It was no secret that James had been crushing on Lily Evans for at least the last three years. Initially he had just thought she was pretty but eventually he was doodling her initials on the sides of his notes and doing everything he could to make her like him. Sirius had supported him through it all, even attempting to help him tame his messy hair, so when she finally asked James to help her with her essay he was just as elated as James was. At first everything was fine between the two best friends, but Sirius had started to notice that their time spent together was getting shorter.
The first time he noticed it was when he and James were meant to be going to hogsmeade together. Sirius had never been to hogsmeade since his mother would never sign the permission slip, but now the Potters were his guardians, they could give permission for him. He had asked Remus to go with him and show him around but he had apologised and said he was busy so James promised him that he would give him a tour. Sirius had been thinking about this trip for weeks and had been looking forward to visiting hogsmeade for years. He walked into the common room to find his boyfriend, but he could only find James who told him that Remus had a meeting with the other prefects. Sirius nodded before sitting down and James turned to look at him, excitement clear on his face.
“Pads guess what,” James had uttered, a sense of urgency in his voice
“Lily agreed to go on a date with you finally?” Sirius guessed, laughing internally at the sheer absurdity of what he had just said
“Even better, Lily asked me to go to hogsmeade with her today,” he replied, wiggling happily in his seat
Sirius felt his heart drop, had James really forgotten his promise to show him around hogsmeade?
“But Prongs,” Sirius had started before he was cut off by James.
“I know Pads,” he sighed, almost sadly
“You know what exactly?” Sirius had asked, hoping James would tell him that he had rescheduled with Lily.
“I know it's not a date and I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I can't help it, maybe she is starting to actually like me now,” he smiled, a glimmer of hope obvious in his eyes.
Sirius smiled at him in encouragement but was hurt that his best friend would forget his promise so easily.
“I'm going to go wait outside, the meeting should be over soon so Lily will be waiting for me to go,” James said after checking the time with a quick tempus charm.
Sirius just pat him on the back before quickly making his way upstairs to their dorm room.
Sirius laid down in his boyfriend's bed; he knew his boyfriend wanted to catch up on his work after the recent full moon, but he really wished Remus could be here to comfort him right now. He spent 20 minutes lying in bed, moping, and feeling like an idiot for getting so excited about something so stupid before he heard the door to the room open. It obviously wasn't James and Peter said he was going to hang out with some friends, so he turned around and met eyes with his boyfriend.
“Sirius? What are you doing here, aren't you meant to be at hogsmeade with Prongs?” Remus asked, coming to sit at the edge of his bed.
“Change of plans,” Sirius huffed out, “Lily asked him to go with her and I think he forgot about me.”
He let out a strained chuckle, trying to ignore the pity on Remus' face.
“Didn't you remind him?” Remus asked softly, now stroking up and down Sirius' arm.
“Nah, I didn't want to ruin this opportunity for him,” he shrugged, giving his boyfriend a small smile to reassure him.
Without another word, Remus shrugged off his shoes and laid beside his boyfriend, turning to face him. Sirius wanted to tell him that he was okay, and that he could continue with his work but couldn't find the strength to say anything. He just cuddled up to his boyfriend, who wrapped him up in his arms and left a soft kiss on his forehead.
When James returned, he saw the two cuddled up in bed, Sirius asleep on Remus' chest whilst he read what seemed to be the Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook. He removed his shoes before greeting Remus who shut his book, seemingly ready to say something.
“Prongs,” he spoke quietly in order to not wake up his boyfriend.
“Yeah?” James asked, worried he'd done something wrong.
“Didn't you forget you had to do something today?” Remus tried hinting, but by the look on James' face it was clear he had not understood what Remus was trying to say.
“What, did we have an essay due on Monday or something? I'll just do it tomorrow,” James tells him, the look of confusion still clear on his face.
“Weren't you meant to be taking Padfoot to hogsmeade today?” he asked directly, knowing Sirius wouldn't appreciate it but wanting James to understand what he did to his best friend.
“Oh my God Moony, I'm a horrible person. Lily asked me to go with her and I totally forgot about Sirius. I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did that to him. Was he okay?” James immediately understood and his face, deep with guilt, contorted as he glanced at Sirius' sleeping form.
