Chapter 10
Winter 5th Year
Morgan's Birthday passes In a blur of bright colours and loud noises. Pepper invited her mother's group so there are a bunch of couples and children that he doesn't recognise. At one point, thankfully, Tony bows out and takes Luna and Harry into his lab for some peace and quiet.
"Hey kiddo," Tony ruffles his hair, "thought we might have a chance to catch up and escape the chaos out there."
Harry grins, "Hi Dad, how's it hanging?"
Tony makes a face, "Things would be better if there weren't so many people in my house," he blinks and turns to Luna, "not you, Luna, we're happy to have you. It's mostly the screaming babies I object to."
Luna gives him a dreamy smile, "babies are quite disruptive aren't they?"
Harry blinks.
"Right?" Tony agrees, "except mine of course, she's an angel."
"Didn't you call her an obnoxious hellion in your last letter?" Harry interjects
He waves his hand, "a momentary lapse in judgement."
Luna smiles indulgently, "Morgan is quite lovely."
"So," Tony claps his hands together, "catch me up, tell me about school, been getting into much trouble?"
"Uh-"In his mind flashes images of Umbridge's saccharine smiles and penchant for violence. He scrambles to find a more parent friendly story to share.
Luna butts in before he gets the chance, "school has been rather oppressive but Harry is an excellent leader of the rebellion."
Harry winces, "Luna!"
Tony frowns, "what's this?"
"just- wizard politics, nothing dramatic. Luna likes to exaggerate."
"I didn't think I was, " Luna replies sounding genuinely bemused, "we do have an illegal millitia."
"It's not-"
"No," Tony cuts in, "tell me more. It's nice to finally have somebody here who can dob on Harry. I'm sure Pepper and I don't know half the things he gets up to."
She smiles, "I'd love to share some stories. Harry's really led quite an interesting life."
Harry groans.
Tony smiles at him, "cheer up, someday you'll get the chance to embarrass Morgan infront of her friends. It's only fair that somebody embarrasses you now."
"Fine but I get veto power."
"So Neville told me that one of the upperclassmen told Harry the password to-"
Harry goes bright red remembering Cedric and his fumbled hints about the prefect’s bathroom. He hastily clamps a hand over her mouth, "surely you can think of something else."
She smiles, "alright then. I'll share something nice. He's excellent with animals you know? The thestrals don't trust easily but they trusted him almost immediately. "
Harry smiles a little wistfully. He wishes so many of his stories weren't tainted by death. Although, he turns to Luna who never seems the least bit bothered by it and supposes that a lot of her stories must be tainted by death too.
---
The rest of the Winter passes in a pleasant haze of hot chocolate and chaos. As a kind of Christmas present Tony buys them a new American muggle food to try everyday.
Harry has a major sweet tooth so he falls a bit in love with poptarts. Luna isn't as much of a fan and Pepper makes them promise not to eat them everyday. He spends the entire time simultaneously having the time of his life and waiting in anxious anticipation for the other shoe to drop.
He and Luna spent the Winter Solstice with Thor. Historically, the Celtics dedicated this day to honoring the dead so it seemed only fitting that he and Luna spend it together to honour all that they had lost. Thor had tearfully shared stories of his misguided yet beloved brother Loki and Luna had shared stories of her parent's misadventures.
Once again, he spends Christmas with the whole family and is more than a bit overwhelmed. At least this time he has Luna to sneak off with and help keep him grounded.
It's one of the nicest winters he's ever had. He feels a sense of belonging that has long eluded him. The only thing that might have made it better was if the Weasleys had been there too.
2023
Peter wakes up in a cell with a weight on his shoulder. His head aches something fierce and he knows from experience he's going to end up with a black eye. He glances around and finds himself surrounded by four intimidatingly large men. The effect of their size is mitigated by their jovial smiles and garish orange tops.
"Where am I?" Peter asks, scanning what looks to be a very cramped room. He's seated on a wooden bench with one bloke to his left and two to his right.
The man seated to his left says, "municipal holding facility, they said they found you too unconscious at a train yard." He nods his head in the direction of Peter's left shoulder, "is he doing okay? Poor fella looks like he might need some attention." He takes a moment to stare at the man's orange fedora before turning his gaze to where the man had indicated.
He realizes that the weight on his shoulder is Harry's head. He can't really determine much about his condition due to the way he's curled up against his side but he seems unnaturally still.
They lapse into silence for a moment.
"We gave you a shirt because you seemed a bit cold." Says the one on his right, wearing a strange orange cap with horns attached.
