Chapter 18
The next day, Harry woke up completely warm. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking harshly when the sunlight filtered into his eyes. He stretched his arms over his head, but froze when he realized a few things. The first one was that the bed he was lying on was completely dry. The second that he wasn’t in the room he was in when he woke up the first time here. The last thing was that there was a firm weight pressing up against his middle. It was an arm- an arm attached to Draco’s papa. The events of last night hit him then and he couldn’t stop the embarrassed whimper that escaped his throat. He shifted again to see who was on his other side and came face to face with Mrs. Malfoy’s soft face. She looked delicate and beautiful like those china dolls he had seen in the shops a few times when he went with Dudley and his Aunt Petunia. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch her cheek. Instead he turned his head towards Lucius noticing that he was still sleeping as well. He, too, had very delicate features, but they were so different from his wife. Where her face was an arrangement of soft lines and curves, his were sharp and perfectly defined. He also noticed similarities between him and Draco. His friend? Was Draco his friend? Whatever they were, Harry could see how Draco was almost his father’s twin except for his nose which was from his mother.
The little Potter sat up and felt his face burn with humiliation when he understood why it was that the bed was dry. Looking down, he saw some type of white underpants that were thick and hugged his legs. It was thick in the area between his legs, letting him know that he had wet himself again. Another whimpered left his throat and could feel tears coming to his eyes. Why the hell was he crying so damn much?? He was twelve years old, not some bloody toddler. He shifted to move from between the two adults, silently hoping and praying that they wouldn’t wake up and that he could leave. Unfortunately for him his shifting caused Lucius to shift and tighten his arms around his waist. Great, now he was stuck.
He tried to wiggling out from under the man’s arm, a louder whimper left his mouth. He hated being restricted, it brought back horrible memories. Determined to get out, he shifted a little more, but when the man didn’t budge, a tear fell from his eyes and his body began to shake. He could feel his heart rate picking up and he just wanted to run away for some reason. There was more shifting coming from his right, but he was too focused on his own distress to pay any attention to it.
“Harry?”
Draco’s soft voice broke through his thoughts and the green eyed child turned his eyes towards his friend. Draco frowned when he saw the tears.
“What’s the matter?”
Draco could now see Harry’s small frame shaking.
“I can’t move.”
Draco looked down and saw Harry trapped under his Papa’s arm. He wanted to giggle, but knew it would only serve to upset the smaller boy more. He knew how deeply his papa could sleep when you really let him. Draco was broken out of his thoughts when Harry whimpered again. This time though it caught the attention of the right person because Lucius shifted and moved his arm a bit from off of his middle.
“What are you two doing up so early?” His sleep ladened voice asked. The two blond males watched Harry go stiff at his voice, and Lucius looked to Draco for an answer.
“You trapped Harry, papa.” He said gesturing to his arm. “He doesn’t like that.”
Lucius took in his son’s words and immediately removed his arm, looking towards the distressed child sitting up next to him.
“My apologies, Harry.”
“S’okay,” the child whispered. He flinched almost violently when Lucius reached his hand up to tilt his chin up. Lowering his hand, he tried to keep himself from sighing. There was still so much work to be done with the child, and Lucius knew that they all needed to be patient.
“Harry,” he said gently. “Harry can you look at me please?”
The child in question looked up at this, his eyes still full of fear.
“You have nothing to fear here, child. If any of us do something that you do not like or are uncomfortable with then you are to tell us.” Harry shook his head.
“Harry,” Lucius’s voice was firmer than it was a couple of moments ago. “Not telling us is not an option. How are we to help you if you do not know if you are hurting?”
Harry mumbled something under his breath that even Lucius could not hear. The man sat up, stretching and then pulling the child into his lap. He made sure to keep his movement slow. The child sat stiffly against his chest, only relaxing when his long fingers began to run through his messy locks.
“I see we still need to go over the rules we have here.” He looked down at Harry who stiffened at the word ‘rules.’ “There is nothing to fear here, child. No one here will ever hurt you the way your muggle relatives have, nor that idiot headmaster. You are safe here.”
He wanted to believe him. Merlin, did Harry want to believe them, but you could only take so much abuse before you just don’t trust anyone anymore. No matter how different they felt, it just felt like something was going to go horribly wrong.
Harry was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that anyone else had woken up until he felt the rumbling in Lucius’s chest. He was talking to his professor who was now holding Draco against his own chest. Narcissa was sitting up between them talking to the two men. Her eyes shifted to his when she realized she was being watched. Offering him a gentle smile, she said
“Good morning, Harry.”
“Good morning, Mrs. Malfoy.” The smile that was on her face shifted into a small frown. What had he said wrong this time? “I-I’m sorry.”
The woman shook her head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry dear.”
Harry looked at her from under his lashes. “But you’re mad at me.”
“No one is mad at you, love. I just didn’t think you stick with such formal titles. Especially after last night.”
At the mention of the night before Harry’s face turned Gryffindor red.
“There is nothing to be ashamed of, Harry. No one would ever judge you.”
