Freedom's Journey

Water droplets fall from the ceiling into the bucket on the wooden broken flooring. The tiles are cracked with algae growing from all the moisture. A boy scrunches his nose as he sits up from the couch that creaks as he stands up. It is barely holding together, much like he is. The tank top that hes wearing is slightly too big for him as it nearly falls off his shoulder as he readjusts it. His shorts that are now too short after his growth spurt and he couldn't afford another pair. He tidies himself as he ruffles through his hair in irritation as the knocks on his door become louder. Eyes narrowing at the door, hoping that if he just ignores it then those annoying idiots would leave-

"Hey Haotian! I know you're in there! Come on man. You can't always stay inside." 

A voice calls out from behind the door, yelling at him. Frustrated, he trudges up to the door and swings it open. A gust of wind greets his two visitors leaving them with surprised faces. One of them is a boy with reddish brown hair. His hair is swept from his face as he stares expectantly at Haotian with his giant doe like eyes. He's dressed simply with a baggy shirt and sweatpants. The other is a girl with a shaggy haircut with jet black hair and a red streak. She's dressed in a black tank top and shorts. her eyes resemble those of a Persian cat, using it to scan Haotian's appearance.

"Look, I know that it's been rough. Your mum just died a week ago but you can't blame yourself forever. It wasn't your fault that they did that to her. Get a grip." 

Haotian scowls at him at his blunt comment. It's not as if Anran could ever understand his grief with his picture perfect family. The girl, Xianghui seems to notice his disdain at Anran's comment, quickly covers Anran's mouth to stop him from saying any more insensitive garbage and chiding him,

Anran... I know you're usually stupid but you're taking it too far today. Give him a break, okay?" 

Anran sighs and mumbles an apology before asking if they could bring him out for a walk. Haotian obliges since he knows that these two friends would not let him go even if he declined. Their eyes flicker with delight as they grab him by his hands and pull him out the house. He sighs as he feels himself being dragged, legs heavy from fatigue. 

"So erm... Where are we going..?"

Haotian grunts out, his voice hoarse from not being used for so long. He was holed up in his house alone after his mother's death and his father had passed away before he was born. He was not used to the silence in the house which was once filled with his mother's singing as she cooked all his favourite food. He thinks about the hot soup that she would cook for him when he came back with bruises after slipping on the floor to soothe him. He feels a pang of regret that he never asked for her recipe. He lets out a small sigh. This was the first time he ever felt truly lonely. He has always treated love like religion. His mother was the epitome of love. His world. Now, it has all been reduced to dust like how all living things become dust. Inevitable.

"We are going to the market to get you some groceries. Anran and I will cook up something warm. Gosh, you look so thin. I don't even know how you are even standing right now."

Xianghui interrupts his thoughts, worry stricken all over her face. Haotian gives her a side eye at her comment before nodding and following them silently. The streets are dimly lit with street lamps that flicker every now and then with mostly darkness surrounding them. Haotian finds some stale water entering the holes of his shoes as he trudges on. His face contorts in disgust before trying to shake it out. There's practically no light in this town as if day never comes. The city is located underground with a population of less than 1000 people. It's a small town but it works. Everyone knows each other around here so news spreads fast. Too fast for his liking. News of his mother's passing has reached almost everyone's ears as they give him sorry glances as he walks by. Anran gives him a firm grip on his hand, almost to say to him that "I'm here. Don't pay attention to them." Haotian offers him a weak smile before looking back at the floor.

They take a turn and finally reach the market. The market is a street with stalls lined up where they display their food in basket with prices labelled. It is filled with loud shouting where the stall owners are touting, hoping that more customers will buy from them. It is bustling with people trying to negotiate with the vendors for a cheaper price. There are limited varieties of fruits and vegetables but there are virtually no meat. They are lucky if they find a chicken, really. Xianghui and Anran pull out their grocery list and starts listing out what they should buy as Haotian unwillingly tags along, his eyes slowly blinking, overwhelmed with fatigue. They know what they are doing anyway, he thinks to himself as he is swept to the beat of the crowd. One of the stall owners calls out to him with a grin.

"Hey didi! I haven't seen u in awhile. Oh wow, you look fucking awful. Jesus christ..."

