She knew she should tell someone, she knew…but how was she supposed too. She’s crouched over Gretchen’s toilet, spitting out blood, mucus and…flowers. That’s not a normal Tuesday conversation.
When she’d finally barfed up every single flower inside of her lungs right now, she tried to muster up the courage to look at it. To look at that stuff that’s ruining her life. She did and of course, there’s a new flower. A new stage, a stage closer to death, closer to chocking on the problems that she created.
She quickly flushed away any evidence of the flowers that’s she’d been coughing up for the last few weeks, wiped her bloody mouth on her sleeve and redid her now ruined makeup.
“Sorry I took so long, my mascara got ruined because of this movie. It’s sooooo sad,” she said, making sure to draw out the ‘so’ so it felt more genuine. In reality, she didn’t give a single fuck about this basic ass romcom. It’s the Hallmark plotline. Girl meets guy, they hate eachother, just kidding, they don’t. Guy fucks up and girl now hates him again and OH MY GOD they live happily ever after. Even she could write a movie like that. Who would she cast? Herself, obviously, but she’d still need a guy. The obvious choice would be Aaron, but for some reason she just…doesn’t want that. He’s too nice, he wouldn’t hurt her, she decides. It’s a convincing enough reason, the only reason why Regina wouldn’t want to be in a Hallmark movie with Aaron.
“Yeah, it is. But at least we have some eye candy,” Gretchen giggled. She tried, she tried really, really hard not to let anything on her face show, but she fails.
“Come on Reg, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s hot, look at him,” Gretchen egged her on. “Gretch please. I like his hair… I’m glad you like him though,” she said with a tight lipped smile. “Oh my god, you’ve totally got a crush on him, look at her smiling,” Gretchen digged her elbow into Karen’s side, trying to get her to join her antics. Regina tries to breathe in through her nose, out through her mouth. In 4, hold 2, out 8, hold 2.
“GRETCHEN. You’re so annoying, can you shut the fuck up? You thinking some rando is attractive doesn’t mean everybody else thinks that, it usually means the opposite actually. Also, you need to wax your legs, you look like a gorilla,” Regina burst. She did feel some remorse, but she couldn’t show it.
If they knew she felt sorry, they’d know she felt other things, besides hate. Besides hate…like love. Platonic love for them, or romantic love for Aaron, or Shane or J-
“I’m sorry,” Gretchen’s small voice interrupted her thoughts. What was she even gonna think? J? Whose J? She doesn’t know any guy whose name starts with a J. Where did her brain get this from?
Never mind, it doesn’t matter. Probably some weird neurological mistake or something, or maybe an old fling?
“Regina?” She hears Karen ask. The sudden noise causes her to look up, which in turn causes the rest of the puke to fling over the side of the toilet with a wet sound. Flowers, all the colors of the rainbow, where now laid out over the floor in kind of a round shape. If she’d lay in the middle of that, it would make a cool album cover. Kind of symbolic, a halo made from rainbow flowers.
“Earth to Regina,” Karen said, waving a hand in front of her blood laced face. “Hey Reg. Are you okay? Is it what I think it is? Who is it? Is it Aaron? I’m so sorry for you,” Karen spews out as soon as she sees Regina’s eyes return back to normal.
Karen was carefully watching her, waiting for answers. She could tell her the truth. “Too many questions,” she answered instead. It gave her a few more seconds of freedom, before her world would actually shattered around her. Like dropping glass on the tiled floor of the school bathroom stall, which she stupidly forgot to lock.
“Okay, is it Hanahaki?” Karen asked, the girl was more perseptive then people gave her credit for. She may seem stupid, but in some cases, she was actually a genius, not this case though, because now Regina had to answer. She nodded, it was easier then that three letter word. The word that would ruin her life as she knew it.
“Does it hurt?” Karen asked after a few seconds. This she could answer. “Yes,” that same word, the word she couldn’t even say a few seconds ago was now rolling off her tongue. Strange how that works.
“Who?”
That one was harder too answer. “I don’t know,” she said, a shield. Karen could fight all she wanted, but if Regina didn’t know, she didn’t know. She had more of those tricks, shields. Walls she could build whenever they benefited her. It always worked, didn’t want to do the homework? Crocodile tears and over exaggerated blinks. Mom wants to ‘have a little talk’? ‘Maybe later’ and ‘god, you’re so annoying’. There were only two things she didn’t have that control over. The flowers and Janis.
Janis
Jan
Jay
‘J’
Fuck
“You do know, don’t you?” Karen asked when she saw the shift in Regina’s eyes. “No,” she snapped. “I don’t,”. Karen carefully walked up to her and put a hand on her back, which finally caused Regina to break.
“It’s Hanahaki, but I really don’t know who it is,” Regina said, half a truth was good enough. “Is it Aaron?” Karen asked. She was smart when she wanted to be, apparently. Her body stiffened at the mention of his name.
It took everything in her, but she did it. “Actually, I do know. I know who it is,” she said. Karen kept rubbing circles on her back. “Who?” She said in a soft voice.
“You know,”
Karen nodded.
“It’s her isn’t it?” She said.
Regina cried.