“You should.” Everyone went silent. “You should judge me. I’m such a baby. I wet the bed. I was crying. I should have just dealt with it. Should have just silen-”
He paused when he realized what he had just said. He hadn’t meant to admit that to anyone. In fact he hoped that they hadn’t heard him, but one look at the unhappy face of the Malfoy matriarch let him know that they had heard him clear as day.
“First things first, Mr. Potter, you are not a baby for crying. Nightmares are quite common and are a natural phenomenon. I even have them.”
Harry looked up at the woman. He felt so small under those chastising eyes.
“You do?”
“Yes, I do. They are nothing to be ashamed of. They are your body’s way of dealing with trauma, something that needs to happen in order for you to heal. Additionally, as far as you silencing yourself, well” Narcissa paused to keep her composure. “I don’t know the horrors that you have had to deal with at the hands of those monsters, but silencing yourself here will not be tolerated. There are a lot of things we allow but that is not one of them. If any of us catch you doing so, you will find yourself over a knee.”
Harry blushed as they spoke to him like some child. Like he was their child.
“You can’t do that!”
Narcissa raised her eyebrow. Draco shifted at the look in his mother’s eyes. He knew that look very well. Everytime she got that look Draco always ended up with a red and flaming bottom. The men watched the interaction, both impressed and proud. Sure they wouldn’t tolerate Harry’s tantrum, but him showing such actions shows them that he actually felt comfortable enough with them to voice his feelings.
“You will find, Mr. Potter, that I can and I will.”
Harry wiggled out from Lucius’s hold and onto the floor. He stared back at them with anger in his eyes.
“You are not my mother. You can’t do anything to me! I’m not your kid. And you can’t treat me like one.”
Narcissa only tilted her head down her eyebrow still raised, but her lips were now starting to form a straight line. Severus placed a hand on Draco’s stomach as he shifted. Even though those eyes weren’t directed at him, that look always made him nervous.
“You will do well not to raise your voice at me, Harry, because I can guarantee you will not like the consequences.”
The slytherins were shocked when Harry let out a laugh.
“What are you going to do? Beat me? Torture me? Or will you let your master kill me? I begged you for death the minute I got here. I’m not afraid of you. And you’re NOT MY MOTHER!”
With that, the boy took off running out the room and out of sight. No one moved for a moment. What the hell just happened?
“Mama! Why’d you make Harry upset?” Draco accused. Narcissa looked down at her son who was glaring up at her. His cheeks were turning red in his ire at her, and he looked adorable but she would never tell him that. Truthfully, she hadn’t expected Harry to blow up like that, even though a part of her wanted to get him to let out his feelings. She ran her hands through her hair with a sigh.
“Cissa,” Severus started. His wife raised her hand to stop him.
“I didn’t mean to upset him, but I meant what I said about him staying here. And if he is going to be a malfoy, whether by adoption or ward, he needs structure and rules. I will not tolerate him stunting his own healing because he feels like he is a burden, I forbid it, both as a mother and a healer.”
Lucius moved to allow his wife out of bed.
“I will go fetch him and bring him to breakfast. This talk needs to be had today. The sooner get this out the way, the better.”
With that, she put on her nightgown and headed off in the direction that Harry had run.
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He didn’t know where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away. Tears burned his eyes and the damn diaper that was still attached to his hips made it damn near impossible to move comfortably. None of that mattered though. There were too many things going on in his head, and it just felt like there was no room to process any of it.
Why did things have to be so damn complicated?
Here he was, the poor little orphan boy who had always craved parents; a loving family who cared about his well being and stature. But it was so new and so surreal. He knew he shouldn’t have yelled at Narcissa, but he was so confused. And scared. So scared that despite their words, they would get tired of him. Everyone did, and when that happened they threw him away like trash. That’s what he was. Trash. Nothing worthy of cherishing.
Harry stopped running when his legs couldn’t go on anymore. He stopped and looked around at his surroundings. It looked like some sort of greenhouse. Some of the walls were made of stained glass that decorated the places in various colors. Looking around he recognized some of the plants. Some were muggle and some were magical. Bright hibiscus flowers were growing in one corner. There were ginger flowers, orchids, there were even a few venus flytraps. There were mint leaves, aloe vera plants, and so much more. He wondered if his professor spent a lot of time down here. He knew of someone who would love to spend time here. His heart lurched as he thought of the Longbottom heir. He was so similar to Harry in so many ways, and was more of a friend than Ron and Hermione ever were. He really missed him. At times like this, Neville always had a good ear and always knew when what to say and when to say it. He never made him feel dumb for his feelings.
Harry sat down in the corner near the Hibiscus flowers. Eventually he would have to go back and apologize to Mrs.Malfoy. He knew he probably really upset her and he had no right to do that. They would surely toss him out on his bum now. Why did he have to ruin everything?
“You’re such an ungrateful little cretin,” he spoke to himself as he pulled his knees up to his chest. Something that was quite awkward with the material between his legs. “Always messing everything up. Should have died right along with your parents. Wasting up space and everyone's time and energy.”
“I do believe, Harry, that we have already discussed your self depreciation tendencies.”
