The Lady of (New) Avalon

Wait, Aster was going to skip over this? This is very important shite! What kind of memoir just glosses over the sex scenes? (The classy kind, Evans! And it's not a bloody memoir! —Aster) Seriously, though, things are about to get dark. And we didn't have the slightest hint of it. Even if there had been clues, some way to know, we didn't realise it, too wrapped up in each other to notice. (And Aster is full of shite, this is definitely a memoir!)

Lily woke slowly most mornings, at least when she didn't have an alarm set and places to be. Consciousness crept up on her, as she gradually became aware of the warmth and softness of her bed, how very comfortable she was and how little she wanted to move. On this particular morning, she was also aware of warm, smooth skin pressed against her own, and the smell of sweat and sex and Aster's hair-care potion — lemongrass and orange oil and honey (she loved that scent) — and a bruised but satisfied ache between her legs...

And, as her mind meandered closer to true wakefulness, stinging lines of fingernail scratches all down her back, the stiffness of bite-marks on her shoulders and neck, and the tenderness of sorely abused nipples.

Also, she kind of needed to pee.

Aster, on the other hand, woke almost instantly, startled into consciousness by Lily's attempt to disentangle herself from her with a suddenness that was absolutely unpleasant to experience. She hadn't realised that she was kind of straying into her sister's mind until that exact moment, adrenaline flooding through her like being hit with a bloody ennervate, the heavy lethargy of comfort and sleep replaced with tension and the need to stretch, her heart racing (though it calmed quickly as she realised where she was), acutely aware of all the marks Lily had left on her, the texture of the sheets against every inch of her skin, gravity pressing her down into the mattress and the warmth of Nyx curled up at her lower back, dozens of impressions of the various magics surrounding them — the sheets and curtains were enchanted, and she could feel the bond between Lily and Nyx, and Lily using legilimency, and beyond that the enchantments that she'd worked into the curtain-walls, and Hogwarts, its wards fuzzy behind the curtains but their energy emanating clearly from the floor and ceiling, the air itself suddenly thicker, somehow — even before she opened her eyes.

And happiness.

Aster was happy. Comfortable. A little amused by the fact that Lily was still so very overwhelmed by her perception of the world, and—

God, did it always feel that good to stretch as Aster? Muscles tensing and twisting as she pointed her toes, arched her back, and then relaxed, stiffness vanishing in a wave of near-orgasmic pleasure—

She sniggered slightly, pushing Lily's consciousness away from hers enough to focus on something other than how intensely, overwhelmingly physical a person her sister was.

Because it was overwhelming to eavesdrop on Aster. That was what Thom and Sev called it, using someone else's senses — or rather, being aware of the most immediate level of their awareness, including sensory input. They'd spent the better part of Saturday teaching her the very basics of legilimency, since she'd sort of...

Well, it was kind of hard to explain. She'd been getting hints of what Sev and Aster were thinking since Kore increased her channelling capacity over Samhain, but only 'loud', 'projected' thoughts. But she kind of thought that...forming the connection to the Family Magic as she had Friday night had kind of...shown her how to do it? in a way Sev and Thom using legilimency on her hadn't, like showing her how to use muscles she hadn't known she had. How to...reach out and touch someone else's mind, like the ritual had drawn her into reaching out to establish her bond with the Family Magic— She didn't really have to do that when someone was using legilimency on her, but now she realised she could do it herself, she remembered what it felt like, a weird little...twist, kind of...

Whatever, apparently she was a legilimens now. Or, she'd already been a legilimens, she just hadn't realised how to do legilimency, and now she did.

And legilimency was fucking wild, okay. Not just picking up thoughts and feelings or nudging them one way or another (which, yes, she now understood why Thom said she was a mind mage the first time they'd met, she'd already been doing that, just without the power to make much of an impression on the minds around her), but actually being other people, feeling what they felt and seeing the world through their eyes.

Granted, she hadn't really done it to many people, yet — just Sev and Thom and Aster (who, despite her professed hatred of legilimency, had let Lily practise on her) — but in comparison to just being herself (or Sev, or Thom), being Aster was like being under a weak general supersensory charm. Too loud, too bright, too immediate — she was hyper-aware of her surroundings at all times, and her own body (balance, breathing, movement, where her limbs were in relation to each other), and magic, feeling the patterns and textures and auras of it around her—

Yes. Why did you think I've been so miserable not being able to move the past two weeks?

