Convergent
“You’re not dying here,” he retorted, clearly resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Stop being dramatic.”
"Do not screw with me right now. It's not the time."
Draco, still looming over me, pushed up his sleeves, revealing his strong, unblemished forearms. The way his veins traveled down his arms like strokes of a paintbrush made a shameful heat blossom in me as he stared down at me. “Threatening me? Really?” He chided, making me scowl at him.
“Not a threat, asshole, a reminder,” I said. “Would you please let me out of this? The ropes are starting to hurt.”
I made sure my voice sounded slightly pained as I spoke. It didn’t truly hurt but I was hoping to inspire a bit of sympathy. Or at least make him feel guilty enough to untie me.
A flash of worry flickered in his eyes before he caught on. “See? Dramatic.”
I let out a frustrated huff, feeling the subtle strain on my ribs. I’d been sitting here too long. My legs were falling asleep. I tried to move a bit, feeling the bite of numbing pinpricks, like ants crawling up my legs.
As I did, I let out a hiss of pain as the rope scraped harshly against the tender, red skin of my wrists. The sound must’ve been more convincing than my last performance, because his frown grew slightly as he moved to inspect me.
He tugged back the material as much as the tight knot would allow, getting a clearer look at the skin. I looked as he did, wincing at the inflamed state of my arm. It was red, almost flaky from the friction of the rope, and even the cool air of Snape’s office felt too extreme on the hot skin.
Draco looked back at me, concern barely discernible, but still present, oddly enough. He seemed to think for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek as he did. “If I undo these,” he said, gesturing to the restraints, “You have to promise you’ll stay and hear me out, okay?”
My first instinct was to say no, to laugh at him for thinking I’d want to listen to his excuses, but it was growing more and more painfully annoying to be trapped by the twine, so I nodded. He let out a breath as he procured his wand, then muttered the counterspell to the one that had previously been cast.
Instantly, the material vanished from my chair, and I brought my wrists to my body, rubbing them like I had seen prisoners do in movies I’d watched with my father when I was younger. My sleeves had ridden up with the action, and I noticed Draco’s gaze caught on the scar that traversed the length of my forearm. Quickly, not really caring that it was obvious, I slid my robe sleeve down, hiding the gruesome mark that made my stomach revolt whenever I looked at it.
Warily, Draco stepped back, as if he thought I was going to bolt for the door. To be fair, I did think about it, but I had promised him I would stay, so stay I would. Once he was sure I was staying put, as I stretched out my legs, he leaned against the table next to me, his arms crossed in front of him.
“I need you to just listen, okay?”
“Bu-”
Draco held up a hand, his silver ring glinting softly. “Listen, instead of talking, Elaine. Just for once in your life, okay?”
I bit back the indignant remark that arose, mimicking his crossed arms and leaning back in my chair. Letting out a slow breath through my nose, as if I was breathing out the anger and annoyance that was directed at him, I raised an eyebrow, indicating he should go ahead.
He ran his hands through his hair, which, I was beginning to notice, seemed to be a nervous habit of his. “I know that erasing that memory feels like I took something from you, and I did, you’re right. Memories are...they’re meant to be ours. Really, they’re the only thing that are truly solely ours, aren’t they? But,” Draco let out a sharp breath. “Sometimes...they can be used against us. Sometimes, people invade the only real place of solitude we have. Mine-mine…”
A pause, a breath, a moment.
“Mine were. You think that I took that memory from you because I regretted it, yes?”
A nod from me urged him to continue. I wanted to say...well, I wanted to say a lot, but I wanted to hear why he had done what he did. Needed, really. Needed to know why he stole from me something that should’ve been a memory that set my heart racing from excitement, not pain.
“Because you think...you think terrible things about me, or at least sometimes you do,” Draco went on.
I did, that was true. He didn’t need a confirmation from me though, so I didn’t respond at all. “And you’re right to think those things. I’m not going to argue with that. I’ve made my choices. So has everyone else. You would be far from the first to think those things about me, but you know that. I am well aware of how this school perceives me.”
