Sirius never looked forward to speaking to his family. Well, his biological family, that is. His chosen one- James, Lily, Peter, and Remus- was the ground beneath his unlaced Converse. He was never one to appreciate the obligation of keeping up appearances with his not-chosen family. He got the occasional letter from his brother but, thankfully, not a word from either of his "parents." He hadn't spoken to them since the summer before his fourth year at Hogwarts.
Whenever he got a letter from his brother, he studied the envelope carefully, running it through his fingers for a while before deciding to open it. It was always filled with the same guilt trips, just phrased differently with each letter, trying to get Sirius to rejoin the Black "family." Each letter was always accompanied by forced 'I miss you's and 'take care's. He barely bothered to skim the letters anymore. But no matter how quickly he scanned the writing, the elegant cursive of his brother's signature at the bottom of the page always left a rage in him that burned the edges of the parchment in his hands.
Sirius hated his last name. Not because of its simplicity or even the confused looks he would get when people wondered why he stated a color when they had asked his name. He hated its legacy. He hated that it connected him to the people who, for years, had diminished, abused, and tormented him relentlessly. And he couldn't wait to rid of it. He desperately wanted to change it. To what, he didn't care. But he did think 'Lupin' would suit him pretty well.
An open letter sat next to him as he laid on his and Remus's bed in their tiny apartment that they had so carefully decorated; a tedious task, seeing as their aesthetics opposed one another so drastically. His back arched over the edge of the comforter, leaving his head upside-down and his hair swaying down just barely brushing the wooden floors. He pressed his hands to his face as a few dry tears trickled from his eyes, which were emotionless. The teardrops slipped through his fingers to slide down his temple, succumbing to the force of gravity, leaving his cheeks dry as he laid upside down. The tears nestled in the chaotic black waves of his hair, shimmering against the silky strands the same gentle way dew rests on a spiderweb.
Both his breath and his hands trembled as he breathed unsteadily with his hands holding his face.
He flinched at a noise that wasn't his own shaky breathing, but relaxed once he recognized it to be the sound of a key turning in the lock of the front door. A relieved smile spread between his flushed cheeks when he heard the jingle of Remus's keys as he set them on the table and the tapping of his boots as he walked into their apartment.
"Hey love, I'm back," Remus's voice was reassuring even when he didn't mean for it to be. Its familiarity and reliability softened the sting in Sirius's chest.
Sirius didn't answer. He knew his voice would be nothing short of unpleasant, whether that was out of anger or despair; he didn't quite know which was in control at the moment.
"Pads?" Remus called again before stepping into the door frame to find Sirius, still lying upside down on their bed, with his hands against his face and his breath shaking.
"Can I come in?" Remus's voice was even sweeter now that he meant for it to be.
Sirius hummed his approval.
Remus started towards the bed, but paused to pick up the letter, not bothering to read more than Regulus's signature. Remus scoffed his own frustration as he ripped the letter and tossed the shredded halves to the side, not caring enough to track where they landed. With a cute hop, he flopped onto the bed next to Sirius where the letter had rested just a few seconds before. He mirrored Sirius in hanging over the edge of the bed, letting his head and shoulders dangle limply. His hair didn't sway as freely as Sirius's; only the strands that typically swept just over Remus's forehead flowed away from him, hovering just above floor.
He let out a deep exhale, allowing for Sirius to acclimate to Remus's presence beside him.
After a few moments, he spoke softly, "do you want to talk about it?"
With his hands still covering his teary eyes, Sirius shook his head. Not three seconds later, he let his hands fall to run through his hair and then flopped them on to the bed to rest at his sides. "It's just- he just- and she just- and I- ...ugh," he grunted with a frustrated rasp in his breath.
Remus shifted his hand right next to his, barely brushing his fingers against Sirius's, leaving Sirius with the option of taking his hand if he wanted. Sirius obliged gladly. He turned his hand over to rest it in Remus's palm and their fingers intertwined as they held each other's hands.
After a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence, Sirius sighed. "Family really sucks ass, huh?" His tone was dry and worn.
"Yes. Yes it does," Remus agreed in a tone just as dry. He tightened his grip on Sirius's hand, squeezing it reassuringly and coaxing out another sigh to shutter from Sirius's lips. But this sigh was no longer frustrated. It was relieving, letting out all the anguish and despair to escape alongside his breath. Remus considered how to lift his boyfriend's spirits, letting the comfortable silence return for another few minutes.