What? Oh, right. She'd asked a question, hadn't she. It was really easy to get distracted when she was seeing the world as Aster, even when Aster was holding her at a distance so she wouldn't get completely overwhelmed, and wasn't technically seeing anything, just feeling shite.

Bright silver eyes fluttered open only a few inches from her own, almost overtaken by the blackness of her pupils in the darkness of their room. The curtains on the bed were open, but the candles had long-since burnt out, the only light coming from the starlike, blue-white glow of runes on the walls. Lily could hardly make out anything beyond shapes and light and dark, but Aster could see almost as well as if it were daylight. Which was weird, but honestly Lily couldn't bring herself to be surprised. It wasn't nearly as odd as the fact that the face she could see through Aster's eyes — her face — still didn't seem like hers, yet.

The same little jolt of momentary non-recognition that she had every time she looked in a mirror now was almost more disorienting, she thought, when it contrasted immediately with the sense of recognition and rightness that Aster saw in her. Not only was her now-more-heart-shaped face, with its more prominent cheekbones, framed by darker, wavier hair than she was accustomed to seeing in the mirror absolutely associated with Lily Evans in Aster's mind, but it was almost... Almost like she thought this, Lily looking more like a Black, suited her. Like it was more closely associated with Lily Evans than the face she'd been born with.

Also, more attractive. Because the House of Black was one big incest joke.

It does suit you. A little darker, a little wilder...a little more honest, if only because I expect anyone so strikingly, deceptively beautiful to be at least a little bit evil. And why wouldn't I recognise you? Your eyes are still exactly the same.

Aster smirked, stretching forward a few inches to brush soft, dry lips across Lily's own, pushing Lily most of the way out of her mind as she did so, so Lily only felt one side of the kiss. And also so she wasn't completely blinded and deafened when her alarm went off half a second later, the wireless and the lights kicking on simultaneously, because it was Monday, damn it...

If she didn't know how absolutely overwhelming that had to be with senses as sharp as Aster's, she never would've guessed. She flinched slightly, blinking hard to give her eyes a split second to adjust, but otherwise hardly reacted. "Morning, Sister."

Lily groaned, but completely failed to keep a silly little smile off her own face. "Mmm, hi."

She let herself flop back onto her pillow as Aster wriggled free of the blankets (displacing Nyx, who darted under the covers to curl up in the warm spot she left behind), only to look over at the other girl again and let out a sympathetic hiss as she meandered toward the wardrobe, saying, "I'm going to see if I can get a shower before Marley and Mary take over the entire bathroom. You coming?"

"Christ, Aster..."

"Huh?"

As though she didn't know she was covered in scratches deep enough that some had definitely drawn blood — they were scabbed over, now — and bruises from nips and love-bites at every soft, vulnerable spot Lily had been able to find. She hadn't thought she was doing nearly that much damage last night, responding to Aster's squirming and moaning and pleas of harder, Evans with teeth and nails—

"Doesn't that hurt?" The marks she could feel on herself hurt, in a stinging, aching, gods and Powers, it felt good in the moment, but what the hell was I thinking sort of way, and she knew none of them were that bad...

Aster laughed at her. "No? Well, kind of, but in a good way... Weren't you just in my head?"

Well, yes, but she'd been distracted by the stretching and the overwhelmingness of the outside world, not focusing on...on the occasional distracting twinge, reminding her of last night, she realised, as Aster let her back in again, flashes of memory — Lily grabbing her by her hair and forcing her to her knees — "Fuck me like you hate me, Evans" — gasping and shuddering, a hint of pain intensifying her ecstasy — recalled as her own movements drew her attention to the lingering sensations, growing aroused at the thought of simply prowling back over to the bed, pinning Lily down and demanding more, do it again, harder, don't hold back– thinking again about the bittersweet realisation that she did still have to be careful with Lily, but she could at least convince Lily not to be careful with her...

"You don't have to be careful with me."

