Heroes vs Villains [5.01][edit]
Hugo: Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars. With the past host-assistant duos – Alyson and Thomas, Severus and Minerva, Nick and Sharon, and Francis and Carl – currently behind bars… well, I’m the new host. My name is Hugo Strange, and this is Miss Ethel Peabody! [they grin unnervingly] Ahh, it’s great to be out in nature! [strolls down to the edge of the dock, where Viktor the robot is waiting, along with a familiar briefcase] So, we’re bringing back fourteen TD All-Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying, $1,000,000 competition, ever!
[Viktor the robot holds up the open case, where the wind blows a few bills away. Hugo then addresses an incoming helicopter] and here they are now! From Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, Say hello to... [The door to the chopper reveals an apprehensive looking Ryan] Compound Ryan! [A hand shoves Ryan off the chopper] AKA, Sir Anthony Childsworth, [Ryan gasps, switching personalities] – Scooter [he gasps, switching personalities again] Kelly Kuzzio, [His hair slicks back and his eyes narrow] and Ethan Dalloway. [Ryan seemingly reverts to normal, though Ethan Dalloway's scream of “Crikey!” gives him away. He splashes into the water] Ryan's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Chad!
Chad: [gasps] Ryan! [dives]
Hugo: Athletic non-supporter, Troy!
Troy: You call that a dive? Watch this! [prepares to dive] Sha-ugh! [gets booted off by Miss Peabody’s foot]
Hugo: And Bubble Girl genius, Kelsi! [Miss Peabody holds Kelsi by his hoodie]
Kelsi: This is highly illogical! [Miss Peabody tosses Kelsi out the door]
Hugo: From the original Total Drama Island, Gregarious mutant lover gamer, Coltrane!
Coltrane: Not cool!
Hugo: Challenge throwing dirt farmer Johnny! [Johnny clings to Miss Peabody’s leg in fear until Miss Peabody pries him off and tosses him out.] Loveable lamebrain, Stacy!
Stacy: [free-falling, flapping her arms] I'm flying! [stops flapping and screams]
Hugo: Riiiight. From Total Drama Action, Cranky know-it-all CIT, Loki! [Miss Peabody walks out, carrying Loki by his ankle]
Loki: This is not in my contract! [Miss Peabody glares and drops Loki]
Hugo: [Miss Peabody walks back and grabs Natasha] Bossy bruiser, Natasha, who dominated until her underling turned on her.
Natasha: [Natasha resists Miss Peabody shoving her out and shoves her back instead] You're a dead man, Strange! [Miss Peabody body-slams her off the copter]
Hugo: Loki's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Clint! [Miss Peabody carries Clint over his shoulders, tosses her down too]
Clint: [free-falling] They weren’t dating at the tiiime!
Hugo: Broody bad boy, Tony!
Tony: [free-falling, not even looking like he cares] Bring it on!
Hugo: Finally, from Total Drama World Tour, we have Devious Diva, Pansy!
Pansy: [free-falling] I hate Hugooooo!
Hugo: Super fan, Luna! Total Drama's number one stalker- Uh, blogger!
Luna: [with her hair slightly growing back] For Ronny! [cannonballs, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a slightly less massive splash]
Hugo: [with a more malicious grin] Feral freakshow, Gregory!
[Miss Peabody drops a feral Gregory by his hoodie]
Contestants: What?
[a feral Gregory plummets, but is then grabbed by Viktor's plunger]
Hugo: [laughing] Kidding! [Viktor retracts the plunger] No way is that guy coming back again. [snaps his fingers, causing Viktor to fire off the plunger, as a feral Gregory screams as he is rocketed to the other side of the island] Man, it's great to be here.
Hugo: Pansy, Tony, Troy, Natasha, Johnny, and Clint, from now on, you're the Villainous Vultures.
Troy: Sha-team!
Clint: [shocked] What?! Why am I on the villains’ team?
Loki: Because you stole my boyfriend and became the new Pansy.
Hugo: Yeah, what he said.
Clint: But I've done so many good things. I'm not a villain. I'm nice.
Tony: Being bad is cool and now we're on the same team, so that's good right?
Clint: [dismayed] I guess.
Tony: [Confessional] Oh, man, I only came back for Clint! He better not sulk the whole time, or I may as well be dating Loki.
Hugo: Ryan, Chad, Kelsi, Coltrane, Loki, Stacy, and Luna, you're the Heroic Hamsters!
Loki: Excuse me, how are hamsters heroic?
Hugo: It was that, or the "Heroic Hippos."
Loki: Hamsters it is.
Natasha: Wait a minute, they have seven people to our six! No fair!
Hugo: I needed the seat on the plane for that Gregory prank! [Natasha glares at him] Fine, you can have the robot. [Pushes a button on the remote, sending Viktor the robot wheeling and beeping over to the villains]
Johnny: I thought your robot could talk.
Hugo: [shrugged] Meh, the communications chip cracked while the others were thrown in the hooskow.
Stacy: Was that English?
Pansy: [to Viktor who's inside the robot] Keep your distance, toaster. [Confessional; shudders in disgust] There is something about that robot which I don't like.
Coltrane: [walking alongside Luna] So, Luna, what brought you back?
Luna: I wanna win for Ronny. We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane... [rubs her arm sheepishly]
Coltrane: [awkwardly] Oh yeah… well your hair grew back nicely.
Luna: Thanks! It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here! [confidently] And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million! [in the confessional trying not to sob] I miss my Ronny-bear... [she puts her head in her hands] So much!
Pansy: [pushing Natasha back] Excuse me!
Natasha: Uh, watch it, old Pansy.
Pansy: You watch it, Newbie.
Clint: Guys, just because Hugo labeled us 'villains' doesn't mean we have to act like villains. We're a team. We should work together as a team!
[The villain members agree in not believing Clint]
Pansy: [Confessional] No way is that going happen. I...
Natasha: [Confessional] ...don't trust...
Tony: [Confessional] ...anyone...
Johnny: [Confessional] ...on this...
Viktor in the Drama Machine: [Confessional; beeping]
Troy: [Confessional] ...team!
Clint: [Confessional] Huh. I think that went well.
[The vulture villains laugh wickedly evilly at Clint]
Clint: But Natasha, wouldn’t you make a better diver since you’re so athletic?
Natasha: Nobody tells me what to do, Hawk-ball. And don’t even try to kiss me!
Clint: [shocked gasp] What?! [Confessional] After three seasons of kindness, I’m reduced to evil kisser status?! For the last time, Tony and Loki were over before he and I started. You can’t steal a boyfriend if the boy is free!