“Don't apologise, just don't forget the promises you make to him. He was upset, but he'll be okay.” Remus smiled, looking lovingly at his sleeping boyfriend and stroking his hair.
A couple of weeks later saw a similar situation. They had been given a pretty nasty piece of transfiguration work and despite being quite good at transfiguration, James was significantly better than him. He and James had arranged to meet in the library at six, James promising to help him write his essay. At 6pm Sirius arrived at the library, organising his stuff, and opening his textbook to do some reading before James would come and help him.
Half an hour later and James still hadn't shown up so Sirius decides to start writing him and perhaps James could just proofread it and make corrections. Soon enough it's 7:30pm and Sirius has finished his essay. He packs up his stuff and decides to wait, laying his head in his arms, just in case James is simply running late.
Before Sirius knows it, he's falling asleep in the library as he waits for his best friend, only waking up when Madam Pince comes to tell him it's late and time to leave. Sirius apologises softly and sleepily makes his way out of the library and up to the Gryffindor common room.
As he walks through the portrait hole, his eyes land on James, laughing loudly at something a certain redhead had said. His face adopts a sour look as he walks past them, slinking upstairs and slipping into his dorm room. The room was quiet, Peter's mumbling in his sleep the only thing to be heard, but as he walks in, Remus' eyes follow him.
“Where's James?” Remus asks, walking over to Sirius who had stopped just short of his own bed.
“I saw him downstairs with Lily,” Sirius replies, pushing off his shoes, and starting to shrug off his robes.
Remus stands in front of him, beginning to undo Sirius' tie for him, his fingers gently caressing his collar bones. “Wasn't he at the library with you? I thought that's why you were gone for so long,” the taller boy asks, his fingers reaching for the top button of his boyfriend's shirt.
“He didn't show up and I fell asleep after writing the essay,” he replies, trying desperately to stop his voice from cracking.
Remus pulls the shirt down his boyfriend's shoulders slowly, his hands gently brushing the cold skin. He takes Sirius by the hand, leading them towards his bed, grabbing a large t-shirt and some soft pyjama bottoms for his boyfriend on the way. Sirius takes the clothes gratefully, pulling them on before depositing himself in Remus' bed unceremoniously.
“That idiot, I'm tempted to give the twat a piece of my mind, ditching his own best friend for a girl.” Remus mutters angrily, situating them so Sirius is draped over him, his face resting comfortably in the crook of his neck.
Sirius just chuckles softly, closing his eyes and attempting to fall asleep. Remus strokes his fingers through his boyfriend's soft hair, ignoring the wetness he feels on his neck, knowing Sirius would appreciate it if he didn't say anything more about this. He closes his own eyes after pulling the curtain shut, ignoring James whispering for his best friend when he eventually comes into the room.
The next morning, Sirius wakes up first, getting ready for the school day and waking up his friends by screaming and shouting like usual. Remus knows he's pretending to be fine, but he sees past that, knowing how much James upset him last night.
The boys all groan in tandem as they're woken up, rolling out of bed lazily and starting to get ready. Sirius sits on the edge of his boyfriend's bed as he watches him get ready, whistling loudly as Remus pulls off his shirt. The taller boy chuckles, turning round quickly, smirking as he strides closer to the bed. He leans down slowly, capturing Sirius' lips in a soft kiss, forcing his tongue into his boyfriend's willing mouth.
“We're gonna be late to breakfast if you two don't stop eating each other's faces,” Peter groans, James laughing along in the background.
Sirius flushes a little, as Remus pulls away, quickly shimmying into his uniform and robes. They all head downstairs to the great hall together, barely having 10 minutes to eat before it would be time for their first period lessons.
Sirius and James talked all throughout transfiguration, Sirius acting like nothing happened yesterday. Remus couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about but did hear quiet mutterings of the words ‘pink’ and ‘Slytherin’, assuming it was one of James' elaborate prank ideas. He'd probably hear about it at lunch.
Lunch couldn't come quicker, and sure enough James had told peter and Remus all about his idea to change the ugly, dark decor in the Slytherin common room to a nice, baby pink. It involved a long list of spells and ingredients, and Remus wasn't sure if half of them were even relevant to the prank.
“I'm gonna take a rain check on that one prongs,” Remus mumbled around a mouthful of food.