She knew that Aster was careful with her lovers — with everyone, all the time, really, it was easy for her to hurt people accidentally, but especially when they were in a vulnerable position like having sex — and she knew she hated the necessity of being careful, not just to avoid actually injuring her partners (though she found the idea of doing so deliberately incredibly hot), but to avoid even...ruining the experience for them with too much passion. Avoid being told to stop it! This isn't fun anymore, Black!

(Who was that? No one Lily had talked to had any problem with Aster's (or Sirius's) technique in bed. Even Marlene, and Marley was both really picky and also kind of hated Aster now.)

Anyway, Lily had no problem being the object of overwhelming passion.

Aster snorted. "That's adorable. You do realise you just asked me whether this hurts, right?" she said, gesturing at her bruised and bloodied self. "This isn't even close to what I would do to you if I weren't being careful." Even if she wasn't trying to hurt Lily, she knew she had a tendency to be just a little too forceful for...practically anyone, really. (And you're kind of a wimp, Evans...)

Lily caught another flash of memory, Aster (Sirius) with an upyri girl over the summer, frustration and self-recrimination almost overwhelming as Aster apologised to the vampire, her face drawn in fear and pain — Maeve might like her sex a little bloody (Aster had been so game for playing with knives, it was a little adorable), but that didn't mean she liked it rough. Aster had hurt her arm, wrenching her around to change their position a little too enthusiastically—

"And vampires are a hell of a lot more durable than humans," she noted aloud. Oh. Apparently she'd done that on purpose. Thom had said that Aster was really good at mind magic for someone who wasn't actually a mind mage. (He had, in fact, told her not to practise legilimency on anyone other than Aster and Sev until she got the hang of disentangling herself from other minds, unless she wanted to risk forgetting who she was, which, no thanks.)

"You weren't being careful when you shagged me in the Commons."

"I was barely conscious when I shagged you in the Commons."

Lily winced, catching a glimpse of that encounter from Aster's perspective. Yes, she had been enjoying herself, but she clearly hadn't been in a state of mind to actually choose to burn her life to the ground. "Er...I didn't realise how out of it you were. Sorry."

That probably wasn't sufficient, actually — if Sirius had come onto Lily in that state of mind, she would definitely feel like she'd been taken advantage of. Kind of put his reaction in a different perspective. Also, fuck, Potter was such a dick. Obviously Black hadn't had any significant agency in that situation...

Aster gave her a crooked smirk. "No, you're not."

"Hey!"

"Sorry implies feelings, Evans."

"Brat."

"Yes, and? Are you coming or not?" she asked, throwing a towel over one shoulder and sauntering toward the door, smirking like she knew full well that there were definitely going to be other people in the bathroom, and no, she didn't give a damn if every single one of them knew that Lily had clawed the shite out of her last night.

"That depends, are you going to let me heal those first?"

Aster giggled. And ruin all these lovely reminders of you ravaging my helpless body? "Why would I do that?"

"You're ridiculous."

"As you say, my Lady," she said, her overly-formal, posh tone contrasting with both her ridiculously over-done bow and the fact that she was completely naked (and covered in scratches and bruises) to make such a very absurd picture that Lily entirely failed to stop her slipping out to casually display her helplessly ravaged body to their soon-to-be horrified roommates.

Honestly, Lily did have to wonder, sometimes, whether Aster was actually trying to shock and appall everyone around herself. (From the look Tina gave her when she followed Aster out into the curtain corridor, if she was, it was working.)

The weeks that followed were, Lily thought, quite possibly the best weeks of her entire life to that point.

Rumours about her taking up with Aster spread through the Castle shockingly quickly, even accounting for the fact that at least twenty per cent of the student body had personal reasons to concern themselves with Aster's relationship status (not that sharing a bed with Lily detracted from her habitual shagging of any of them).

Rumours also abounded that both Remus and Aster were werewolves. Those surrounding Aster could almost certainly be traced back to their roommates — Aster hadn't bothered glamouring the scars from her bites while showing off the evidence of her having been ravaged, and it wasn't exactly a secret she'd been less bouncy than usual for the two weeks between the full moon and the new moon. Lily had no idea where the rumour-mill had gotten the idea that Remus was a werewolf; Aster figured it was probably someone with family in Regulation and Control. But given the evidence of Aster's injuries, and the fact that the Marauders were (had been) thick as thieves, most people seemed to think Remus had just recently been bitten too, and subsequently left school. (Almost as though they'd finally caught on that "going home to visit his mum 'cos she's ill, see" was kind of a shite excuse for disappearing from school.)

