Choice's Curse

I didn’t want Draco to go. I hated that he felt the need to keep reminding me whatever was between us had to be kept a secret. As if I wanted people to know either. Harry had already given me enough shit for everything that I had done. It just served as another reminder on Draco's opinion of my intelligence.

My stomach growled angrily, reminding me that on top of the pounding headache and the throbbing in my arm, I hadn’t eaten and it was already noon. I shoved away all my unpleasant thoughts, certain that they would return in no time, and hoped the Great Hall was empty so I could eat and brood in peace. 

It was nice, having the castle so desolate. It should’ve been eerie not to hear the constant clatter of footsteps or the echoes of students shouting and laughing, but I craved isolation more than anything in that moment. It was self-destructive, yes, but I wanted to be alone so I could mull over how much my own actions were beginning to confuse even me. I decided to take a rather winding and extensive route to the Great Hall from the secluded bathroom. I wanted to savor the quiet solitude that was so fleetingly rare while in Hogwarts. 

I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked, a biting wind causing shivers down my spine as it pierced through my sweatshirt. This morning had not turned out the way that I had hoped. Even with...but that needed to be forgotten, I told myself. It wasn’t going to happen again, so it was foolish and naive to dwell on it.

It seemed my bad luck had only just begun.

Walking through the winding hallways, the only sounds I could hear were my quiet breaths and the tapping sounds of my shoes. Those were the only sounds, until I neared a broom closet tucked in a shadowy corner of a seldom-used corridor and heard Snape’s hissing voice floating through the cracked wooden door backed by a chorus of crackling flames from a fire. 

“My Lord, the boy is dedicated; he has proven that. He accepted immediately when you offered him this task. He has been working for you since he was fifteen. But he is still young, and--”

My Lord? That couldn’t be...

A moment of silence, and then--

“Yes, my Lord, I understand. I am not protecting the boy, but it would be in our best interest if perhaps you gave someone else the task of fixing the Vanishing Cabinet. He seems distracted and he is in school. His grades should not be--”

A pause.

“No, my Lord, I would never suggest that. I understand why you chose Draco specifically for this task.” 

Horror that hit me like a train, nearly knocked the breath out of me. So...fuck, so Harry had been right. Draco was actually working with-with-

I couldn’t even bring myself to think of the name; not when Snape was speaking to the man, the creature, behind the very door I now stood in front of. I didn’t want to hear a single word more, and yet I felt glued to the spot as Snape continued. 

“Draco is young, my Lord. You must give him time. He will prove his devotion, I swear it. Or I shall take the consequences of his mistakes,”  Snape said, his deadly voice soft with reverence.

“Yes, my Lord. I understand. The cabinet will be in working order within the month. I swear it.” 

The conversation seemed to be over, and suddenly I could move again, the freezing fear warming into a horrified panic. I didn’t care how loud my pounding footsteps were as I took off in a run. I had to get away before Snape could catch me outside of that closet, because the consequences of that were all too terrifying.

My imagination ran through possibilities that nearly made me stop and empty the meager contents of my stomach. I heard the closet fling open just as I rounded the corner, but I didn’t stop running, not until I was out in the open air, completely forgoing my previous plans to eat. The air was far too cold for me to only be out in a sweatshirt, but I couldn’t stand to be inside anymore, not when I knew that Snape was--

That Draco was--

Then it dawned on me as my pace slowed and I collapsed by the tree I had so many times before, my breathing ragged in my chest as I gulped in frozen gasps of oxygen. The cabinet in the Room of Requirement, the one that Draco’s eyes had lingered on that day we had returned from holiday break. That must be the cabinet that Snape had been referring to, but he had given little indication as to what it was or what it did. 

Perhaps it was some way to get messages to Snape or to Draco from other Death Eaters.

Or, like the name suggested, it was used to vanish people from one spot to the next. Hogwarts had wards against Apparition inside the grounds. Hermione had drilled that into me my first year here, but if Voldemort had found some way to get past that then we were all fucked.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what Voldemort's endgame was. But now I knew for certain that whatever it was, Draco was helping along.  

In that moment, I realized messing around with him wasn’t just dangerous because he hated me. Being involved with him in any way could very easily get me killed. The thought made my stomach roll. 

