Chapter 12
Sixth Year
When Dumbledore dies it's Pansy Parkinson of all people that finds a distraught Harry kneeling by his ashen body.
When he catches sight of her a vicious feeling rises in his throat. "Isn't this a victory for you?"
Pansy looks at Dumbledore's body like she can see straight through it, "I used to think it would be, but I've come to realize that very few people are going to benefit from what's to come."
He looks up at her, chest heaving, eye leaking, "You mean you aren't awaiting the pureblood golden age with bated breath."
"It's going to be a slaughter Potter and after Draco- after everyone just- I'm sick of people dying Potter. Slytherin's feel grief too, you know."
Harry takes one last look at Dumbledore's body, "yeah," he whispers, "yeah me too."
Summer 2023
Just before they arrive in London Harry decides to give Pansy a call.
"Hey Pansy,"
"Potter." Harry winces.
"Listen, I know I should have called sooner and everything"
"Save it for when I see you in person so you can grasp the true depths of my disgust."
Harry laughs, "fancy on conveying your disgust a little sooner than intended?"
Pansy hums, “go on.”
"So for reasons too complicated to get into right now I'm on a plane to London and was wondering if you'd fancy a trip to the muggle side of town."
"When have you ever known me to like the muggle side of town?"
"Since I'm going to be there?" Harry tries.
Pansy snorts in disgust, "fine, Potter but I expect groveling."
"Brilliant, I have some drama to take care of-"
"Don't you always?"
"So I'll call you in like an hour or so with apparition coordinates?"
"Gross, apparition. You're lucky you're rich Potter."
Harry grins, "love you too Pansy.
----
Summer after 6th year
Harry comes home for the summer after his sixth year with a weight in his chest and a sense of dread he can't shake. With Dumbledore dead and the prophecy heavy on the horizon he can feel the end coming. He isn't ready for things to end.
There is a heavy weight amongst his family as well. It seems like his Dad is working through something big too.
---
They celebrate Harry's birthday with just the four of them. It's a quiet affair. With mostly Morgan singing sesame street to fill the silence. Pepper makes him his favorite dessert and Harry cries a little as he eats it. He isn't ready for this to be over. He isn't ready to be done.
Summer 2023
When they arrive in England, Peter decides it's a good idea to launch himself off a fucking plane. Harry, a much more sensible individual waits until the plane has landed before aimlessly launching spells at drones so that they short circuit. Between Peter's webs and Harry's spells the massive demon illusion that emerged from the Thames to wreak havoc on the city is coming apart at the seams. Through one of the holes made in the illusion, Harry can see that Peter mostly has this handled, forming an intricate web (ha) of string between each drone, and decides that he might be of more use trying to prevent Peter's classmates from being killed. So he casts a point me and heads off.
The first person he finds is a sullen looking Brad all on his own. This, Harry thinks, is the definition of stupidity and is proven correct when he's forced to use his pseudo blasters to take out a drone that was about to hit Brad in the face. When Brad shoots him a bewildered look Harry shrugs, "Tony Stark was my step-father."
Thankfully, he takes this at face value and doesn't put up too much of a fuss when Harry hauls him with him. He has to be more discreet with his next point me, waiting until Brad is distracted by the general commotion of the area.
He gets a lock on MJ, grabs Brad's hand and then he's off.
---
Summer after 6th year
Harry waits for a quiet night when it's just him, Pepper and his Dad to say his goodbyes. He thought about putting it off, sparing them the worry and the pain, sparing him the wrenching desire to just stay here where it's peaceful, but decides he owed them more than that.
"Listen," he starts, " there's something that you guys need to know."
They are sitting on the carpeted floor, a board game shoved to the side after dad got fed up with Pepper and Harry trouncing him. They turn to him attentively and Harry tries not to shrink under their gaze.
"Next week, when I go back to England I'm not going back to school."
They frown and his dad opens his mouth like he's about to say something but Harry presses on.
"Do you remember when I explained to you, about the war and about how now that Dumbledore's gone things have changed?"
He waits for them to nod, "well now- now it's not safe for me to be at Hogwarts and there's something that my friends and I need to do."
"If you're not safe at school then why can't you just stay here?" Tony demands
His shoulders slump, "it's complicated but there's something I have to do, something that only I can do."
"And you can't do that here?"
He shakes his head.
"Come here." They sit up on the couch and squish Harry in-between them.
"Is it going to be dangerous?" Pepper asks
Harry looks down at his lap, "yeah."
"I really don't think-" his Dad sounds like he's about to burst into a tirade and Harry winces.
"I think that conversation can wait," Pepper cuts in, "for now I think we should just sit here for a bit, make the most of our time together."
"Now hang on a minute-"
"It can wait until morning, Tony"
His Dad deflates and presses his forehead to Harry’s "You deserve to be safe, Harry, that's all that I want."
Harry shifts to lay his head on his Dad’s shoulder, "I know," he whispers, "here in this house, with you and Pepper and Morgan, it's the safest I've ever felt.
