Can This Be Real?
It was cold. Very cold. And the whole of the Gryffindor house knew it was cold as Remus Lupin, aka the boy who NEVER got cold, was curled on a sofa on the common room with at least two blankets wrapped around him and a mug of hot chocolate in his hands.
He looked so cold and unbelievably cute. Or at least one person thought he looked cute. Martha O’Nelly. Martha had a massively obvious crush on Remus, and she kept following him around, holding his books, chatting to him, helping him. But Remus found all this attention really annoying and although he liked Martha, he didn’t like her in the way she wanted him to. She was his friend... Acquaintance... Nothing more. He wished she would just leave him alone, but she wouldn’t.
Remus saw Martha approaching him out of the corner of his eye and he sighed, but he also saw someone else coming towards him and he would much rather talk to that person than Martha. Luckily, this person was closer than Martha was, and they got to Remus first.
“Hey Sirius,” Remus smiled at the boy and shuffled up on the sofa so Sirius could sit next to him, “You alright?”
“Yeah. I... I just need to talk to you, if that’s okay,” Sirius said, smiling and sitting down.
“Of course!” Remus said, then he noticed Sirius was shivering. Quite violently, “Are... Are you cold?”
“No.”
“You’re shivering. You are cold. Get over here,” Remus reached out and unwrapped some of the blanket from his body and shoved it towards Sirius, who gratefully took it and snuggled up into it, relishing in the warmth.
“Thanks, Re,” He said, grinning lopsidedly up at the werewolf, “So, I wanted to ask-” He started, but before he could finish, Martha had reached the sofa.
“Hiya Remus! Hello Black.”
Remus sighed, “Hi Martha.”
“Um. Is it okay if I talk to you now? I’ll be quick.”
“No, not right now, sorry,” Remus said.
“Aw, come on. Please?”
“No, Martha. I’m talking to Sirius. Maybe later?”
Martha’s shoulders dropped, “Oh. Okay. I’ll see you alter then,” She turned her back on the two marauders and walked over to her friends on the other side of the common room, looking dejected.
Remus turned back to Sirius, “Sorry. You were saying...?”
“Er... Yeah... So, well. It’s kinda about O’Nelly.”
“Oh?” Remus raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. I know she keeps following you around,” Sirius explained, “And I know you hate it, and... Well, I have that girl Cathy Jones, the Ravenclaw, following me around and I hate it, so I was thinking... We... We could...”
“Go one,” Remus said, having a vague idea of where Sirius was going with this and he like it.
“We could fake date to make them think we’re a) gay and b) taken,” Sirius bit his lip and looked shyly up at Remus, who was grinning.
“Yeah, that’s a such a good idea,” He said, “Just fake dating though... Right?”
“Yup. It’s just to make them leave us alone.”
“Alright then. C’mere,” Remus put down his hot chocolate and pulled Sirius into his embrace, hissing his forehead, “We better act like we are dating then.”
Sirius blushed, “Okay,” He snuggled back into Remus’s embrace and just let himself relax.
~~
And you know what? It actually worked. Cathy stopped following Sirius around and Martha left Remus alone. Remus and Sirius never made a public announcement about their ‘relationship’, but as this was Hogwarts, news got around pretty quickly and soon, almost everyone was talking about how cute the couple were. Even some of the teachers were smiling over the new relationship. (Especially McGonagall and Pomfrey. They were happy for their boys.) They got a lot of support from all their friends and even from people in the school who they didn’t know. It was almost amazing.
Almost.
Because, you see... Remus had found himself wanting more. He wanted... He wanted this to be a real relationship. He wanted it to be real. He wanted to be able to kiss Sirius and hold him close and... And more... Merlin, where did those thoughts come from?! Anyway... He didn’t know if Sirius would want it to be real. Because, as much as Remus wanted it, a relationship was two sided and Sirius needed to want it to be real in order for it to work. Remus wanted Sirius to want it. He needed this to be real. He needed it... But could he have it?
Was Sirius gay? Or was he doing this whole thing just to get Cathy to leave him alone. Merlin. Sirius probably wasn’t even gay! Of course. Why would a child from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black be gay? Granted, Sirius was... Different to his family, but he was still a Black, so he wasn’t likely to be gay.
By this point, Remus had overthought the situation way too much and had worked himself into a state. So, it wasn’t likely that he was going to tell Sirius that he wanted a serious relationship. Well, even if he did pluck up enough courage to do so, he would never call it a ‘serious relationship’ because Sirius would most definitely make a name pun, and Remus did NOT want that.
In the end, Remus decided to stay in the fake relationship for a couple more weeks, then break it off when it becomes too painful. Yeah. He would do that. It wasn’t as if Sirius would want this to be real. No-one wants to date a werewolf. Least of all a pureblood. Sirius would never want it... Never. That is why what Sirius did next really surprised Remus.
It was a month and a half since their fake relationship began, and Sirius was lying on Remus’s bed in the dorm reading his herbology textbook, trying to revise for a test when Remus burst into the room, his arms filled with textbooks and parchment. Sirius looked up as he heard the door open and smiled when he saw Remus, closing his textbook and getting up to help Remus, who really was struggling to keep a hold of all his books.
“Hey Re,” Sirius said as he put some books on the floor by Remus’s bed, “You alright?”
“Yep,” Remus said, flopping down onto his bed, leaving room for Sirius, “Was that a textbook I saw you reading?”
Sirius laughed and lay down next to Remus, “Yes. I have a herbology test in a couple of days and I need to pass it.”
“Wow. Sirius Black is actually studying!”
“Oh, hush you.”
Both boys laughed and Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius – a force of habit now – and nuzzled his nose into Sirius’s hair, breathing in his familiar smell of leather and grass. Sirius snuggled into Remus and sighed. A happy sigh, but not quite relaxed. He was tense, not quite letting go. And Remus noticed this.
“Siri? Are you okay?”
“Hmm? Oh... Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
“I am. I’m-”
“Sirius.”
Sirius fell silent and refused to meet Remus’s gaze. Remus sighed and lifted his hand to Sirius’s chin, tilting his head upwards to look at Remus, even though he tried not to.
“What’s wro-”
“Can this be real?” Sirius blurted out, biting his lip nervously, “Can... Can we be real?”
“Wha...”
“Can our relationship be real? Not fake anymore just... Real.”
“Sirius...” Remus trailed off, a look of disbelief on his face.
“I... I want it to be real. ‘Coz I really want to kiss you. But I also want to be yours for real. Your real boyfriend. Yeah, I kinda fell for you while we’re been fake dating,” Sirius laughed nervously and tucked a stray hair behind his ear, “I like you. Hell, maybe I love you. But I want this to be real. So... Can it be real? If you fell the same. Please, Remus?”
Remus was stunned into silence, his mouth hanging open, shock clear on his face. Sirius liked him. Sirius actually liked him! That was fantastic. Unfortunately, though, Remus was silent for just a moment too long, and Sirius seemed to take the silence for rejection, as he started to disentangle himself from Remus’s grip.
“Yeah... I... Sorry. I knew you wouldn’t want to. I’m so-”
But Remus interrupted him by grabbing his arm and pulling him back down and crashing their lips together. Sirius let out a small gasp but didn’t resist; he let Remus kiss him and he kissed back just as fiercely.
When they broke apart, they were both panting and grinning like idiots.
“So... Can we be real?” Sirius whispered.
“Yes. We definitely can,” Remus said, and he closed the gap between them once more.
Sirius hummed in approval and kissed Remus softly this time. This felt right. It felt like it was meant to be.
It felt like home.