"Thanks," Peter stares at the three men in no small amount of wonder, "you guys are nice."
They all smile in tandem.
"You're nice," he says softly, the beginning of dread forming in his gut, “and you speak really good English," he comments, hoping that was common in Berlin.
Then, in what feels like a freaky twilight zone moment they say, "welcome to the Netherlands," in perfect synch.
"This is the Netherlands?" Peter asks, panic clawing at his gut.
"Yep."
Suddenly the urgency of the situation rushes back to him as he remembers Mysterio and what he said about his friends.
He goes to push himself up but pauses when he remembers Harry, popped up against his shoulder.He considers how long it will take for him to be released and weighs that against how long it will take for Mysterio to find his friends. There's no question they need to get out of here.
"Guard!" he yells.
"The guard is on break," one of the men inform them
"Probably talking to his wife, she's pregnant."
The men continue to chatter but Peter has other things to focus on. He carefully removes Harry's head from his shoulder and props him up against the wall before making his way to the cell door. He reaches his hand through the bar and snaps the padlock on the outside of the gate before opening the lock.
Chatter stops abruptly and Peter picks up his pace. He has never been more thankful for super strength in his life when he's faced with the prospect of an unconscious Harry. He considers a fireman's carry but figures that isn't the best idea with the possibility of a head injury and instead resigns himself carrying Harry bridal style.
The other boy's body is worryingly limp in his arms but Peter tries not to think about it, instead resolving to find help as soon as possible.
Summer After 5th year
In the Summer after his fifth year Harry comes home angrier than Tony thought possible. They've seen Harry distraught before. Like the year before when the boy he was sweet on died right in front of him. This is different. Last summer Harry came to them for help. It took a bit of cajoling but ultimately, he trusted them to support him. This summer it's like he doesn't even trust himself, let alone anybody else.
He spends a lot of time with Thor, who Tony figures is just messed up enough that Harry trusts him not to bother him. It worries him but at the very least the visits provide Harry with a change of scenery and companionship.
They wanted to give Harry some time to come to them on his own but when a month passes and Harry still spends most of his time stewing in his room Tony decides enough is enough and calls Remus to try and get some answers.
The answers, much like most of Harry's tales of encounters with the serial killer that apparently has a fixation of him, are horrifying.
He cries when he tells Pepper about it. Laments his complete inability to protect Harry from a world he has such little understanding of. He thinks about what it was like when he had his vision when he was fighting Ultron. About what it was like to see his friends' bodies. The guilt he felt when Steve accused him of not doing enough.
A singular vision had been enough to rattle a full
----
It's Clint Barton, of all people, that talks him down.
"kid, you're coming with me."
"What for?"
"We're going to blow some shit up." The kid scowls but Clint can tell from the way he perks up that he's interested.
"Violence isn't the answer," he sneers, giving Clint the kind of dirty look that only angsty teens can pull off.
"Kid, with the way you've been acting violence is the only answer."
He seems to consider for a few moments, eyes darting back and forth from the books on his bed to Clint's face. Finally, his shoulders slump and Clint knows he's won.
"Maybe I could go for some violence," he says, tone resigned as if he's doing Clint a favour, rather than the other way around.
Clint huffs, "If you're coming then you need to commit to it, don't drag your feet."
"Yes, sir," he bites sprinting to catch up. Angry teenagers, Clint's favorite.
----
When Tony Stark came begging to Clint for help he almost wanted to be smug. Stark is a bastard plain and simple. His attitude has always rubbed Clint the wrong way and more often then not Nat has been the only thing preventing him from punching the son of a bitch in the face. According to Nat, their too similar but Clint just thinks Tony was a rich boy spoilt by his silver spoon. Unfortunately, he wants help with the kid and by some horrible twist of fate, Tony Stark has an excellent kid.
The thing is, the context stirs up all sorts of shit that Clint would rather not think about let alone discuss with Stark of all people. Parenting, for one. Mind control for another. It does weird things to Clint's chest to think about how violated he felt when there was somebody else in his head and how much Harry reminds him of his son.
So he agrees to help but it hurts fiercely to see that familiar hunted look reflected back to him on the face of somebody so young.
---
2023-Discussion of PTSD starts here.
A nice man at a market square allows Peter to borrow his phone. Not knowing what else to do he calls Happy and asks him to come pick them up. The nice man informs them that they are located at 'Broek op Langedijk," a word Peter doesn't even attempt to pronounce and Happy agrees to meet him.
