Freefall With Me, Unnie.

Kim Minjeong can't help but to find it strange, the eyes meeting hers was nothing like the eyes that had met hers just yesterday. 

The look in Yu Jimin's eyes are nothing like the way she was looking down upon the shorter woman's body even just the previous night. 

The smile on her lips fall, unable to recognize the emotion in those familiar eyes; As the warmth leaves her chest, the taller woman's eyes glance away from her, looking away, turning her body, walking away from her. 

Ah.

Last night should've never happened. 

It's a regret that would haunt her, a regret that would burn her memories, her nights, her future.

The regret that had caused her to lose her.

Her love.

She should have never pushed this one sided love, tasted heaven, for now that heaven closes it's gates, for now that Yu Jimin turns away from her, shutting the elevator doors with familiar eyes glued to the ground, a crestfallen look, the final sight the younger woman is able to catch of her.

Then why?

Why kiss me?

It's as if breath itself leaves, the disappearance of the presence of the other meant the leaving of love, and with the memories of the night prior, it's as if life had used a smokescreen of happiness.

A smokescreen of ecstasy for the agony of regret.

The regret of going too far with Yu Jimin, if only she'd never gone over the previous day, if only she never allowed her cold to give in to the others' warmth. Perhaps then, Yu Jimin wouldn't be leaving her standing 6 feet in front of an elevator she could have so easily caught, but alas, all Kim Minjeong can do is to breathe once more, allowing her face to fall, allowing the tears to descend upon the ground once more, allowing love to leave once more.

Allowing her mind to shatter once more.

A cruel joke of fate, she finds herself choking on her emotions, drowning in the depths of desperation.

How many loves will she go through before she is able to find salvation?

It's paralyzing, the way her chest heaves despite the moisture in her eyes, her lungs; was it possible to breathe tears? If it was, she's sure she would have already done so.

Another deep intake of breath, Minjeong finds herself clasping at her chest, coughing into closed fists.

"Minjeong?" Her eyes go dark, and the next second, there is a pair of arms that wrap around her in its warmth. Another breath, she finds herself nuzzling further into the other's warmth, feeling herself freeze from inside out.

"Why are you-" 

"Aeri unnie...what have I done?" Bloodshot eyes, congested airways, trembling lips, stained cheeks.

A sight Aeri had seen one too many times before. 

A sight that the older woman can't help, and yet continues to wish she could; Kim Minjeong is deserving of happiness, and she's clueless of why it never arrives for the younger.

"I promised Ning that I would visit today, dry your tears, we'll figure out what to do together, alright?" The younger woman can only nod gently, and it's enough for Aeri to pull her in just the slightest bit tighter.

"Unnie...am I always going to be just- one night of comfort?" 

"Don't think about anything right now, Minjeong ah. Don’t drown in your thoughts alone.”  

It begins in the older woman's room, the both of them alone, with Jimin listening to her signature hair dryer asmr sounds to fall asleep the moment they'd just finished up with their assignments. 

Night had begun, and with the younger woman living 2 hours away, the older of the two had offered for Minjeong to stay the night, considering they both had morning classes the next day, and by the time Minjeong would be home, she wouldn't be able to count the hours of sleep she'd get on even a single hand.

Luckily perhaps, Jimin's bed was big enough a comfortable distance could be between their bodies; Not that it mattered, considering the usual proximity their bodies would be from each others’. 

Hands on the other's thigh, waist, shoulders, leaned into each other's warmth. 

Warmth.

The invading warmth of the older woman's body as Yu Jimin scooted closer to the younger, the invading presence of the hand that snakes its way onto her abdomen, pulling her closer into an almost bolster like embrace. 

Right; the ridiculously large bed was evidently crowded with plushies, much like the small bed the bob haired student had at home. The only difference being that they were scattered around, unkempt almost as if its owner had given up on keeping them tidy.

A slight chuckle had left her lips as she gently removed the fingers that inched its way closer to the hem of the clothes Jimin had lent her. 

"Minjeong ah." It comes as a surprise, the consciousness of the older woman. 

It meant the contact was a conscious decision, that the breath fanning the back of her neck knew it's very own presence. 

"Hm?" 

"If I told you I loved you, what do you think you'd do?" It's a strange question that causes the younger woman's heart to pause, fall in fear.

