Where's the good in goodbye? (Sirius Black x Reader)
Y/N sighed, hoisting her legs on the couch to wrap her arms around her knees. She was trying to block out the world but, most of all, her feelings: a storm was raging inside her, mirroring the one pouring outside, and she was helpless to fight it.
Her mind went back to the news she’d received just a short while earlier: James and Lily were dead.
They were gone, and she would never see them again.
Just the thought made her heart clench painfully again, fresh tears spilling from her eyes. She’d never really had a family, and losing two of the few people who’d welcomed her with open arms…
Saying that it hurt would be an understatement. However, that was not what worried her the most, as horrible as it sounded.
Sirius.
He never left her thoughts, he haunted her nightmares and her daydreams.
The last time she saw him seemed so faraway, when he told her she needed to stay away because he’d play as a decoy secret-keeper for the Potters; those words made her heart bleed, but she knew he was right.
At the moment though, she wished more than anything that she had not listened to him.
<<Where is he, Remus?>> Y/N pleaded, her eyes full of tears.
The man across from her didn’t seem very affected instead
<<He’s in Azkaban, Y/N>> Came his monotone reply.
Soft as his voice may have been, those words had the effect of a bomb on the poor young woman
<<A- A- Azkab- ban?>>
<<Yes. That’s where criminals go>>
Something in the taller man’s tone angered her to no end
<<Sirius is not a criminal, Remus! You of all people should know this!>> She snarled. To her horror, he was unfazed still -or so he seemed
<<You… You don’t really believe he would be capable of that… Do you?>>
She hoped against hope that he would say what she wanted to hear.
Her prayers were shattered as soon as he opened his mouth
<<I don’t know what to believe anymore, Y/N>>
<<HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND>>
<<What about James? What about Lily?>> He pressed, finally losing some of his cool <<What about them, Y/N?>>
<<They… They were betrayed…>>
The girl hated how her voice was faltering, but she did not know what to say against that argument
<<Yes. By him>>
<<NO!>>
<<Then who? Tell me, Y/N, who else could have done this?>>
<<I don’t->>
<<Know, yes. I’ll tell you: Sirius>>
A growl erupted from deep within her chest, and her afflicted expression turned into a glare
<<I WILL NEVER BELIEVE HE IS GUILTY, REMUS! NEVER! IT MAY LOOK THAT WAY, BUT I’M SURE THE TRUTH IS DIFFERENT!>>
He scoffed
<<Fine. Tell me when you find out>>
What he really meant was “have fun being delusional”. To Y/N, it felt like a slap in the face from one of her dearest friends
<<Remus…>>
He didn’t say anything else, he simply spun on his heels and walked away; Y/N could have sworn she saw tears in his eyes, under his mask of unconcern.
She knew he was hurting, badly, just like her, but she couldn’t forgive him for accusing the man she loved of being a murderer, a traitor.
The first drop of rain fell from the sky, hitting her square in the face.
As cliche as it may sound, she thought to herself that the sky was sympathising with her agony.
Running toward home, Y/N thought of all the demons she was escaping from as well: to her shame and anger, a part of her feared Remus was actually right.
Then, the memory of her love’s grey eyes resurfaced, and she shook those fears off: if she were to be the only person in the world who believed in Sirius’s innocence, then so be it.
She was ready to fight.
The flashback ended quickly, but it stoked her agony to unbearable levels.
Her eyes trailed to the newspaper on the coffee table in front of her, all crumpled and dusty from the many times she chucked it somewhere in the room.
In the centre of the page, she saw his picture. His eyes, those wonderful pewter eyes that held so much love for her, were now bloodshot and blown wide, filled with terror; his face was gaunt, and his hair was unkempt.
The last straw was the devastated expression on his face.
No, Y/N decided, wiping away another tear only for many more to take its place; that was not the face of a criminal.
That was the face of a man who’d lost everything.
She softly traced his featured, wishing he were there with her. The last time they saw each other they had parted with a kiss and a bittersweet goodbye.
Just the thought made her fury flare again, and she threw the paper in a corner
<<I don’t know why they call it goodbye, there’s nothing good about it. It’s not much different than feeling so powerless>> The young woman cried, carding her hands through her hair <<And I didn’t even get to say it… Not to James, not to Lily, not to Harry…
Not to Remus…
Not to Sirius>>
Her E/C eyes moved to the window; she could see the heavy rain falling even through the closed drapes. Just like that, she was hit by a terrible realisation
<<And I’ll never get that chance again>>