With a great deal of effort Peter limps his way to a tulip field. The entire time Harry barely stirs and Peter feels panic Claw at his throat.
When he arrives at the tulip field he gently places Harry on the ground and settles down next to him to wait for Happy to arrive.
Soon after, Harry wakes up screaming.
It's a sound that sends shivers running down Peter’s spine. He watches helplessly as Harry scrambles away from him, eyes darting frantically around the field and chest heaving in a way that makes Peter worry his lungs might give out.
Peter instinctually reaches a hand out to comfort him but stops when Harry flinches back.
"Harry?" Peter tries.
The other boy closes his eyes and puts a hand to his chest.
"Harry, are you okay?"
He draws in a shuddering breath, "I need to move," he grits.
Peter eyes him dubiously. As Harry lacks Peter's accelerated healing abilities he's still fairly messed up from the whole ordeal of getting hit by a train.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Harry groans in frustration, "I need to calm down or I'm going to pass out and historically the only way I can calm down is if I move. Fuck-" he runs his hands through his hair.
"Do you want me to help you up?"
In Lieu of an answer Harry lifts an arm up. Gingerly, Peter helps him to his feet whilst also trying to keep weight off of his injured leg. Harry's body is almost completely rigid where peter grips his side
"Fuck." Harry laments again, "what the fuck happened."
Peter opens his mouth to reply but Harry cuts him off.
"no, don't tell me it'll just- we should just focus on this."
What 'this' is Peter isn't sure but he just keeps supporting Harry as they limp between rows of Tulips.
As they walk the wind picks up. Peter hears the sound of the jet before he sees it. It's a bit of an eyesore. A big hunk of metal marring an otherwise picturesque scene.
He and Harry slowly make their way over to the Jet which isn't actually that far away but with both boys injured the journey feels like an eternity.
When they get to the entrance Peter barely makes out a flash of red hair before Harry launches away from him.
Happy exits the vehicle and catches sight of Harry sobbing into Pepper's shoulder.
They exchange uncomfortable looks before Happy motions to the door of the Jet. Peter silently follows him in.
----
Summer after fifth year
Clint takes Harry to an archery range and starts him off on a regular bow with blunt arrows until he's sure the kid won't shoot him in the leg. Accidently or otherwise.
The kid is a ball of tension, shoulders hunched up to his ears, jaw clenched and none of the required patience to get any kind of accuracy.
In light of this, Clint is actually pretty impressed that the kid hits the target at all but decides to switch to something more physically demanding so he doesn't snap and murder him out of sheer frustration. They go to the punching bags and Clint starts walking him through how to throw a punch without busting your knuckles but is cut off when the kid slams his fist into the bag.
"I know how to throw a punch," Harry bites before slamming his right fist into the bag.
"That you do," Clint agrees. He seems to have all the basics down, one leg forward the other back, twisting a bit with the punch to throw more weight behind it, "Nat?" he asks, although the kid is a little more focused on brute strength than she usually is.
"Steve," ah, that makes more sense.
"So," he hedges, having no idea how to breach this conversation, "you seem angrier than the last times we've chatted."
Harry slams his elbow into the bag, "I'm usually angry when we chat."
It's true that the kid had been angry the first time they talked but it was a different kind of anger, more righteous, less rabid and all the conversation afterwards had involved a distinct lack of hostility.
"Cut the bullshit, something is clearly tearing you up."
He puts a hand to the bag and turns to face him, "If this is about to turn into an intervention or something I'm leaving."
"It's either me or your parents and chances are if you yell at them someone will cry," He'd put money on it being Tony but Pepper's a frustrated crier so it could really go either way.
"Parent, Pepper's just my step-mother, I’m not her responsibility."
Christ this kid has issues, "think you could say that to her face without feeling like a massive asshole?"
Harry's shoulders slump and he runs his hands over his face, "I didn't mean it like that. Pepper's excellent."
"What did you mean?"
He flounders for a moment, seemingly unable to find the right words, " I just meant-. Look, Dad knew. He knew about the war and everything when he decided to get involved with mum and Remus told him what I was like before he said I could come stay here. Pepper didn't sign up for this."
"and this is?"
"This," the kid bites point to himself, "is somebody who probably should have died when they were baby. Who probably is going to die before they come of age and is liable to take anybody who gets close to them with him."
---
He is so not cut out for this, the biggest problem his kids ever had was liking somebody else more than they liked them. Plus his kids couldn't lie for shit so he usually knew exactly what was going on with them.
