Remus trembled in his bed. But by no means was he cold. In fact, the moonlight trickled down his face through drops of sweat that slid along his temple. He bit the inside of his cheek fiercely, in desperate attempts to manufacture a pain that distracted from the mocking burn of the moon's reflection on his face. He could draw the curtains of his bed together to shield him from the moon's nagging, but he knew that the rings of the curtain would screech along the bed post and likely wake his snoring roommates if his muffled whimpering hadn't done so already. It was the night after the full moon and now the moon was only a seemingly-innocent sliver kissing the deep navy of the sky and tricking the stars to shine alongside it.
He breathed heavily into his pillow, his cheek numb as he loosened the grip of his teeth. He bit the pillow, the tension in his jaw ringing in his ears. The light thud of his pained tears tapped right next to his ear, lazily slipping down the pillow as he did his best to stop from crying out. The more he strained against the urge to cry and scream, the faster the tears leaked from his tightly shut eyes and the tighter the knot in his throat grew.
Remus didn't notice the warm body shuffling close to him until its silhouette replaced that of the moon. His breath shook as he exhaled, no longer biting down on his pillow or his cheek. An accidental whimper broke from his quivering lips and he clapped his trembling hands over his mouth.
Sirius hovered a stable hand over Remus' shoulder. "Can I?" He whispered softly, the gentle murmur soothing Remus' ears as it replaced the deafening sound of his thoughts.
Remus nodded stiffly, his tear-dampened hair coaxing out a whisper from the pillow as it slid along the surface. Sirius was careful in placing a firm, but understanding, hand on Remus' shoulder to pull him up. Remus' tears had left a watery surface along his cheekbone that would have glistened the reflection of the moon had Sirius not been blocking it. Without thinking twice, Remus let Sirius sit him up and he sank into Sirius' chest.
When finally realized what he was doing, he started to pull away. "S-sorry, is this okay?" But Sirius' arms were already wrapped around him.
"It's okay, I've got you now." Sirius whispered habitually, as if the words knew before he that they were supposed to leave his mouth. Remus sank back into the soon-to-be-familiar chest of his friend. Sirius did his best to keep his breath steady, but his heart thudded against his chest as Remus nestled closer. Remus pretended not to notice but a small smile chased away his despaired expression.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius spoke into the golden curls of Remus' hair, his gentle voice maneuvering through the tangles to trickle into Remus' ear sweetly.
Remus sighed, "nothing to talk about." Sirius was suddenly very aware of the moonlight on his back. He felt it prick the back of his neck as if it were watching him.
"Sorry," Sirus' voice found its way through Remus' hair once again. He felt a quick shake of Remus' head against his chest. He was trembling. Like a lost puppy in the cold, Remus trembled and it pained Sirius more than he expected.
"Hold on," Sirius shifted his weight to cross his arms in front of his hips and pull off the maroon hoodie that had been gently stained with Remus' tears. Remus sat up, fighting his body's weight as it just wanted to crash back into Sirius' chest. He waited for Sirius to toss aside the sweatshirt and settle back into the pillows beside him but, to Remus' surprise, Sirius dropped the hoodie in Remus' lap. It already warmed him through the thick cotton of the bedsheets.
"Only if you want it," Sirius smiled nervously, now only wearing a wrinkled tank top.
"Oh- th-thanks," Remus obliged, slipping the hoodie over his t-shirt. Remus had never known such warmth or such comfort. Especially when Sirius pulled him back into his embrace, his breath finally stopped shaking but only because he was just barely breathing.
Sirius' hair was tousled after having pulled the sweatshirt over his head. He blew up at a few strands that had found their way to his forehead, swaying in front of his eyes. The exhale tickled Remus' neck and he shuttered.
"Are you still cold?"
"No, I'm perfect." Remus had no idea why he had phrased it that way. He cringed, hoping Sirius wouldn't think much of it. But the warmth of Sirius' arms around him and the scent of the hoodie dragged his worries away and lured him into an almost hypnotized state of serenity.
The corners of Sirius' mouth twitched as he suddenly found the urge to say 'yes you are,' right into Remus' ear. He refrained, sinking into the embrace of the pillow behind him.
