The World Is Cruel
1988 June, Surrey Sunday
"Get up you freaks. I want breakfast down by the time Vernon and my little Dudleykins have woken up." screeches a voice from behind the door to Jacob's and Harry's room. They had this room since Jacob and Harry could not fit inside the cupboard under the stairs. They could only sleep there till they were four years old, so the Dursley’s solution was to stuff them into Dudley's second bedroom. He stores all the toys that he breaks here. Harry stands up stretching his back and hearing it click. Harry looks to his brother still fast asleep and sighs.
Harry shoves his shoulder "Come on wake up you lazy head." He says with a fond smile.
Jacob stirs "Ahhh, why are you waking me up. Are you okay? Do you have a fever?" He sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and trying to see what is wrong with Harry.
Harry giggles, Jacob’s hair looks like a cow liked it. It is standing up vertical. "Nothing wrong. Aunt Petunia just shouted through the door. We have to get breakfast ready."
Now awake Jacob flattens his short auburn locks, looking relieved that there is nothing wrong with Harry, only to then process the words spoken by his brother "Horse-face wants to give us more chores doesn't she." he grumbles.
Harry gives him a look "You know she doesn't like that name. You know we shouldn’t insult family."
He snorts "Tell them that and she can't dislike what she can't hear."
Harry shakes his head and gestures towards the door "Come on we are going to get in trouble if we take any longer."
He nods and stands up. They both leave the room and go down the stairs and head towards the kitchen passing their old bedroom. They arrive in the kitchen seeing Petunia preparing this morning's breakfast. "You get over here and make breakfast. I expect a full breakfast and if you even try to take food I will shove you back into the cupboard all by yourself." she orders Harry. "You get these trash bags outside" she points to the full trash cans in the kitchen. They both nod and move to do our respective tasks.
Harry goes to start cooking, only barely able to reach the stove. As Harry is struggling to cook, aunt Petunia walks up behind him and scoffs at him and places down a piece of paper. "Here are the rest of the chores for you and your brother today. Get it done before dinner or else your brother and you will go hungry tonight." with her piece said she heads back upstairs probably to go wake up her husband and child.
Still cooking Jacob comes walking back inside and asks "Is there anything else the slave driver wants us to do?"
Harry sharply turns his head to glare at him "The list on the counter over there." Nodding his head towards the list Petunia had put down.
Jacob nods and takes a glance at it "Mind if I take gardening. You know how much I hate dusting this horrid house." he pleads.
Harry smiles at him indulgently "It's not that you hate dusting, it is that you love gardening."
He scoffs and looks unrepentant at his actions.
"Sure take it I don't mind dusting and cleaning, but when you are done you better come back inside and help me." Harry says.
He looks relieved "Thank you. It just . . . I feel like I am home when I am gardening. It reminds me of our little garden in the park." Harry smiles remembering the day they found a small grove in the large park nearby. The park had its own forest that joggers run through. They were running from Dudley and his crew of friends and their favourite game of 'freak hunting'. While they were running away Harry tripped and they both rolled down a small hill through some bushes. They had stumbled upon a grove that had strange stone structures that looked like a doorway. They go there whenever they can’t be in the library and recently Jacob has started growing some flowers and herbs there.
"You know the food looks like it’s burning." Harry jumps, shocked out of my recollection and quickly turns to the stove only to see that the eggs are not burning. He hears laughter behind him and scowls. He turns to see his brother holding his stomach failing to keep his laughter in.
"Brother, that wasn't very funny." Harry smiles sweetly and starts to walk towards him. He sees this and quickly backs up.
"Come on, you gotta admit that it was funny." he smiles weakly.
Before their argument can continue the sounds of multiple steps coming down the stairs is heard. Harry quickly turns around and returns to cooking breakfast. Vernon walks in and sits down at the table. He points to Jacob "Set the table boy."
"Yes uncle." softly growls Jacob.
Dudley runs past Jacob and heads to the sitting room to watch some TV while Petunia joins us in the kitchen. Once breakfast is finished Jacob and Harry lay the food down for the rest of their so-called family. Vernon and Dudley stuff themselves full, eating so much it makes both the Potters green in the face while Petunia is just nibbling on some toast with a little bit of butter on it. They are all eating while Jacob and Harry stand quietly in the corner of the room watching slightly hungry but knowing they won’t get much to eat.
