you’ve been through so much

gwen

Kadarating lang namin sa practice room galing sa shoot. Super blessed ng BINI this year, from magazine shoots to brand deals to our sold out concerts. Ramdam na ramdam talaga namin ang suporta ng mga BLOOMs.

The only downside is magiging chaotic talaga ang sched namin kasi ang dami naming natatanggap na blessings. Kaya nga naiwan sila Jho at Stacku doon sa shoot namin kasi hindi pa sila tapos sa solo interviews nila.

May paparating ulit kaming concert ngayong November kaya naman may rehearsals and training kami para doon. And because it IS the GRAND BINIverse, syempre dapat upgraded na rin ang performances namin.

Kalalapag palang ng mga bag namin sa may gilid at agad naman kaming tinawag ni Coach Matthew. Nagsimula na kaming mag stretching at matapos nun, sinimulan na niya ang pagturo ng choreography namin.

Matapos ng mga isang oras, nakadating na sila Jho at nasubukan na namin yung choreo na kumpleto kami.

To be completely honest, mabilis lang dumaan ang oras kapag nagppractice kami. Kaya kung para sa amin kulang na ang oras para magprepare, mas lalong ramdam namin na kulang siya.

"Break muna tayo girls, then one complete run for this song tonight tas tapos na tayo for today" sabi ni Coach.

Pagsabi nun ni Coach, pumunta kami sa mga gamit namin, kanya kanyang kuha ng tubig at pagpunas ng pawis. Kinuha ko na rin phone ko at nakitang 9:30 PM na, ang bilis talaga ng oras.

Medyo mahirap na nga makuha ang pagkasunod-sunod ng dance steps, mabilis pa tumakbo ang oras. It also doesn’t help that the choreo for the upcoming concert is more complex and hard-hitting this time around.

I'm genuinely surprised we still have the energy to stay standing right now.

Though I'll be honest, kahit mahirap, kung para sa BLOOMs at sa lahat ng sumusuporta sa amin, kayang kaya. The upgraded performances are also a good way for us to showcase what else we can do as artists, so obviously we give it our all.

My thoughts got cut off when I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Bebe, tawag ka nila Coach" sinundan ko ang turo niya at tumayo nang makita na tinatawag nga ako.

"Gwen, may voice recording ka raw. I can help you polish nalang later" sabi ni Coach.

"Ok po Coach, salamat po" sabi ko at naglakad na papunta sa recording studio. 

When I went in, I greeted the producer who gave me the run through of what we were going to do tonight.

"Ito yung kopya ng lyrics kung kailangan mo" inabot niya naman sa akin ang papel at kumuha na rin ako ng lapis bago pumasok sa booth.

I would say smooth naman ang pag-record namin. Medyo natagalan lang talaga dahil sa harmonies at adlibs. Dagdag ko na rin ang pag-experiment namin ng iba't ibang intonation para talaga sure kami na nakuha namin yung vibes ng kanta.

"Salamat po!" ang huling sinabi ko nang matapos na kami sa recording.

Matagal tagal din kami doon kaya sigurado akong nakauwi na ang girls. Mabuti na kung ganon para makapagpahinga na sila, may 7 AM call time ulit kasi kami bukas.

Pagdating ko sa dance room, nakita kong nakabukas pa ang mga ilaw. Weird. Nakalimutan siguro nila isara. 

Tumingin ako sa lugar kung nasaan pa ang bag ko at nakita ko si bebe na nakahiga. Lumapit naman ako at umupo sa tabi niya. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep.

Then, I am again reminded of everything she had to face at such a young age. She really is the bravest and toughest person I've ever met. But, a part of me just can't help but think that she didn't deserve to go through all those tough times just to be labelled as such.

Haaaayyyy kumusta na kaya ang bunso namin?

"Bebe? Anong nangyare? Are you alright?" she sat up as quickly as she opened her eyes.

She held my cheeks and started wiping my cheeks with her thumbs. Hindi ko nga namalayan na tumutulo na pala mga luha ko.

I held one of her hands with my own, "Yes bebe, sorry nagising kita"

"Ano ka ba Ate Gwen? Ikaw nga hinihintay ko eh. I was just surprised to hear sniffles from you the moment I wake up" she answered.

