The Entirely Unwarranted Banishment of Asteria Black
They hadn’t gotten over it.
Reactions to Aster’s sudden femininity among the faculty had been mixed, ranging from vaguely amused acceptance (Flitwick had started calling her Miss Black immediately) to McGonagall flatly refusing to refer to her as Miss Black to Binns mistaking her for Bellatrix and getting confused about the year — no one noticed until he started talking about the upcoming eleven-hundredth anniversary of Hogwarts’s establishment, which was eight years ago.
Narcissa had been furious — she’d cornered Asteria in an abandoned classroom to bitch her out, because apparently she thought Aster had done this to purposefully fuck up her last year here. Which, she wasn’t aware of any way in which her being female had any impact on Cissy at all, except maybe by her being competition for the title of prettiest girl at Hogwarts. Whatever. She’d overheard her telling one of the other bitches in her year to “Ignore my cousin, you know how he is. He’s just trying to get everyone’s attention, this is obviously some sort of stunt.” (Which was probably the best outcome she could have hoped for.)
Reggie had run into Aster apparently accidentally in the Great Hall at breakfast a few days after she had returned to the school. “Watch where you’re going, Siri-” He’d cut himself off as he realised he was slightly taller than Asteria, blinking down at her in surprise before leaning a little closer to get a better look at her face. “So... How long have you been impersonating Bella? Does she know?”
“Four days, and yes, of course she knows. Who the hell else would have turned me into a girl just because I asked?”
“Good point. And...why did you want to be a girl?”
She pouted up at him. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“So, you were mad and thought a sex change would be a good encore for attempted murder?”
“I didn’t try to kill that greasy git! If I were trying to kill him, he’d be dead and you know it.”
Reggie smirked. “Yeah, okay, Trixie. Just out of curiosity, how permanent is this?”
“How permanent is the ever-loving Dark decided to punish me by showing up and rewriting my fundamental identity as painfully as possible?”
Her little brother’s eyes went wide. “Does Mother know?”
“I’m sure Narcissa’s mentioned it to her by now.”
“...I have to go. I have an urgent letter to write.” He’d scuttled off before Aster could tell him to tell Walburga that becoming a girl didn’t really change anything, she was still staying with Dorea, and the House of Black could go fuck itself.
Most of the students in their year had just written it off as Sirius being Sirius. About half of the people she used to snog and/or screw in disused broom cupboards on a fairly regular basis were very disturbed and very disinterested in continuing to snog and/or screw, but fuck them (or not, whatever). There were plenty of other people around who now found her far more fanciable (including half her roommates).
Cassie Lovegood, the first time they ran into each other afterward, immediately told her she still didn’t have even the slightest shadow of a chance, because of course she did, but she had agreed to show Aster some of the light battlemagic she’d been making a point to pick up here and there for years — now that Aster’s magic was properly aligned, she wouldn’t be fighting herself to cast that sort of shite (or hurting herself casting dark magic), she thought she might actually stand a chance to trounce Cissy in the inter-house dueling competition in the spring.
Snape was obviously keeping his distance from Asteria, probably plotting some sort of revenge for the attempted expulsion plot (which would probably be completely disproportionate, because there was no way he would believe she hadn’t actually been trying to kill him). And Evans hadn’t acted like she noticed at all. She obviously had, it would be impossible to miss the rumours and the boys being all awkward about everything, and she had actually spoken to her, taking five points from her for being barely ten minutes past curfew getting back to the Tower the day after she came back to school — fucking petty tyrant, McG was crazier than Aster, making Evans a prefect! She had reverted to calling Aster "Black" rather than "Sirius", but that might have just been because she refused to be familiar with someone who almost accidentally got her best mate slaughtered or turned into a werewolf a few days before.
But the boys...
Her roommates hadn’t gotten over it at all, her being a girl.