Had she been too obvious about her attraction towards the other?

And if not, what did Yu Jimin mean by she loved her? 

"It's 2 am, why is that what you're thinking of?"

"Because it's a habit."

"To think about telling me you love me before bed?" Turning over, younger eyes met older ones, squinting in suspicion.

"And how you would react." The gaze isn't broken by either of them, a tension building between their bodies in the gap left by the lack of an understanding of what they truly were.

"That sounds a lot like you're in love with me, unnie." A tired chuckle escapes her lips, already used to the older woman's flirting. 

Only, there's silence as a response.

Only, there's no hint of teasing in the eyes that gaze back into hers.

"Perhaps I am, what would you do?" Minjeong finds herself hesitating, allowing her mind to roam, freefalling into her thoughts about the possibility of being loved by the older woman. 

Non existent, not probable, not possible.

"Mmm~" The temptation to get back at the older woman's flirtatious behavior triumphs over the wish to keep her feelings a secret.

"Tell you I do too." When the words finally leave, she finds herself internally screaming about what she had just said, asking herself why she had done so despite consciously making the decision to do so. 

"Love yourself?" Then there's the teasing look in the older woman's eyes, finally making it's presence that sends her over the edge of the cliff.

"No, love you." Leaving her freefalling.

Into regret.

Yu Jimin is the first to lean in, fingers brushing through the short raven bob she loved so much. 

There's a pause, a gulp, an understanding between two hearts that had perhaps waited too long for the truth about the other. 

"Is this okay?"

"Mh." 

The taste of heaven was Minjeong's to learn, the music of angels, Minjeong's to listen, the warmth of paradise, Kim Minjeong's to hold.

For the other, the warmth of a winter morning was hers to savor.

To savor this experience;

Free falling into happiness, relishing a paradise on this world only then, down to hell.

"Jimin...please..."

The plead of heaven, the guilt of sin, the guilt of her existence in and of itself weighing on this kiss.

"Minjeong ah, do you love me?"

The question hangs in the air, brought down with yet another rough kiss on soft skin.

"Ever since...I first saw you..." 

If only Minjeong had wondered if the same went for the long haired raven too. 

A blink, and she’s back from the depths of her memories, brought back to reality, the strawberry cream cake in front of her a reminder of where she was.

" So she left...without you? Even in the morning? What the fuck??" NingNing cursing wasn’t all that rare, and yet each and every time, Minjeong can’t help but to chuckle at the exaggerated ‘Shibal mwoya!?” that she hears. 

"I thought maybe she just wanted to let me sleep in...she was talking about me needing to rest more..." The metal fork is once more stabbed into the strawberry, left in it the same way the blade of yesterday’s intimacy burns in the puppy-like woman’s chest. 

Puppy-like, Yu Jimin had mentioned liking this face shape in the past, Minjeong thinks back to that day she’d been just an arm’s length away from the older woman as she had said that, the flutters that declaration had brought to the existence of one 17 year old Kim Minjeong. 

Not that it mattered now. 

"But when she- I just..." Those cold eyes, dripping with regret.

Regret of the times, past and present. 

If she had known this would be the way it went, would she have smiled so brightly at the then 16 year old Yu Jimin? Would she have cried with her in the gymnasium, consoling each other over broken hearts?

Broken hearts; perhaps that is what she’d destined for, the broken heart of back then, with Aeri on one arm, Yu Jimin on the other, worried for her, that she’d do something silly due to the leaving of another.

How similar, only the leaving of the other paled in comparison to the leaving of her; Yu Jimin felt as if the world itself banished her of love and life.

Could there even be a pain greater than the loss of her?

And now, on each arm, Ning Yizhuo and Aeri Uchinaga, holding her together, worried she’d do something that would go against living due to the leaving of her. 

" I could tell, so clearly, that we wouldn't go back to friends....that she regretted every second of it..." The repeated stabbing of the singular whole strawberry causes the tall woman that passes by to wince, whispering over to her lover something about strawberry lives.

Tired of watching, Aeri can only grab the fork, placing the fruit between her lips before returning Minjeong’s hand to the ruined cake.