People actually started getting noticeably anxious as the full moon approached, because Aster hadn't left school, which meant there's a werewolf in the Castle! Dumbledore wouldn't let a werewolf transform in the Castle, would he?! Aster found this frankly hilarious, especially because Dumbledore had insisted that she wait out moonrise in the safehouse Remus had used, and she'd met up with Remus and Greyback's Pack after that, which meant that she wasn't around to prove she was human-shaped on the full moon, which the average Hogwarts rumour-monger considered incontrovertible proof that Asteria Black was a werewolf.

...Which meant there were also rumours going around that Lily was into dogs, because of course there were. (Fucking Hogwarts.) But compared to the speculation about her losing her bloody mind as a consequence of her little addition to the Samhain ritual and the real reason behind her scandalous decision to resign as a prefect, and the (completely accurate) rumours going around that she was actually Thom de Mort's daughter (she blamed Evan) and had secretly been a dark witch since forever (again, perfectly accurate, except the secretly part), the 'Evans is into beastiality' thing was trivial.

It was vaguely annoying that no one seemed to believe that Potter being appointed as the new boys' prefect for their year was more than enough incentive for Lily to resign. Lily had no idea whether McG chose him specifically so that she would, but she shouldn't have been nearly as surprised as she acted about it.

It honestly wouldn't have taken much, by that point, for Lily to quit. She hadn't wanted the job in the first place, and she'd only been chosen for it because she was already an outsider in her year, and thus had no incentive to not enforce the rules for her non-existent friends. She might've actually resigned even if it was just a matter of forcing her to associate with that dickheaded bully who continually hit on her despite her obvious loathing of him, which was why most people thought she'd done it.

Prefects were, as a rule, fairly unpopular figures, and nominating anyone for the position invariably upset the balance of power within a dorm, making some people jealous and resentful — unless, as with Remus, they all simply decided to pretend that the newly appointed prefect wasn't, just ignoring their newfound authority completely. Prefects were notoriously bad at enforcing the rules even-handedly, tending to favour their friends by turning a blind eye to their antics, which often led to a certain degree of animosity from those who weren't so favoured. (In every House but Hufflepuff — the Hufflepuffs elected their prefects, because Hufflepuff.) In a way, choosing Lily as the girls' prefect had been a master-stroke, because it hadn't made anyone jealous (because she wasn't an obvious choice — if McG had picked someone based on academics or good behaviour, at least one or two people would've thought they deserved it more) or resentful (because she didn't have friends in her dorm to resent her being granted authority over them) or encouraged one faction within their year to bully the other(s) more relentlessly (because she didn't have any close friends other than Sev, and wasn't allied with any particular clique), and while none of her yearmates really liked Lily, they weren't exactly likely to go flouting her authority if she had a mind to call them on their rule-breaking (because Lily was a bit scary, apparently).

Mostly, the other girls had just been slightly baffled about McGonagall's choice. Lily wasn't the best student out of the seven of them (that was Mary) or McGonagall's favourite student (Christina) or the one with the least number of detentions (the only person who'd actually gotten more was Katie) or the best lesson attendance record (Mary, again). They'd eventually decided that McGonagall must be under the impression that Lily was generally inoffensive and got on relatively well with everyone — as opposed to being a bloody weirdo no one really liked, but whom they didn't want to annoy either, because she didn't hesitate to hex people when she thought they deserved it. Which was silly, they knew that McG knew Lily had gotten her own section when they split up the room — if she were really inoffensive and agreeable, that wouldn't be necessary. But it was the best guess they had, because the only way in which Lily really stood out was that she'd hexed more would-be Death Eaters than any of the others, and getting into fights wasn't really the sort of thing anyone expected Minerva McGonagall to pick prefects based on. (Maybe Kettleburn would, if he were their Head of House, but not Minnie.)