Peter nodded sadly, “Me too, I have some business to attend to next Friday.”
James visibly deflated and turned to his best friend for support. Sirius took one look at his face and broke into a small smile, “Fine, I'll help you, but you owe me.”
James wiggled in celebration, finally deciding to pick up his cutlery and start on his lunch. Much too late, as two minutes into his meal it was time to go to their next lesson.
The next Friday Sirius ate dinner earlier than usual. Remus and James were nowhere to be seen, and Peter had already said he was busy, so Sirius ate alone, appreciating the peace for once in his life. He sat by the lake after dinner, checking the time often to make sure he wouldn't be late to meet up with James for his prank idea.
As the time approached, Sirius made his way back inside the castle and up to Gryffindor tower, where he was supposed to meet James in the common room.
The common room was deserted when he arrived and after waiting for about 10 minutes, Sirius decided to see if James was upstairs, in case he had confused their meeting place with the dorm room.
Their room was also empty, but as he walked in, he noticed a piece of parchment in the middle of his bed. It was a note from James
Hey pads, Lily asked me to hang out with her, so I'll be
back later. We’ll have to do it another time.
Prongs x
Sirius scrunched the note up, forcefully throwing it to the opposite side of the room. He starts to pace the length of the room in attempt to calm himself down.
“That stupid Potter,” he starts rambling to himself quietly.
“Why does he even like her?”
“Why doesn't he want to hang out with me anymore?”
“It was his idea anyways, I shouldn't be so annoyed at him,” he tries to reason with himself, not noticing peter who stops in the doorway.
“That stupid redhead, always getting in the way. Wait I don't actually mean that Lily is really nice, and she's definitely a good influence on my best friend,” there's a pause where Sirius stops pacing and looks deep in thought.
“Am I even his best friend anymore?” That's the last that Peter hears before he's turning around and running down the stairs quickly, searching for Remus.
Peter leaves the common room when it's clear Remus isn't there and walks quickly through the halls in search for his friend. He contemplates whether turning into his animagus form would be easier but decides against it, knowing this is the quickest way, and Sirius clearly needed his boyfriend right now.
Peter is jogging through the dungeons now and comes to a halt when he almost bumps into another student coming out of the potion’s classroom. He looks up to apologise and relief floods him when he recognises the distinct face of his friend.
“Thank god, Moony, where the hell have you been?” he breathes out, slightly struggling to catch his breath.
Remus is clearly confused as he looks around and points back to the classroom, “I was here for some extra tutoring, what's the matter?”
“It's Sirius, he's gone mad, he's talking to himself and pacing and I don't know what to do,” Peter replies hurriedly, waving his hands around frantically.
Remus doesn’t say anything but walks straight past Peter and starts jogging down the hall. Peter decides to walk back instead of running, Remus would be there soon, and he was already out of breath as it is.
Remus steadily jogs the entire way to Gryffindor tower and runs through the common room up to his dorm where Sirius was supposedly acting very strange. He stops for a moment before pushing the door open and cautiously stepping into their room. He heard trails of muttering that was obviously Sirius rambling, but only heard partial sentences.
“Never knew-“
“why would I-“
“he didn’t-“
“where is-“
“Sirius?” Remus cuts him off, taking slow steps towards his boyfriend.
“Moony?” Sirius raised his head, showcasing the tears that had been streaming down his face.
“What happened baby?” he asks, standing as close as he can to the shorter boy without making him feel like he was being cornered.
“James, he,” Sirius hiccupped through the sobs as Remus gently ran his hands up and down his arms, “he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”
Remus pulled him into a hug, letting him cry into his shoulders. Eventually he calmed down, his shoulders now steady and arms wrapped tightly around the taller boy’s waist.
“Sirius, what did James say to you?” Remus tried, sitting them down on the edge of his bed.
Sirius didn’t say anything, just picked up the crumpled note and handed it to his boyfriend. He laid down on the bed as Remus carefully unravelled the parchment and started to read. He swore quietly after reading it, throwing it across the room and lying down besides Sirius. He held him to his chest and sang a quiet lullaby to send him to sleep, falling asleep himself not much later.