In Sirius' arms, the moonlight no longer felt threatening. It crept through a small part in the bed's curtains, streaking a pillow with its milky shine. Remus watched it drift across the pillow as the night grew older. When it drew so close to his face he felt as though he could smell it, he drew himself closer to Sirius, letting his friend shield him. For once, he admired the moonlight as it illuminated Sirius' silhouette, tracing his figure with grace and wrapping his body in a white halo.
Sirius took note of the moonlight that so close to kissing the tip of Remus' nose. He wasn't surprised when Remus curled in closer to him and was glad to shoulder the wrath of the moon in Remus' place.
As the youth of the night continued to slip away, Remus' breath steadied, settling to a soft purr that tickled the Sirius' legs, leaking through the fabric of his sweatpants and chilling and warming him all at once. Sirius shut his eyes, mesmerized by the warmth of the boy laying in his arms. Sirius rested his cheek against Remus' head, fairly certain that Remus was asleep. As Sirius let out a deep sigh, five words left his slightly parted lips along with the breath. He didn't mean to utter them and he didn't know that he'd meant them until they echoed in his mind. And as quiet as they were, they tickled the silence just enough to seep into Remus' ears.
"I think I love you." Sirius tensed at his words, even more surprised than Remus to hear them leave his mouth. Sirius reluctantly opened his eyes, peering through his barely-parted eyelids to see that if Remus really was sleeping, he hadn't stirred. Sirius let loose a relieved sigh, the breath pushing Remus' hair to sway along his forehead.
As gracefully as it had risen, the moon fell, pulling up the radiant colors of the sunrise as it disappeared.
A few nights later, the moon crept over the horizon, brushing away the peachy orange of the sunset as it rose. Just a little thicker than it had been the other night-- but still just a sliver-- it leaked through the frost-kissed windows of the Marauders' bedroom, brushing along the splintering floorboards.
Sirius had noticed no signs that Remus had heard the unexpected words that he had muttered-- though to James they were nothing short expected when Sirius told him about it. James had simply smirked and whispered the unsurprising news to Lily, who had already thought that Remus and Sirius were dating. Sirius had been, accidentally, distant to Remus. Remus had suspected that he had gone too far in accepting Sirius' soothing embrace and sweatshirt the other night and, without meaning to, reciprocated the cold shoulder.
Sirius twitched in his bed, his sheets wrinkling with each sudden jerk of his legs.
At a shriek that could have shattered the windows, Remus shot up, tugged ungratefully out of his subconscious. He didn't hesitate to drag open the curtains of his bed, not minding the moonlight crashing into his eyes as he hurried to Sirius' side of the room.
James and Peter had woken too and hovered just as apprehensively before Sirius' bed. Remus caught James' eye and nodded.
"You sure?" James sounded concerned and Remus nodded again. James led Peter out of the room, glancing back one last time in Sirius' direction with worry swimming in his emerald eyes and the stars twinkling their reflection against his glasses.
Once the door clicked behind them, Remus hurried to Sirius' side, shaking him awake.
"Pads," he spoke gently, but loud enough to guide Sirius away from his dream.
Sirius panted, looking around frantically, desperately searching for a grip on reality. Remus' voice was grounding. His hazel eyes, even through the dark, were even more reassuring.
Sirius' voice cracked as his head crashed into Remus' shoulder. "Moony," the pain that shined through Sirius' tone gripped Remus' heart. He laid a hand on Sirius' back, drawing small circles along his spine. "I'm here, Pads. You're okay now."
Remus sank into Sirius' arms as Sirius held him tighter, as if he were scared that Remus could disappear if he didn't hold tight enough. "Don't leave," Sirius' voice was muffled not only by Remus' shoulder but by his own sobs as well. Nonetheless, his words trickled into Remus' ears as softly as the moonlight brushed the floor.
Remus held him tighter. "I won't," he paused, "I promise."
Sirius dug his head deeper into Remus' shoulder, his hair tickling Remus' neck. "Moony are- are you real?"
Remus shuttered at how unsure Sirius' voice was. He pulled away slightly, but left his arms around Sirius. He pressed his forehead to Sirius' and felt his' breath hitch against his lips as the tip of his nose met Sirius'. "Yes." He sighed, allowing for Sirius to feel his breath hug his skin. "I promise," he repeated, pulling Sirius into a hug.