[The other contestants arrived at the top of the cliff. Johnny, Ryan, and Chad look down and sees Fang waiting down below.]
Johnny: Ahh!
All: Fang!
Clint: Who?
Stacy: [Confessional] I wanna win the million, so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip-gloss. But I forgot how hard this is! I never thought I say this, but no lip-gloss is worth this!
[Johnny refuses to jump and holds on to a rock but Troy tries to pull him]
Tony: It's your turn, man.
Johnny: [grunting] No, you can't make me!
Troy: Oh yes, I can!
Loki: Here comes, Stacy!
Ryan: Good luck, not that you'll need it.
[Chad dives.]
Tony: You have to dive, it's you or the robot, I'm pretty sure the robot isn't waterproof.
Johnny: Yeah but it's s-s-s-shark proof!
[Chad runs and jumps into the carriage, Stacy pushes him, she grunts]
Hugo: And the heroes take the lead for the first time in this challenge!
Villains: Dive!
[when Troy pulls Johnny off the rock he was clinging to, they accidentally knock Viktor the robot off the edge of the cliff, which then falls into the lake]
Pansy: [smirking] So long and good riddance.
[Viktor the robot lands at the bottom of the lake, where the sharks and Fang proceed to attack him; however, Viktor the robot explodes and frees him, much to everyone's surprise, especially Pansy.]
Pansy: [shocked by witnessing Viktor was in the robot suit] You have got to be kidding me!!
Viktor: [Confessional after being the robot suit for a year] Last thing I remember, I was burn to a crisp by the volcano and Hugo sealed me up in that robot suit to heal. It feels so good to be free after all this time. I must think Johnny for his cowardice. [he lands perfectly on the beach and snags a key just as it comes near him. He raises his eyebrows as the Villains yell words of approval. Suddenly his legs become wobbly, he falls over, causing all the others to cringe before heading in the confessional again after his legs started to fall asleep] I was stuck in that robot suit for a year! My legs are so asleep, it looks like they're in a coma! Wakey, wakey! Nothing!
Stacy: [finds Viktor again] Valentino?! When did you get here?
Viktor: Silly Stacy! I was here the whole time!
[At the elimination ceremony]
Hugo: Welcome to our first elimination ceremony! How do you like the new Peanut Gallery? Huh. Now, opponents can watch someone give them the boot, before they head to the Spa Hotel for a deluxe dinner.
All: [Cheering].
Clint: [Comes over to Loki] Hey. Even though I technically didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry that the whole Tony thing went down. But… [Hands out flowers] Here. I picked these just for you. [Loki sneezes] Oh no! You're allergic?!
Loki: Told you that you were a villain. [Sneezes]
Hugo: Alright! The following people are safe. Kelsi, Luna, Chad, Ryan, and Coltrane. Stacy, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills and Loki, you're on the chopping block for making Stacy drive.
Stacy: (to Loki) Yeah! What's the matter with you?!
Hugo: And the loser is...Stacy!
Stacy: [After she got eliminated] Thank goodness! Wait. Do I have to ride that scary catapult thing?
Hugo: Nope, this year we've got a new elimination device. [The screen flips to Stacy in a giant toilet] Behold, the Flush of Shame! Patent pending.
[The Heroic Hamsters except for Luna are disgusted by the new elimination device]
Ryan: Gross!
Loki: Ew!
Chad: Yikes!
[Luna takes a picture of the Flush of Shame]
Stacy: Well, see you guys, it's been--
[Hugo touches the button to activate the Flush of Shame; Stacy screams and she spins around and disappears and then, water came up and everyone got soaked.]
Evil Dread [5.02][edit]
Ryan: [as Sir Anthony Childsworth] There's a storm 'a coming dagnabbit! [then Scooter] I'm scared! After all zese years, he's going to return! [then Kelly Kuzzio] Ayo, how we gonna stop this goombah? [then Ethan Dalloway] Hush it, mates. Ryan is waking up! [Wakes up as his normal self, looks around] Uh… huh, wuzzat? You guys say something?
[Luna takes a picture of Loki sleeping, thus waking him.]
Loki: Gah. What the heck?!
Chad: [wakes up] Loki! What's wrong?
Loki: What's wrong is that we're sharing a cabin with a super fan with a bad case of crazy.
Luna: [giggles] Hey Loki. I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fan site. Whee!
Loki: We have got to win the next challenge at get into that spa hotel!
Natasha: I just hope Troy doesn't find the invincibility statue. If we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong to beat later.
Johnny: So, maybe we should do this right away. Throw the next challenge.
Natasha: And give up all this?! No way!
Johnny: True enough! This is sweet! You know what I slept on last night? A pillow filled with feathers! Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals. You ever had a pillow bite your face?
Natasha: I would like to enjoy my breakfast now, and that will require you to stop talking.
[Viktor returns to the game and gets his legs massaged by an intern while Pansy sits on a chair watching]
Pansy: Quit hogging the masseuse!
Viktor: [sighs] I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them.
Pansy: Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?
Viktor: [raises his head revealing two strips of wax on his eyebrows] I don't know if they'll ever wake up. I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year. Which you'd have known, had you ever texted?!
Pansy: It's not like you ever texted me. [Notices the wax strips on Viktor's eyebrows] Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow.
Viktor: They call it "manscaping," because it is very manly. And I didn't text you BECAUSE I WAS TRAPPED IN A ROBOT SUIT!
Pansy: Well, whatever. [yanks off a wax strip off Viktor's eyebrow causing him to scream in pain; Confessional] Please. This "my legs don't work" thing is obviously bogus. He just wants sympathy. But news flash I am not falling for him! It! Not falling for it.
Viktor: [Confessional] I've never found Pansy to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me. [short pause] Keep in mind, I was in a robot suit for a year.
Johnny: [nudging Troy] Any luck finding the invincibility statue?
Troy: No need. I am an invincibility statue!
Viktor: [Confessional] He is so arrogant! I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face.
Troy: [Confessional] "Arrogant?!" Be fair now, look at me. Sha-yeah!
Troy: [Confessional] Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full. Stupid Boney Island fish. [Gags]
Clint: [Confessional] Ugh! I can't believe Troy made it to last season's finale. Does he ever sha-shut up?!
Troy: [Pukes]
Natasha: [holding up her shovel] Attention team! I am your leader!
Pansy: No, I am! [jams her shovel back into the sand, a small clang is heard] I found a piece! [she digs it out, revealing a black statue base. Pansy picks it up and starts carrying it towards the platform]
Natasha: [runs over to Pansy, grabs the other end of the piece] You'd never have found it without me!
