(insomnia)
it's unreasonably hot and sticky in the tiny upstairs room, and now the cheap fan is busted after Da kicked it and so the mugginess is oppressively still.
it makes lying awake more understandable, but it's not really the weather keeping Sev awake.
when's Da going to get back, is there anything he can do for Mum in hopes she might ...not falter beneath Da's yells and glares when he goes back to Hogwarts?
why did he have to be born half-blood, to an ungrateful father, and an apparently disowned mother, and why does Slytherin House have to hate him for it?
why did it have to get so bad? when did it get this bad, Mr. Snape down to the pub every night? He wishes he wanted to punch someone, except Mum would tell him that's not a solution, and it would just make him more like Da, and he feels too numb, long strands of hair sticking to his sweaty face, having escaped the ribbon Lily lent him, wrung out and yet strangely energetic.
it's not like he can hear the clock tick, his only magical clock consigned to his trunk in the tiny even more airless attic lest Da get irritated at it, but the full moon arcing through the sky, visible through the thin curtains, is timekeeping enough, and he's been lying here miserable for an uncomfortable time, thoughts churning.
if he thought they had any, if they were at school and Lily's Hufflepuff Herbology partner had actually told her how it was they were to get into the kitchen, he might get a glass of milk. After all, they say it helps you sleep. But there won't be any, and if he so much as goes to get a glass of water, it might irritate Da, somehow, whether he's home yet or not. Or it might wake Mum up and, even though she's been sleeping a lot lately, Sev doesn't want to disturb her rest. Even if he is pretty good at sneaking around--had to be to escape Da's wrath.
what kind of future has he even got as a half blood? Is he going to get to learn properly about potions, like Mum makes, in the future? are they ever gonna be rid of Da?
he sniffles and adjusts the sheet draped over his body that makes it feel halfway like a situation for sleeping despite the oppressive heat. He rolls over and tries with resolve to think of a story to tell Lily when they see each other again, which hasn't been as frequent this summer as it used to be sometimes before Hogwarts. But sleep is still elusive, and he carries on blearily awake, will remember hearing Da slam the door when the sun wakes him in the morning.