Lily had been just as surprised as any of them, and not a little annoyed. McG had all but admitted, in Lily's first Gryffindor Prefects Meeting, that she'd chosen Remus in the hopes that he would be a positive influence on the other Marauders, and Lily because she was capable of playing 'dark Auror' to Remy's light. She actually said it was because she knew Lily would be scrupulously fair in her enforcement of the rules, but they all knew that meant she expected Lily to be an unreasonable hard-arse about enforcing the rules, the threat Remus could hold up like, knock it off or I'll set Evans on you and you know she'll give you detention for a week, if she doesn't just reverse your knees for annoying her when she has more important shite to do, and no one wants that, do we?

So, actually, it was the fact that Lily had started more fights than anyone else in their year that had gotten her the job, in a way. (Along with the aforementioned lack of competing loyalties.) She had built up a reputation for having a short fuse when it came to dealing with idiots. That didn't mean that she wanted a job that pretty much exclusively came down to dealing with idiots, all the time. (And crying children, occasionally.)

The only reason she'd taken the job was McGonagall had made a very decent argument about her prospects after school being a bit brighter if she could put "Hogwarts Prefect" on her CV. Even at the beginning of fifth year, Lily had been aware that muggleborns had a notoriously difficult time getting apprenticeships, even in disciplines with application standards as high as healing. (You'd think that if a muggleborn managed to get the requisite O's on their NEWTs they'd be a shoo-in, but.)

If she had to deal with Potter on a regular basis though, she wasn't sure that was worth it. Especially since she had connections now — Daughters of the House of Black didn't really need to pad out their CVs to get into any apprenticeship programme they pleased.

In fact, she was fairly certain it wasn't worth it, especially now that he'd proven himself to be a careless, life-ruining idiot as well as a Light bastard and an entitled bully. She'd been given a heads-up a couple of days before it was made official, which meant she had plenty of time to decide as much.

When McGonagall made the announcement at the bi-monthly prefects' meeting that Potter would be replacing Remus, she'd stood up and walked out, leaving her badge on her desk with an open letter tendering her resignation, because I refuse to hold any office which has been sullied by the inclusion of the likes of that repugnant toe-rag. And you, Minerva, should be ashamed for nominating him, especially in light of the role he played in certain events which took place in Hogsmeade at the beginning of the month — if you aren't familiar with the incident to which I'm referring, ask the Headmaster what really happened to Remus Lupin.

Whether she did, Lily had no idea. She hadn't removed Potter, but it could just be that she didn't consider him to have done anything wrong, compromising the wards on the Shack and consequently ruining Remus's life as he had. (McGonagall was a somewhat less staunch supporter of Werewolf Equality than Dumbledore.) She also hadn't made much of an effort to get Lily to stay on — not that there was much she could have done, after Lily announced her resignation to the House at large. Marlene had been appointed in her place, but both Marley and Potter were too scared of her to try to hold her accountable for her flagrant disregard for the rules, especially when the rules she most often disregarded were those about curfew and leaving the grounds without permission, and they didn't want her anywhere near them anyway.

She reveled in the freedom to come and go as she pleased, without the obligations of patrolling the corridors and holding office hours, almost as much as her newfound freedom to speak her mind rather than playing the part of Prefect Evans. In addition to fueling the rumours that she'd lost her bloody mind and/or had 'secretly' been an evil dark witch since she was an ickle firstie, and Black had been completely right insisting that she belonged in Slytherin for the first five years they'd known each other (and wasn't it odd, how quickly and how thoroughly Black's opinion of her had shifted, maybe there was a love potion involved?), her decision to (mostly) stop censoring herself had swiftly led most of her housemates to begin avoiding her with the same diligence her roommates had for the past two years. That might actually have been a bigger relief than the additional free time that came from not being a prefect.

Professors McGonagall and Flitwick both attempted at different times to discuss her sudden apparent personality shift, obviously concerned about her.

Flitwick, at least, had been willing to accept that she had simply decided that there was no point in pretending to be Light anymore — he, more than any of the other professors, was aware that she had already been completely mad. Charms had always been her best subject, obviously he'd noticed when she suddenly had to re-learn the entire pre-OWL curriculum. (He had told her off almost as thoroughly as Persephone when she explained what she'd done, but he'd also helped her refine her casting technique enough to manage the basic, school-level unpolarised spells, at least.) He'd obviously also noticed when her channelling capacity suddenly increased dramatically, and she was pretty sure he knew exactly how that had happened, even though she didn't dare admit it.