Once they are all down, they all head to the sitting room leaving their plates and scraps for Harry and Jacob to eat and clean. They both collect the remaining scrapes and pile them together onto one plate, with that done they both proceed to clean the kitchen and dining room. Wirth the kitchen and table clean they both sit down by their plate full of scraps.
Harry divides the plate in half.
“There half for each of us.” He says with a small smile.
Jacob looks at how the food is divided and pushes half of his half back to Harry's side. “You need more than me.” he announces with a determined look on his face.
“We both need this food.” Harry speaks back quiet but firm. “You can’t keep just giving me your food. You need it just as much as I do.”
“But you need it more so that you don’t get sick or if you do then you have more energy to beat off the sickness.”
Harry blushes. Knowing how many times he has gotten sick. He clenches his hand wishing he wouldn’t get as sick easily. He's shocked out of his thoughts we Jacob lays a hand on his clenched.
“We have this argument every day and I always win so just eat, please little brother.”
Harry cracks at the nickname he uses. He smiles and nods his head before picking up some scraps and eating.
Jacob smiles, happy that Harry is eating and proceeds to eat his quarter. After they have eaten and cleaned their plates, they head off to do their respective chores.
Harry starts going round the house dusting and sweeping the floors and curtains. He dusts all of the counters in the house from the kitchen to the fireplace. After that Harry brings out a mop and bucket and begins mopping the floor. This whole process takes the whole morning and he finishes in the hallway of the second floor.
When lunch time hits Harry just finishes when Petunia walks in and eyes the floor, angry that he did his job well and wanting to punish him more. She frowns and looks Harry in the eye
“Boy! Do it again!” she nearly screeches.
Harry just nods his head trying to keep Petunia happy. “Yes Aunt Petunia.”
Harry once again begins re-mopping the floor he just did while Petunia just stands there watching what he is doing. The process lasts as Harry goes through each room again and again.
“I see you are just like your mother. She couldn’t clean either.” Sneers Petunia.
Harry just nods happily, enjoying that he is similar to his mother but sad that he made Petunia angry.
“I will get better Aunt Petunia.” Replies Harry.
“You have been doing this for four years and you still aren’t good. There is not a chance for you to get better, freak!” answer Petunia in turn.
Harry just nods still hurt but used to the insults.
Petunia just looks at Harry scoffs and leaves him to his work. As it approaches time to make dinner Harry goes to the bathroom to get a towel knowing his brother won’t be allowed back in if he is wet.
Harry walks downstairs hearing the hose pipe spraying water. He walks into the kitchen just as the hose pipe is turned off. He walks to the back door and waits. Aunt Petunia walks back inside leaving the door open passing him not even giving him a glance before speaking.
“Make sure he is dry before he comes in freak.”
Harry just nods his heads and walks outside seeing his older brother wet from head to toe shivering with his arms crossed over each other rubbing them up and down trying to keep warm.
He hears Harry's approach and looks at him and gives him a smile.
“Thanks for always bringing a towel little brother.” He says and holds out his hand for me to give him the towel. Harry instead walks up to his brother and proceeds to dry him himself, running the towel along Jacob’s shaking and shivering form. Jacob blushes.
“I am meant to take care of you little brother, not you take care of me.”
Harry just giggles. “I know you look out for me as much as you can but I also need to get a chance to look after you.” Harry just looks into his brother’s eye “You are always worried over my health and I know our relatives don’t always help us-”
“More like never helps us.” Interrupts his brother.
Harry just glares “I know you don’t like them but they are getting better.”
Jacob looks at him and just gives a mirthless laugh “Sure. Only because the teachers can only be bribed so much. Can ignore blatant bruises.”
Harry continues to glare and drops the towel over his brother’s head leaving him blind “fine. Let just go inside and get dinner started.”
Harry turns his back on his brother and walks back inside. He starts preparing the food while his brother follows a bit later and goes upstairs to put away the towel. He comes back a few moments later and helps Harry prepare the food silently.
For the next half an hour the two brothers spend their limited time together in silence sullen and slightly angry at one another.
