Saebyeok would always look into peoples eyes when she wanted to know things about them, but this time she saw something new. Jiyeong’s eyes were different, they were deeper.
“You’ve really got a staring problem,” Jiyeong’s voice pulled her out of her daydream.
“Yeah, sorry,” she replied absently.
Why was she feeling this? Jiyeong’s eyes were so pretty, her lips too. Her whole face to be honest. Ever since the marble game Saebyeok had been feeling stuff like this. Speaking about the marble game, she was so grateful her brain was fast enough to give a solution to that death game.
After a few games, she’d learned to take the rules very literally, which came in handy in game 4. The rules specificly said “the person with the others marbles”. Not “the person with all the marbles”, which meant they could just switch their bags.
She could still vividly remember the moment after Jiyeong dropped her marble. The nauseating mix of relief, fear and guilt. Plus the adrenaline from the stakes of the game and from their closeness after Saebyeok pushed her against the wall, which turned out more intimate than appropriate in the situation.
“Saebyeok,” Gihun waved his hand in front off her face. “You dissociated again,”
“Just replaying some memories. It happens in situations like this,” She replied.
Gihun was about to interrogate her further when Ali cut in. “I’m pretty sure she’s okay, let’s give her some alone time,” he distracted Gihun. She was so glad he survived the marble game, after some strong negotiation with the triangle guard. She honestly didn’t think these people were able to be convinced, but apparently they thought her loophole was fair and let him through.
She shook her head for a few seconds to get herself out of her thoughts. It was only a few hours left until their dinner, or whatever you could call it, was ready, so she had some time to think.
She plopped down onto her bunk bed, sighing out loud. She needed to survive this, for Choel and for her mother. She wasn’t even sure if her mother was still alive, the chances were slim, but she needed to keep believing for her brother. Another body plopped down next to her. Jiyeong.
“Can I sit here?” She asked.
“You already are,” Saebyeok deadpanned.
Jiyeong giggled (her laugh was so pretty…) and shoved Saebyeok against her shoulder to get her to move so she could lay down.
“Bitch,” Saebyeok mumbled.
They were really close right now and she could feel her stomach doing weird gymnastics. Was she getting sick? No she couldn’t be, she’d never survive the games if she was sick.
“Fuck, marry, kill. Me, Deaksu and a square guard,” Jiyeong suddenly said. Saebyeok looked at her, shocked. She smirked back.
“What? I thought, we might as well have some fun if we’re gonna get our brains blown out anyway,” she explained. “Don’t say that,” Saebyeok whispered, hoping only Jiyeong heard it. Jiyeong motioned for her to answer.
“Okay fine, I’d kill Deaksu, obviously. I’ll marry you and then I’d have to fuck the guard,” she replied, acting overly annoyed.
She scoffed when Jiyeong immediately started making pouty lips at the doors where the guards would come through.
They talked for a little while more, before Gihun came back to check up on them.
“Hey, pickpocket,” he called. That name had stuck, even after he’d told her he forgave her.
Saebyeok slowly turned her head towards him, signaling she was listening.
“Are you alright? You look a bit red,” he said, which made her turn even more red. She nodded.
“Hello players. Your dinner is ready,” the robotic voice on the intercom announced. Saved by the bell, or Siri, not the bell. Saved by Siri.
Jiyeong jumped up from Saebyeok’s bed to get her food, offering her hand to the other girl. Saebyeok was kinda scared to take it, since most contact with Jiyeong ended in her getting flustered and walking away, but she took it anyway.
They walked towards the food line together, a tomato and some milk. There’s no way the guards actually thought that the two food items they were given every meal were enough to survive, but they really had no choice but to take it.
——————————
“Wake up sleepy head,” a floating voice above her said. She kept her eyes closed. A pair of hands grabbed her shoulders and shook her until she finally decided to slightly open her eyes.
“Saebyeok, hi,” the voice said. She recognized that voice. The next moment her eyes shot open fully. The voice belonged to Jiyeong.
“I woke up before the music and thought you might appreciate being up before then too. It’s a shit sound,” she explained. Saebyeok agreed, her body went into a state of panic anytime she heard that sound and it would certainly be nice to be prepared.
“Thanks,” she replied, letting a bit of the stoic impression wash off her face. The other girls seemed to notice and smiled. She sat down on the foot end of Saebyeok’s bed. “Ali is up too,” she informed her.
When she said that he popped up behind her. Talk about the devil.
“Can I sit here?” He asked her, BEFORE actually sitting down, unlike a certain other someone. She nodded and he plopped down next to Jiyeong. They talked for a bit and eventually the conversation got to their dating life.
“You have a wife and a kid right?” Jiyeong asked. Ali nodded and excitedly started talking about them.
“Yeah, I’ve got a son, he’s the sweetest little boy and my wife, Ayesha. She’s the love of my life,” he explained. Saebyeok thought it was sweet how eager he was to talk about his family. He looked a bit like an excited golden retriever, which almost made her chuckle.
“And you?” He asked, looking at Jiyeong.
“Not really, my dad never let me and when he…was out of my life I couldn’t due to certain surcomstances,” she tried to keep it vague, which Ali took as a sign to stop from prying. Now they both turned to Saebyeok, who was staring at her hands.
“Seriously?” She asked. They nodded.
“Well, I never really could either. It’s not like you can go around dating people in the North. I was more concerned about not getting killed,” she mumbled, which prompted Jiyeong to put a hand on her lap. She turned red.
After a few more minutes, Jiyeong got up to use the bathroom and Saebyeok took her chance.
“How did you realize you liked your wife?” She asked. He thought for a few second before replying.
“Well, she was just sweet and the best person I knew, but when she was around I also felt like those tinglies in my stomach. You know? Fly bugs,” he said. “Butterfly’s?” She asked. He hummed a yes.
“So I had those in my stomach and my heart would race whenever she touched me,” he proudly explained..
“How do you know if something is butterfly’s?”
“Well. I’ve always thought she was really pretty, I also felt nervous when talking to her. After a while my stomach started feeling weird whenever she touched me, a positive weird though,” he said.
Saebyeok thought for a few second when she realized the weird feeling she had were indeed butterfly’s. Her face probably showed her emotions, because Ali looked concerned.
“Are you okay?” He asked, worried. “Saebyeok, can I touch you?” He asked after she didn’t respond for a while. She nodded and he put his arm around her shoulder.
“Have you ever been somewhere so horrendous that you felt like any peace you felt after was a trap?” She asked after a while. He hummed a yes, allowing her to continue.
“Well that’s how I feel with North Korea. There’s lots of things that I don’t necessarily think are wrong, but still feel bad about,” she continued. “Like?” He asked.
“Love,”
He nodded. She leaned further against his shoulder.
“Ali, I’m gay,” she ripped off the bandaid.
“As in you like women?” He asked. She nodded.
“Me too,” he replied, with a dopey grin on his face. She almost scoffed from surprise, then she smiled. Genuinely smiled.
“It’s Jiyeong, isn’t it?” He asked, no need to explain the question.
She sighed, but stayed silent.
They sat like that for a while, until they saw Jiyeong coming back.
“Thank you,” she whispered to the air, hoping he could hear it