----
When Tony finally gets around to having that conversation with Harry it's just as wrenching as he anticipated. Tony talks about his responsibility as a parent, demands to know why there aren't adults in England to fight this war, asks what kind of adults let a teenager fight for them. Harry tries to talk about the prophecy and his responsibility to his friends and the way that Tom Riddle simply refuses to leave him alone but in the end neither party concedes the other's point. In the end Harry resorts to threats.
"Dad," Harry says through tears, "I'm going, you can either accept that and see me off peacefully on the plane in two days or we can keep fighting and I'll leave anyway. I'm a wizard, you can't stop me."
"Harry," he says, eyes wide and wounded, "I just want to keep you safe. You are my son, it's my job to keep you safe."
"I know, Dad and I want that too. To stay here and be a family but sometimes things just- don't work out."
His Dad pulls him into a crushing hug. " You have to come back. You don't get to die fighting a war hundreds of miles from home. You have to come back."
Harry squeezes his Dad tighter, "You too. No dying in space."
Harry is not sure how long they cling to each other.
Summer 2023
He follows his spell and ends up meeting up with Happy, Flash, MJ, Ned and Betty. He and Brad barely have time to catch their breath before there's a drone on their tail.
As all seven of them sprint through the streets of London Harry ponders the vulgarity of muggle weapons. The killing curse is vicious because of the ruthless finality of finding yourself in it's path. Muggle guns are the closest approximation of the killing curse Harry has come across and yet these drones reap far more destruction in their wake. Although, Harry supposes, perhaps the comparison is bad, maybe guns are more like a bombarda to the chest.
Harry's musings are cut off when Happy herds them all into a vault. A move which Harry objects to vehemently-he doesn't like any tight spaces let alone tight spaces with flying guns- but doesn't have time to prevent.
----
The next twenty minutes pass by in what paradoxically feels like both an instant and an eternity. He manages to blow up the drones and drag himself back out onto the streets of London just in time to see all the drones retreating into the sky. Heart in his throat, he scans desperately for Peter.
The Final Battle
When Harry realized the significance of Snape's memories he thought the most wrenching part of the battle of Hogwarts would be walking to his death.
It was naïve of him, he's had a long time to come to grips with the possibility of his own death but somehow the concrete reality had been harder to grapple with than the abstract.
Then, he grips the resurrection stone expecting to see Sirius, his mother and James Potter and is instead greeted by an extra face.
----
At first, just like he'd expected, he's greeted by Sirius, who flashes him one of his patented smiles that seemed to light up the whole forest. His chest feels like bursting at a second chance to see him again.
However the bittersweet joy that builds in his chest fades quickly when he sees the figure behind him.
Sirius is careful to avoid the other man's bow when he slings his hand over Clint's shoulder, "I'm glad this one was able to talk some sense into you Harry. Being your Godfather was one of the greatest experiences of my life and if I had to go I'm glad I went to protect you."
Tears well in his eyes, "Clint"
Clint just shrugs in that good natured way of his, "I got to give my family and half the population another chance at life, it was an honorable death. Far more honorable than the one I was heading to without my family."
"Don't worry Harry, I've been looking after him." Sirius grins
"I'll probably be grateful for the company," Harry says both devastated and ecstatic that he will be joining them too."
Sirius frowns, "Listen, kid. We're not going to try and talk you out of this,"
"Mostly because it would be deeply hypocritical," Clint adds
"-but we want you to know that we want better for you. That if we had our way we'd see the whole world burn before we saw a hair harmed on your head."
"Sirius," comes the scolding tone of Lily Potter, "Don't steal my line.
"Mum," Harry breathes when he turns to face the spectral form of Lily Potter.
Her eyes seem to sing and she gazes upon him with so much affection Harry feels like he might combust.
"Hello Harry, it brings me indescribable joy to talk to you again."
The tears that Harry had valiantly been fighting off begin to fall in earnest.
"Oh, my love-" she reaches out as if to touch but falls short when she catches eye of her transparent hand," she settles for staring intently at his face, "watching you grow up when I couldn't be there was the single most heart wrenching experience of my life. There were so many things I wished I could protect you from, so many people that let you down. But watching you seeing the man that you have become-" she blinks tears from her eyes, "I could not be prouder."
He smiles tearfully at her, there are so many things he wants to say, a lifetime's worth of gratitude and resentment and curiosity but his head is too much of a mess to say anything coherent.
Finally, he's greeted by James Potter, and is only mildly surprised by the warm reception he receives.
"You were Lily's son, you were always going to be ours, regardless of blood. I can't tell you how proud I am to have given you my name. The Potters couldn't have asked for a better representative."
Summer 2023
When everything is over, Peter and Harry are left shell shocked.
They're standing on a bridge surrounded by wreckage. He looks to Peter to say something, anything, but stops short when he realises that Peter is staring intently at something in his hand. He takes a step closer and upon closer inspection realises that said object is a black pendant-a flower.
