I Wish I Could Go Back to the Beginning
He had been interested in her the very second that he sees her. Uchiha Kiyomi. Well, that's not entirely true. Itachi had believed that she was incredibly lucky to have survived as long as she had on the front lines during the Third Great Shinobi War, especially since her hair was just a little bit past shoulder length.
Fangirl. Insipid. Vain.
All those adjectives were blown away when she questioned what he kept staring at her for.
Amusement threatened to curl his lips into a smile when her teammate dragged her away to give her a scolding. Mentally, he'd added a question mark to the fangirl title he'd assigned her. Brought from his reveries, Itachi kept his face neutral as Kiyomi delivered the driest, most insincere, and flippant apology he'd ever heard.
Once more, he had to struggle to keep his facial features blank as he turned to sharpen his kunai.
Fighting alongside Squad Three (and yes, it really is just Masumi and Kiyomi, he's the interloper here) brings about mixed emotions for the young genius. The way that Masumi needs only to make a simple sign for Kiyomi to immediately duck for cover, run to this tree or that, the voiceless communication they share as they exchange information with only a look, how neither have an issue with ceding authority to the other, etc. etc.
It's unprecedented.
After the War ends, Itachi is shamed by the fact that he falls out of contact with Kiyomi, but putting it blatantly, their social circles just don't mix, he's a genin and she's a retired kunoichi, turned civilian. He's the heir to the clan and although there had been rumors that Kiyomi's mother was kin to Uchiha Naori, the rumor's put aside with her death at Kyūbi's claws.
Much to his relief, he managed to meet Kiyomi completely by accident after she's gone to get groceries. And again and again, though those times were much fewer accidents and more that he didn't want to fall out of contact again. Eventually, she even calls him 'friend' and that title filled him with joy.
Perhaps he'd have spent the rest of his life not knowing or understanding the enormity of emotions that Kiyomi brought in him until Shisui made a comment about him 'sighing like a love-struck girl'.
"Oh, wow! You really like her, don't you?" Squinting at his younger cousin, Shisui grinned uncontrollably.
"I already said this…" Itachi murmured, features carefully blank and gentle, patient, as he fed Sasuke a snack of banana slices, though the bits of mushed food ended up more on his shirt and pants as his baby brother gummed at his fingertips.
"I mean you like her." Shisui insisted, placing special emphasis on the word 'like'. "You want to kiss her. Hold her hand." He continued on, amusement tinged his tone and he eyed the younger boy slyly. "Maybe even do more than hold hands and kiss."
"Shisui!" Itachi hissed, partially in shock but mostly embarrassment and he adjusted Sasuke in his lap as his brother whined, unhappy to have the attention of his favorite person so divided.
"Maybe you're fine with being friends and that's okay too but I just think that you owe it to yourself to at least admit to the girl that you've got feelings for her."
"I'll think about it," Itachi said, noncommittal. Sasuke's tiny hand, shiny with spit and splatters of banana, grabbed onto one of his bangs and yanked. Not letting his face show how much that actually hurt, in a firm tone, he said, "Sasuke. No. No pulling on aniki's hair, that's bad."
Sasuke blew a spit bubble, "AHHN!"
"Bad. Very bad." He repeated again, flicking some of the food in his best friend's direction, lips twitching as Shisui made a comical (and over-exaggerated) noise of disgust.
When he understood the depths of his feelings, Itachi can't believe how he missed it. He's a genius, a prodigy! 'I should have noticed.'
"So. You like me." Wiggling her eyebrows in a playful way, Kiyomi's eyes were narrowed and watching his expression intently. Itachi tried to say something, though it never crossed his mind to deny the comment, and as he inwardly went through many counterpoint statements. "...Oh. You really do like me."
"Kiyomi, I…" He didn't know the appropriate thing to say right now.
Before Itachi could summon the dreaded words such as 'it doesn't matter' and 'to forget it', Kiyomi raised her hand for silence as she stood up.
"I need some time to think about this."
With a sinking feeling in his chest and the absolute certainty that things were irrevocably ruined between them, Itachi nodded his head, wordlessly agreeing with and supporting her decision. That night, he played with Sasuke and went through the necessary motions with his family then went to bed and thankfully didn't dream.
The following day, Itachi woke up feeling as if someone had almost succeeded in burying him alive with a Doton jutsu, he was moving so sluggishly and there was a faint twinge pulsing near his temple.
"Will you stop being so gloomy? I doubt things are as bad off as you believe." Shisui prodded Itachi with a stick of dango, trying to tempt his friend and cousin into sitting up correctly at the least.
"Things were fine the way they were."
"You couldn't tell 'Tachi-chan, but you wanted more and you were miserable because you didn't know how to ask for it." With that little nugget of wisdom, he chomped down on his treat, making noises of appreciation. Glancing to his left, Shisui smiled enigmatically and nudged his cousin. Itachi straightened up only to see that Kiyomi was walking towards them, and she was smiling. He'd never heard of anyone rejecting someone with a smile so he smiled in return, the action automatic.
