Chapter 14
“Well first, Harry, let me start off by giving you my sincerest apologies for the things you have had to endure because of the actions I had done or anything in relation to them.” Tom started once the family was all sitting comfortably. Tea and biscuits had been brought in by the elves, and Draco was sitting in between his parents munching on a chocolate biscuit. He offered his friend half and Harry opted to nibble on it since he still didn’t have much of an appetite.
“I will not make excuses for my actions, and I will give you the whole truth such as you deserve. I will answer any questions to the best of my ability.”
Harry looked at the older wizard and wondered what he could ask. There were so many things on his mind that he didn’t even know where to begin. He decided to start from the beginning.
“Why did you kill my parents?”
Tom sighed. He ran his hand through his neatly styled hair as the only way to show his uneasiness. “I was not in my right mind to put it simply. Over the years I had begun to dig deeper into the dark arts and sought to...extend my life.”
“Why?”
“I had things that needed to get done, goals to complete that I knew could never happen if I were dead. I was well aware of the goal Dumbledore had in mind for me. He had always hated the fact that I viewed everyone as equal. I sought to free magical creatures from their restrictions as well as keeping old traditions alive. Not as a means of ignoring muggle culture but to preserve ours. What most people seem to forget is that once upon a time muggles hated us. They feared magic and the unnatural and did anything in their power to destroy it.”
A flash of understanding shown in Harry’s eyes. He knew exactly what Tom meant as his aunt had hated absolutely anything she deemed as “not normal.” Even when he was young and displayed bursts of accidental magic, she would rant and rave about how freaky he was and how she should have gotten rid of him the moment she found him on the front doorstep.
“Contrary to popular belief, I have no desire to eradicate muggle traditions nor the way that they live, but strive for them to see that it would benefit them to learn our ways of life the same way it would benefit us to learn theirs. No way is better than the other yet most people either can’t see that or refuse to.”
For some reason the first thing that popped into Harry’s mind was Hermione. It seemed like, since the very beginning, the girl had always done her best to boast about traditions that took place in the muggle world. And while that was not necessarily a bad thing, she refused to listen to the pureblood children, or anyone really, whose opinion differed from hers. He remembered her going on for an entire hour about how they needed to set house elves free despite students telling her that doing so would only kill them. She had seen it as a slight on her part and was never willing to debate with anything, simply assuming that people would go along with her train of thought simply because she was a muggle born witch with book-smarts.
Harry observed the man in front of him. While he could understand his motives for the most part, there was something that he was curious about.
“How did you aim to be immortal?”
The question, while innocent in and of itself, caused most of the adults to either flinch or suck in a breath of air.
“I created horcruxes.”
Harry tilted his head in confusion, even Draco was intrigued. He knew what they were to an extent but his family had never actively talked about these things with him or in front of him.
“What is that?”
“They are items used in order to store pieces of a witch or wizard’s soul. Doing so makes them immortal.”
Harry’s mouth fell into a little O shape. “How many do you have?”
“Seven.”
This was news to the entire room. Severus looked at his father with eyes full of disbelief. Seven?! He could not believe that man had been so stupid! Everyone in the room, save for the children, knew that the more horcruxes one had the more they break apart their sanity. It certainly explained why his father was so unhinged all those years ago. He seemed to read his son’s thoughts because he looked into Severus’s eyes and sighed.
“I know what you are thinking Severus, and no. At the time I did not know exactly what splitting my soul would do to my sanity. I had read about it being dangerous, but by the time I had created so many the danger just didn’t seem to matter anymore.”
“I just,” the dour man was absolutely stumped. He could not think of the right words to say.
“I know it is a lot to take in, and I had planned to tell all of you once I had gotten my sanity back together, but the timing always seemed off.”
“That’s hardly an excuse, Tom.” Narcissa snapped. Her father in law had the good grace to look ashamed. “You should have known we would find out one way or another, and we do not keep secrets in this house.”
“I know that, Narcissa, truly I do.” The man sighed again. “Truthfully though, the last one I created was never even my intention. It was a complete accident.”
“What is the last one?” Lucius asked with a raised eyebrow. Eyes widened when Tom turned and looked at Harry.
The room was dead silent for a beat.
“Father are you serious?!” Severus yelled, only stopping when the child in his arms flinched and tried to curl into himself. He calmed himself immediately and then tightened his hold on Harry. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you. I was just shocked is all.”
Harry relaxed in his hold. Draco leaned against his mother who ran her fingers through his hair. The poor child looked crestfallen and teary eyed. Bella was leaning over with her head bowed while her husband rubbed calming circles on her back. Severus had momentarily forgotten about Draco and Bella’s abilities and shot them each an apologetic glance.
“I apologize, Dragon. And to you as well Bella.”
Said witch nodded but kept her head low as her stomach still felt queasy. Severus turned back to his father.
“How did you manage to turn Harry into a horcrux?”
“Like I said, it was a complete accident. Plus everything that night happened so fast that I hardly remember a thing.”
“What do you remember?” Lucius asked.
Tom stopped to think. “Everything plays in my head in the form of bits and pieces. I remember getting to the Potter house and going after them. I remember the fight with James. We fought but...I don’t remember killing him at all. The same thing with Lily.”
Severus inhaled through his teeth at the mention of his old friend. Tom looked at his son.
“I knew how much she meant to. I would have never dared to take something so precious from you, even in my neurotic state of mind. There was fighting again, but then it became a blur again. I could remember hearing a child cry, but for some reason it felt like there had been someone else in the house. I don’t remember anything else besides that. Then the moment where I felt my soul leave and then nothing.”
“Do you think Dumbledore could have played a part in that? That he was the one who killed the Potters?” Rodolphus asked.
Tom placed his head in his hands. “I am not sure. The theory is not impossible to consider. I wouldn’t put it past him to do such a thing. With Harry and I linked he would be able to get rid of both of us.”
Harry whimpered at that.
“I know it's a lot to take in and not easy to hear. I wish I knew what to say to make up for it in any way, I just don’t know how. Is there any way that could forgive me, child? You deserved to live a happy life and as a result of my own stupidity you have been hurt in more ways than one on far too many occasions. I am so sorry.”
Tom looked at the man before him. Sitting here was not some madman out to exterminate him or kill a portion of the wizard world. It was not a monster who was hellbent on blood supremacy and power. No. The aging man before him was just as much a victim as Harry was. A man with fully functioning emotions with the ability to feel guilt and empathy. He showed remorse for the things that he had directly or indirectly caused Harry and seemed to want to make up for it. He wanted to pay for his sins even though Harry did not ask such things of him. And for some reason, that meant more to Harry than anything. They could not change the past. They had to live with it, but it meant more to want to have a better future than harboring on the things you can’t fix.
A lump formed in Harry’s throat as he looked into those garnet eyes filled with genuine hopefulness. He slid off of Severus’s lap and made his way over to the dark wizard. He took a breath and with as much courage as he could muster wrapped his small arms around the man’s neck. Strong arms wrapped around his thin torso and pulled him into his lap. For the second time today, he found himself being rocked and held by one of the darkest wizards of their time. He listened to the man’s steady heartbeat; the sound relaxing him. The child basked in the comfort offered to him and hoped that he was able to do the same for Tom. He then pulled back and spoke the three words that would literally send Dumbledore into an early grave.
Red eyes met green as Harry opened his mouth to say, “I forgive you.”