When dinner is ready both head to their corner of the room and watch their relatives once again devour the food in front of them leaving not even any scraps. Both looked towards each other knowing that they won’t be eating tonight.
Their relatives leave their empty and messy plates for both Harry and Jacob to clean. They both pick up their relatives' dishes and walk to the sink together. They stand side by side and clean the dishes.
They continue in silence merely rubbing their hands in circles cleaning the plates. The silence starts to grate at the both of them. They normally don't have fights Harry thinks to himself. It is only when their relatives are involved that arguments break out. Harry just wants his family to work. He wants them to not hate him and his Brother, but most of all he just doesn't want to lose the only family member who truly loves him.
He is about to break the silence when Jacob does it for him.
“I am sorry for getting angry.” Jacob is the first thing he says.
Harry just turns his head and looks at his brother dumbly. They look each other in the eye and after a moment in which Jacob gets a worried look in his eye Harry responds.
“N-no it's me who should be sorry. I know you don’t like them.” Harry knows that his brother doesn't just not like them, he hates them. “It just . . . It just that I want us to have a family.” Replies Harry with a small sniffle.
Jacob gives a weak smile “do you really think they can be a family with us Harry.”
Harry looks his brother in the eye desperately trying to convey his thoughts and feelings “What other choice do we have? A family is blood and has a mother and a father and children. We don’t have any other blood relatives. I just want a family.”
Jacob just pauses a moment in his cleaning of his dishes only to resume a moment later. “What if our family is just us?” The question seems simple however Harry can hear the hidden tension in the question.
Harry stops washing the dishes and places them down in the sink. He looks to his brother and stares him in the eye. “Jacob, you are my brother. You are the person who looks after me when I get sick and can't move. I don’t see a world where you aren’t part of my family, but aren’t you lonely brother?”
“But do you-” he tries to question.
Harry interrupts him and whispers furiously “but nothing. Jacob, brother, think for just a moment if we could have a bigger family.”
Jacob does as asked. Putting down his own dishes in the process “Yes. It would be nicer to have a bigger family. I just don’t think that they are the right family.”
Harry poses his own question “If not them then who?”
Jacob gives a resigned sign. “I don’t know brother.”
Harry nods his own “neither do I.”
Their conversation is interrupted by Petunia's shrill voice “What are you boys doing in there? If you are done, leave and go to your rooms.”
They both focus back on their respective dishes and place everything back in their cupboards. They leave the room and head for their room. They both change into their ratty oversized hand me-downs and lay down into their shared bed. Harry lays between the wall and Jacobs back facing the wall while Jacob faces the rest of the room.
For a while both lie down with Harry looking at Jacobs back. Time seems to slow down. Harry wonders about Jacob's words from earlier. He wonders, can they really have family with others. They have no other relatives. None that care for them.
Harry wants to open his mouth and speak to his brother and ask about what his idea is about. Harry stretches out his arm slowly willing to begin a conversion, only to pause. He knows that Jacob has not really thought about his suggestion. Harry knows the idea can't work because no one cares for them but each other.
Harry lays his arm back down and closes his eyes and allows for his dreams to take him.
??????
Harry sees a red haired woman and a black haired man in front of him. He sees them smiling and dancing in a homey feeling living room. He turns to look around only to see a small baby with black hair babbling nonsense. He and the baby are the same height. Harry thinks this is some weird dream about giant babies and goes back to reviewing the surroundings seeing that everything around him is giant. From the couple dancing to the chairs and table of the living room.
Harry’s eyes widen in shock realizing that they are not giants but rather that he is small, that he himself is a baby. Harry focuses his attention back on the couple and the other baby beside him.
The couple have come and picked up both him and the other baby, smiling at them both. The woman has the same emerald eyes as his own and the man has the same hairs as his own and with these revelations Harry realizes who these people are. These are his parents and brother. The parents he lost and the brother he kept.
Harry tries to reach out trying to grab the people he loves so much even if he never met him. His father notices this and holds out a hand for Harry to grab and he does so relishing the feeling of his father’s warmth.
“Hey little man, what are you doing?” questions his father.
Harry attempts to speak only for it to come out as unintelligible blabber. His father gives a small chuckle enjoying the antics of his son.
“Come on you can speak. Come say daddy. I know you can say it Hadrian.”