Sirius hasn’t been the same since. He has been more focussed on his schoolwork and less excited about wreaking havoc. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing as he had finally received the recognition he deserved for his amazing work, especially his proficiency in charms. He still seemed the same to everyone else but both Remus and Peter knew that he was hurt and wouldn’t recover from it unless there was some confrontation between him and James.
Sirius knew this of course. There had been a brief moment of tension between Remus and he since he refused to talk to James about it. He knew his boyfriend was right and felt terrible about being so stubborn, but he didn’t want to ruin the already dwindling relationship between him and his best friend. James and Lily were apparently very close to becoming an official couple and Sirius refused to ruin his best friend’s chances. He had been trying for years to get Lily to be his girlfriend and if Sirius had to sacrifice some time to get this to happen, he would have to put up with it. James is his best friend, and he would do anything for him.
When he had explained this to Remus however, he had been called stupid.
“Baby, you aren’t just sacrificing a little time with your best friend. Do you even remember the last time he hung out with you?”
“We hang out together most days,” Sirius replied, a little confused now.
“No love, you are in the same classes most days. When was the last time you two actually spent time together? Without me or Peter or Lily?”
Sirius tilted his head as he was thinking. It took him a while and he honestly couldn’t give a precise answer.
“Baby please, you have to talk to him, this is hurting you, and it hurts me to see you so sad all the time,” Remus pleaded, holding his boyfriend’s small, cold hands in his own.
Sirius smiled sadly before looking up into his boyfriend’s determined eyes and softly nodding his head. Remus smiled at him before tightening his grip on his left hand and leading him down to the great hall for breakfast.
Once they were down there, they spotted James and Peter instantly, looking like they were in a intense discussion about something.
“Hey guys,” James greeted them after shoving a spoonful of food in his mouth.
“Please James, I told you not to talk while you eat it’s disgusting,” Sirius chuckled, taking a bite out of a piece of toast.
“Stop acting like you have good manners,” James retorted, food flying out of his mouth.
“I am perfectly polite thank you very much,” he laughed, picking up his juice, “do you wanna practise flying with me later, maybe around one thirty?”
James swallowed his food before replying, “Of course, I have some moves I’ve been meaning to clean up for a while anyways.”
Sirius smiled as he felt Remus squeeze his thigh underneath the table. This would be a good opportunity to finally talk to James and try to clear the air.
Before Sirius could even say anything else, he saw Lily giggling happily as she made her way over. He struggled to swallow the bite of food he had in his mouth already as he braced himself for what she was going to say.
“Hey James,”
“Hiya, have you been well?” he smiles sweetly, his face turning a faint shade of pink.
“I’ve been good, I was just wondering whether you’d like to spend lunch with me? Maybe we could hang out afterwards too?”
James nodded excitedly, “Sure, I’d love to.”
Sirius took one look at the two before pushing his plate away and making a quick exit from the table. Remus waited until after Lily had disappeared to glare at James harshly.
“Nice one James, now look what you’ve done,” he spat out, before grabbing a couple of muffins and following Sirius up to their dorm.
“What did I do?” James asked, looking wide eyed towards Peter.
“Are you actually being serious right now?” he deadpanned, ignoring James’ scandalised look and starting to immerse himself in his book.
James stood up and left, making his way to Gryffindor tower to find out what the hell was going on and why everyone was making him seem like the bad guy. As he walked in there appeared to be no one in the common room so he made his way up to his dorm.
When he arrived in the room, he saw Remus cradling Sirius who had seemed to be sobbing. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but the glare he got from Remus caused him to shut his mouth right up.
“You better leave this room right now or so help me you will never set foot back in here again,” Remus hissed, and James found himself complying easily.
He trotted out of the room and downstairs, bumping into Peter in the common room.
“Can you please explain to me what I’ve done wrong?” James begged him.
“You are an arsehole James Potter that is what you’ve done. You’ve been blowing Sirius off for weeks now so you can spend time with Lily instead and he has been nothing but nice to you despite that. You literally just made plans with him just to tell Lily a minute later that you’d hang out with her instead, and you really have the audacity to call him your best friend. You betrayed his trust James, you hurt him and worst of all, you didn’t even notice,” Peter scoffed, waiting for James to say something.
“He’s just being dramatic; he’s dating Remus so he should understand how I feel. What’s the difference?” James mouth ran before he could even process the words coming out of his mouth.