Hearing Draco talk about himself in such a plain and upfront matter was disconcerting, to say the least. Knowing that he was aware of the whispers and rumors flying around the school that mentioned his name shouldn’t have surprised me, but perhaps I thought it should’ve bothered him more than it did, or at least more than he was letting on right now.
“So yes, I do shitty things, Elaine. You know that better than anyone. I’ve been a massive arse to you since we’ve met, though you’re not entirely innocent yourself. There is something about you that drives me insane, and I still can’t figure out if it’s in a good way or in a horrid, nails-on-a-chalkboard sort of way.” Draco said, twirling his wand between his fingers as he spoke.
I was almost glad he wasn’t looking at me, because I wasn’t doing a damn thing to hide the array of emotions that crossed my face as he continued to speak. In his typical fashion, he was taking ages to get to the point, but I found myself not minding the long, winding route his voice was taking.
Even with the insult-centred detours he was taking along the way.
“Every time I think I’ve decided, you do something that makes me feel the other way, and really, it’s quite annoying. I’ve never met someone so adept at worming their way into my life, especially into the parts that I don’t allow anyone to see. You just always seem to find me at my lowest, or maybe being around you causes that to happen. You don’t even manage to stay away after I do things I’m sure will scare you off.”
He’s rambling; he’s nervous. I don’t know if I’d ever seen him so jittery, though if I hadn’t spent so much time around him this year, I would’ve thought nothing was amiss.
“I don’t know if that’s just an incredibly unlikely bit of bad luck or if you just have a penchant for unsafe situations. Nothing about us is safe at all. But…”
Another pause, another moment that had me on edge.
“But I didn’t erase that memory because I regretted it.”
Draco finally stopped twirling his wand, his eyes darting to mine, and I found myself quite frozen as he took me in. The pause had me nearly opening my mouth to ask why he didn’t regret it, but I found I’d had a spectacular talent of ruining these revealing moments Draco so rarely gifted me. As hard as it was, I kept quiet as Draco scanned my face, his steely eyes returning more than once to my mouth.
At least I was keeping my glances quick and unnoticeable.
Then why-
Draco stood slowly, tucking his wand away, his full attention on my relaxed body in the rickety wooden chair. He crossed the short distance between us in a single step, his dark figure even more imposing in my seated position. And then his cologne hit me, hard, and I nearly reached out a trembling hand just to try and satiate the want in my core to touch him that was starting to burn. “I did it,” he said, his gaze mouthwateringly intense and heated. “I did it, Elaine,” god, the way he says my name, “Because I don’t remember the last time I meant something so much.”
Oh. I opened my mouth, but Draco shot me a stern look that had me both instantly closing my mouth and embarrassingly warm. “I said, just listen,” Draco demanded, but there was little true rage in his voice.
His hands twitched at his sides, as if he was about to reach out for something but stopped himself. I found myself wishing he’d done it.
“I meant it, and that’s why I had to do what I did,” Draco told me, his blond hair falling in his face as he tilted his head down at me. “You saw Snape; he’ll do anything to get what he wants. That includes cracking your head open like a chest and digging through the memories that are inside.”
It wasn’t difficult at all to tell he was speaking from experience.
“It was an unwise thing to say,” he paused, flicked his eyes down to my mouth, then back up, “I didn’t want it used against me.”
Huh, I thought. Not exactly a tear-jerking confession of feelings, but I’d never heard Draco speak so plainly about his emotions. He was always so incredibly guarded, so on-edge, that it was impossible to know anything about him while surrounded by others.
It seemed he was finished with his speech, so I said, “You didn’t want it used against you.”
Not exactly a question, but not entirely a mere statement.
Instead of a reprimand, Draco nodded, his white hair catching the odd candlelight. “Snape’s already been through my head, before you and I--before this started. He trusts me without question. You, however, have made yourself a target because you refused to leave things well enough alone.”
Maker, it had been an accident. I don’t know why no one appeared to catch that fact.
“Snape, if he suspected anything, would go after you with no hesitation or remorse. If he saw that, you and I would both be in deep shit,” Draco explained.