Again I try to talk only to babble and say nothing at all.
“Come on, you can do it Harry” Repeats James.
Harry tries again to say daddy. It still only comes out as unintelligible babble. Harry starts to work himself up into a fit. He is trying desperately to say. He wants to hear his father say he did well.
Before he can work himself up a beautiful yet soft voice interrupts our conversation “James Potter, leave our poor son alone with your antics.”
Harry turns to look at his mother in depth, trying to memorize all of her features. Before he can say anything his father speaks.
“Don’t worry my lily flower, all we are doing is having a bit of fun. Nothing bad happening.”
Lily gives James a deadpan look, not caring for his smirking face. “Come on. We need to put these ones to sleep.” She says raising my brother in her arms.
Harry immediately tries to put up a fuss so that he can have more time with them, but no noise is made and his body makes no moves to obey his thoughts. Just as he thinks he can get his body to obey he notices the quiet surrounding him.
Harry notices that both his brother and parents are frozen. Expressions stuck and bodies stiff. Harry looks around trying to determine what is causing all of this. Only after a moment does Harry notice the man in the corner of the room. The deathly pale man gestures his arm towards Harry and curls his index finger in a come here movement. Before Harry can do anything the world fades to black and the dream ends.
The Next Morning
Harry wakes up before anyone else in the house. He looks around the dark room thinking back on the dream he had. He is both happy and confused. Happy to finally have an idea on what his parents look like but confused as to who the strange man is.
He gets up groggily still tired. He looks out the window seeing the early morning sky and wonders if today is the day that their family gets better.
Weeks pass and the brothers daily routine doesn't change. On weekends they are swamped with chores to keep them busy and unhappy. If they step a toe out of the ever shifting line of the dursleys expectations and moods, then they are punished with either no food or if Vernon were in the mood, a beating.
On weekdays they head to school being ostracized by their peers and everyone avoids them. Teachers say that they get up to antics that they don't get up to, ones that dudley and his gang of friends do. They are punished by being separated and left behind with only the unlucky teacher who has to sit with them scowling at them.
Harry’s dreams continue. He sees all manner of moments with his parents and brother, from their parents playing with them to sitting them down on their laps seeing another man with long balck hair who smirks and smiles at them. He sees all the stuffed toys that they play with but also strange memories. One such memory is when he and his brother got small brooms.
Jacob and Harry are playing with their teddy dogs that they were gifted from their siri as said man likes to call himself. They sit on the floor babbling unintelligibly to each other having a conversation that no one but them understands when suddenly James and Sirius burst in giving a fright to both Harry and Jacob which causes both to start wailing.
“JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER AND SIRIUS ORION BLACK! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BURSTING THROUGH THE TWINS DOOR!” shouts out the voice of their mother who comes barreling up the stairs.
Both James and Sirius have the look of man who knows he is about to die. They both stand frozen as Lily comes charging into the room only for her to see how instead of comforting their children both men stand there like idiots.
She goes forward and picks up both children resting them on her hips and trying to calm them down while the two men still stand frozen. As the two boys start to calm down Lily shifts her head to the two men next to her and glares “Why are you two helping?” she whispers furiously.
Both men suddenly jump into action realising that Lily is about to kill them for their sheer stupidity.
“We’re sorry lily bear, but we were just so excited that we have brooms that the boys can have flying lessons with that we ran up here without thinking.” says James trying to calm the love of his life down.
“Yes lily flower, we really didn't mean to cause the children to cry. We love them and you to pieces.” says Sirius.
Lily keeps her fiery glare on the idiot men who she cares for deeply but really wants to whack them across the heads. She closes her eyes and takes a breath calming herself down slowly.
She shifts her gaze to the two men. “No flying till they’re two years old.”
Both mens’ faces shift to a gobsmacked look and then suddenly into a crestfallen look. Both men attempt to open their mouths to convince Lily that it will be mine for the boys to fly their brooms with both of them there but before they can even open their mouths Lily's fierce glare gets them to shut up.
Both mens’ shoulders slump in defeat and the both say together “Yes, Lily.”
Lily herself has a satisfied expression, happy that she has delayed the need for flying for at least a few more months.