[they tug at it until they accidently drop it on Natasha’s foot, she screams]
Pansy: [smirking] Oops, sorry. [Natasha pushes Pansy into the moat; crabs swarm her]
Hugo: An hour has passed, and the teams are still tied with one all. Which raises a pertinent question. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?
[The contestants bicker]
Loki: We don't have shovels!
Coltrane: There's sand in my shorts!
Pansy: Shush!
Troy: I'm amazing!
Hugo: Blah, blah, blah. Whine! Whine! Hurry up! I have dinner plans!
Sir Anthony Childsworth: Oh, that can’t be good.
Ethan Dalloway: [getting up] Hi. Do you feel that? The malevolent one, he's coming!
[Scooter shrieks in terror; the other personalities turn to the portrait of Ryan burned into a picture of Guillermo Seidel in a silhouette]
Coltrane: Ow! Jellyfish! It stung my butt! Ow!
[Everyone laughs at Coltrane's misfortune, especially Ryan]
Chad: How can you laugh?
Ryan: Cuz, the only cure for a jellyfish sting is to pee on it.
[Coltrane screams and jumps in the water and pees on the jellyfish underwater; sighs]
Chad: Ew.
Clint: [As the Heroic Hamsters head for the spa hotel and Coltrane volunteers for exile to Boney Island] Hey, Loki! I just wanna say congrats on winning for the... [Before he can finish, a garbage bag shoots in the air] Whoa!
[Clint whacks it with the shovel, but it ends up spraying on Loki]
Loki: [Coughs] Ew. [Smacks Clint]
Clint: That was an accident! I...
Hugo: Clint, Clint, Clint. So evil. You are definitely on the right team! [he hangs his head, defeated]
Guillermo Seidel: [maliciously] One by one, they will all fall.
Chad: [realizes] Huh. Did you say something, Ryan?
Ryan: [quickly reverts back to normal] Uh, no! Just sitting here!
Hugo: The following players are safe for another day! Tony, Clint, Johnny, Viktor, and Pansy! Troy, you're on the chopping block for your crummy math skills and incessant bicep kissing!
Troy: If they were yours, you'd do it too! [kisses his biceps]
Hugo: And Natasha, you're on the block for your annoyingly pushy campaign to send Troy home!
Troy: You did what?!
Hugo: And tonight's loser is...Troy!
Troy: Sha-What?! [scene dissolves to him in the Flush Of Shame] Tossing away your strongest team member?! You're gonna regret this, especially you, Natasha! You're a total- [Hugo presses the remote button and Troy gets flushed] Sha-AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!
Saving Private Leechball [5.03][edit]
Tony: Ugh, I've almost forgotten about these crud-tacular cabins.
Viktor: (sighs) Let us hope it is our only visit.
Johnny: [leans back, hitting his head on the hard pillow] Ow! I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to like stinks! [the bunk bed starts to collapse, gets a coil wire in his eye] Ow! Lousy discount bed! [punches the bed and screams in pain as nails are tacked on to his hand]
Tony: [Confessional] Johnny's okay, at least with him you know what you're getting... which is crud, but still, nice to know.
Viktor: [confessional] After a year in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all spread out.
Pansy: Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Natasha.
Natasha: Me?! You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging.
Pansy: I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do. I'm the one with the most experience on this team.
Clint: [annoyed] It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team! Now cram it! I am trying to sleep!
Pansy: [Confessional] "Teamwork?" Ugh, don’t make me barf. I am still gonna take control.
Kelsi: (Confessional) Luna and I have a lot in common. We're both super-smart, and we can both be a teensy bit socially oblivious sometimes.
Luna: (From outside) Kelsi, what are you doing in there?
Kelsi: Like I said...
Pansy: [Confessional] Leeches?! Hugo is really making us earn the million this year, jerk.
Ryan: [Confessional] Loki is kind of scary sometimes. (Guillermo Seidel takes over) And I love when things get scary. (Changes back to Ryan, laughs) So uh, what was I saying?
Loki: [Confessional] Chad has some seriously impressive skills. And that is why he’s got to go.
[A leech hit Viktor]
Viktor: Ahh! I'm hit! [falls over]
[It was revealed that Chad was the one who hit Viktor]
Chad: …
[The Villains started shooting leeches, Natasha launches the leech-cannon, But ends up hitting Johnny.]
Johnny: Ugh! Oh, c'mon! [sighs and falls down]
Hugo: [laughs, over the PA] That's two points for the Heroes and zilch for the Villains!
Tony: But Chad only hit Viktor!
Hugo: True! But friendly fire counts!
[everyone glares at Natasha]
Natasha: What?! Dirt-boy got in the way!
Pansy: You can take your excuses and stick it in your... [gets hit by a leech] Ahh! [It was revealed that Ryan was the one who hit her as she is trying to pull the leech off] In my hair! What is wrong with you?!
Hugo: Make that three to zero!
Clint: (Confessional) Whoops. Being in charge is harder than it looks.
Hugo: Tell me about it.
Hugo: [Over the PA] This just in! With a final score of 6 points to 3, the Heroes win! Although, some didn't behave quite so heroically. Loki!
Loki: My survival instinct kicked in! [short pause] Anyone would've done the same!
Hugo: Welcome Back, Villainous Vultures! Second elimination in a row. Way to lose! Now, get ready to cut someone loose. It's voting time!
[As Natasha gets eliminated, Hugo place Tony on the Heroic Hamsters and Loki on the Villainous Vultures.]
Hugo: Alright! Onwards and flush-wards! The following villains are safe. Clint, Viktor, Tony, and Johnny! Pansy and Natasha, you're on the edge, Pansy, for being a pain in the keister, and Natasha, for being another pain in the keister, who also took out her own teammate in today's challenge.
Natasha: He should've ducked!
Hugo: And tonight's flush-e is...Natasha!
Natasha: What?! Are you all nuts?!
Hugo: [As Natasha was eliminated] But before we get flushing, I want to do a little reshuffling. Today, one villain acted more like a hero. And one hero acted more like a villain. So, pack your bags and switch your teams, Loki and Tony.
[everyone gasping]
Loki: I don't want to be a villain again!
Tony: And I don't want to be a lame ol' hero.
Hugo: Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, just... do it!
Tony: [Sighs] It was fun while it lasted! [kisses Clint; Loki and Tony switch teams] At least now, you'll have to stop blanking me and admit that I exist.
Loki: Yeah! You exist! SO WHAT?!
Tony: Um. I like the blanking better!