The idea of Snape, that greasy, vile man, prodding my memories like they were nothing more than an experiment in a lab, made disgust ripple through me. I was still upset at Draco, but now, it wasn’t really about him taking the memory away. It was wrong; he had admitted that, but strangely, I could see why he had done it. I just wished, foolishly, that he had let me enjoy that memory, even once, before he tainted it.
“Oh,” I responded.
“Oh?” Draco repeated. “That’s all you have to say?”
I shook my head. “No, it isn’t.” Just all I could say immediately after hearing all that.
Draco huffed a sigh. “Then please, enlighten me.”
“Impatient asshole,” I mumbled, causing him to roll his silvery eyes. I thought for a moment, chewing on my bottom lip. I knew how I felt; that wasn’t why I had to take a moment. There was no guarantee Draco wouldn’t steal this memory from me as well. Depending on how this went, I might just ask him to do it regardless.
“First, I’m still angry at you for erasing my memories, so keep that in mind,” I reminded him. “I mean it. That was so far beyond okay, and if you ever do it again, I’ll hex you so hard you can’t talk.”
“I--”
“And second,” I said, glaring at him. Sure, I had to stay quiet while he talked, but he could interrupt me. Draco’s jaw tensed, but he cut himself off. “I...understand why you did it,” I told him, a fact that shocked even myself.
Draco clearly was feeling the same because he leaned his head to the side, his eyebrows raised.
“That doesn’t mean, though, that it was okay,” I continued, because it wasn’t. “And it doesn’t mean I forgive you, if you even care about that.”
“I do,” he answered, so softly I barely caught it.
I didn’t say anything to that, because I needed to get all my thoughts out while they were still straight and being near Draco for long amounts of time tended to make my brain act strangely. “Taking my memories was a massive violation. Taking the truth serum, too, you know. It-it doesn’t feel right to have someone be able to have such complete access to my head,” I said, letting out a shuddering breath.
“But...I do understand, Draco. Even if it was for selfish reasons, I understand. It’s an explanation, mind you, not an excuse. But I...I don’t think you did it to be vindictive. Especially after…” I hesitated.
Especially after you stopped anything from happening that night because you felt guilty about me being drunk.
A question sparked in Draco’s eyes, but still, he held his silence. To tell him would mean revealing just how much that small moment had meant to me. It had meant more than I’d ever be able to express; such a small thing, really, to be grateful for, especially because it was something that should’ve been considered merely a decent thing to do. But with all the men in my life I had been close to, every one of them had done something that cracked a small part of my ability to trust.
Draco, with the exception of erasing my memory, hadn’t. He had belittled me and made fun of me and made me feel as though I could strangle him on multiple occasions and I’d never feel guilty about doing so, but he had never done something that made me feel as though I had been misled.
In the strangest turn of events, that made him different from all the other men I had had any sort of relationship with, romantic or otherwise. I didn’t know if it made him good, but it made him different.
I cleared my throat, feeling shaky as I did. “Especially after you stopped things that night for-for the right reason,” I breathed.
Draco pressed his lips into a thin line, and I studied his face, not caring if he noticed. He didn’t speak; neither did I. My heart hammered as I waited for his response to my revelation. I didn’t even elaborate on what the right reason was. It didn’t feel necessary because I had a strange gut feeling that Draco already knew, that that was why he had done it.
“People may say I’m a monster,” he acknowledged, his eyes boring into mine with purposeful intensity. “That may or may not be true, but even monsters have their limits. And…”
My breath felt heavy in my chest as he trailed off. His hand reached out, smoothing a strand of hair behind my ear that had floated in front of my face. I may have imagined it, but it felt as though his hand was unsteady as he touched me. Draco’s face was still, but the way he worried at the inside of his cheek, the way his fingers lingered even after my hair was back in place, told me that he was thinking hard about his next words.
“And,” he repeated, the word more of a breath than anything. “And this year, hurting you has become a limit for me.”
Things were so peculiar, so off-centered, that that confession from him had my mind stumbling over my thoughts, my chest aching with how hard my heart was pounding.
