Gaylization
Only a soft knock at the door was able to pull me out of the spiral of thoughts I was falling into. I straightened up, wiped away the tears that had fallen without me noticing, smoothed my clothes, and opened the door.
"Hi, Mom."
"Andrew! I wasn’t expecting you until later this afternoon. Come in, come in, I’ll whip something up quickly. Orson, he’s here!" I stepped aside to let him in. My heart was still racing, but at least I was capable of organizing my thoughts. With great effort, I pushed Katherine out of my mind and put on my best smile.
"I’ll be right down!" Orson called from upstairs.
Andrew made himself comfortable in the living room, and I quickly served some leftover pastries from breakfast along with two steaming cups of coffee.
"Andrew, I must admit I was surprised by your call. Honestly, I thought I wouldn’t hear from you for at least a week. You know, with the move and everything that comes with it. Still, I was delighted to hear you’d be visiting. So tell me, is there a particular reason you decided to visit your dear mother?" Yes, I was doing it perfectly; I lock my emotions away and don’t let them out, I lock my emotions away and don’t let them out...
"Well, Mom, about that... You see, I wanted to tell you in person... It’s... Danielle called me the other day and..."
I looked at him, expectant. I couldn’t help but notice his evasive gaze, trembling fingers, and restless legs.
"Wow, it’s been ages since we last talked! How is she?"
"Well, Mom, it’s about that. She’s pregnant again. She told me she didn’t want to talk to you about it, that she’s dropped out of college and plans to raise this baby on her own. She repeated several times how much of a nightmare her first pregnancy was, how controlling and overbearing you were, and... And she said she doesn’t want you involved with this baby. I don’t know, Mom, she seemed angrier than usual..."
"What did I miss?" Orson entered the living room, looking at me. His smile turned into a worried frown as he saw the shocked expression on my face, the heavy tears falling down my cheeks.
"Sweetheart! Andrew, what have you said to upset your mother like this?"
Orson sat beside me and began to gently rub my shoulders, but I pulled away from his touch. No, I didn’t want his comfort, his words of encouragement, or his sweet gestures. The thought of his touch, his breath so close to mine, his words entangled with my own... It made me uneasy.
"I, I..." I managed to stammer. I couldn’t take it anymore. The tension that had built up over the last few hours exploded like a storm. I hurried out of the living room and let my legs carry me far away, far from the comfortable familiarity that lately felt like a cage.
My daughter was a lost cause; I had known it for some time. But I thought that, with the right guidance, she could become the young lady she was meant to be, the perfect daughter of Mrs. Van de Kamp.
However, her stupid and thoughtless decisions, combined with her lack of judgment, had led her down the darkest paths of life. She didn’t know what she was doing, and she rejected my help and advice. I only wanted the best for her...
Without realizing it, my feet had instinctively taken me to the only place I wanted to be. And though my feelings were confusing, I had to admit that venting to my friend wouldn’t hurt anyone. Perhaps those feelings I had experienced earlier were intrusive, nothing more. Maybe I wasn’t capable of interpreting what true friendship was, considering I was friends with Susan Mayer. Maybe this was what everyone feels toward their close friends. Yes, it was definitely that.
After all, God said, “Love thy neighbor.” And I was going to let my neighbor love me. I was going to let Katherine help me, nothing more. We would have tea, talk, and laugh, just as we always did. Nothing more, nothing less. I would follow Christ’s teachings, act according to the Bible. Feeling more confident, I knocked on her door.
It opened, and her sweet eyes curved with the wide smile that lit up her face. Her arms wrapped around me, and my thoughts scattered. For every Christian doubt, a butterfly fluttered in my stomach. For every feeling of guilt, a tingle emerged. And for every doubt about the truth of my feelings, a single certainty took hold.
And the only thing I knew at that moment was that I was in love with Katherine Mayfair, without guilt or remorse, only with passion.