Clint: So, Hey. Welcome to the team. [kicks the bucket full of leeches] Ahh!
Loki: Ahh! Eww! Ahh!
Clint: I swear! I didn't see the pail!
Hugo: [Laughs] Pure evil!
Hugo: Any final words?
Natasha: Just flush it already!
Hugo: [presses the flush button as Natasha gets flushed away] I will not miss her.
Food Fright [5.04][edit]
Johnny: You gonna finish your gruel?
Loki: What? No, gross! Help yourself!
Johnny: [Scrapes some off Loki] You clean up real nice. [Loki smacks Johnny]
Hero Hamsters: Welcome to the hero team, Tony!
Tony: [Confessional] Man, I miss my villainous babes. I bet they’re having a blast.
Clint: [Confessional] This, is the worst. I only came back to Total Drama to make things better with Loki. [starts to cry] But now he hates me, more than ever!
Loki: [outside the confessional booth with an umbrella hearing Clint crying from inside, then takes his turn to use it] He came back for me? Yeah, right! He probably knew I’d overhear. But... how?
Loki: Nice one, Johnny. And yes, I was being sarcastic! [noticing Johnny smiling at her] What? What?!
Johnny: You're pretty when you're mad.
Pansy: Barf!
Hugo: [After Viktor reswallows to prevent from barfing] Taste so nice, he ate it twice!
Viktor: [Confessional; sulking] Hugo will pay for laughing at me!
Hugo: [Over the intercom] I sincerely doubt it, Vic! [laughs as Viktor sulks]
Tony: [Confessional with his lips swollen from mouse trap] I'm not wanna care about my looks, but man, check out my lips! It's like two worms having a street fight down there.
Hugo: Coltrane! Will you stand up and turn out your pockets please!
[Coltrane does so, and chunks of pancakes come out, and everyone gasped.]
Coltrane: I just saved a tiny bit, in case I had to go to Boney Island again, it's a terrible place, I'm sorry!
Hugo: Heroes forfeit! Villains win it!
[Originally, The Heroic Hamsters were the winners of the pancake eating obstacle-course race challenge. However, it was later revealed by Hugo that Coltrane had smuggled some leftover pieces of pancake from the challenge in case he was sent to exile on Boney Island, thus making the Heroes forfeit the challenge. In the end, the Heroes voted Coltrane out of the game.]
Hugo: Any last words before, you know...
Coltrane: I just wanna say... [Hugo presses the button; he then screams and gets flushed]
Hugo: Psyche!
Moon Madness [5.05][edit]
Guillermo Seidel: (Pretending to be Ryan) Hi! I'm a bug-eyed weirdo and everybody loves me!
[Loki was about to get attacked by the deer, but Clint saved him]
Loki: You saved me?!
Clint: You'd do the same if our positions were reversed!
Clint: Ugh! I can't do this anymore! [Pushes Tony aside] It's over!
Tony: What just happened?!
Hugo: Okay peeps; each of you is a loser in your own right. But the villains won the challenge, so, they've earned themselves another night of luxurious luxury at my spa hotel.
Johnny: [raises his hand] I volunteer for exile on Boney Island!
Hugo: [shrugs] Sure, I don't care.
Loki: Seriously?
Johnny: [puts his hand on Loki’s shoulder] Sorry, babe; I gotta find that invincibility statue.
[the copter lowers its claw and picks Johnny up again]
Hugo: Ok people, tonight we-
Kelsi: Wait!
Hugo: [glaring] Now what?
Kelsi: I volunteer for the Flush of Shame!
Luna: [crying] Noooo!
Ryan: [worried] Kelsi, why?
Kelsi: Sorry, Ryan; I'd love to help you with your, uh, problem, but I just can't take any more of, y'know, this! [points to Luna, who is curled up on the ground, sobbing]
Luna: Oh, are you allergic to long grass? I can get chains instead!
Hugo: [grinning] Well isn't this a perfect way to introduce the surprise twist. One of today's ejected heroes is tomorrow’s new villain! [everyone gasps]
Kelsi: [confused] What?
Hugo: That's right! Instead of flushing Kelsi, I'm sending him over to the villains’ side! [the heroes gasp, Luna sounds more disappointed] Sorry Luna.
[Ryan suddenly gasps and his hair flips over his eye again and laughs, Guillermo Seidel returning, before pushing up his hair to look like Ryan]
Kelsi: I'll find a way to help you, even from the villains’ side, I promise. [extends her hand]
Guillermo Seidel: [grips Kelsi’s hand, grinning] Gee, thanks, pal.
[Kelsi nervously walks over to the villains’ side, staring up at them]
Kelsi: [weakly] Uh, hi...
[everyone glares down at her; Clint’s the only one smiling]
No One Eggspects the Spanish Opposition [5.06][edit]
Loki: (Confessional) With Kelsi on our team, the newbie target's off my back. Next time we lose, Four-Eyes goes home.
Clint: The Villains team isn't entirely made up of evil people.
Pansy: (To Kelsi) You look nerdier than before, I know it sounds impossible, but here you are doing it, so...
Viktor: Pansy, please. I think that she pulls off a nerdy look with a generous measure of dignified flair.
Clint: It's mostly made up of evil people.
Hugo: Now, before we head home, did anyone leave anything behind that they'd like to go get?
Pansy: [walks off to the rock where she hid the statue and she reaches in and starts feeling around for it] Come to mama! C'mon, [looks into the rocks] why can't I- [gasps as she realizes it’s gone, she walks up and growls to Hugo] You took it! I know you did!
Hugo: I have no idea to what you are referring. All aboard!
Pansy: Of course Hugo took my invincibility statue, who else?! You with your see-all cameras everywhere! Well WHATEVER! I am not the one going home tonight, that I promise you!
Viktor: Oh, I don’t think I’m leaving.
Pansy: Oh yeah? Really? Why is that?
Viktor: [finally stands on his feet, surprising the team; walks up to Pansy, and pulls out the Hugo head statue; revealing he stole it from her] I’ve got diplomatic immunity!
All: [Gasping]
Hugo: Just immunity, Viktor.
Pansy: [very livid] You! YOU! YOU!!!!
Hugo: Hate to interrupt during such a well-thought-out argument, but the only vote that wasn’t for Viktor, was for [pulls out Pansy’s photo, revealing she has been voted off] you. You, you! So, you are getting flushed!
Pansy: [falls on her knees] NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Viktor: [Confessional, hold a photo of Pansy being voted off] Such beauty a toilet has never seen.