Other dreams Harry has followed in a similar fashion, with him experiencing moments from his and his brother’s childhood or at least that is what he hopes these dreams are. That they are memories and not just figments of his imaginations and hope.
From his dreams he learns that his parents James and Lily almost never leave the house and if they do then one of them will disguise the other. Even just the simplest of tasks such as buying groceries.
Harry and Jacob sit in their high stools waiting for their parents to feed them breakfast. James stands in front of them while Lily is rummaging through the fridge. James is entertaining them when Lily stands and has an uncomfortable look on her face.
“James honey, there is a slight problem. We won't have enough food for the rest of the mouth if we don't buy food this week.”
James turns and gives his full attention to Lily. He gives a sigh “It is alright Lily bear, Padfoot should be coming soon with more food.”
Lily still has the worried look on her face. “But . . . he’s been coming less and less, the war has been picking up and I know he said he couldn't just stand by and not help but i am getting worried that he’s not going to make it back.”
James comes closer to her and wraps his arms around her “I know it hurts you that all of our friends and family are still out there fighting in a war but Harry and Jacob need us. Also both you and I know that Sirius can't just not fight against everything that he stood against.”
James gives a sigh just wishing that he could pick up his family and friends and leave this blasted country and find a safe place somewhere else in the world where they can leave this blasted war.
James takes a deep breath “Sirius would have given everything to be loved by his family and they didn't because they wanted him to be something he wasn't. They chose a side in the war and he was damned for it. All of us love Sirius, but we all know that he hasn't let that pain go. He still wants to prove them wrong.”
Lily turns herself around within James’ arms so that she can look him in the eye “He wont leave it for us, for the children we have, for our lives and most of all his own life.”
James just shakes his head “I know Lily, we love him but he needs this.”
Lily just shakes her own head not saying anything.
“Come on Lily, put some glamours on me so that I can go and get us some food.”
Lily just nods and removes herself from James’ arms. She pulls out her wand and begins to put glamour charms on him. When finished both head to the door with Jacob and Harry being carried by Lily.
Lily gives James a kiss “Be safe.” she urges.
James returns her kiss and places one on each of his children's foreheads “Always.”
The dreams always continue and are never repeated however there is always one consistency: When the dream dreams are about to end the world becomes grey and everyone is frozen and then a man who is deathly pale will appear and gesture for Harry to come.
The man has slowly been getting closer and closer with every single dream.
1988, June Dursley Household
It has been weeks now since Harry first dreamt of his old family and the strange pale man. Harry has yet to tell Jacob about his dreams. He was worried Jacob would tell him that they were just dreams and he should forget them and not think of them, but Harry did not want to leave the dreams. Everyday it was getting harder and harder to not just go to sleep so that he can enjoy his dreams.Jacob has noticed this but it has not been too big an issue.
Although Harry has been wondering if he should tell Jacob about the pale man. The man has been getting closer, but it was the last dream that has really got Harry to think about telling Jacob about him.
It was another dream where Harry and his family were sitting in the sitting room playing with their toys, however this time something was largely different. The pale man was sitting down in the armchair next to him.
Harry turns his little head towards the man. The in turn turns his own till their eyes lock with one another. The dream passes silently with neither one saying anything to the other.
Harry breaks his eyes away from the man to look around the room to see a baby version of himself and his brother playing with Lily, James and Sirius. Harry swiftly surveys the area around him finally noticing that he and the pale man now stand outside the house looking into it seeing his happy family. Harry’s body jolts when he feels a frozen hand being laid down upon his shoulder.
Harry swivels around shaking the hand off his shoulder looking once again deeply into the eyes of the pale man. The man now stands a distance away from him in the snowy road which is in front of the Potter’s home.
Harry stares vaguely around wondering what is going on. He is confused as he goes from one place to another to being in the dream to watching the dream.
“hello , my little reaper.” speaks the pale man.
The deep soothing voice of the man knocks Harry out of his inner monologue. Harry pauses for a moment wondering if he should reply to the man. Both are quiet. Harry takes a breath.
“Hello sir.” He speaks quietly.
The man gives a small smile and gestures with his hand out towards Harry. Harry glances towards the man’s hand only to go right back to his eye. Harry thinks deeply to himself whether or not he should take the man's hand. Harry does not know why but he knows that taking or not taking this man's hand is a major decision. One that will define his life.