How could I have been so stupid up until now? How had I thought that what I was doing was okay? I had been spending time alone with Draco. I had let him touch me! Even when I knew how he felt about Muggleborns. 

And now, hearing that he really was working for the most wicked, sick, violent wizard the world had ever seen? After the brief but sincere moment of honesty Draco had given me, it felt like a betrayal. 

Why should I feel betrayed by Draco? It wasn’t like he promised me anything. Just because he'd said he wished to escape didn’t mean he meant it. And it certainly didn’t mean he included me in that hypothetical scenario. 

I slammed my fists into the ground, savoring the feeling of sharp pain that electrified my still-healing hand. Tears stung my eyes as the pain echoed, but it was good. I deserved it. 

Even after hearing what I had, I couldn't smother the small hope that still lingered inside me. The steadfast belief that he wasn't like that. Not really. 

Hearing Snape say that Draco was struggling hadn’t helped. A voice inside my head whispered that maybe he wasn’t entirely convinced. Maybe Draco just needed someone to show him. 

I laughed bitterly at myself. Show him what? Love and kindness? Acceptance? 

Draco would probably rather spend his entire life in service to the Dark Lord than ever receive any of those things from anyone, especially me. This little game I was playing with myself in thinking I could ever make a difference in anyone’s life, especially his, was one of the most brainless, foolish things I had ever done. 

Wasn’t there anything that could crush that relentless streak of hopefulness that lived inside of me? I knew it was incredibly cynical to think, but I wished that any of the extensive, terrible things that had happened to me had tore that away from me. It was exhausting to constantly hope that things could be better. 

I should’ve listened to Draco the first hundred times he said he didn’t want me around. Then maybe, I wouldn’t have to deal with this horrible shamble of problems I called my life recently. Even with our most recent kiss, I had to keep telling myself things weren’t changing. They couldn’t, not where he was involved. 

My jacket was nowhere near thick enough for me to have ever gone outside in the first place, but now I was nearly frozen to the bone, my teeth clacking terribly against each other as I shivered. A nasty voice told me I should just stay out here, let myself freeze as some sort of punishment for my idiotic actions, but I knew I shouldn’t. 

Even if I felt slightly inclined to listen to that voice. 

Standing up off the ground felt like I was a machine that hadn’t been oiled in eons, but I managed to coax my stiff joints to stand and get moving. Hopefully, flowing blood would return the feeling to my fingers and toes that I had lost a number of minutes ago. 

Joining a scattered flock of students entering the castle, I finally made my way to the Great Hall to eat my first real meal in--well, in far too long, if the aching in my head was an indication of anything. I sat as far away from any other living being as I could, not wanting to expend the energy that talking required. The food, normally flavorful and delicious, felt like nothing but sawdust in my mouth as I forced myself to down a half bowl of soup and a measly piece of bread. Both did nothing but make my mouth even drier. Even the pumpkin juice that I normally enjoyed seemed dull and flat as my thoughts spiraled around what I had heard Snape saying.

I wasn’t sure who I should tell, or if I even should mention it at all. Harry...that blow to my pride wasn’t an option. Hermione and Ron would likely just panic about it, and Hagrid would probably confront Snape himself, which wouldn’t end well for anyone. 

Dumbledore was the natural answer, but I knew that he whole-heartedly believed Snape had changed. Besides, why would he listen to anyone besides his star student? It felt...hopeless, really. Only a short time had passed, and yet, the information I was holding felt like the weight of the entire world as I looked around at the bright lights and cheery, red faces of my fellow students. 

This is what Voldemort, what Draco and Snape were threatening. A school that only wanted to teach young witches and wizards things that would help them in the future. A school that was home for so many people, including myself. It made me sick that he could give this school up, all of these innocent students up, for--for what? A chance at fame, at power? 

I told myself right then and there, as I sat alone, eating food that I could barely taste, that as fruitless as it may be, I had to try and help. 

--------

There wasn’t much I could do, but I could return to that cabinet and maybe I would find something useful to tell Dumbledore to make him believe me, so later that night, after everyone in the castle was asleep, I shoved off my covers and snuck quietly out of my dormitory. I had to be careful because of the usual threats of Filch and Mrs. Norris, but I also needed to be on alert for Draco, or worse, Snape, roaming the halls. My every move was slow and calculated; each footstep was feather-light and each breath was taken slowly and shallowly. 