[Guillermo Seidel as Ryan whistles a tune as he walks to the boat for Boney Island exile]
Tony: [shocked gasp] I know that tune! [Confessional] Oh man, I knew Ryan seem familiar. When I was a lonely punk in Juvie, he was running the place! But back then, his name was "Guillermo Seidel!" And he is bad news.
[As Pansy is about to take the Flush of Shame crossing her arms looking very mad, Viktor sits next to her on the toilet seat]
Viktor: Now that I have avenged the shame you once caused me, the slate is clean. We can start fresh. After all, we are a perfect couple.
Pansy: [angrily pushes Viktor off the toilet seat and he falls into the lake] Let's do this!
[Hugo presses the button and Pansy screams as she twirls around and disappears out of sight]
Suckers Punched [5.07][edit]
Loki: There are only nine players left, we have to merge soon. And after what you did to Pansy, good luck finding an ally, Vic!
Viktor: I would prefer it if you did not call me that name. [Confessional] Last night, I dreamt about my older, smarter, better looking brother. [sighs exasperated] He always calls me "Vic", and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't de-tangle!
Johnny: What's wrong with the name, Vic? My sister's name is Vic, short for Victoria! She's the county hog caller. [makes hog sounds and a real hog pounces on him] Oww!
Hugo: [when the wheel lands on Fang] Say hello to your foe, Fang!
Johnny: Huh? [screams as Fang appears with a mask and boxing gloves]
Loki: Hello! Johnny! Johnny!
Hugo: C'mon, bro! Move it, or lose it!
Tony: Oh. I'd say that's already happened!
[Johnny gets thrown into the ring by Miss Peabody and gets repeatedly punched by Fang]
Loki: Wake up and smell the gloves hitting you in the face, Johnny!
Johnny: …
Hugo: Time's up and Fang wins, no point for the villains the score remains 1-0 Heroes.
Luna: [smells] You smell weird, but a honey cruller wrapped in rotten ham. Good in the inside, rotten in the outside.
[Loki and Clint collapse to their knees after fighting each other and saying the reason why they came back.]
Clint: So, Friends?
Loki: [He and Clint hug each other] Friends forever!
Luna and Chad: Aww...
Hugo: [in tears] For putting a little warmth on my otherwise frozen heart, I'm giving you both one point. That makes it 3-2. Villains win!
Villains: [cheering]
Heroes: [groaning]
Hugo: First off, I got all my missing teeth replaced, so now my handsomosity is back at 150%!!! [Smiles, none of the campers look impressed] Tonight, the winners get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers’ team. [The heroes start to gasp] Hold that gasp. And the losers are the choosers of which winner goes to Boney Island. And the teams are not merging! …Now you may gasp. [Everyone gasps] And there it is. Now, villains, who's going home tonight?
[The villains whisper to each other for a couple of seconds]
Clint: [Speaks up] We've decided-
Kelsi: Reluctantly, very reluctantly!
Clint: To eliminate... [The heroes all look tense for a few seconds] …Luna!
Luna: Meee, but why?
Kelsi: You have a real Ronny back home who needs you! For some reason... Now run, Luna; run to him!
Hugo: You mean swim, but before Luna gets flushed, which villain is going to exile on Boney Island? Heroes?
Heroes: [All in unison pointing at Viktor] Viktor!
Clint: [As Luna is in the Flush of Shame, crying] Sorry again! Say hi to Ronny for me.
Tony: And make more of those Clony and Toki videos. [Clint and Loki glare at him] What?!
Hugo: [holds up an umbrella] Hold your breath! [pushes button; flushing Luna]
Luna: I'm coming Ronny!!
You Regetta Be Kidding Me [5.08][edit]
[The scene begins at the spa hotel, where Clint wakes up.]
Clint: I just dreamed I was riding a fluffy unicorn across clouds made of marshmallows.
Loki: [walks over to Clint] Yeah, there's soft beds all right.
Clint: A couple days ago, I was ready to quit. Now that we're friends again, I never want it to end!
Loki: Maybe make it to the finale together/
Clint: What about Johnny?
Loki: He's cool and all, but like you said, you gotta put friends first.
Clint: Awww...
Both: If I don't win the million bucks, I hope you do! [in the confessional] And I mean it, too!
Kelsi: [Confessional] Being on the villains’ team is so nerve-racking. I've started sleeping with one eye open and now I can't blink it! (blinks one eye) See?
Hugo: Loki and Clint reached Coconut Alley.
[Miss Peabody drops coconuts]
Loki: Uh Oh! What's that?
[Coconuts pelted on the boys]
Clint: Hey! [Loki almost falls off the boat] Loki! [Pulls him up] Whew.
Loki: Thanks, Clint! I almost got my hair wet.
Clint: I would never let that happen. Your hair is fantastic!
Loki: No! Your hair is.
Tony: [sees the dynamite] Incoming, hold tight! [he grabs the stick and pinches out the fuse and chuckles] don't mind if I do! [Miss Peabody growls]
Chad: [points off-screen at something] Is that where Hugo lives?
[Pan over to reveal Playa Des Losers, the resort]
Tony: Yeah, beautiful. [Narrows his eyes while holding up his stick of dynamite] Just beautiful. [Suddenly jumps off the boat]
Chad: Tony! Where are you going? [Tony ignores him as he swims to shore]
Tony: [in the confessional] If anyone thinks I've gone soft or lost my mojo, let's just say I found a way to set the record straight.
[Hugo and Miss Peabody are laughing as Viktor tries to get his boat to start after it stalled again.]
Clint: What's Viktor doing? His engine must've died.
Loki: Guess he'll have to hand row his boat. [Clint raises an eyebrow at him. Loki smiles sheepishly]
Clint: [a horn honks as the boats are catching up to them] Hurry, they're gaining on us!
Loki: Not on my yacht!
[The speedboat speeds up. Loki and Clint cheer. Viktor continues to try and start his boat as the others approach faster. However, he jumps onto the tip of his boat and touches the buoy with his nose, just as Clint and Loki catch up]
Hugo: Ooh, and Viktor wins it by a nose! Loki and Clint take second place! Not that it matters; Ryan and Chad take third. [Kelsi paddles in, Johnny glaring at her] And Kelsi and Johnny may have come in last, but they were definitely the funniest! A meal, not a snack! [he cackles like a mad hyena. Miss Peabody just shakes his head and rolls his eyes] Oh, my sides!
Johnny: [Confessional] Pfft! It wasn't that funny, Hugo!
Hugo: [notices someone missing] Wait a minute, where's Tony?
[Suddenly, an absolutely massive explosion goes off in the background, shaking the camera. Smoke is seen in the distance]
Chad: What the heck was that?