"Hey Sirius?" Remus cooed.
"Yeah, Moony?"
"Would you like to put eyeliner on me?"
Sirius sat up to lean on his elbows. "Are- are you being serious?" He tried to contain the excitement in his voice.
"No, that's your job."
Sirius pursed his lips, holding back a smile and rolling his eyes. "Oh shut up, you've used that one before."
"And I intend to again and again." Remus smirked, satisfied with his shitty joke.
"If I promise to laugh next time, can I give you eyeliner?" Sirius returned the smirk.
"Hmm... yeah, that works."
Sirius squealed, "alright then, I guess I have to laugh next time." He finally let the smile loose and it took over his entire expression, lighting up his eyes and painting his cheeks with a rosy blush.
"Guess so," Remus smiled just as purely.
Sirius jumped off the bed and started towards the door. He stopped at the frame to glance back at Remus.
"Well?" he started, "are you coming?"
Remus groaned, still smiling. Sirius leaned over to grab Remus by the wrist and pull him enthusiastically out of the room.
"Oh come on, you're gonna love it," he led Remus to the bathroom mirror excitedly.
Sirius dragged a stool from the wall over to line up with the center of the mirror and patted the seat. Remus sat, shifting his weight to find a comfortable position.
As Sirius carefully picked from a selection of different pencils and tubes, Remus rolled his eyes, unable to contain his boyish grin.
"Alright," Sirius's teeth sparkled through his smile as he flicked the lid off the tube of liquid eyeliner in his hands. "Do you want me to line all of your eye lid or..." he snickered, "...just the tip..." he snorted at his own joke.
Remus side-eyed him, holding back a little giggle, himself. "Just the tip if it's not too hard." Before all the words even left Remus's mouth, he facepalmed.
Sirius doubled over in a high, unrestrained laughter that bounced its sweet echo off the bathroom walls. To balance himself, he rested a hand on Remus, who couldn't help but giggle, with his face still buried in his palm.
Sirius sighed, wiping blissful tears from his eyes. "Alright, close your eyes, darling," his smile shined through his words.
Remus obliged, squeezing his eyelids too tight.
"Just relax, I know what I'm doing," Sirius moved his hand to the back of Remus's neck.
"Mhm," Remus hummed sarcastically, although he completely trusted Sirius. At the feeling of Sirius's hands resting gingerly on the nape of his neck, no matter how familiar it had become, Remus's mind went hazy and his stomach fluttered. His already huge smile grew more, almost stinging his cheeks. He relaxed his eyes a bit, still keeping them closed. He could feel Sirius's focused breath brush against his cheek as the chilling liquid came in contact with his skin.
After a few silent moments, Sirius pulled his hand away and examined the line. "Okay, one eye done," Sirius brushed away a strand of hair that had swept down in front of Remus's forehead, carefully tucking it behind Remus's ear.
Remus opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. He turned his face as he looked in the mirror, studying the line.
"Wow, you really can't do anything straight, can you?"
"Hush. Now close your eyes."
They each giggled, their rich laughter mingling harmoniously to rebound off the marble walls. Remus shut his eyes again, remembering to relax.
After Sirius traced the second line onto Remus's face, he slid the lid back onto the tube with a satisfying click.
"All done," he giggled, satisfied as Remus examined his face in the mirror.
"What do you think?" Remus asked, grinning at Sirius.
Sirius grinned back, "I think eyeliner suits you."
"Ehem, bi-liner."
Sirius gaped at him, an even bigger grin spreading across his face. His eyes sparkled in awe at the perfection of Remus's pun.
Sirius chuckled, "god I love you." He placed his arms around Remus's neck, pulling him in close. Remus rested his hands on Sirius's waist, pressing his forehead against Sirius's.
Remus whispered sweetly, almost a giggle, "you have no idea." He smiled right into Sirius's lips before pulling him into a kiss.
When their lips parted, Remus whispered again, "I love it." His breath brushed against Sirius's cheeks as they continued to smile into each other's lips; two idiots in love.
Sirius sighed deeply, blindingly blissful. But just a touch of despair still lingered in his profound exhale.
"You okay, love?" Remus slid his hands from Remus's waist up to his face, cupping his cheek lovingly.