Maybe this wasn’t my fight, and maybe I was being exceedingly reckless and dimwitted, but I felt useless sitting around and doing nothing when I knew what I did. The guilt of sitting on my ass and pretending like I had no clue what was happening would hurt far worse than any looming threat of pain and danger that inevitably waited for me in the Room of Requirement.  That didn’t stop my heart from racing so quickly I thought it might genuinely pose a health risk as I slowly worked my way towards the fifth floor. Each noise, even each whisper of wind through the corridors made me freeze with panic, but eventually, after a long stretch of painstaking minutes, I arrived at that empty stretch of wall that hid the room. 

Hoping that it would lead me into the right room, I pushed gingerly on the door that appeared. I let out a little exhale of relief as the piano, plush couches, and sprawling spreads of books came into view. And yes, there in the corner, the dark Vanishing Cabinet towered above me like a foreboding column of evil. I shut the door smoothly, waiting until I heard the soft click of the bolt latching into the doorway, before letting the tension escape my body. 

It seemed like I was alone, to my relief, but I still did a quick scan of the room to make sure before approaching the cabinet. Seeing the spot that Draco had pulled me close, had made me tell him exactly how I got that brutal black eye, I almost hesitated. I almost paused to let the feeling of his skin on mine and the feel of his rough voice wash over me, but I wouldn’t let myself forgo my earlier promise so quickly. 

I had some dignity left. Not much, but...some. 

The door was heavy and the knob to open it was small, creating a rather odd struggle as I tugged it open. My heart pounded in anticipation as I waited to see what manner of awfulness awaited me inside. 

A half-rotten green apple was the last thing I had been expecting. The skin, which had probably once been a bright spring-green, was now yellowed and dirty. There was a single bit taken out of it, brown edging the rough teeth marks, as if someone had suddenly gotten a bit peckish while fixing the cabinet. 

The thought was almost enough to make me snort, until I spotted a scrawled note sitting a few inches away. 

I don’t think we need to remind you what will happen if you fail. You must not fail, Draco. Do not disappoint me further.

There was no name signed, but I could take a very accurate guess as to who it was from. If Draco was involved with this, as well as Snape, there was no way his father wasn’t. The amount of pressure Draco must’ve had on him this year was staggering. Having to balance school and a task where failure almost certainly meant death?

No wonder the boy had seemed so increasingly burnt out. 

No wonder he had used me as a distraction. 

That’s all it had been. Right?

The cabinet seemed incredibly ordinary; I scanned it for any signs of...of anything, really, but all I could see was a rather large and intimidating bit of furniture. There weren’t even any scratches or imperfections marring the reflective black surface. It made me feel increasingly inept as I searched and searched for anything indicating it was magical at all. Nothing bothered me more than a riddle I wasn’t able to solve; what use was being a Ravenclaw if I couldn’t even figure things like this out? Clearly, Draco was using this cabinet for something, but I couldn’t figure out how it worked. 

It seemed to be jeering at me as I studied it once more, but nothing. I knew that I should be quick; I didn’t know if or when Draco was going to come to work on it. I assumed it would be late at night, much like I was. Thinking of him finding me here, so obviously aware of what he was doing with the cabinet, made me gulp with unease. 

I’ll come back another night, then.

There was something about the cabinet that made me feel uneasy, as if a cruel, invisible power was rippling off it in waves. It felt oily, like its poisonous nature was coating my skin. 

I definitely needed to leave. 

As fruitless as my venture had been, I still felt at least a bit optimistic that I had something to show Dumbledore, if he would listen to me.

Optimistic was a funny word to use when talking about the most ruthless, bloodthirsty wizard to exist and his followers. 

At least I was doing something, though, unlike most others in the Wizarding World. Ever since Harry had seen Voldemort come back two years ago, it had been the subject of much debate. I had believed Harry immediately; after seeing the cold, lifeless look in his eyes after the Triwizard Tournament, it was hard not to. Not everyone felt that way, though. 

The Ministry certainly had shut Harry down without so much as a second thought, those imbecilic bastards. 