[Hugo pulls out his binoculars and squinted through them. He gasps as he sees what the explosion was… Playa Des Losers now stands a crumbling, burnt mess]
Hugo: [horrified] My cottage!!!! [he wails loudly]
Loki: [Looks through the binoculars; laughing] You call that a cottage?! It was a mansion!
[Pan over to the damaged resort, Tony running away from it]
Tony: [cackles like a maniac] Yeah, [stops and dances] WHOO-HOOO!!! Now who's gone soft? [Runs off-screen, laughing]
Hugo: So many pictures of me! Gone! All gone!
Miss Peabody: We'll build you another cottage.
Loki: It was not a cottage!
Hugo: [sighs and talks flatly and dejectedly] As winner of today's challenge, Viktor gets immunity and a night at the spa hotel ...And, he can bring one person along with him... [everyone smiles hopeful at Viktor]
Viktor: [smirking triumphantly] As much as I would love to bring you all ...I cannot play favorites and break all of your hearts. [everyone sighs, disappointed]
Hugo: [still flatly] As for the rest of you, time to hit the voting booth... [as everyone leaves, Guillermo walks up to Viktor]
Guillermo: [forcibly perky] Hey, Viktor! So, I was kinda wondering, since there aren't any teams anymore, um, maybe someday you and I could work together on a challenge [Viktor raises a suspicious eyebrow], or something...? Uh, I mean, if you want? ...Maybe... [mimics Ryan’s awkward laugh]
Viktor: Hmmm... Intriguing and unexpected... [smirks] Just the way I like to play it. [grabs Guillermo’s hand and shakes it] Deal! I look forward to the day we work together.
Hugo: [sighs] Good news... As a reward for making it to the merge, there will be no Boney Island for any of you tonight... [The contestants cheer; sounds whiney] Do you know how many statues of me were lost in that explosion? Five!
Loki: Can we just get on with this ceremony already?
Tony: [triumphantly] Told ya! Told ya I was a villain!
Hugo: [sounding a bit like his old self] Before you vote for the first time as individuals, I have a special surprise for [glares at Tony] Boom-boom over here.
Tony: [sarcastically] Aww, Hugo, you shouldn't have!
[Two cops walk up to Tony, one putting his hand on Tony’s shoulder]
Cop: You're under arrest for the destruction of a private cottage.
Loki: It was not a- [lets out an annoyed growl]
Clint: Way to go, bad boy! I hope looking cool is worth getting locked up again.
Tony: It is! I'm gonna rule Juvie!
Hugo: Juvie? Um, you destroyed a MANATASHAR piece of property. It's a big boy jail for you, bro! And it's gonna be a real slammer! [Chuckles]
Tony: [Now looks nervous as the cop grabs him by the wrist] Wait, it was an accident! [the cops start dragging him off] Come on guys, have a heart! I-I didn't know you weren't supposed to put a toaster in the microwave! Agh, snuggle-muffins!
Hugo: [Back to his cheerful self] Ah, justice! It's voting time!
Hugo: Well, I believe this is a first! The votes have been tallied, and it's unanimous! Tonight's Flush o' Shame recipient is... [turns the photos around, revealing Kelsi X'ed off] Kelsi!
Kelsi: [shocked] WHAT?! How can it be unanimous? I didn't vote for myself!
Chad: I didn't vote for her either!
Zeek and Ye Shall Find [5.09][edit]
Hugo: Hey, roomie! Since my house got destroyed it looks like I'll be staying here! Hey! It's no fun for me, either, huh. [takes off his towel and it gets tossed into Viktor's face] I lost everything! [gets in the hot tub] Including my swim trunks!
Hugo: [on TV] Welcome to episode 100 of Total Drama! To celebrate, I have an extra special 100th episode challenge. [laughs] I hope no one is allergic to rhinoceroses or fire or smallpox. [a feral Gregory pops up]
Clint: Is that?
Hugo: You're a real formal-
Everyone: LOOK OUT!
Chad: LOOK! LOOK!
Hugo: Please, don't interrupt. I-
[a feral Gregory puts a bag on Hugo’s head and kidnaps him and shuts down the TV as Miss Peabody spits out her coffee on the TV screen as it drips on the keyboard, causing the other TVs to shut down]
Johnny: Ladies first. Or is that wrong because this is dangerous? Or is that wrong because this is the 21st century? Or is it the 22nd?
Hugo: [he is now tied up and his hair oddly floating upwards as he chuckles nervously] Hardy har, har, Miss Peabody, yep, you got me! [the camera rotates and zooms out, revealing that Hugo is now dangling over a pit of toxic goo, a feral Gregory hunched over nearby] Miss Peabody? [a feral Gregory breathes heavily in a laugh-like way, rubbing his hands/claws together] Gregory? [laughs a bit] Hey, buddy! Looking good... [zoom in on a feral Gregory’s sharpened teeth as drool comes out] Quite the killer drool you got there, [the drool drips down onto the ground, sizzling as it eats through the rock. Hugo gets more nervous] That's toxic waste exposure there... for yah... am I right? Um... [a feral Gregory growls] What's up, you upset with me, or something? [a feral Gregory makes inhuman noises and waves his arm like he’s trying to communicate] Um, I'm not very well versed in Freakezoidal interpretive dance... But I'll take that as a yes!
Kelsi: I'll distract Greg, you get Hugo! [Clint is about to say something, but Kelsi interrupts] You saved my life; I owe you this! [runs out in the open] Yoohoo, lookie lookie! [waves his arms] I'm a big distraction! [a feral Gregory stops, and vomits out acidic goop at Kelsi; but the goop misses] Ha, you missed! [the ceiling crumbles] Uh-oh... [rocks tumble down from the ceiling and crush her]
[a feral Gregory hisses triumphantly, before the sound of a cannon reloading was heard]
Clint: [now holding the meatball gun] This is for Kelsi! [shots at a feral Gregory and the others cheer as Hugo falls down and rushes to the rock pile] Kelsi!
Hugo: [angered] Could have been a little gentler!!
Clint: [digs through the rocks] Kelsi!! [lifts up an injured Kelsi]
Hugo: [runs up to Clint, untied] Come on, we gotta get out of here before Greg- [gasps, upon realizing that it's too late when Gregory disappears into thin air, Confessional]
Hugo: [At the elimination ceremony] Clint wins our never to be repeated or spoken of again Challenge! He saved all of us. But more importantly, he saved me. So, I'll honor the deal Miss Peabody made. The spa hotel is yours, Clint. Who's heading for exile on Boney Island?