"Sit down," Clint orders, nodding to some clear space in the corner.
Harry bristles but sits and Clint takes a seat next to him. It's been a while since he's had a reason to sit cross-legged on the floor.
"Why don't you tell me a little more about what's going on."
"Maybe I don't want to."
"Harry"
Harry drags his hands through his hair, "I got Sirius killed, okay? I literally ruined his entire life. I was the reason his best friends died, the reason he went to prison and ultimately the reason he died."
Clint blows out a breath. Where to begin?
"I don't know all the details but I definitely know that a one year old child can't be held responsible for anything let alone somebody's death. Would it be Morgan's fault if somebody killed Tony to get to her?"
"I still got him killed."
"Kid, this might be an unpopular opinion but fifteen year-olds shouldn't be responsible for other people's lives either. Teenagers make mistakes. The fact that you were put in a position to make decisions about people's lives means that the adults around you failed you. That other kid, Peter, that Tony corrupted, he bit off more than he could chew and his actions almost led to the deaths of an entire ferry of people. It didn't because Tony was there to correct his mistakes. Somebody should have been there for you. Regardless of that, when somebody murders somebody it's nobody's fault but their own."
Harry grunts in frustration, "none of that changes the fact that people get killed just for knowing me. If I had- If I'd just fucking kept him out of my head or listened to any one of my friends then he'd still be alive."
"Harry, there's no shortage of avengers who messed up and got somebody killed. Most of us feel pretty responsible for the death of half the population. I struggle with some of the things I've done almost every day."
"How do you cope?"
"Well, for a while I didn’t. I let all the awful things in my life eat me alive."
"What changed?"
"What changed is some pain in the ass kid took it upon himself to point out that stewing in my misery wasn't helping anyone,” he gives Harry a significant look. It's more complicated than that of course. He still struggles to get out of bed most days and he probably wouldn't if it weren't for Nat and Steve's constant pestering but this conversation isn't about him.
"Me?" His eyes bug out of his head.
"Yes, you. You were quite the sight you know. 13 years old, malnourished, looking like you might try to jump me even though you were half my size."
"I was not."
"Kid, you're many things but tall ain't one of them."
"You're not tall either."
"I'm average height, thanks," slightly below but ya know, semantics.
They lapse into a weighty silence.
"Sometimes, I worry that nothing will ever be okay again."
Clint is familiar with this line of thinking. It's the kind of thought that you have once and are never quite the same after. It's a crying shame that Harry has been forced down that path so young. Then again it's a heartbreaking tragedy that his kids won't get a chance to feel anything.
"You've just got to take things as they come. In our lives the advice to live everyday like it's your last is more relevant than most. Spend time with your family, try not to waste time sulking in your room . Talk through the bad stuff and celebrate the good."
"I just, things in England are getting worse not better and I think if I feel like this now how on earth am I going to feel a year from now? How many more people am I going to lose?"
He puts his arm around Harry's shoulder, "it doesn't help anyone to dwell on that, Harry. As much as everything feels grimmer in a war there are still good things to look forward to and as much as things might get worse you'll get better at coping. Everything is that little bit harder when it feels like it's the hardest thing you've ever had to cope with. For little kids that might be being sent to bed without dinner or their parents being mad but until you've developed the mechanisms to cope with these things it always feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you."
Harry's laugh is bitter, "are you saying I'm going to get better at losing people?"
"I'm saying that even if you feel hopeless now, you won't feel that way forever."
"It feels like I will be."
"That's part of growing up, learning that things are never as permanent as they seem. There'll be plenty of things you encounter that seem insurmountable at the time. Then some time will pass and you'll get through it and things won't be the same but that won't be as bad as you thought they'd be either and then the next time you feel that way it'll be a bit easier because you'll remember from the last time that you coped better than you thought you would and that there are things worth fighting for."
Harry sighs, "I think that maybe I won't be able to believe you until I experience it for myself."
Clint huffs, "yeah, that's probably true. I think I remember reading something in a parenting book a few years back that kids need to learn from their own mistakes or some rot. I mean god knows my kids never took any of my advice."
"It's good advice," Harry insists, suddenly resembling the earnest tweenager Clint met two years ago, "I just- don't know if I'm ready to hear it yet."
Clint smiles, "just do me a favour and spend some more time with your family would you? You're their first kid and they aren't immune to teenage angst yet.
He opens his mouth like he might protest-Clint might actually have to cuff him on the head if tries the Pepper bullshit again-but shuts it instead. "Yeah okay," he says slumping against Clint.
----