Anran scowls at him and Xianghui glares at him, although she's hiding behind Haotian like some sort of coward. Haotian turns away from him, red faced and embarassed at his remark. His black hair cover his vision and his brown eyes trains itself on the floor. The stall owner doesn't pay them too much attention and walks with large strides towards Haotian. Haotian jerks in surprise as he finds a strong hand gripping on his shoulder. He looks up and he is met with a man who appears to be in his late fifties, wrinkles at his eyes and his mouth probably from smiling too much and of course, age. 

"Hey, sorry about your mother. I heard from aunty Liu."

Of course he knew of all people. Uncle Xi was like his second father. He was there for all of his achievements. His first step, his first words, his first time riding a bicycle and the list goes on. He was a good man but he was swept up by his own commitments. He used to use all his free days to accompany both him and his mother to bring them out for activities. There wasn't much in the city but they had fun using chalk to draw on the tiles. Haotian used to dream that he could live in the big cities that the adults always talked about. Uncle Xi talked about them with such vigour that Haotian wanted to see it for himself but things changed. Uncle Xi's wife gave birth to twins, two little girls. He had to help his wife raise his children and oh, he loved them so much that he forgot about Haotian. He was so busy with raising them that Haotian only saw him once a month if he was lucky or Haotian would try to ask him out when he was shopping for vegetables with his mother. His mother always shushed him and asked him not to bother uncle Xi. It seems that relationships don't last forever. There was always something or someone more important than him.

As the memories flood back, he feels his nose sours from the memories and he feels tears well up in his eyes. Oh, he misses his mum so much. He feels his heart thump loudly in his chest as his vision blurs. Tears threatening to pour out from his eyes. In a fit of anger, he slowly pushes the hand off his shoulder.

"Boys don't cry! I'm a boy, mummy! I need to be a man for us!"

"My sweetheart, crying doesn't make you any less of a man. In fact, it proves that you are someone who is capable of feeling. You are a human not a robot."

His mother's words echo in his head as he wipes a tear with his sleeve. Uncle Xi smiles apologetically as he scurries away, pretending to rearrange his cabbages that were perfectly organised before, clearly feeling some sense of shame before muttering silent curses at himself.

Sensing his discomfort, Anran drags him out of the market.

"Haotian? Are you okay? You know what... Let's get you out of here. It's so noisy, holy shit. I'm going to have a goddamn headache."

Xianghui nods to Anran and rushes to finish all of their shopping as Anran escorts Haotian out of the market. Her yelling of negotiations for prices can be distantly heard from the alley that Anran and Haotian are now taking refuge in. Anran pulls out a pack of tissue paper and pulls out a single piece to wipe Haotian's eyes. He looks at him fondly and eyes so warm with concern. 

"Uncle Xi means well but he's not exactly the best person to be talking to right now... Well, erm... Do you want some water?"

Haotian nods tiredly as Anran passes him a bottle of water from his brown saddlebag. He gulps the water before briefly choking on it. Anran fusses over him and Haotian feels a smile form on his face before giggling at him. Anran looks at him, confused but before he can ask anything, Xianghui has already returned from the shopping with huge bags of vegetables. Haotian spots a box of meat and his eyes widen.

"Hey, sorry it took awhile. Some of these vendors are so damn stingy about their food. I have some good news though! Uncle Xi felt pretty sorry for saying that so he pulled out his secret stash of meat that he keeps for exclusive customers. Guess that's his way of apologising... Not that it makes for anything but we take what we can get."

Haotian gives her a tight smile but it does not reach his eyes. Xianghui can only return a smile back before guiding them back to his house. Once they reach, the duo help with organising the groceries and tidying up the place. Xianghui and Anran try and whip up a dish and chide Haotian to take care of himself before Haotian pushes them to leave.

He sighs.

He is alone again. This time, it was his decision.

Haotian hears his mother screaming.

He's 7 again.

Her screams are guttural and it makes him stomach twist and he feels like throwing up. 

" I swear it wasn't me! I beg of you! Please spare me... I have a son. He only has me. My husband...he... died. You need to think about the family you are about to destroy. Fuck! I promise you can do anything to me but don't fucking touch him. Please."

His mother's face are stricken with tears as she kneels down with knees scraped with blood on the dirt stained floor. Her whole body has bruises and some parts of her clothing have been stripped of her as the soldiers from the city have come to take her. Her black hair looks disheveled with some blood that causes some strands to be stuck on her face.

"You are a traitor. The emperor has issued a warrant for your arrest. If you keep struggling, we will be forced to use more...violent methods. Let's make it easier for the both of us, yes?"

