college and Regulus wouldn’t have to see any of them again. He couldn’t wait.