“Did you just- steal my strawbe-” Aeri gives a thumbs up when Minjeong blinks twice, the younger of the two looking back down to her empty cream cake sadly.

"Minjeong, are you bad at it?" Her sadness is pierced by the strange question, Yizhuo leaning closer over the table to get a better look at her best friend. 

“Like, at IT.” Another two blinks confirms to Yizhuo that Minjeong had indeed already understood what ‘it’ meant. 

" ...I hope not?" Scrunched brows and darting eyes is the bob haired raven’s response, leaving the younger raven to search her mind for yet another explanation for the predicament they’ve found themselves in. 

"Hm...Jimin unnie doesn't exactly seem like the type to just ghost you over it too." A glance at the notebook placed directly in the centre of the cafe table they resided. 

“Why are we still leaving it as a possibility then?” Most of the scribbled words had been crossed out, leaving only ‘Bad in bed’ in clear display.  

“Because just because she wouldn’t ghost you because you are, doesn’t mean you aren’t!” It makes sense to Kim Minjeong.

But god does she hate that it does.

"...This is making me want to crawl into my bed and hibernate for a few months again..." Yizhuo goes back to scribbling possible reasons onto the notebook, leaving Minjeong to fend herself against the older, questionably calmer, pink haired best friend.

"Why is that your auto response to failed love?" Kim Aeri.

"Because bed is warm, bed is safe, bed is life." The speed at which Minjeong recites her love for her bed is frightening to the older woman, blinking repeatedly, questioning if the younger woman had practiced the line one too many times.

Rather than practice, it’s simply her standard response to anything about getting out of bed to her mother during their many phonecalls.

" Minjeong… The sun, it misses you.” Grabbing the strings of the blinds, the pink haired woman quickly tugs on it, letting the sun shine through; allowing the heartbroken puppy to bask in the warmth of the sun.

Only it quickly reminds her of the piercing of her heart, the woman that was very much alike the sun, blazingly bright, warm, with the capability to make everything feel fine.

The woman that had turned her eyes away from the younger woman, refusing to acknowledge the love that had blossomed the previous night. 

Long slender fingers reach for the opposing string, returning her skin to the shade. 

" In my bed, I am unable to be ignored by anyone... the only salvation from a tough day..." A long heavily heaved sigh, the drooping of her head, tired, and slowly giving up on the hope for an answer.

Perhaps that’s all she is, the shade, a simple byproduct of light.

“I’m just…a byproduct of her light, the shade that follows…” Hazel eyes gaze heavily upon the blinds that shield the trio from the sun, a fading longing deep in her gaze. 

“Oxygen is a byproduct of light reactions during photosynthesis.” On the other hand, Aeri had already drifted away from the cafe, zoning out while staring at the remains of the strawberry cake. 

"What?” The sudden knowledge drop does snap Minjeong out of her thoughts, what could be called a byproduct of the pink haired student’s lack of sleep. 

"Hm?"

"Aeri unnie…you’re studying too much…anyway, ignored you?" Two fingers pinch at the bridge of Yizhuo’s nose as she scribbles further into the notebook before pausing dramatically, dropping her pen.

The youngest of them finally looks up from her lap, unblinking, a look as if she’d found an answer she didn’t want to acknowledge could be the truth, in her eyes.

“What is it, Ning?” Minjeong is tired, the sun is beginning to set now, and sooner or later; she’d have to return home to her apartment for the first time in two nights.

How funny, she’d only stayed for returning would take too long, and yet here it is causing her to stay out for just a little longer despite Kim Minjeong’s love for her home, her room, her bed.

Yizhuo’s lips are pulled against the back of her teeth, a silent gulp and sigh.

"...what if instead of there being a problem with you, it's a problem with her?" The oldest of the three finally reacts, dropping her phone onto the table only to fiddle with the skin of her lips.

" I don't want to admit it, but… it's possible isn't it? Jimin's been single for...forever." Ever since Aeri had met Yu Jimin actually. 

Even ever since Kim Minjeong had met Yu Jimin truthfully, the older woman had never gotten into a relationship; ever since forever. 

" Just because she isn't looking, doesn't mean there's something wrong with her..." The conversation goes round and round in circles, leaving the raven in the center of it all feeling drained, wishing she could just- get into the older woman’s mind, see why she had slept with her, see why she had kissed her, see why she had left her.