“The difference is that he never sacrificed his time with you to spend with his boyfriend and he certainly did not blow off your plans to go on dates with me,” Remus said angrily from the top of the stairs, beckoning Peter towards him.
Peter walked away from him without so much as another glance and Remus turned his nose up at James. He wished he would think before he spoke, but the deed was now done, and he couldn’t fix it.
James still spent time with Lily and hung out with her afterwards but the whole time he felt a little out of sorts, like his brain was detached from his body. When they went their separate ways, James made his way to the library, staying there as long as he could get away with so he could delay his return to his dorm. He returned to his dorm, two hours after contemplating his life choices in the common room and everyone was already knocked out just as he had been hoping.
James wakes up much later than usual, the room was quiet and when he opened his curtains he was met with an empty room until he looked over towards Remus’ bed and noticed him, legs crossed as he was focussed on reading his book.
“I see you’re awake now,” Remus said without looking up, before bookmarking his page and setting his book to the side.
James stands up as Remus sits at the edge of his bed, linking his hands together and leaning his elbows on his knees.
“Look Remus, I didn’t mean to say that yesterday. I was just emotional, and I didn’t know what I was saying,” James starts, tapping his fingers together nervously.
“James, just shut up and listen to me. I don’t need you to explain yourself to me. I don’t care what you have to say to me. You owe Sirius an apology not me. You abandoned your best friend. You neglected him for a girl you like. You know exactly how he feels about that, considering his past with his parents. You betrayed him and hurt him. He gave you his heart and his trust and you took it and destroyed it. He confided in you, told you all his secrets and trusted you with things he was hesitant to even tell me. But you treated him like he was a disposable toy. You know what he told me one night? He told me that you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore, that you had replaced him in your life with Lily. He was looking for apartments in London to rent because he thought you wouldn’t let him live with you anymore. Do you know how heart breaking that is? To watch your boyfriend cry because he thinks he’s been kicked out by his own best friend?” Remus increasingly raised his voice at James, his face clearly distorted in anger.
James collapsed on the floor and Remus walked out of the dorm without saying anything more. James’ stature wracked with sobs and he babbled to himself. He heard Remus make his way downstairs and after a couple of minutes he heard an urgent pair of footsteps running up the stairs. He sobbed louder as he saw his best friend run into the room and fall onto his knees beside him.
“Jamie what’s the matter honey?” he urged, pulling James off the floor, and dragging him towards his bed.
Sirius laid them both down, hugging James to his chest and rocking him back and forth to calm him down, the way Remus had done for him countless times before. He stroked up and down his best friend’s back, waiting for the sobbing to subside before he could talk to him.
“Sirius, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you Sirius, I love you so much, I never meant to, I swear, I didn’t want to replace you.” James cried, grabbing a hold of his friend’s shirt for comfort.
Sirius felt a tear roll down his cheek as he stroked through James’ hair. He smiled slightly, knowing his best friend didn’t hate him and hadn’t meant to abandon him was much better than his meagre assumption based merely on speculation rather than rational analysis and thought. Sirius really felt stupid for thinking James would ever abandon him, so he let out a breath before starting to speak.
“Jamie, you’re my best friend and I love you more than anything else in this world. I know that you love me too and that you would never intentionally hurt me. I was upset and wasn’t thinking properly but Jamie, I know you, and I know that you will always be here for me. I forgive you Jamie.”
“You forgive me? After everything I put you through?” James stopped crying and he whispered in response.
“Of course I do, you’re my best friend. I’m not saying it won’t take a while for you to make it up to me, and for me to completely trust you again, but I do forgive you love.” Sirius smiled, planting a kiss on James’ cheek.
“I love you Padfoot,” he whispered, feeling sleepy.
“I love you too Jamie,” Sirius muttered, slipping into a peaceful slumber.
Remus walked into the dorm a while later, Lily right behind him. The sight before him, of his boyfriend and James cuddling up together, caused an instant smile to rise on his face.
“Sorry Lily, but it appears James is a bit busy right now,” he chuckled, ushering her out of the room and following behind her, “how about we go to the library, catch up on some homework?”
Lily laughed softly as she agreed, walking behind Remus as they make their way towards the library.