I wasn’t delusional; I knew this...relationship, or whatever the hell Draco and I had going on, wasn’t usual, or normal, or even really entirely healthy. I wasn’t going to pretend that Draco saying he didn’t want to hurt me was a grand romantic gesture instead of a morally sound notion.
The thing was, though, that the two of us were so hurt in such similar ways that there was a comfort in Draco saying he wouldn’t hurt me anymore. I had been hurt by so many people this year, people that were meant to be my friends and family. Those people had still hurt me, some in ways that I was having an incredibly difficult time getting over. But Draco? My enemy? When things began to fall apart with Harry, with my father, Draco had become not kinder, no, but he had begun reaching out to me in ways that I don’t think even he realized. Even just today, when he had seen me cornered by those gits, he had reached out. He could’ve kept walking, and no one would’ve been surprised. But Draco hadn’t.
So sure, it wasn’t healthy, but neither was I. Neither was Draco.
I brought my hand up to where Draco’s still lightly rested against my head. With a featherlight touch, I placed the tips of my fingers against his cold hand. A small gesture, yes, but I needed him to know.
“You’ve...even with all the shit that’s happened between us, or maybe because of it, you…”
How to say this right, how to express properly that the tether between us had been the only thing keeping me afloat since my father had kicked me out was more difficult than I anticipated. I thought, or maybe hoped, that it was the same for him. Maybe this was just a passing fancy, something to take our minds off of what was really suffocating us. We offered each other a bit of reprieve from the grave state of reality, and perhaps that’s all it would ever be.
I found myself thinking I didn’t care if that’s all it was. I also found myself thinking that it was much more than that, but accepting that Draco had helped me not succumb to the massive waves of despair that so often threatened to consume me was hard enough. Even when we fought, I realized, it was good; it kept me awake instead of growing numb like I had in the past.
How had Draco become the only steady presence in my life?
“You’ve kept me from going insane,” I finally said. A weak way to word it, I knew. “I think that-that you’ve made me pissed off more than you’ve ever made me feel anything else, but…”
But that was slowly becoming untrue, wasn’t it?
Gods above, words had never eluded me with more swiftness than they were right now.
Draco bent down, his face now inches from mine. I pulled in a soft breath as he said, “I understand.”
And something about those two words, something about the way they hit me right in the stomach, made me lean forward and capture his lips in a kiss that I had been craving for days now.
Maker, I had somehow forgotten how good his mouth felt against mine. I didn’t know how, because kissing Draco always made heat coil in my stomach almost immediately, even more so as he returned my kiss with added fervor. His lips melded with mine, his hand pressing more firmly against my face as he bent down.
The taste of his lips was warm, sweet, so familiar that it felt like my body was singing with pleasure as I covered his hand with mine in a quiet plea not to move. With my other, I couldn’t resist the urge to card my fingers once more through his silky white hair. A low, soft sound vibrated from Draco’s throat at my touch, making my toes curl in my shoes. The sound seemed to make the desire pooling in me even deeper. It was nearly addicting, how rich and delectable his sounds of pleasure were, and I had only heard the smallest sample of them.
I wanted to hear more; I practically needed it like I needed air.
The angle was a bit awkward, so as painful as it was, I pulled away from his mouth only enough to put less than an inch of space between us. Draco looked at me, confusion clearly plastered on his face.
I removed both my hands from where they were and placed them on his forearms, pushing only enough to that he understood and moved back. I went to stand, but some feeling hadn’t returned in my legs, so they wobbled. I would’ve landed quite spectacularly on my ass back on the chair, but I felt Draco’s strong arms encircle my waist, holding me up. His touch sent a lightning bolt of arousal right between my thighs. It was only worse when a subtle smirk painted his slightly reddened lips.
“You’re rather clumsy today, Adler,” Draco muttered, his rough voice only worsening the situation between my thighs.
My brain couldn’t even form words as Draco turned our intertwined bodies, maneuvering us until my back pressed against the dull edge of the table that lay next to the chair. His eyes didn’t leave mine once, which made it unfairly hard to breathe correctly. As I collided gently with the table, his hips pressed into mine, evidence of his arousal firm against me.