Harry focusses back to the man’s eyes wanting to see what is inside them, to see if he is a good person or not. All Harry sees in his eyes are kindness, no malevolence, no hatred and no cruelty.
Harry starts to walk forward towards the man. Each step crunching in the snow. He feels as his feet sink slightly into its ice grasp. The silence of the world becomes deafening with the only noise coming from the ice below. With each step forward the world becomes black until only he and the man and the snowy path that connects them exists. The walk feels to have taken centuries but finally Harry stands before the man’s outstretched hand.
Harry looks up for the final time into the man's eyes reassuring himself that this is the right decision. With his final decision made he lays his hand in the other icy grip. The man brings his other hand up and lays it over Harry’s.
“Well done.”
Harry shifts his head suddenly up, the first time a noise has been made since the silence descended. Harry looks into the man’s eye and still only sees kindness. Harry opens his mouth to speak only for the man to shake his head.
“No need to say anything my reaper, you have said all you needed to.” says the man as he raises Harry hand enfolded in his.
“I will see you soon. Wait for me my little reaper.”
The cold grip surrounding his hand disappears as Harry is once again a baby on the floor next to his brother and parents. Harry twists his little head to the armchair next to him only to see Sirius sitting back against the armchair snoosing as if he has been here the whole evening.
Harry returns to his brother and begins to play with him as he slowly forgets about the pale man.
This dream happened last night and now after all their chores are done and the measly food they are given, devoured mostly by him again. Harry and Jacob lie down once more in their shared bed with Jacob facing the room while Harry watches his back.
Harry slowly shuffles towards his brother until his face rests between his elder brother’s shoulders. His brother after a moment turns around so that Harry heads rests under his chin. His arms circle around Harry and both lie there in silence.
“Are you finally going to tell me?” queries Jacob breaking the silence.
Harry stiffens but says nothing.
“I know something is bothering you. You have been more tired lately. You want to sleep more. You don’t talk as much as you generally do. So what’s up.”
Harry ponders before finally answering, finding the conversion easier not having to look into his brother’s eye. “I have been having dreams.”
“What kind of dreams?”
“I . . . I don’t think they’re dreams. I mean they are. They happen when I am asleep so they have to be dreams but they don't feel like dreams. If you understand?”
“So what are these not dreams?”
“I think that they are memories before mum and dad died.” the arms around Harry suddenly tighten, not painfully so.
He hears a gulp before Jacob speaks “And . . . and what do you see in these memories?”
Harry's arms raise and circle his brother's waist “I see us as babies playing with Lily and James and Sirius.”
“Lily, James and Sirius?”
“Oh, um, that's what they call each other but Lily and James are our parents.”
Jacob's body starts to shake and Harry just holds him tighter.
“Ahh . . . and are they drunks?” quietly asks Jacob.
Harry stiffens. What is the only thought that can flow through his head. No this is not what was supposed to happen.
“Um, no they aren't.”
“So you're dreaming about a perfect life where we are loved and everything is alright.”
“Yes but there is thi-”
Jacob suddenly moves away from Harry so that they can look each other in the eye. Jacob stares intensely into Harrys.
“Harry, don't do this to yourself.”
Harry feels only confused “don’t, don't do what?”
“Don't make up lies in your head to feel better. In the end it will only make you feel worse. They are not memories, just dreams.”
“But-but there is another man there and he-”
Jacob shakes him “And it is just a dream. I know it's painful but just let it go brother.”
Harry stares wide eyed into his brother’s “But-but I can't just forget.”
Jacob just looks sadly into his brother’s eye.
“Harry, they died and we are stuck here. They are not good people.”
“They are, they loved us, how-how can you say that.”
“I can say that because we are stuck here and they are gone.”
Harry breaks eye contact and turns his head into the mattress trying his very best not to cry. He does not want to cry in front of his brother because of this.
Jacob shuffles closer and hugs him knowing that he hurt his brother but also knowing that this dream, this figment of imagination will only hurt him more the more time he invests in it thinking it real.
“I am sorry, little brother, but the world is cruel.”
Harry just shakes his head not wanting to talk.
“The world is cruel.”