Clint: Viktor!
Viktor: [sighs] First my boot and now this.
Hugo: And as for who goes home, no vote is required. [Miss Peabody pushes Kelsi who was bandaged and in a bubble] Kelsi is too injured to continue. So, as my rules and my cruel streak dictate, she must be flushed.
Chad: I’ll miss you, Kels.
Kelsi: [muffled] I’ll miss you too!
Clint: You get better, okay?
Kelsi: [muffled] Thanks, Clint. Bye, Ryan.
Guillermo: Oh, Ryan’s gone. I’m Guillermo Seidel. And I let you fall. So long, sucker. [snickers evilly and Kelsi muffled screams horrifyingly and Miss Peabody pops the bubble and Kelsi gets flushed down the Flush of Shame]
The Obsta-Kill Course [5.10][edit]
Viktor: (Confessional) Hugo is lucky I have a bigger problem to deal with. Guillermo Seidel! Good thing I have a DVD full of incriminating footage hidden in the hotel. When the time is right, bam! I'll expose that phony, or my name isn’t Viktor Krum.
Hugo: (laughs) Tell them what your last name means! (laughs)
Viktor: It's a very respected name where I come from. Very respected!
Guillermo: Better watch your step, prick. Or is it Vic?
Viktor: Quite a warning coming from the guy who tampered with the votes.
Guillermo: So, what? Who's gonna believe you, the most manipulative guy in Total Drama history?
Viktor: True, I'm not known for being trustworthy. That's why I have procured a DVD full of evidence of you at your shiftiest. Your hours here are numbered, pal. Or should I say...Guillermo Seidel. (Guillermo threatens to break Viktor's wrist) Wait! My people have a saying! ¡Burros muertos no hablan!
Guillermo: Dead donkeys don't talk?
[Chad and Clint laugh and then, Loki came over glaring.]
Loki: You two better not be talking about me kissing Johnny and Kelsi!
Clint: [Gasps] You kissed Kelsi?!
Loki: [Confessional] Oops!
Johnny: Loki, I need to talk to you. Did you kiss Viktor?
Clint: Okay, I'm out of here
Loki: Yes, but it was years ago! You and I weren't going out, so it's okay!
Hugo: But everyone else wants Viktor to surf the porcelain wave machine!
Viktor: [Sighs] Man!
Hugo: Gee. What a shame!
[Viktor takes the Flush of Shame after being voted off by Guillermo Seidel]
Viktor: This show just got 100% less beautiful! But I’m not the real villain, a greater evil is lurking!
Hugo: [fake yawns] Boring! [presses the remote button and flushes Viktor]
Viktor: [to Chad while spinning around, getting flushed] The truth is in the art! It’s in the AAAARRRRRTTTTT!!!!
Sundae Muddy Sundae [5.11][edit]
Loki: [Confessional; reveals an alternate plan, one he thinks will guarantee him a first-place ranking] Clint is great. But if you ask me, winning is everything. This is the farthest I've ever made it on Total Drama, and I am going all the way! (he shows his elimination chart) Johnny is sweet on me, for obvious reasons. So, I'm keeping him around to the end since he'll probably let me win. Which means Clint goes second last, and Chad needs to go, like now. The only wild card is Ryan. But I'm pretty sure I can crush him. [sighs] Making a chart always helps clarify things nicely.
Johnny: Hope you two got lots of sleep, 'cause I'm feeling as strong as an ox.
Guillermo (Ryan): Don't you mean "strong as a rat"?
Johnny: Heh?
Guillermo (Ryan): Oh, you haven't seen Loki's chart!
(Loki gasps)
Johnny: What chart?
Guillermo (Ryan): This one. (he showed Loki's elimination chart that he stole)
(all gasped)
Guillermo (Ryan): Great plan, by the way. Not how I want it to go down, but still.
Clint: Second-last?! Right to the end, my butt.
Loki: I can explain!
Johnny: You gave me a tail?! Wow!
Loki: Wait!
Clint: Oh, please, even you can't talk your way out of this one.
Loki: Ugh. Sensitive much?
Clint: [Confessional; infuriated about Loki's betrayal] Loki was only pretending to be my friend?! Ugh! How did I now see that?! He’s going down.
Johnny: [Confessional] A tail! And it's pointed, like a rat tail! I will never forgive him for this, NEVER! Not unless he really, really wants me to.
Loki: [Confessional; about Guillermo (Ryan) stealing his elimination chart] Thanks, Ryan. But I am not getting flushed down the giant toilet. I mean, it sort of suits the others. But I am not a giant toilet swimming kind of guy.
Loki: [Confessional, excited about the challenge] Whoo! Yes! I know my sundaes. I worked at an ice cream shop for three weeks, then I got fired for flinging a scoop of raspberry swirl at a customer. But she started it with all her "Excuse me, excuse me". I was on my break!
Clint: [arriving at the swamp] Whoo! Stanky!
Hugo: Clint's first to the cherries! Will he keep his lead? Not if Snappy has anything to say about it!
Clint: Snappy?!
["Snappy" the crocodile, emerges from the water.]
Loki: Clint! I...
Clint: No time to chat!
Loki: Wait, I'm sorry! I never should've made that chart! I still want us to be a team, I still want us to be friends! Please don't vote me off. Vote for Chad!
Clint: (sighs) Okay, I tell you what. I vote for Johnny, and I'll try to convince Chad to vote for him too.
Loki: (squeals in excitement) Seriously?
Clint: I still want to be friends too. But to prove that I can trust you, you have to vote for yourself.
Loki: (scoffs) Get real. You're just trying to make it unanimous.
Clint: That's a chance you'll just have to take!
Loki: But ugh... fine.
Loki: I can't use dirt. What would my former employer think? Ugh, it's totally burned up! Ugh, fine. [he picked up the chocolate coals and adds it to his sundae] Chocolate coals it is. The coals are still warm! They're making my ice cream melt! [a bird pukes on his sundae] Eww. Meh. [Confessional] What?! It's for Hugo’ss interns! And he never feeds them anyway!
Hugo: First to finish wins immunity. Everyone else is on the chopping block. So, dig in.
[Clint, Chad, Guillermo, and Johnny eating some sundaes except Loki refuses to eat his sundae which had been covered in burnt chocolate and bird vomit and he smells disgusting]
Loki: (In confessional) [he retches] I can't do it. I can't eat disgusting foods. I'm just not gross like the others.
Clint: Ah, brain freeze!
[Johnny chuckles]
Clint: Easy to laugh when you have no brain to freeze.