It sounds silly, but Kim Minjeong truly wouldn’t mind changing for her, as long as Yu Jimin would love her.

"Does mean she's kind of a little shit for saying she loves you despite knowing she wanted nothing further with you. We can’t say she’s not looking either, there was that one person she talked to for like…2 months?” A wince at the memory, the months of both sulking and relief over finally having an ending to her pining, only it to end before she could even realise Jimin had felt nothing.

“That didn’t even seem to affect her when he had left?” Especially with the way the older woman seemed to be mourning not the loss of love, but as if coming to terms with herself, with what resided deep in her mind, her heart locked away inside.

“What if it’s the same thing for you? A test of if she could truly fall in love anyway, maybe she wondered if she likes women instead of men after the last time?” Minjeong stops Yizhuo there, she couldn’t allow anyone to paint her that way, not the kind, funny, dorky yet breathtakingly attractive Yu Jimin. 

"I don't think she's that type of person..." What type of person truly is she, then? For Kim Minjeong at the very least, perfection.

The type of person that strives so hard to be perfect to a standard no one would ever know who made, no one would ever know who met, the type of person to lie even to a journal entry. 

" Okay…What if she did want something, but then didn't?" Another sigh.

"So we're back to the theory of me being bad in bed." A cough from mostly silent Aeri, finally joining the conversation.

" Or maybe…couldn't?"

Both younger women can't help but to look towards the Japanese woman for any further explanations, confused by what Aeri had meant by couldn't. 

" I was in a Christian school, and even though it's basically a breeding ground for gays, it also meant a lot of them would genuinely put a stop to their feelings the moment it's close to reaching the ears of their parents.” It’s a world Minjeong isn’t all that familiar with, having come to terms with her sexuality pretty late; She lived away from her parents, which meant there was no chance of them finding out, aside from that, she couldn’t exactly see her parents loving her a large bit less for her attraction towards another.

Or rather, being more mad that a woman stole their precious daughter away compared to a man, either way, they wouldn’t be okay with the simple fact she was taken away.

That makes her feel slightly better, the gentle reassurance that despite her current heartbreak, her parent’s would be there to love her throughout every inch of black ink, even the ones muddying her chest.

"So a fear of coming out, it's not as if Minjeong would parade it if she just asks for her not to?" Right, the conversation. 

" A fear of breaking the rules." What…

" ... "

" That's so stupid..." Yizhuo deflates onto the cafe table once more, throwing her hands up, giving over her white flag to this predicament.

No cure for religion after all. 

" Hey, going to hell is a pretty big punishment." The bickering of lovers, growing familiar to the heartbroken raven.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the other two had gotten together in truths, and yet for Kim Minjeong, it almost feels more natural this way; like her two best friends were always meant to be like this. 

" A hell we aren't even sure exists." That’s something that differs between them once more, their beliefs.

The prayer beads around her wrist, the rosary ring on Jimin’s finger, a constant reminder of what they believed in. 

" She believes it does, and that's enough." The different categories even in similar religions. 

"Seriously hate that." The lovers fall into an awkward silence, leaving Minjeong to be the only one capable of piercing it.

With the one thing that’s been haunting her eyes and mind the moment it was brought up. 

" So she fucked me, and then decided she doesn't want to go to hell for this. IT'S STILL THE THEORY OF ME BEING-" Both hands raised into the air, Minjeong cocked her head back, crying out in frustration with the unfairness of it all. 

"What are you guys talking about?" An older woman’s voice, growing familiar to the two outsiders, familiar to the youngest, the daughter of the cafe owner. 

"Mom, do you think Minjeong would be-" The cusp of the younger woman’s lips.

"Ning?!" Wide hazel eyes, staring lasers into younger ones. 

"...just don't...chase any customers away, got it?" 

"Yess~~!" 

When the younger woman finally arrives home, her parents are gathered in the living room, a movie on the large tv screen their eyes are glued to.

It’s peaceful, yet another normal night, and yet it hurts that it is so.

Is it selfish?

To want her pain to have changed those around her even if they hadn’t known she was in said pain?

“Minjeong? Why are you back here?” Her mother quickly runs up to her, blinking repeatedly as if finding the presence of her daughter in the family’s home unusual.