"Is it important?" Harry asks tentatively.
Peter looks up at him and Harry is struck by his red eye and bruised lip. "I bought it for MJ, in Venice."
"Oh," Harry says, throat suddenly tight. He considers this for a moment, "I could fix it for you, if you want."
Peter clears his throat, "no-o, I- that's okay."
Harry cocks his eyebrow.
He swallows, "it doesn't seem important anymore, not after everything."
"I thought that was the point of this trip, your chance to finally get the girl?"
"Well yes but-"
"But?" Harry prompts,
Peter smiles, "I've realised that might not be true anymore," he shoots Harry a shy grin, "I'm really glad that you're here."
Harry flushes and ducks his head, "I'm glad that you're here too."
----
The final battle
The most wrenching moment of the night isn't the forest or even his death. The most wrenching moment of the night occurs in the bitterly unfitting sterility of kings cross station.
In another lifetime he was greeted by a complicated pseudo father figure who had damned him and blessed him in equal measure.
In this lifetime he's greeted by his father- the person he'd wanted most in his last moments amongst the living and the person he wants to see the least now that he dwells amongst the dead.
----
His father is dressed casually, in a black tee and hoodie that seems incongruous amidst the pristine white of the station.
"Dad," Harry breathes before launching himself into the hug he's been craving for months.
They cling to each other desperately for what feels like an eternity.
"I missed you kid," his father whispers into his hair before placing a kiss.
Harry looks up to meet his gaze, "me too."
They spend a few moments basking in each other's presence.
It's Harry who breaks the silence, "What happened to you?"
His Dad's smile is strained, "found myself my own dark lord, saved the universe."
Harry's lips twitch, "well I was saving the entire wizarding world but I wouldn't want to bore you with such slim pickings."
Tony puts his hand on the back of his neck and presses their foreheads together, "you amaze me just by existing there's very little you could do that I wouldn't want to hear about."
Harry takes a shuddering breath, "Well that's good because we're about to have an eternity together."
The expression on his Dad's face turns grim and dread settles heavy in his gut, "right?"
He pushes away from his father, "because that's what happens when you die- that's the consolation, you die and then you get to spend the end of time with the people you love because-because anything else would be an enormous fucking let down and I am sick to death of enormous fucking let downs and I chose to die, I walked willingly to my death and the only thing that made it bearable was the promise of peace." His chest is heaving.
"Harry," his Father takes a step towards and he backs up.
"No, that's the deal."
"Harry," his Father takes another step forwards and Harry feels all the strength bleed out of him. He sinks to the floor and Dad sinks down with him.
"For what it's worth I think that is the deal, when you die permanently."
Harry blanches, "permanently?"
He shrugs, "sometimes death isn't as final as we think it is, sometimes you fly a nuke into space and your heart stops but you have a lot of unfinished business so it starts right back up. I mean it happens in ordinary life too, people's hearts stop and then they start again after CPR or defibrillators or in rare cases for no real reason at all."
"but I'm dead. This is the great beyond."
"Is it? I think this is somewhere in-between Harry, and my body- there's not enough left of it for me to go back to but you-"
"But my body is just fine." Harry says feeling sick. His death was 'quicker and easier than falling asleep' whilst somewhere in the world his father's body is broken beyond repair.
Reeling, Harry leans his head on his father's shoulder and said man immediately starts threading his fingers through his hair.
"What if I don't want to go back?" Harry whispers.
"Harry," His father said in voice that is rough and intense in a way that Harry has never heard before, "I know that sometimes life seems like a burden too great to bear and after the things you’ve seen you might think you've seen it all and you don't want anything to do with it but you're so young."
Harry grunts, "old enough to have ended one war and died in the next,"
"But that's just one thing, Harry. One awful all consuming thing, but there's so much more to life than fighting and dying, there are so many more things for you to see. You deserve the opportunity to see the world, to fall in love, to get wasted and drive Pepper crazy, to be overbearing and drive your sister mad. You deserve to go out there and live a life filled with so many thrilling, heartbreaking, wonderful stories that in the eternity we spend together afterward you won't ever run out of things to tell us."
Harry turns to him, "but I'm going to miss you, all of you, it feels like I only just got you and now-"
His father pulls them both to their feet before pulling him into a hug, "we're going to miss you like crazy too but we'll still be here. You only get one life, don't do yourself the disservice of cutting it short."
Harry groans and puts his hands around his father one final time, "you promised not to die."
"Actually, I promised not die in space, which I didn’t, you on the other hand-"
"Promised to come back," he whispers before squeezing tighter, "I love you so much."
There's silence before his Dad slowly wraps his arms around him, "You too, Harry. I love you too."
---
Theoretically, the most painful time in a child's life is finding out their parents are dead. However, when said child is dead themselves and they're faced with a prospect of an eternity together rather than a lifetime apart the news isn't so hard to swallow.
The real kicker, the most wrenching moment of Harry's entire life thus far, isn't dying, it's coming back to life.
---