Johnny: Pfft. You're just jealous 'cause I'm almost done.
Chad: (after he finishes eating his sundae) Finish!
Hugo: Boom! Just like that, Chad wins the challenge and immunity!
Guillermo: Yes!
[Clint and Johnny groan]
Loki: Phew, yes.
Johnny: You gonna eat that?
Loki: Here!
Hugo: Not so fast. Everyone has to eat their own sundae, remember? You won't get anything else to eat until you finish the sundae you thought was good enough to feed my interns. I wouldn't feed them that.
Loki: It's not my fault! Ryan ruined the chocolate on purpose!
Hugo: But you're the one who put it in your sundae.
Loki: What was I supposed to do? Skip the chocolate sauce?
Hugo: Yes!
Loki: Well, now I know for next time?
Chad: [Confessional] It's not like Ryan to enjoy someone else's misery, even if it is Loki's. Hmm. When Viktor was making that big goodbye speech, he said there was "greater evil" lurking. He also said "the truth is in the art". Man, typical Viktor. Hot and infuriating right to the end.
Loki: I know I was a bad friend, but please, please don't vote for me.
Clint: I won't, as long as you vote for yourself.
Loki: Ugh!
Clint: By the way, your sundae smells like the outhouse. [Loki retches and pukes] Ha, guess he's not hungry.
Hugo: Elimination time. Tonight, Chad got immunity, and Johnny and Loki are on ice. Johnny, you finished dead last and you're all out of allies. Loki, backstabbing your friends and trying to poison my interns? Really? It's time to vote.
Johnny: [Confessional] After that chart, who can ever trust Loki again? Anyway, I look nothing like that picture she drew or me. Mawmaw always says I'm as handsome as a mule!
Hugo: Alright, I tabulated the votes and tonight's loser with three votes to two is Loki!
Loki: You can't flush me yet! I'm still eating. [Tries eating his gross sundae and he retches]
Hugo: That's the spirit! Never give up! [flushes Loki; he screams]
The Bold and the Booty-ful [5.12][edit]
Clint: One intact portrait coming up! How hard can it be? [gasps upon realizing the destroyed cottage] Why did I ask how hard could it be? [Confessional, infuriated] Thanks again, Tony!
Johnny: [Confessional, with a treasure chest on his head] Sharks are nothing like pigs!
Hugo: [smells the painting] Ugh! What's that earthy aroma?
Clint: Oh. It's avant-garde, it's stylized. It's...it's... [sighs] It's bear poop!
Hugo: [pukes on the painting] For showing up last and defacing my portrait, Clint gets the flush!
[Chad gasps]
Clint: [gasps] What?! No fair! Johnny and Ryan came back empty-handed!
Hugo: True! But they didn't make me do this! [pukes on the painting]
Clint: [sighs in defeat] Fine!
[Hugo eliminated Clint from the game due to her re-painting one of Hugo’s self-portraits with bear poop]
Clint: [As she was in the Flush of Shame] Good luck, Chad! I really hope you win!
Chad: Aww, Thanks! Next time, I hope we're on the same team!
Clint: Next time?! Oh no! No way am I ever coming back to this dump! [screams as he gets flushed]
Hugo: Who to flush next? It all comes down to who you wanna battle in the finale. Johnny or Ryan.
Chad: [Confessional] I wanna bring Ryan to the finale. Not Guillermo. But if I ditch Guillermo now. Ryan could be lost forever. Ugh. Love. Pfft. Seriously! [end confessional] I promised to have a friendship finale. But things had seriously changed since then. [Hugo yawns] But I'm a guy of my word. So, sorry Johnny.
Johnny: Oh. [gets in the Flush of Shame] You're making a mistake. Ryan's a total scammer. You don't know what you're in for.
Chad: Thanks, Johnny! But I know exactly what I'm up against and who.
[Guillermo Seidel looks suspicious and Hugo pushes Johnny in the toilet and flushes him]
The Final Wreck-Ening [5.13][edit]
Hugo: Time's up! Oh, intern. Go collect the helpers, please.
[The wind blows eight balloons away; Loki, Tony, Natasha, Troy, Stacy, Coltrane, Johnny, and Luna are all heard screaming from inside the balloons]
Hugo: Ooh, yeah. Probably should've tied them down. [phone rings] Huh. It's the lawyers. I'm gonna let it go to voicemail. Okay! Let's go!
Guillermo: Don’t you get it, Chad? There’s no longer a choice. [whispers into Chad’s ear] Ryan is gone. And he’s never coming back.
Chad: [Confessional] Is Ryan really never coming back? No, that’s just what Guillermo Seidel wants me to believe. I hope.
Hugo: (gasps) Oh no! Are you two... DATING?
Guillermo: Huh? [camera zooms out revealing his tower has disappeared] Impossible. Where’s my tower?
Ryan: It’s gone, Guillermo Seidel. It’s gone for good.
Guillermo Seidel: [last final words; angrily] No. NO! It’s MY time!! MINE!!!!!
[Ryan's ending]
Hugo: Ryan wins a million dollars!
Chad: Oh Ryan! I'm so proud of you!
[Ryan is hit in the face by Miss Peabody's spaghetti]
Miss Peabody: I was just cleaning it and it went off.
Clint: Way to go Ryan!
Kelsi: Great to have you back buddy.
Hugo: [sighs as his phone rings] It's the network! [Answers the phone] Yes! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Okay, done! [Ends the call] They're so happy that they want to go straight to a new season with an all new cast! [Suddenly, the ground shook] Um. What's going on?!
Kelsi: Miss Peabody! What did you use to make these moats?
Miss Peabody: A fracking machine!
Clint: Whoa! You can't say that on TV!
Kelsi: A fracking machine is a hydraulic drill. You can't use it on an island this small. It's dangerous!
Hugo: Why? What?! What could happen?
[Suddenly, water spouts out]
Kelsi: [panicking] The island is sinking!!
[Everywhere on the island, water starts to burst out; the Flush of Shame, the confessional, the mines, the cabins, and the main lodge until the entire island completely sink.]
Loki: Cheated out of a million bucks, again! I hate this show!
Tony: But we have the greatest consolation prize of all... each other.
Clint: Great. Just great. [Fang pops up as well; the three teenagers swim away as Fang chases them]
Ryan: We should do this again sometime.
Chad, Kelsi, and Clint: No!
Hugo: Well, that's it for our very first All-Star season. But don't worry, we're coming back with a brand-new cast! And I guess a brand-new island too. [chuckles] Until next time. I'm Hugo Strange, and this has been... Total... Drama... All-Stars!