Even if I hadn’t believed Harry before, after today, I would have. I didn’t want it to be true, but hearing Snape somehow speak to Voldemort while in the castle, I knew something really, truly terrible was coming to Hogwarts. 

That something grim and malicious was heading straight for me, whether I stayed away from Draco or not. 

----------

For the next few days, life went on as it normally did, aside from the constant sense of impending doom that was continuously knotting my stomach and making me on edge. 

Even in Potions, where I was certain Draco would do something malicious, he didn’t. He wasn’t suddenly kind or anything of the sort, of course. But he was just him, his usual cavalier, haughty self. I couldn’t help being hyper aware of every one of his movements, though. Everytime he laughed or made a nasty joke, I found myself remembering the tone of his voice when he had spoked about escaping his father. Everytime he picked up an ingredient or used his quill to jot something down, my mind recalled the light, warm presence of his hand running through my hair. 

He didn’t speak to me, or even glance at me, but I reprimanded myself for expecting him to. I had to keep reminding myself that nothing was changing. Nothing was going to be different, even if I hadn’t stopped thinking about his mouth against mine since the last time the two of us spoke. In fact, I hadn’t stopped thinking about Draco at all, not even while sleeping. Not that I had been sleeping much, though. The dark circles shadowing my eyes were practically a permanent feature at this point. 

I found myself so distracted during class, Slughorn asked me to come and talk to him afterwards following a rather heinous mistake in which I had accidentally melted the bottom off my cauldron. It had been one of the few potions we had made alone that term, meaning I had only ruined my own work, to my relief. I couldn’t imagine the reaction Draco would’ve had if I had ruined his potion. Bits of snickering laughter had rose throughout the class as the burning smell of melting metal invaded the air, but if Draco had joined in, I hadn’t heard him. 

The class filtered out after Slughorn had called it a day and asked us to clean up, leaving me behind, nervously picking at the skin around my nails as I waited for my audience with the professor. Once the last student had trudged out of the room, I hesitantly approached Slughorn, whose face was filled with fatherly concern as I stood in front of his desk. 

“My dear, care to tell me what’s on your mind today?” He asked gently, crossing his arms over his rotund belly. “You’re normally not one of the students I consider a safety risk.”

I smiled slightly at his attempt at a joke. “It’s nothing, Professor. Just have a lot on my mind.”

Slughorn hummed, as if he didn’t quite believe me. “As well as I’ve gotten to know you this year, I won’t bother asking if you need to talk about it. I assume the answer would be no?”

With a nod from me, he continued. “Well then, I hope that things improve. Can’t have one of my best students falling behind now, can I? If you need extra time to work, or if you want to come in and make up this potion, you’re certainly welcome to. I normally don’t offer do-overs or special accommodations, but I think that this time, I can let it slide,” he said, winking jovially at me. 

“Thank you, sir, really. I just might take you up on that,” I responded, feeling a bit relieved about his leniency. “I promise next class will be better.”

“No worries, Ms. Adler. Sometimes, we just need a little time to recover,” Slughorn said. “Alright, go and enjoy the rest of your day. Things will get better, I promise.”

With another smile, a real one this time, I nodded and left, grabbing my bag from my table on the way out. I had been planning on getting some studying done before dinner, so I split off from everyone heading towards their respective common rooms and headed for the library. 

As I left the large stream of students, I noticed a group of boys trailed after me, snickering rudely as we walked. I focused on the ground in front of me, intent on ignoring their presence. That became impossible, however, as one of them, an older Hufflepuff who I had met maybe once or twice grabbed the back of my robes, stopping me in my tracks. 

I spun around, tugging the fabric out of his grasp. “Can I help you?” I asked, clearly exasperated. 

The boy who had grabbed my robes snickered, nudging his friend next to him. “Yeah, Adler, you can actually. Kinda like you helped that lucky Malfoy bastard the other night.”

I felt the color drain from my face as his friends looked at me, all with varying degrees of perverted lust shining in their eyes. “Excuse me?”

“You heard Ellison,” the boy to his left said. “Why don’t you let us see what had Malfoy all hot and bothered that night? Must be quite the sight under those robes to make even that stuck-up asshole give you the time of day.”

