The Order
~~Your POV~~ (Sometimes skip because I want to)
It's been some time since I and Severus talked about our... feelings. I still can't believe I have feelings for someone.
What is weird is that I haven't seen him in two days. He missed class and today I got a letter when I woke up, but I was late so I just put it on my shuffle bag and still haven't read it. So now I am in a stupid divination class and I am bored and sleepy so I decided to look into it.
I opened the letter really carefully due to how wet it was. It was raining a lot today more than other regular days. The entire day has a weird atmosphere; it feels darker, sadder, I have a gut feeling that something really bad is going to happen.
"Dear Y/N,
Meet me in my chambers at 7 PM,
Severus."
The rest of the day was normal classes, but I was trying to keep myself awake for most of them.
When 7 pm come around, I put a hoodie on with a black pair of leggings and, of course, my wand. I was not sure what to expect and if it was even him or not so I went prepared for it.
Why are these damn dungeons so cold after all? Why do they keep us here?
~~Snape's POV~~
The guilt of not telling Y/N that I am a double agent even if she killed Dumbledore my trust is still in him and the Order, and I know that by not telling her I am breaking her trust, the thing I took so long to build, the walls I had to destroy that took her so long to build and so short to put them back up again.
I spent these days at the Order, but the remorse and thought of her have been living on my mind, I can barely sleep with my thoughts, it feels like a non-ending tsunami, so heavy and draining, it's like they are eating me alive at this point. I asked her to meet me at my chambers, I already she is going to react terribly but I still have some hope.
I hear a knock on my door, I know it's her.
"Enter."
"Severus, where were you?" She said those words with such innocence and care, I just wanted to tell her right there and then that the person she trusted as been going against her and the Dark Lord, almost the person who raised her, but I still loved her and would do anything for her.
Love? Woah, I haven't said that word since Lily, it still feels weird and new to finally feel love for someone new.
"Dear, I need to tell you something I have been hiding from you." I noticed that she had that look she did when she was nervous and worried, I can understand why.
"Is everything ok? Severus, you are scaring me." She isn't making this easier, she just tried to reach for my hand but I turned away from her, I can't look at them, those e/c eyes, so perfect, so... deadly.
"This may break everything we have ever worked for in our relationship but this burden and guilt are burning me inside, and I have to tell you this. Y/N, I am not loyal to the Dark Lord, I am a double agent to The Order Of The Phoenix, it was created by Dumbledore when the Dark Lord first appeared, even if you killed Dumbledore I am loyal to him." The words feel out of my mouth like I was running a marathon, my heart rate was super fast. She...
She is crying... But not a single facial expression.
~~Your POV~~
I was dreaming, this needs to be a dream, he is lying. No.
I was speechless, no words were on my brain just another distrust, no, not any distrust, but his.
I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, but even if there a liquid rolling out of my eye, I didn't show any facial expression. I was still trying to find the vocabulary to explain the pain at that moment but just blank.
"How- How could you?" I just wanted to hex him or cause him pain, something to show how much it hurts just to hear those words.
"I am sorry, Y/N." Just as he was going to embrace me I turned around and started to walk away. Even his face hurts just to look at it. The person I let in, the person I learned to... love. Finding love, as did the worst thing to me, killing me would have been better.
"I won't tell Voldemort, but when it gets time, I won't protect you from him." What was I saying? Of course, I would. But I am too suffering.
I started running to the Forbidden Forest into my comfort spot... The Lake.
The only place I was 100% sure that no one was going there. It brought me peace and comfort like a mother's hug, a mother that loves her own kid, yet I never had those hugs, I thought that is how they would feel.
When I arrive there I quickly take my clothes off and get inside the water, the cold and crispy water goes through my skin and immediately I feel my temperature drop.
I put my head underwater and feel the silence and calm of it.