Being with Kiyomi, it was peaceful.
He didn't have to be the infallible and unflappable clan heir. There was no pressure to be anything but himself. Even when he joined ANBU at eleven, when sometimes he wondered if he was going to be able to make it, Kiyomi held him together.
Less than a year together, and he knew that he more than liked her, he loved her. He was in love with her. Itachi wanted to tell her this but then Danzō finally made his move, stealing Shisui's eye and even worse, the clan's plan for a coup d'etat… Everything, everything was happening so quickly. He wanted to confide the terrible truth to Kiyomi but he didn't know how. All that he knew was that the village came first, it had to.
Even if Sasuke hated him, he could accept that, he'd gladly die at his baby brother's hand as long as he was safe.
'I can endure. I will endure it.'
Itachi's hand tightened around the baby's rattle in his blood speckled hand. Breathing felt impossible, he almost felt like all the oxygen in the room had vanished as Kiyomi's bedroom door opened and her eyes immediately took in his countenance, not even giving him a chance to say something, though what exactly he wasn't for sure, but the man claiming to be Uchiha Madara shoved his hand through her chest.
Mouth falling open, a cry not unlike a wounded animal left his lips as blood dribbled down her chin and her hand drifted down to her stomach in an unconscious movement and he just knew -
"KIYOMI." His voice came out hoarse and choked with tears. "Kiyomi, please, only you." 'Don't leave me. I can't be here, Sasuke needs someone. I need you. Please. I'm sorry. Don't die.' Her eyes stared up at him, blinking slowly, blood pooling around her. Then her eyes closed and something in his chest cracked open, a great yawning abyss of hopelessness and despair.
With the utmost care, Itachi set her down, brushing her hair out of her face. He probably would have stayed right there and paid the price for his actions had not the masked shinobi grabbed his shoulder and then there was a sucking sensation, as if his very body was being bended and twisted, folded, until at last any trace of their presence was removed.
Kiyomi kept her eyes closed and breathing relaxed, just like she'd been trained to do whenever she woke up in an unknown environment or with possible enemies surrounding her. As someone reached out to touch the area in the general direction of her face, the retired kunoichi reacted instantly, grabbing onto the appendage tightly.
"Uchiha-san, you're safe here. You're in Konoha General Hospital, room 315B, it's 4:30 p.m. and you are safe. My name is Honda Katase, I'm a doctor."
If anything, those final words caused Kiyomi's fears to skyrocket even more, not make her relax. After all, Nohara Rin had been the one who'd surgically removed Uchiha Obito's eye.
"Why were your hands near my face? I was not wounded in that area." Her voice was cold as ice and without even thinking twice, she applied even more pressure onto the doctor's hand. Katase cried out and her eyes opened a fraction, watching dispassionately as he went to his knees, fruitlessly trying to tug away from her grip. "Speak, or I will crush your-"
"He was operating under my orders, Uchiha-san." Another person entered the room, he was of average height and weight with mousy brown hair, glasses perched on his nose, his arms spread in a gesture of surrender. "You hit your head rather hard after fainting when the ANBU found you. I wanted to be sure that you didn't have a concussion."
"I don't faint," Kiyomi interjected.
"Considering the dire circumstances, I think you were entitled to." Gesturing to Katase, the newcomer maintained eye contact, tone bland.
"Please release my coworker. Let's talk about things calmly."
After another few seconds of deliberation, Kiyomi let go. Katase didn't hesitate and beat a hasty retreat, the door slamming shut on the way out. Kiyomi flexed her fingers and then folded them neatly over her legs which were covered by a white sheet. "...Am I the last?"
"I'm glad you brought that up first, Uchiha-san." Taking a seat, the brunette kept his hands in a visible position. "You're not the last. ANBU operative Weasel left Uchiha Sasuke alive."
"Is he aware of my…" Here, Kiyomi paused, swallowed. "Am I prohibited from seeing him? Does he know that he's not alone?"
"The only thing that we informed Sasuke of is that you are in this room. If you wish to divulge anything else of the personal nature, that is your right." Tactfully, he avoided the huge elephant in the room, completely professional. Kiyomi relaxed, grateful that they hadn't dropped the bomb that she was Itachi's ex-lover. "Before you see anyone else, it would be remiss of me not to inform you that Sandaime-sama is requesting to speak with you as soon as possible."
The warning from the woman in her dream, about there being something more going on, reverberates in her ears. The Hokage is a kind old man but he doesn't really have to personally visit her in the hospital, does he? Kiyomi hates the distrust that settles in her heart but she can't stop the feeling. He hadn't visited after she made the decision to resign from active duty, trusting Fugaku-sama to have her see the family psychiatrist as soon as possible.
So why now…?
"I'm well enough to see him."
The details could be worried over later, Kiyomi decided, she'd see what he had to say and then check in on Sasuke. Itachi's little brother was her priority now.