Sirius let the weight of his head fall into Remus's palm. "Yeah I'm fine just-" he paused, cutting off his own words, "yeah I'm fine." He offered a weak smile.
Remus affectionately brushed his thumb along the sharp edge of Sirius's cheekbone. Sirius's eyes were swimming with so many conflicting emotions that mixed so indistinguishably that he could barely make out a single one. He had never been one to dwell on anything; quite the opposite actually, he tended to let things go fairly quickly. But when his "family" was involved, it was a different story. Remus tried to mask his own frustration. But really, it drove him mad that the people who had abused and abandoned Sirius, leaving him so terribly scarred (in every sense of the word), had such a strong hold on Sirius's emotions. Sirius deserved everything good in this fucked up world. Everything. And Remus wouldn't ever stop trying to let him know it.
Remus thought for a moment before whispering into Sirius's ear, just as sweetly as always, "I have an idea." He grabbed Sirius's hand and Sirius followed him out of the bathroom. A bit of the natural, radiant sparkle returned to Sirius's eyes.
Remus stopped in front of Sirius's record player, gesturing at the old brown box lazily. "Okay now how in the fuck do you work this bloody thing?"
"Well you need a record first... why?"
"To make a cup of tea."
Sirius scoffed, still smiling. "My records are in there," he pointed to a box next to the record player.
Remus accepted his directions with a smile, kneeling down to shuffle through the contents of the box. Each record was so carefully polished and cared for, placed neatly and cautiously in the box. The care with which Sirius had organized his records was in no way in-character. His clothes were always carelessly strewn about their room and he never even bothered to line up his shoes by the door. But he wouldn't dare take a single risk with his precious, beautiful records. He could ramble for hours about each individual one; how he got it, the entire history of the artist, every lyric of the song.
Remus randomly picked out the record that first caught his eye, pulling it away from the others, careful not to smudge its immaculate polish. He turned to Sirius, proud of himself for having chosen whatever it was he was holding in his hands. He cocked his head to the side with an anticipating smile, holding the AC/DC record carefully.
Sirius giggled, "mmm good choice, wrong mood."
Remus furrowed his brow, glanced down at the record, then turned back to choose another. He studied the covers more carefully, determined to make Sirius proud. Amongst the myriad of obscure album covers and strange band names that he would never come to understand, he finally recognized one; a simple black cover with an orb of vivid colors and the band name 'Queen' written right under it in an elegant white cursive. He was confident Sirius would like this one. The countless Queen t-shirts and posters that Sirius had collected over the years were impossible to overlook. Remus could practically name half their songs without having listened to a single one after hearing Sirius obsess over them for years. He loved the unwavering sparkle that danced in Sirius's eye whenever he talked about the band. Scribbled onto the smooth surface of the disc were the words 'Somebody to Love,' written in the poetically chaotic scribbles of Sirius's handwriting.
Happy with his choice, Remus turned back to Sirius and raised his eyebrows suggestively and at the sight of the cover, Sirius's already smiling face melted into a proud grin.
"Much better," he took the record into his own hands, blowing a streak of dust from its surface and carefully placing it into the record player.
After a few moments, the first notes flooded into the room and Sirius and Remus smiled at one another.
Remus extended his hand, "ehem," he cleared his throat.
Sirius giggled as he gladly rested his hand in Remus's. Sirius pulled Remus in with a jerk, bringing their faces close together again. They swayed off-beat and deliriously happy. Sirius sung along with the song and Remus spun him around, blinded by the beauty of the boy dancing before him. He was overwhelmed with pride to be holding him so close, to be hearing him sing so happily, to be the reason he was smiling so whole-heartedly.
When the last of the chords fizzled out of the room, Sirius pulled Remus into a passionate kiss without so much as a breath of hesitation. When they parted, he laughed down at the floor then gazed back up into Remus's mesmerized hazel eyes that didn't for a second look away from Sirius, completely hypnotized by his every move. Sirius rested his hand on Remus's neck, twirling a curled strand of his golden-brown hair around his finger. With a smile more pure than anyone would think possible, he whispered to Remus, his voice breathy with bliss.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For breathing."
Remus's face softened and he pressed his forehead against Sirius's. He slid his hands down to hold Sirius's, their fingers intertwining once again. With a soft, sweet breath, Remus whispered in a deep voice.
"Thank you for giving me a reason to."