When they separated, Remus twitched against the urge to brush Sirius' hair from his face, which was glowing in the light of the crescent moon. "Goodnight, Pads."
Sirius spoke before he had considered the words, "could you-" he paused when he realized that he was speaking, but committed to the request "could you stay?"
Remus was rendered speechless. He did his best to form words but his mind drew blank. He desperately wanted to stay, but he couldn't seem to speak.
Sirius looked away nervously, "s-sorry, never mind, it's stupid, goodnight Moony." He smiled weakly.
Still unable to speak, Remus rose from the bed, brushing by the curtains as he walked away.
Sirius scooted back to lean against the headboard, further wrinkling the sheets below him as he did. He pinched his skin anxiously before burying his face in his hands. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
A sudden, but soft, thud drew his attention away from his nagging thoughts. Just before his crossed legs, rested the maroon hoodie.
Sirius gazed up at Remus, the moonlight coaxing out the breathtaking vibrance of his once-again-teary blue eyes. Remus smiled shyly, "only if you want."
Sirius pulled the hoodie over his head. It smelled like Remus; like old books and chocolate, like comfort and familiarity.
"Thank you Moony," Sirius smiled sweetly and sincerely.
"Of course, Pads," Remus fiddled with his hands in his pockets. "Still okay if I stay?" He stared down at his feet as the brief silence that preceded Sirius' response pricked his skin.
"God yes," Sirius' voice was breathy and relieved as he shifted his weight, leaving space for Remus just beside him.
Remus giggled a sigh, settling closer to Sirius than he needed to fit on the bed. Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder, but not too dependently.
"Is this okay?" Sirius asked, still holding most of the weight of his head himself. Remus hummed his approval and couldn't help but grin as the weight of Sirius' head sank into his shoulder, Sirius' warmth bleeding through the cotton of Remus' t-shirt. Remus laid his hand gingerly in Sirius', careful not to overstep.
"Is this?" Remus asked, his fingertips just barely brushing Sirius' palm.
"Definitely," Sirius' voice was quiet; a gentle susurration in Remus' ear. Sirius intertwined his own fingers with Remus', who lovingly brushed the top of Sirius' hand with his thumb.
For a moment, though it wasn't brief, Remus forgot that Sirius was-- supposedly-- nothing more than a friend. He forgot that he wasn't in the habit of waking up to the chaotic waves of Sirius' hair tickling his nose. He forgot that he didn't fall asleep to the stable inhale and exhale of Sirius' breath every night. He forgot that the last thing he saw every night was the callous glow of the moon rather than Sirius' comfortable, radiant gaze. And he didn't care to remember.
Though the room was silent, unspoken words cluttered the air. Everything each of them wanted to say was jumbled and indistinguishable in the dark. Until Sirius' five words from the other night hung heavily on their shoulders. 'I think I love you.' Sirius did his best to brush away the memory, still not sure that Remus had been asleep. He longed to say it again and wondered if Remus was thinking the same, but brushed away the hopeful thought and repositioned his head on Remus' shoulder.
"Pads?"
"Yes?"
"I think I do too." Sirius didn't move, unsure if it was just his wishful thinking that skewed the meaning of Remus' words. But Remus spoke again, nervously but clearly. "I- I think I love you too."
Sirius took note of the rhythmic thud of Remus' heart pounding against his chest and grinned into Remus' shoulder. Remus rested his head on Sirius', grinning just as wide.
Sirius shifted his head to admire the familiar sparkle in Remus' eye that harnessed a charming glint even in the dead of night. Sirius' own eyes were once again illuminated by the distant shimmering figures that freckled the sky. Sirius laid a soft kiss on the sharp edge of Remus' jaw. Remus smiled down at him then pulled him close, leaving barely any space between their lips.
As Sirius whispered, his lips brushed against Remus', "I'm so happy right now."
Remus' cheeks flushed pink, "me too." His words flowed directly from his lips to Sirius', far out of earshot of the moon and its light. Sirius smiled before closing the anticipating gap between their lips.
Lost in Remus' embrace, Sirius had no recollection of his nightmare. Because whatever it was, and however real it seemed, it had turned into a dream. His demons were far from his thoughts and only one word flowed clearly through the bustle of excitement in his mind; finally.
And Remus was thinking the same thing.