Well, okay, Remus, after he’d finished shouting at her under privacy palings about almost getting both Snivels and Moony killed, was reasonably okay with it. Clearly thought it was a little weird, admitted it even, but he also admitted that Sirius had always been a little weird. Out of all the mad shite she could be doing, becoming a girl really didn’t seem that bad. He was even trying to remember to call her Asteria, though he did slip up fairly regularly, getting all defensive about it like, “You still look practically the same, okay?” as though she actually minded. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to realise who he was talking to. And Pete was Pete. Once he got over the initial shock, he was willing to play along, if in a slightly patronising, yes, okay, but I am just playing along and humouring you sort of way. (Prick.)
Jamie, though, was still apparently in denial, hoping the 'potions accident' would wear off eventually, and Aster could go back to being his best mate Sirius, because apparently being two inches taller than her and hearing other people referring to her as a girl (which he, like McGonagall, refused to do) made a huge fucking difference in their relationship dynamic. It was really fucking annoying, because Aster was pretty fucking sure she hadn’t changed much at all — see Remy still calling her Sirius when he forgot she was a girl now, because there was no real difference! If he’d just stop acting like it was a big fucking deal, it wouldn’t be one!
(And it hurt like fucking hell, because while she’d anticipated a bad reaction if she told him she’d done it for him, and knew that it was entirely possible he wouldn’t fancy her just because she now had the right bits — likely, even, given that he was obviously still hung up on his imaginary version of Lily fucking Evans — she really hadn’t expected him to have such a problem with just continuing to be mates, and she had no fucking idea what to do about it!)
Leach didn’t really give a flying fuck about any of the rest of them, he spent most of his time with the Ravenclaws anyway. Gudgeon and Teague were mostly just kind of awkward and clearly uncomfortable with her the way they were around most girls, really (despite her having bloody well lived with them for five fucking years). If she kept her bloody shorts on, there was no appreciable difference in her appearance. Honestly, she’d expect them to be more comfortable with her now, because they’d also been kind of weird about her just you know, standing around...dangling like that! at first. (Gudgeon was muggleborn, the first argument in their room had been based around whether or not it was bloody weird, okay for Sirius not to wear shorts to bed. Teague was just self conscious and had always envied Sirius's awareness that he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, physically speaking — she might be completely fucked in the head, but she was pretty as hell, and she knew it.)
But Walters was definitely harbouring a fancy for her, and was equally obviously uncomfortable about it. And yes, she knew she wasn’t helping, teasing him very much the same way she always had — it was even funnier now that it made him all horny and conflicted instead of just irritated and vaguely repulsed. But she really didn’t think she’d been that annoying about it. Certainly not enough to justify him running off crying to McGonagall and asking her to kick Aster out of their room.
But he obviously had, because McG held them over after Transfiguration on Aster’s second Friday as a girl, just her and the boys, and had just gone on a long-arse fucking rant about the reasons dormitories were segregated by sex, and “there have been some complaints regarding...inappropriate behaviour” and “Therefore you have been reassigned to the sixth-year girls’ dormitory, effective immediately.”
“Could you repeat that, Minnie?” She looked around at the seven boys sitting in a rough arc with her, chairs turned a bit so they could all see each other, and McG at the front of the room. Not one of them seemed willing to meet her eyes. Cowardly fucking... “Because I’m pretty sure I just heard you say that the blokes I’ve lived with for five fucking years have just decided to exile me over...what? harassing Walters? I’ve been doing that since our second week of classes, you fucking prick! If you had such a problem with it, you could’ve actually said something instead of just running off to have a shame-wank every time I bat my eyelashes at you!”
“Language, Mister Black!”
“It wasn’t just me, Black! You’re making all of us uncomfortable, and it’s pretty fucking obvious by now, whatever you did, it’s not wearing off — you should be in the girls’ room!”
“Yes, you’ll be happier with your own kind,” Leach added sarcastically. “You’re not making all of us uncomfortable. Or at least, no more than you always have. I voted to exile you because I’m tired of being woken up at four in the morning because you’ve lost your tie or some such nonsense. Professor, do I really need to be here for this?”