McGonagall had been far less approving, but there was also a certain freedom in realising that, what could she really do to Lily? Take points? So what? Give her detention? Inconvenient, but then, how would they force her to attend? Threaten to expel her? Fine, she'd take her NEWTs independently — she was sure Thom would be willing to teach her everything she needed to know for the exams, and Sev and Aster would both be only too willing to join her in skipping merrily out of the school, never to darken its doorways again. (Sev had been fantasising about just leaving school and being independent since they were about thirteen, and what did Aster have to stay for?) She'd already willingly relinquished her position as a prefect. She supposed it was possible that Minnie could threaten her unofficial apprenticeship with Madam Pomfrey, but Madam Pomfrey didn't have a problem with Lily aligning herself with the Dark.

Madam Pomfrey, in fact, thought that there was a chance (albeit a slim one) that Lily might actually be a good influence on Bellatrix, insofar as she didn't approve of randomly killing people, and therefore supported Lily's acceptance of Thom as her father and her growing involvement with his organisation. She didn't know, of course, that Bella had already adopted Lily, but she did know Bella, probably better than any of the professors — well enough to know that she would definitely consider any child of Thom's to be hers too, and thus presumed that Lily might grow to have some influence over her.

It seemed little eleven-year-old Bella had waltzed right into the ward at Mabon of her very first term and asked Kitty Turner (the senior healer, then, who had retired when Dumbledore became Headmaster — Madam Pomfrey had been a junior healer at the time) to teach her more advanced (read: restricted) healing techniques, because if she was going to be getting into duels using only spells she could heal she needed to be a better healer than she was. Little first-year Bella had apparently made a habit of annoying the sixth- and seventh-year Slytherin boys — the sons and nephews of Thom's earliest supporters, Lily assumed — baiting them into practising with her, which Lily, for some reason, found completely adorable.

And since Madam Pomfrey didn't have a problem with Lily associating with Bella and Thom, or acting everywhere else a bit more like she did in the Hospital Wing, and her unofficial apprenticeship was a matter between the two of them and none of Minnie's business, the Healer would probably tell the Deputy Head to go fuck herself if she tried to interfere in their arrangement. (More politely, of course, but.)

So really, McGonagall, like Dumbledore, was powerless to inflict actual consequences on her, which... The attitude Aster had always had toward following the rules and obeying their professors suddenly made a lot more sense.

Perhaps the least pleasant consequence of her decision to openly embrace the Dark, and slightly-less-open admission that Thom was her father, was that Horace Slughorn took an even greater interest in her than he already had. Yes, an exceptionally talented muggleborn was worth cultivating, on the off chance that she managed to make a name for herself as a healer or whatever, but now she apparently had connections, which meant he absolutely wouldn't take "no" for an answer when he invited her to one of his infamous Slug Club networking parties. Fortunately, it also meant that she had the social standing to say "no" anyway, even if he was noticeably cool toward her in Potions lessons from that point on.

So the month between Aster's birthday and Yule of Nineteen Seventy-Six was, in many ways, the best Lily had ever had. She had no responsibilities beyond her duties to Sev and Aster, which were also suddenly much easier to fulfill because the Baby Death Eaters knew that Thom was her father and the Blackheart had adopted her — they weren't about to keep intentionally pissing her off by attempting to recruit Sev against her wishes — and no incentive to keep up the exhausting Prefect Evans façade, which was amazingly liberating.

She spent the vast majority of her evenings and weekends at Ancient House, practising shadow-walking with Bella or legilimency with Thom — she ended up dragging Sev along to most of those lessons, because he really didn't know much about legilimency beyond what he'd read and figured out for himself — or studying etiquette and French with Narcissa (which was slow going and very frustrating, she still thought it might be worth the migraine Thom warned her she would get if she were to just steal the language from Aster's mind) or reading history books or watching Aster get into practice fights with whatever Death Eaters happened to be around or trying to talk to Remus (which was even more frustrating than French), and her nights with Aster, shagging her silly and generally being blissfully happy, in a way she hadn't really known she could be.

She really should have known it was too good to last.