I nearly let out a sigh at the feeling, but I caught the sound before it escaped my lips. A wicked flicker in Draco’s eyes told me he knew I could feel him against me, and before I knew it, his mouth was once again on mine.
This time, I did let out the tiniest of whines as the combined feeling of his mouth and his hips caused fireworks to go off in my chest. I could feel just how much he was affecting me, and it was a small contribution to my pride that he couldn’t.
Draco’s hands were settled on my hips still, but I needed them somewhere else, so I took my own and guided him to my ass. An appreciative growl sounded low and dangerous as his massive hands cupped my backside, using his grip to push my hips against his.
At that, we both let out sounds that were utterly indecent. Draco took my lower lip between his teeth, tugging it roughly enough that I let out a whimper before swiping over it with his tongue to soothe the ache. The combination of pain and pleasure had me practically melting at his every move, especially as he pressed one last heavy, sinful kiss to my mouth before roaming down to the exposed column of my neck.
He pressed demure kisses down the tender skin, but once he reached the base of my neck, he bit down, his teeth angry and sharp against the sensitive spot. I let out a breathy gasp at that, my hands flying to his back. I could feel him smirk against my neck as he released, once more soothing the pain with a slow swirl of his tongue that had me thinking of other places I’d like him doing that.
Draco slotted his knee between my legs, and suddenly pressed up into my already-wet cunt, providing a friction that only sparked more lust. An uncontrolled whine erupted from me, making Draco stop and look up at me with dark eyes. My face burned red with wild embarrassment, but Draco seemed rather encouraged by my noises because he leaned to whisper in my ear, “I love the sounds you make.”
His voice sent a shudder down my spine and I was growing wetter with every passing minute. Draco wasn’t done, though, because he shifted his leg again again, brushing against the same spot. His movement was slower this time, and I could practically feel myself soaking through my underwear. I hoped that I wasn’t leaving a damp spot on his pants; even the mere thought of it made me flush with mortification.
I couldn’t have stopped the moan that I let out even if I wanted to. Draco let out his own deep, satisfied sound at mine, and I felt my knees buckle. I had felt him before, but with that last stroke, I had felt just how well-endowed Draco was, and it was enough to make a second heartbeat begin pounding between my legs.
“You have no idea how much time I’ve spent thinking about you, about your mouth, your body,” Draco told me, his voice strong and sultry in my ear. “About how pretty you would sound, gasping and moaning my name.”
Gods, that nearly had me collapsing with how hard my arousal hit as Draco whispered so intimately in my ear. I couldn’t help the sudden buck of my hips as he spoke, making me gasp with surprised pleasure a second time. He had thought about me like-like that and that image ran wild in my mind as I pictured what he would do to get me to that point.
We had never really talked about going that far; how could we? Our interactions were limited to make-outs that never felt long enough and arguments and unfortunate, dangerous situations that seemed to last much too long. To say I hadn’t thought about it though, would be a gross understatement. Lately, it seemed Draco was all I had been able to think about.
He was even the reason I had begun slipping away to the bathroom more and more every night in order to give myself a tiny bit of relief from the extreme amount of pure want that arose everytime he so much as crossed my mind. I would never admit that to Draco, though. Not in a million years.
We had never talked about sex, but I was nearly going dizzy with how much I wanted it right in that moment.
Draco slipped his hands from my ass, and I was momentarily disappointed, but he slid them down to the backsides of my thighs and lifted me as if I weighed next to nothing onto the table. The ease in which he picked me up sent warmth pooling between my trembling thighs and I spread my knees, letting Draco fit between my legs.
Now that I was sitting on the table, when Draco grabbed the tops of my thighs and roughly yanked me forward, his cock was entirely flush with my cunt, and fuck, I let out a quiet gasp at the size of him. The ache that had been simmering previously in me suddenly turned into a raging fire, and I found myself needing him in a way I’d never needed anyone, not even Harry. My school skirt rode up as he did, exposing the soft flesh of my bare thighs. The fabric pooled at the tops of my legs, still separating my soaked core from Draco’s clothed erection.
My sound wasn’t quiet enough, though, because Draco’s eyes lit up with amusement. “You okay?”