A man with a beard and is clad in green military uniform with gold badges near his collar speak with a stern voice, hiding no sympathy for the woman. He smirks as he takes a look at Haotian and senses the woman's panic before settling his gaze back on her. The woman's face darken with sadness before realising that she has to accept her fate. She stops struggling.

Haotian glares at the man. How dare he speak to his mother like that! His mother was a good person. He has no reason to think of her otherwise. What could she have possible done? They will probably just take her away for awhile and she will come back fine right? Wait, no. I can't live without my mummy. She can't leave me. She can't. What will happen if she's gone? Nobody will make for me my lunch. Nobody will tuck me in bed before giving me a forehead kiss. Nobody will cuddle with him at night to soothe him from the darkness. They can't take his mummy away.

"Please don't take my mummy away! Mummy is a good person! You need to leave us alone! We haven't done anything at all... Why are you being so mean? How can you say that!"

Haotian screams out with all his lungs as he begs them to release her. He kneels to the floor and presses his forehead to the ground. He can feel hot tears stream down on his face as his heart threatens to pop out of his chest. Suddenly, he hears a shout from the soldier ordering them to take her away .His eyes widen as his underlings to carry her away as she screams out his name. She is dragged by her arms as she is handcuffed with hands behind her back. She keeps looking back for him.

He rushes to run towards her, hoping that he could at least get her back. Anything that can help her. He feels his legs giving out but adrenaline keeps him going. He wipes his tears and makes the chase but a soldier blocks his path.

"Hah. You think you, a small boy can do anything? You are just a poor dumb boy in this godforsaken city. You are nothing and now you won't even have a mother."

The soldier picks him up and grabs him by his collar. He puts his hand on his throat. The soldier's eyes glimmer with wickedness as he revels the way Haotian attempts to struggle out of his grasp but to no avail. The soldier waits for Haotian to pass out before tossing him to the ground. His world faces to darkness as the townspeople just watch in horror as the army leaves the city.

Days becomes weeks. There has been no news of his mother. He asks uncle Xi if there is anything he can do but the latter just sighs. How is no one worried about her? Why am I the only one who's been trying to get in contact with her? Does he know something that i don't? He feels a knot of frustration festering in his chest as he waits at the doorway, hoping that his mother would just walk in as if nothing had even happened. I mean, it had to be some stupid dream right?

Years pass by and Haotian is 17. He starts to lose hope. He still pretends that his mother is waiting for him at home when he comes back from work, announcing that he has returned. Yet, the house is silent.

Haotian returns home again from work and sets his bag down and he hears a knock at the door. He walks to the door cautiously and opens it. A soldier stands before them, not the same ones as the one who took his mother but still leaves a disgusting taste in his mouth. The soldier passes him a letter with gloved hands. 

With a straight face, one devoid of emotion, the soldier informs of his mother's passing.

Haotian feels like his whole world has crashed and been stepped on by the cruelty of fate. His legs give out at the doorsteps as he struggles to believe what the soldier said.

"You are lying right? I mean it can't be. She's always so strong."

The soldier face falls betraying a look of sympathy before he goes back to a poker face. He simply shakes his head and takes a quick bow before leaving on his horse.

Haotian looks at the letter in his hand. It was wrapped hastily with a small tattered rope holding it together and it was yellow. His mother's favourite colour. She said that yellow reminded her of the sunflowers that she always dreamt to see. Haotian would listen to her stories gleefully as she recounts what she read in the books.

Blinking away his tears, he pulls the rope holding the letter and unfolds it.

It read, 

"Dear Haotian, 

Mummy misses you so much. 

The soldiers have been so nice to let me write a letter to you. One of the guards sneaked me a piece of paper while I was held captive. Mummy is fine. The people here are so nice! They make sure that I have a wonderful bed to sleep on and I get to eat so much good food. You don't need to worry about me.

I must tell you. Mummy won't be able come back for awhile. The guards say its because I'm on permanent vacation! I will try to get them to bring u next time! I'm sure you will love it here!

This is all I can write for now but please know that I will always love you even from afar. I hope you don't get mad at me. I know that it will be hard from now on but you are a strong boy. You will do great things. I believe in you.

I love you, my sky. My universe.

Love you forever and always,
Mummy"

Haotian jerks from his bed and wakes up with his heart stuck in his throat. 

Mummy, I miss you. I will get revenge for you. You will not die in vain.
He finds a new desire and a heart full of anger.