If Remus was being completely honest, he still felt quite horrible. His head ached, the potions for his muscle soreness had yet to take effect, and his new injuries restricted him from lifting his arms. But if he was completely honest, Promfrey wouldn’t have released him for another week.
When he got to the common room, James and Peter were playing wizards chess, so he dumped his bag on the floor and slumped into the chair closest to them.
“Moony! You’re free!” Peter greeted him.
“Yep, My left arm hurts like hell though.”
“I’m sure it'll heal up soon. Padfoot left you some of that potion for the headaches. It’s in the dormitory.” James said.
“Where is he?”
“I haven’t seen him since herbology. I assumed he was off with Marlene or something.” Something rolled in Remus’ stomach, jealousy, he told himself. Then he promptly ignored it.
“Where's the map?”
“Here,” Peter pulls the map from his bag and passes it to Remus.
“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” Remus scans the map, searching for Sirius’ name. “He’s alone, I’m gonna go check on him.” Remus says and with a wave of his wand, the parchment is blank and he’s out of his seat.
--- --- ---
Sure enough, Sirius was sitting alone under one of the stone archways with a cigarette in his mouth. His hair was pulled up in a bun and his shirt was starting to get soaked.
Remus silently took a seat with him and looked out at the grounds. The sky was grey and cloudy. The rain was cold and hard. The air around them was heavy and chilled. And still, everything looked so serene. The grass was dark green, the leaves on every tree upturned to the sky, the sun shining through casting murky shadows across the world. It was a sleepy kind of peaceful.
Remus thought back to the previous year, he had been struggling. Coming to terms with his sexuality, worrying about his friends accompanying him each month, exams.
After a particularly stressful day, while the clouds hung low, just like they did now, Sirius had pulled him outside, twirling him under the angry clouds, laughing and raising his hands up to the sky and when he looked back at Remus his smile was so big and bright it was ingrained permanently into Remus’ mind.
Today Sirius wasn’t dancing. He wasn’t grabbing Remus’ hand and pulling up under the sky.
He was crying. Not sobbing… but tears were running down his face. He never cried in front of people if he could help it, but when he turned to look at Remus, as if looking for a sign that it was okay to feel like this, his shoulders began to shake. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and covered his face with one hand, and he cried.
Remus moved closer, putting a hand hesitantly on Sirius’ arm, offering support if he wanted it. But Sirius just took a shaky breath and wiped his face, looking away.
“I’m okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.” He reassures. Remus only nods and leans their shoulders together while Sirius looks out in front of him. Then he drops his head sideways on Remus’s shoulder, and Remus holds him.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
There's a pause… then Sirius moves his face so his forehead is pressed into Remus’ shoulder and neck.
“I saw Regulus.” He whispers.
“Oh.”
“He told me that I was wrong and that… he was glad that- was glad that I was gone. And I… yelled at him.”
“Oh, Sirius,”
“And then he told me that he’s gonna talk to James. And everyone else. He said he would tell them about- tell them… something… something about me and then James’ family would kick me out too.”
“Sirius the Potters love you.”
“I know. He was bluffing anyways.” Remus doesn’t know what to say next so he just rubs up and down Sirius’ back comfortingly. “But what if they do find out. And they change their minds?”
“Nothing could be so bad that they’ll stop loving you. You’re like a son to them. A brother to James. We all love you. Regulus does too, even if he’s bad at showing it.”
“You don’t know what it is.”
“You don’t need to tell me either. But you can if you want to, I’ll still be here.” When Sirius doesn’t say anything Remus just holds out his hand. Sirius looks at it curiously for a moment before taking it hesitantly.
Remus pulls him to his feet and right into a hug. Then he takes both his hands and pulls him out into the rain.
“What are we doing?” Sirius asks, a smile starting to creep onto his face.
“Dancing.”
“But you’ll get your sweater all wet.”
“I don’t mind. It’s worth it to dance with you.”
And so Remus twirls Sirius and suddenly he’s smiling again and they’re dancing in the rain.
When Sirius finally slows down, settling to sway slightly, hand in hand with Remus, the Rain hasn’t gotten any lighter and the both of them are dripping.
“Your hair is soaking wet.”
“And your sweater is like a sponge.”
Remus smiles, looking down at his feet then back at Sirius. He pulls him as close as he dares to. Sirius has water running down his face and when he tries to shake out his hair, it just splatters over them both. So Remus untangles their hands and reaches up to wipe the water from his own face. Then Sirius’ face. How he got there he has no idea but suddenly he’s holding Sirius’ cheek in his hand and smiling down at him. Sirius is smiling back. Looking so utterly happy.
Then his smile falters and his hands ghost over Remus’ hips before he drops them at his side and backs away with an awkward smile.
“Sorry,” Remus mumbles. Sirius shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You’re with Marlene,” Remus reminds himself, “Sorry,” He whispers again, backing away.
“I’m not with Marlene.”
“You aren’t?”
“No. I never was.” Sirius is tearing up again but with the rain and his pensive expression it’s almost impossible to tell.
“Oh.”
He wants to tell Remus that he found acceptance with Marlene that he didn’t expect to find at all. But it’s not his secret to tell, he couldn’t out Marlene. Plus he himself isn’t out yet either.
“Remus, are you?” Sirius starts, shuffling on his feet and looking back at him. “Are you gay?”
Remus doesn’t answer for almost a solid minute. He just stares.
“I don’t know.” He admits finally.
“You don’t know?”
“No. I mean, would it be such a bad thing if I was?”
“I don’t know.”
“Right. I’m sorry then, I shouldn’t have… you know.” Remus swallows, a nasty feeling starting to pile up in his chest and a burning sensation threatening behind his eyes.
“No, Remus, that’s not what I meant, I- I just… I mean anything my family disapproves of must be a good thing right?” He tries to laugh.
“Sirius.” Remus sighs and crosses his arms over himself.
“Right, Sorry,”
“I like girls. I just… like blokes too.” Remus says eventually.
“Are you sure?” Remus nods and Sirius seems to be in thought for a nerve wracking moment. “I don’t like girls at all.”
“You don’t?”
“No. That's what Regulus was talking about. I’m afraid he’s gonna out me.”
“Sirius! That’s horrible!”
“Yeah well…”
“You don’t deserve that.”
“Thanks.”
The rain continued to pound down around them. There’s few moments of silently not knowing what to do next, and Remus speaks again.
“Sirius being gay isn’t a bad thing. The Potters will accept you. They’ve got to.” Remus says. And he sounds so hopeful, because he’s worried too. But he says it so surely that Sirius believes him. He smiles and looks up into the rain before stepping closer to Remus hesitantly.
“Remus,” Sirius says, and he’s smiling softer than anyone has ever seen from him before.
“Yeah?”
“Dance in the rain with me?”
And so Remus has his arms around Sirius and Sirius has his arms around Remus and they are swaying slightly. The air between them is thick with unspoken emotions and unresolved tensions.
Eyes smile into eyes and hands rest hot and innocent, enveloping each other in warmth as the icy pellets of water drench them. And then in a sudden burst of courage and an emotion Sirius was hesitant to name, Sirius has his lips on Remus’ lips and his hands in his hair and they are kissing with everything they have.
Kissing with every word they never said out loud, every feeling they shoved to the back burner. Every thought they lit on fire in their fear. They kiss with the passion of two boys dancing in the rain. And when they pull apart, Remus is gripping Sirius’ shirt and grinning and Sirius is grinning back.