Harry startled at the voice. Narcissa stood in the doorway. She didn’t look angry per se, but there was a hint of disappointment in her voice. The boy scrambled to his feet, almost tripping and falling back onto his bottom. He put his hands behind his back.
“I-I’m sorry, Mrs. Malfoy.”
Narcissa stepped forward, “Narcissa, or Cissa is fine, dear”
The Malfoy matriarch didn’t sound angry, and when Harry looked up at her he was surprised to find her face was kind and her eyes held a softness that made him feel safe and warm. The boy resisted the urge to step back when the woman in front of him took a step forward in his direction, but he could not resist his urge to reach back and protect his bum. The motion did not go unnoticed by Narcissa. Her heart lurched for a moment at the child’s action because while she knew that he had nothing to fear, no child should be afraid of their parents.
While she and those around her were well acquainted with adults who abused their power over children, one thing she had always vowed was to protect those who were hurt, those who were weaker, and those who just needed someone to care- children fell into that category more often than not. After Andromeda had been disowned by their parents, there had been no one there to protect her except Bellatrix. She had married well before her second sister, but she had refused to leave her behind to face the wrath of their parents and those so much like them. Eventually the eldest Black sister did move and when she had she didn't exactly have to beg Narcissa to come with her. Rodulphus has always been a gentleman and between him and her sister, Narcissa had always felt safe. If anything, Lord and Lady Lestrange had become like pseudo parents for her. They were firm in some endeavors, but they were always gentle with her. They eased her fears and banished her nightmares, staying with her when she woke up while in the midst of full blown night terrors and they never chastised her if she wet the bed.
Because of this she had swore to herself that she would always be a gentle mother to any children that she should come to bear, and up until now she had always kept that promise. And if she was being honest, it wasn’t that hard seeing as both of her lovers had come from equally if not worse backgrounds than she had. Lucius’ mother was overbearing yet neglectful while his father had been nothing but a cold hearted and manipulative bastard that never passed up a moment to use his son to do his bidding with the promise of approval and affection that would never come. And her sweet Severus was hardly any better. His drunk lowlife of a father was just as evil except he was without magic though that didn’t deter him from doing damage. After the trio married, they spoke constantly about their wants for their future family in regards to children- their parenting styles, punishments, praises, and the likes. They had even agreed to see mind healers to help them all heal from the abuse they had all suffered as they wanted nothing more for their children to feel safe around them and within the walls of their home.
Narcissa prided herself with the way they went about raising Draco, but with the small child in front of her she knew that they would have to take a different approach. Here was a young boy who had never known anything except cruelty and abuse since he was only an infant; who had never known first hand what it meant to be disciplined and loved at the same time. She would fix that. They all would. She kneeled in front of the small boy, making sure to keep her motions slow and sure while maintaining eye contact. Sitting on the tips of her toes, she placed her hands in her lap, her shoulders completely relaxed and offered Harry a gentle smile.
Harry’s eyes fell back to his feet.
“Look at me, Harry.”
He did as she asked, a lump forming in his throat. “Are you going to send me back?”
“Why on earth would I do that?”
“I deserve it. I made you mad. I ruined everything.”
Narcissa shook her head. “You have not ruined anything, child. Although I do not particularly like tantrums, I am well aware that they do happen and we deal with them accordingly. Draco has them from time to time.”
“But I-”
“Harry, the question of you staying here is not up for debate. We want you here, child, and that is not going to change. No matter how many tantrums you have. We will, however, work on ways for you to express your feelings in a healthy manner.” She reached her hand up to run her manicured fingers through his hair. He relaxed under her touch. “ Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s in this household. We are not here to judge you or punish you for your apprehension or your fears. All that we ask is that you give us a chance. I know that everything's happening so fast, and if you feel that you are being overwhelmed all you have to do is tell us so. Give us a chance to love you. And hopefully, with time you will learn to love us too.”
Harry’s bottom lip trembled. Narcissa didn’t miss a beat as she wrapped her arms around the boy. She let him cry it all out, reassuring him that she was not angry and that he was still very much loved and wanted. Eventually the sobs tapered off to tears which turned into sniffles before they stopped. Narcissa pulled back and wiped his face, offering him a gentle smile.
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
“I am the one who should be apologizing.” She replied. “I am used to dealing with tantrums from Draco in a certain manner, but you are not Draco. It is unfair of me to treat you the same way in that regard. I hate the way you think so lowly of yourself, but we will work on it. I am not angry and I do not want you to think as such.” She paused for a moment to allow the child in her arms a moment to take in all she was saying. When their eyes met once again she continued her train of thought.“There is still much that needs to be done if you are going to stay.” She looked him deep in his eyes. “Do you want to stay here, Harry?”
His nod, although slow, was immediate.
“Yes.”
“Then you will stay.” The woman smiled. She then rose to her feet. “But first we need to get you changed, get you some breakfast, and then we are all going to the study room to have our much needed talk.”
She chuckled softly when Harry looked at her a little apprehensively.
“Do not worry yourself so. You have nothing to fear.”
He took her outstretched hand and followed behind her. For some reason he really did trust her.