Ellison and the third boy nodded their agreement. The hungry look in their eyes was making me increasingly nervous and I slipped my hand in my pocket, feeling the reassuring presence of my wand there. They moved forward, making me move back a step. There was a little nook behind me, one the boys used to corner me in as they spread out, making sure I couldn’t dart away.

Swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I said, “Leave me alone. Now.”

A chorus of ridiculing laughter came from the group of boys. “Aw, you think you can scare us? That’s not very kind of you,” Ellison tisked, reaching out and snagging a strand of my hair, twirling it in between his fingers. “You’re too pretty to be so rude, you know. It’s such a turn off when a girl is so defensive. Tell me, what did Malfoy say to you that made you want to get with him? Or Potter? Bet he’s quite persuasive when he wants to be, being the Chosen One and all.”

I snatched my hair away from him, taking a step back. “I’m not kidding. Fuck off, or--”

“Or what?” The third spoke up, a Slytherin, whose surname I thought might’ve been Tisdale, or something similar. “You’re gonna hex us? Run off to Malfoy or Potter? From what we’ve heard, they seem to have gotten their fill of you and are rather done with you, if you get my drift.”

His comment elicited evil laughter from his friends and I felt dread tightening around my chest like a rubber band. The look on the boys’ faces made my stomach sink and I fought the panic beginning to rise up within me. At first, I hadn’t been too worried about the group, but now…

“Come on, Adler,” Ellison said, his voice low. “Just give us a little show and we’ll leave you alone. You’re making this so much harder than it needs to be. What, are we not famous enough or rich enough for your taste?” 

I slid back another step, but the cold stone wall which dug into my back told me I had nowhere to go now. I willed myself not to start panicking, but that was far easier said than done as Ellison, followed closely by his little cronies, crept closer and closer. 

“I’m giving you one last chance to back away, I mean it,” I threatened, willing my voice to stay steady even as I felt the rest of my body beginning to tremble. 

I tried to think of any way out that wouldn’t involve a loud scene, because I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of it. I didn’t want people coming to look on as I tried to escape. Using my wand was the most obvious answer, but Ellison had come so close now that I didn’t think I could pull it out quickly enough before he noticed. 

Still, it was my best option, so I curled my fingers tightly around the wood, thinking of the spell I was going to cast as soon as I got it free from my pocket. As I went to pull it out, though, I stopped dead. Tisdale had freed his own without me even seeing and had it pressed into the soft skin of my neck just below my jaw. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he growled, prodding me with his wand. 

I could feel my heartbeat pulsing against the point of pressure his wand was applying. Ellison’s eyes were dark with want, a look that sent horrified chills through every bit of my body. I lifted my hands up, as if to say I wasn’t going to make any sudden moves.

“See, you could’ve just done this the easy way,” he said sadly, as if it truly pained him. “Now it’ll just be so much less fun for you.”

“More fun for us, though,” the third boy (Cohen, I thought) replied, his lips curled in a vile smirk. 

I heard footsteps approaching, but I was too scared to take my eyes off the boy holding his wand to me. 

Please be someone that can actually help.

“Ellison, Cohen, Tisdale,” Draco’s monotonous cadence interrupted. “What an unpleasant surprise.” 

Not who I was going for, I swore internally. I didn’t want his help, not with this. 

“Malfoy,” Ellison snarled, turning his shadowy gaze from me to the statuesque Slytherin standing behind his friend, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Piss off. You already got a turn with her,” he said, gesturing to me. 

I slid my eyes away from Tisdale and found Draco’s silver ones looking back at me, filled with a thinly veiled expression of sharp anger that made even my stomach churn uneasily.

“Sorry to ruin your fun, but I think it’s time Adler gets going. She’s got things to do,” Draco droned, but there was a dangerous edge to his words. “You can catch up with her later, I’m sure.”

Ellison scoffed. “Piss off, Malfoy. Don’t stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong.” 

Draco sighed, pulling his hands out of his pocket, his wand held firmly. I could see that his knuckles were stark white. “Ellison, do I need to remind you what happened last time you pissed me off?” He turned his stare to Cohen, who flinched. “Or you? As I recall, the last time you couldn't stop running your mouth, it landed you a nice week’s visit to Madam Pomfrey.” 