“Thank you, Augustus, I appreciate that, and I commend your honesty. Though, it was a shoe I was looking for today. I was going to be considerate and go be awake elsewhere, but people tend to think it’s a bit odd when I wander the halls in the middle of the night with only one shoe. And no, you may be excused.”
McGonagall seconded that with a nod, giving Aster the evil eye for usurping her authority to dismiss people from... What even was this? some sort of sentencing presentation? trying to show a unified front?
Bull. Fucking. Shite.
“As opposed to every other moment in your life,” Gudgeon muttered, before Minnie could actually say something.
“We’ve been over this, you twat! I’m not especially odd, you’re just repressed!”
“Er, no ...Aster, you kind of are especially odd.” Peter. Fucking traitor. She glared at him, causing him to add quickly, “Not that that’s a bad thing, I’m just saying...”
“Would anyone else like to second the implication that I’m a fucking freak, while we’re on the point?” Teague actually raised a hand, because he was a bit dim like that. The look on his face as he did it was funny enough to get a smile from her, even under the circumstances. Apparently an unnerving one, because Gudgeon immediately raised a hand, too. Aster gave them an exasperated glare. “Fine, noted, you two can go, too. Anyone else got something to add?”
“It wasn’t my idea,” Remus said, darting an anxious look at Jamie — had he...? No... “But, well, it is the rule, having dorms split up by sex, and, well... It’s been two weeks, and you’re definitely still a girl, so... If this whole...whatever, does wear off, you can just move back, right?”
“Yeah, and it’s not like you’d be leaving the Tower, it’s just one stair over,” Pete added.
“Can we kick him– her? him? it out of the House?” Walters asked, apparently sincerely. “It’s got to be against some rule, turning into a bloody girl.”
“No , Mister Walters.” (“Yeah, Gryffindor doesn’t even have rules,” Aster put in.) “Your opinion on the matter has been noted, you may go.”
“If we’re taking opinions, does mine count?” Aster demanded. Pete looked around at the rest of them before shaking his head in answer to the question no one else seemed to have the balls to address. “What about the girls? Do they get a say in whether this shoe-losing freak gets fobbed off on them? I mean, if these pricks can just say we don’t want you in our room, why can’t they?”
“Because , Mister Black, dormitories are divided by sex. The issue is not one of preference — the girls will simply have to become accustomed to your presence, as they would have had you been properly assigned to their room as a first-year.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure I’m a danger to the virtue of innocent sixteen-year-old boys everywhere. If you’re making me sleep with the girls, you could at least call me Miss Black.” McGonagall went slightly pink, but didn’t admit that she was being a hypocritical bitch, choosing to enforce this particular rule when she also clearly still thought of Aster as a boy. She leaned around Remus to glare at James, two desks to her left. “You’ve been awfully quiet, James. I suppose you agree with all of them?”
“Well—” Jamie cleared his throat, then tried again. “Well, yeah? I mean, Pads, you’re a girl, now. And I know you don’t think it matters, but it really does, and no, I still can’t explain why, just—” He broke off, sounding all helpless and pained, as though he really didn’t want to be saying this, but he had to, because...reasons. (Reasons that weren’t just James Potter is a twat and what the fuck even is “gender identity”? Gods-bedamned mind healer was completely useless, not explaining shite.)
As though he was the one who had no say in this matter, and he was the one who’d just been stabbed in the fucking back by the blokes she’d thought were her friends.
“You’re breaking my heart, Jamie,” she said, drily enough that they could take it as sarcasm, despite it being absolutely true.
Jamie, at least, seemed to realise that, kind of. At least that he should feel guilty about being a twat, shrinking in on himself all ashamed. “I mean, it’s not— You’re still my friend, Siri– Asteria, just...it’s different, being friends with girls. Like Marley, or Alice.”