I nodded my head, but Draco wasn’t buying it. “I don’t believe you,” he teased, sliding a hand slowly, so fucking slowly, up from the top of my thigh towards where the hem of my skirt barely dusted an inch below where my leg met my hip.
The thought of Draco touching me normally sent a blush across my face, but the thought of him touching me under my clothes? Feeling just how turned on I was from kissing him? I didn’t think my face had ever been redder in my entire life.
“Tell me, Elaine,” he said, and my god, when had him saying my name gotten so hot? “Has anyone ever touched you the way that your body is longing for right now?” His hand drifted closer, closer, but still not where my body was silently begging for him to go. “Has anyone ever made you feel so damn good you couldn’t talk afterwards?”
I shook my head again, not trusting my voice not to shake if I spoke. His hand grabbed the very top of my inner thigh, so close to my cunt that I could feel the heat of his hand. Pushing my legs further apart, he rasped, “Because I bet you’ve been needing a good fuck for Merlin knows how long, haven’t you?”
As he spoke, he pressed his hand between my legs, his fingers tracing too-soft circles around my clit that had me almost bucking my hips in search for more. I prayed that he couldn’t tell how wet I was, how turned on I was by kissing someone who had previously been my enemy. What he was to me now, I didn’t quite know, but I didn’t care at all once he pulled his hand away.
Bastard, I thought, nearly ready to curse at him before I felt his hand hovering at the hem of my school skirt. Draco paused for a moment, making sure that I had turned my gaze toward him and not to the dizzying sight of his pale hand poised to slide under the dark fabric of my skirt.
“You okay?” Draco asked, and this time, it wasn’t in teasing. He wanted to know if I was okay with what he was about to do, and Gods, I very much was because I could’ve sworn I’d become so aroused that I was almost dripping onto the desk I was sitting on.
But, I remembered with a horrific sinking feeling, we were in Snape’s office. We were in Snape’s office, and I was not about to lose my virginity in any office, much less the Potions professor’s.
“Draco,” I said softly. It was more of a whine, really, as pathetic as it was, but Draco looked at me, waiting for me to continue.
“We’re in Snape’s office,” I reminded him, glancing around at the shelves full of strange-looking ingredients.
Draco shrugged. “So?”
I looked at him like he had lost his mind. “Draco, I am not having sex in Severus Snape’s office!”
“Again, I ask, so? It’s not like it’s his bedroom. I’ve sex in worse places.”
I ignored the jealousy that panged through me.
“Well, I haven’t,” I told him, glaring at him slightly.
Draco pulled away from me, giving me a calm look. “Ah, right.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Draco quirked up a blond brow. “You haven’t had sex anywhere, have you?”
Even though my face burned with embarrassment and I longed to hide from Draco’s eyes that always seemed to see right through me, I answered, “Not yet, no.”
Not yet, because Harry had been an asshole and no one else had really ever liked me all that much.
“Not yet?” Draco mused, and the small, devious smile that spread across his flushed lips was enough to make my thighs try and clench together.
Draco caught the reaction, and I knew he had because the smug, confident air that rippled off him seemed to triple. When had that gone from being the most irritating thing in the world to one of the hottest?
Fuck, I really was in deep.
“No,” I managed to say. “Not yet.” I hoped he understood the implication.
Draco hummed, as if this was a rather interesting piece of news and not the concept of my sexual purity being discussed. “And not here?”
“Not here,” I confirmed with complete certainty.
“Shame,” Draco mused, leaning forward and placing his hands on either side of my thighs. “I think I’d like to see you all splayed out on this desk, just for me.”
And with another cocky smirk, Draco dragged a long, slow look down my body with his eyes. “Seems like you want it just as badly as I do,” he told me with a pointed look to where I had subconsciously drawn my thighs together, clenching them for any miniscule amount of friction.
I couldn’t even defend myself, because it was so true it almost hurt. With his lips still tilted in a smirk, he turned and left without another word, leaving me, not for the first time, aching and disappointed.
The disappointment wasn’t entirely due to the lack of sex, though, and that made my heart twist painfully.