“Really, Malfoy? You’re threatening us?” Ellison asked. “That’s bold, even for you.”

“It’s not a threat,” Draco responded, his eyes glinting menacingly. “It’s a promise. You’ll be lucky if you live to tell the tale.”

Tisdale’s wand was still sticking into my throat, my breaths shallow in the presence of such a threat. I didn’t want to just let Draco save me but I doubted I’d be able to do much until Tisdale dropped his wand. His attention was focused on the blond though, meaning all I had to do was wait for the right moment. 

“Malfoy, I mean it. Get the hell out of here,” Ellison repeated. “I might even let you have a turn after if you leave right now.”

Draco smirked, a dark and ruthless expression. “Unlike you, I don’t have to force Adler to do anything with me. See, when you’re not an ugly, troll-like piece of shit, you don’t need to corner unsuspecting girls to get sex.”

Ellison’s glare sent chills down my spine as his jaw clenched in anger. “You better watch your damn mouth.”

“Or what? You gonna send Cohen and Tisdale after me to do your dirty work like you always do? That’s pathetic,” Draco said. “The two of them can barely string two words together.”

Tisdale spun towards Draco, now pointing his wand at him. Draco merely snorted, as if the sight was rather amusing. “I’m absolutely terrified,” he stated, sarcasm dripping from his words. 

With Tisdale’s full attention on Draco, I finally had a window to pull out my own wand. Slipping it from my pocket, I mirrored the boy’s position from seconds earlier, digging my wand into the soft flesh of Tisdale’s throat. 

“Drop your damn wand,” I threatened, causing Ellison and Cohen to turn back towards me. 

Tisdale hesitated, looking at Ellison for direction. Ellison was glowering at me, his rage now directed towards me instead of Draco. I met Ellison’s stare with one of my own, unwilling to back down. 

Ellison whipped out his wand, his mouth opening to cast a spell at me, but in the next second it landed in Draco’s outstretched hand. I could’ve sworn Ellison’s eyes actually turned red with fury after he realized what had just happened. Cohen was now the only one left with full access to his wand, but I doubted he was bright enough to overpower both Draco and I. 

“Give it here!” Ellison snarled. 

Draco twirled the wood between his deft fingers for a moment, contemplating Ellison’s demand. “No, don’t think I will.”

“Enough fucking games. Give it back or--”

“Or what?” Draco snapped. “You’re wandless against two of the best students in our year. What the fuck can you,” he looked him up and down, disgust clear on his face, “do to us?”

I only had a moment to let myself bask in the fact that Draco had just called me one of the best students our age before he turned to me. His eyes darted over me, as if inspecting for any injuries or misplaced clothing. Apparently satisfied, he motioned me over with a tilt of his head.

“Let’s go. I’m pretty sure I’m losing brain cells just looking at these idiots,” Draco commanded and I dropped my wand from Tisdale’s neck, relieved to be getting out of here. Draco dropped Ellison’s wand unceremoniously on the ground, the wood clattering against the stone.

Though it wounded my pride, I couldn’t help the quickness of my feet as I darted around Ellison, who had still been standing in front of me. I was worried, even with the threat of Draco standing right there, Ellison would still try something. He didn’t though, and Draco and I began walking away from the three. My chest finally loosened as we got a good distance away. 

“Better watch your back!” Ellison called after us as we left. "He won't always be there to save you!”

Draco directed his wand backwards and muttered a soft command. Behind us, I heard three identical groans and the thud of bodies hitting the ground. I didn’t look back, not because I was still scared, but because the tears that were beginning to burn my nose were becoming difficult to suppress. My brain finally had time to process the situation, what it could’ve turned into if Draco hadn’t shown up. 

I was contemplating offering my thanks, but I didn’t get the chance as the swish of robes indicated Professor Snape’s ever-dramatic entrance. I forced myself to remain calm as I recalled the conversation I had overheard just a few days before. 

Draco and I stopped and I noticed his shoulders tightened as Snape stared at us, his greasy black hair framing his gaunt face. 

“How fortuitous,” Snape said, and the sinister tone of his voice made my blood run cold. “Just the two I was looking for.”