"Did something happen? Bakit ka umiiyak, bebe?" she asked as the tears kept falling down my face.

"You just looked so peaceful, bebe. Oh how I wish life was always like that for you" she looked confused.

"You've been through so much, Shee. You were too young to have experienced what you've already experienced; felt a different level of intense emotions that someone as young as you should not have felt yet. Dagdag mo pa yung hectic life natin ngayon" I paused.

"Naging emotional lang ako kasi it's been a while since I last saw you so peaceful" she removed her hands from my cheeks and hugged me tight.

I hugged her back and felt her tears through my shirt as they fell.

"Bebe, I understand your concern naman. And yes, there are a lot of things that add chaos into our lives. Ganon talaga eh. Ito ang ginusto nating pasukin, and here we are” dahan dahan niyang binulong sa akin habang yinayakap ako ng mahigpit.

At tama naman siya, we wanted to be here. Ginusto naming maabot ito.

“Alam ko naman yun, bebe. But I just wished it didn’t have to be like that” sabi ko at tinanggal ang yakap niya sa akin.

Pinunasan ako ang mga luha na nahuhulog sa mga pisngi niya, hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya at tinitigan ang mga ito.

“Na sana hindi tayo pinapapili kung mas gusgustuhin nating ma-respeto ang boundaries at buhay natin bilang tao o maabot ang mga pangarap natin sa industriya na ito” I sighed.

“Sana nga umabot sa punto na ganun na ang mundo natin pero, dahil hindi pa, try to find those things that bring you peace, Ate Gwen” sinagot niya sa akin, her thumb was soothing my knuckles.

“Find them and try not to let go of them. Alam mo ba kung anong ginagawa ko?” I shook my head.

Hinigpitan niya naman ang hawak niya sa mga kamay ko, kaya naman napatingin ako sa kanya, “I surround myself with people that bring me peace, bebe" she said.

"It may not look like 'peace' but I love being around amma, kuya, the girls, and of course,you" she smiled at me.

"'Cause you all are MY version of peace" I was touched by what she said and held her cheeks again.

This cute bunso has so much wisdom that she keeps from others. Kita mo na iba talaga yung way of thinking ni bebe. That’s a good new perspective on it.

"I never really thought of it that way" binulong ko.

She is THE purest soul I think I’ll ever meet in this lifetime. There’s something about her that makes me want to protect her from everything. 

Then, I'm struck with how late it already is. I let go of her cheeks, wiped the final few tears that fell, and stood up.

"Sorry naiyak ako, mas late na tuloy tayo uuwi" sinabi ko habang kinukuha na ang mga gamit namin.

"Ano ka ba Ate Gwen? Ok lang ‘no! Besides, I needed that too" sagot niya na medyo natatawa.

"Bakit ka nga ba nagpaiwan?" tanong ko sa kanya, naglakad na kami paalis ng practice room.

"Ay, sabi ko kay Coach ako na tutulong sa iyo if you need help sa choreo. Alam ko rin naman na hindi mapanatag loob mo kasi hindi ka nakasama sa complete run namin kanina" sagot niya habang papunta na kami sa elevator.

Tita, she grew up becoming even more beautiful inside and out, di ba? You and Amma really raised her so well.

"Tama ka naman doon pero pwede naman akong magpractice sa condo mag-isa, naabala pa kita"

"It's ok bebe, ginusto ko lang din naman hintayin ka" she beamed at me.

Tita, I promise to try my best to protect her bright light from those who want to put it out. You can have my word.

"Gusto mo bang sa condo ko nalang matulog para isahang hatid nalang ni Kuya?" tanong ko.

Hindi naman foreign concept na makitulog kami sa condo ng isa't isa, lalo na kung mas malapit ito sa schedule namin sa susunod na araw.

Mas malapit condo ko dito sa company kaya I offered. Besides, it's less time and traffic to go to my condo than going to hers, especially during this time. At sobrang late na rin kasi kaya iniisip ko rin kung gaano na ka-late makakauwi si Kuya kung ihahatid niya pa si Shee.

"Ok lang ba yun sa iyo?" tanong niya kaya tumango naman ako.

Sheena Mae Catacutan, you're a light to my life as much as I hope to be a light in yours. You are and will always be my rest and my peace amidst this noisy and chaotic world, bebe.