“Some consolation prize — I don’t want you to treat me like a fucking girl, James. Even if I'd been born female, I wouldn’t be some soft little light lady like Marley or Alice.” Not that Marlene and Alice weren’t absolutely serious about learning to fight and joining the Aurors when they left school, they were just...squishy. Emotionally speaking. She really had no room to judge when it came to being an angsty fucking mess (and never had), but she wasn’t one to go all googly-eyed over puffskeins and feed stray kittens and actually give a shite about hurting people’s fucking feelings. “Have you met Narcissa?” They’d literally been raised exactly the same from the time they were five fucking years old! “I don’t want you to worry about watching your fucking language and not making crude jokes around me, showing proper respect and whatever other dragonshite you light wizards think goes along with catering to delicate female sensibilities!”
“We light wizards? You used to be a light wizard!”
“No, I was a dark wizard who decided to act light because the Dark is full of sick, twisted, evil shites and I want nothing to do with them—” (“Oh, and that’s why you ran off to spend the weekend before last with Bellatrix?” James said. Asteria ignored him.) “—but I was raised in a dark house where no one gives a shite if you’re male or female. Everyone learns everything about being a proper lord and lady, because who knows, you might have to teach it one day, or play that role in your House, and honestly all of the presentation dragonshite is kind of weird and prissy and refined anyway, and none of it is as important as how smoothly you can chain your curses and if you’re any good at healing charms, and learning to either always, always tell people what they want to hear, or get used to being beaten down until you’re strong enough to fight back and win or get the fuck out. What’s between your legs simply does. Not. Matter! Going softer on witches just because they’re girls and therefore delicate little flowers by definition, means you’re that much more likely to end up getting killed by a witch, full stop. If you’re going to start treating me differently because I’m a girl and it’s so different being friends with a fucking girl, you might as well go back to not talking to me at all.”
There was a beat of stunned silence, she could feel their eyes and their judgement pressing in on her. She knew her childhood wasn’t much like any of theirs, and Light kids found the way the Blacks did things to be slightly horrifying, but they should have been able to put together at least as much as she’d just implied from everything she’d let slip over the past five years. Well, maybe not McG — that actually looked like pity on her face there, for a second. (Aster sneered at her, because fuck pity!)
“Fine, then!”
“Fine, I should find someone else to tell me if I’m planning to do something crazy, or fine, you’re not going to treat me like a fucking girl?”
“No, I know it’s important to not... I won’t treat you like a girl, okay?”
Asteria had a terrible, sinking feeling that that I know it’s important to not... was something to do with not cutting her off or stopping talking to her again because she might lose her fucking mind — which, she thought it might be even worse that he felt like he had to treat her a particular way because she was fucking insane than because she was a girl, but she wasn’t going to have that argument here and now, with McGonagall already staring at her all tense like she might need to go for her wand and sedate Asteria at any moment. She bit her lower lip hard enough to bleed, blinking back hot tears of frustration and betrayal, shoving the pain away. Her voice was almost level when she said, “Then, fine.” She took a deep breath and put on her best impression of Auntie Dru: haughty and annoyed and vaguely offended by the very existence of these fucking idiots who were interrupting her day, her patience for their childish inanity entirely exhausted. “Thanks for the fucking heads-up about kicking me out of the room, James. I presume you’ve already had the elves move my shite?” she asked, turning to McGonagall.
“Five points for language, Black. But yes, your trunk and possessions have already been moved to your new bedroom. I’m sure Miss Evans will be more than willing to help you get settled in.”
Of course she would. Because not only was she getting kicked out of her room by blokes she’d thought were her friends — not only was Jamie being a fucking twat and pushing her away again over what was, really, a minor cosmetic difference in her physical appearance — but now she was going to have to share a fucking dorm with Evans. And Marley and Mary and the rest, there were seven girls in their year, not counting Asteria. They were probably going to be bitchy about having to make room for her, and tie up the bathroom for hours — she never had to fight the boys for time in front of the bathroom mirror in the morning. And she’d bet anything she was going to have to go through another round of why did you turn yourself into a girl? now that they knew this was permanent, and not just Sirius having a lark.
Fuck everything. Just...
Fuck.