I kissed a girl and I liked it
I returned home, engulfed in a spiral of confusion and guilt. What had that been? Now, looking back in hindsight, I was aware of the magnitude of my actions. Not only had I passionately kissed a woman, but I had cheated on my husband—with a woman, for heaven’s sake! I had let myself be carried away by a primal impulse, stronger than my self-control. A desire so intense that my limbs had gained consciousness, a desire so intense that my mind had shut off, a desire so intense that, had I not stopped it, it would have ended in... Oh God, I can't even bear to think about it.
“Bree, darling!” Orson hugged me warmly. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, so I let them hang limp while my... husband held me tightly. “I was so worried. I know this is horrible news, but... you can’t just run off like that. Andrew and I were about to go looking for you.”
“Uh, right, Orson. Yes, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for worrying you both.” I couldn’t look him in the eye; guilt was eating away at my soul.
“It’s okay, darling. We’ll work through this together.” He gripped my arms firmly.
“What exactly?” My mind was still on Katherine’s arms, on her tongue exploring my mouth.
“In the situation with Danielle, for heaven’s sake! Oh, my love, you’re in shock. Don’t worry, don’t worry, I’ll prepare something to calm you down.”
“Ah, yes, Danielle.” I hadn’t had time to think about her. This only deepened my guilt.
I sat in the dining room while Orson bustled around in the kitchen. I was truly in shock. But not because of Danielle’s refusal to contact me. I allowed myself to be selfish for a few minutes, to think about myself, about the situation I had gotten myself into.
First and foremost, and worst of all, I had just committed adultery. The sin I had sworn I would never commit after the ordeal Rex and that hussy put me through. I had betrayed Orson, and with every moment I spent in this house, this betrayal only grew, worsened. How was I going to tell him? Would I even be able to bring it up?
Not to mention... I had given in to homosexual impulses. The same feelings that made me disown my son—those very same ones. And now I had earned myself eternal damnation. I didn’t know what to do. How many Hail Marys would it take to absolve these sins? Would a lifetime of devotion be enough to atone for the affront I had committed against my Lord?
I hated myself deeply, every inch of my skin repulsed me. I could still feel Katherine’s breath on my face, her teeth clashing against mine. And, much to my dismay, these memories only sparked a flame in my core, a deep longing for... her. I couldn’t shake these feelings. It must be the devil’s work!
My tribulations were abruptly interrupted by the clinking of the soup glasses Orson had thawed. He handed one to me.
“Darling, I know it’s hard for you to open up about these kinds of things, but I think it’s important that we address this issue.” He took a sip from his glass and looked at me with concern. No, no, no, he didn’t deserve me.
“Orson, look, Danielle has always been... her own person. And I knew it would only be a matter of time before she cut me out of her life, though I know I can win her back. I just thought I could postpone this moment. It caught me off guard, that’s all. My reaction was completely inappropriate and...” Orson interrupted me.
“Good heavens, my love, no. It was perfectly justified. In fact, I’m glad I saw you explode like that. Bottling up emotions and secrets isn’t healthy, darling, and that’s why I’m glad you’ve agreed to talk to me about this.” He smiled.
“Thank you, truly. I don’t deserve you. I really don’t... As for Danielle, I’d give her a couple of days and, if not, I’ll go find her myself and drag her back here.”
“Don’t you think that was the problem last time? I was thinking maybe Andrew could convince her, make her come to her senses.”
“I suppose...” I murmured, unconvinced.
“You’ll see, darling, everything will work out. I’m here for you.”
He stood up from the table, not giving me time to respond. I buried my head in my hands, disgusted. I didn’t know what I was going to do; all my problems were piling up, and I didn’t know how to face them. That’s why doubts and fears flooded my mind. Would Katherine say anything about our moment? Would she even want to see me again after I had stormed out of her house so abruptly?
I had to go talk to her.