It has been; this past few years ever since Minjeong had gotten her own place nearer to the university. 

“ I needed a break from uni so I’m back for a few days since I didn’t feel well…” 

Collapsed. 

The short haired raven had collapsed in the middle of class and had gotten sent to a hospital by NingNing, a junior from the classes a floor below theirs; not Yu Jimin, her very own classmate, funny. 

Funny, and yet it made it all worse.

The comfort of her tiny plushy filled bed had disappeared, the loneliness had seeped in just a little too much, the bustling of the city nights a little too lively and loud for the woman whose life had just turned around.

The smokescreen of happiness for the agony of loss, the loss of her. 

How many nights had it been when she collapsed? 4? 5? The days passed too slowly without the blink of passing time she would get from sleep.

Haunted by sleepless nights, haunted by cold wind, haunted by warm skin. 

The taste of heaven had burnt its way into her mind, and despite everything she had done to wash it away, it stayed.

Despite the reality of her regrets washing over her, Minjeong couldn’t help but still remember the taste of the older. 

How foolish of me.

To even try. 

“Ah~ Okay! I’ll make something you like tomorrow, go sleep for now, you look pale!” Her bags are tugged away by the older woman and Kim Minjeong can’t help but to feel like the younger version of herself, the whiny young kid that would cling to her mom whenever something would make her sad. 

Perhaps she hasn’t grown as much as she had thought. 

“Ma…” Pouty lips, the cute whiny mumbling reminiscent of the younger her strikes at her mother’s heart strings. 

“Did something happen, Minjungie?” The cooing of her mother, the warmth of the older woman’s hands on her back, the recognisable thumping of her father’s feet, the warmth of her family’s arms.

The tears burned on her skin.

“Why… why do I not- matter to her?” The embrace of familial love, a substitute to the stolen romantic love of her heart. 

“Because life goes on. You matter to us, to everyone of us; Not every love is reciprocated, not every love is seen, we can’t do much but continue to put one foot ahead of the other.” The loud running steps of another familiar pair of feet.

“MINJEONG IS HOME!?” Her brother’s scent of sweat immediately flood the family’s nostrils, Minjeong grumbling underneath her breath about how a gym rat came out of this scrawny family. 

“MINJEONG AH!!!” 

“OPPA! YOU WENT RUNNING!? IT’S 9 PM! YOUR SWEAT IS GETTING ON MY CLOTHES!!” Rough hands wrap around her wrists, eager eyes meeting bloodshot hazel ones. 

“I ran home midway, come on, you need some exercise too!” One moment, she’s pleasantly embraced by her parents.

The next, she’s half a trainstop’s distance away from her home dressed in a hoodie and baggy jeans.

“What about what I’m wearing told you I wanted to go for a run…” She tugs her hands out of her brother’s hold, pouting at the older man. 

“The frown you wear.” A scoff leaves her chest, unable to be sure what she was even expecting anyway. 

“I’m going home.” The turn of the bob haired woman’s upper body is stopped by larger hands gripping her biceps.

“ Ya, Kim Minjeong; it’s been a while since I got to talk to you and hear you out, you know? Can’t an older brother miss his younger sister?” It has been a long time since the two of them had spent some time together, a long time since she’s been bothered by this playful older brother of hers. 

Another short moment of grumbling before she finally gives in, deflating. 

“A walk, not run.” She raises her finger, glaring into her older brother’s eyes to make sure to get her point across. 

“Deal. Also, you need some protein.” She finds herself wondering if perhaps her brother would make good friends with a younger Uchinaga Aeri.

“Tricep, bicep?” The raven does it in the same voice the younger version of her best friend used to, reminiscing the fond memories of back then.

Back when Yu Jimin suffered sudden flex checks with her. 

Back when Yu Jimin was at the very least still friends with her. 

Regret of the times...

“The tone is fine, just… you need a bulk.” The foreign term drains Minjeong further, sighing, tired with existing.

She’s running on 4 days without sleep, or was it 5? Cut her some slack. 

“ I don’t want to be bigger, I’m perfectly fine the way I am, thank you.” Her brother can only nod sadly, disappointed with being unable to discover a gym buddy in his sister.

Even though it’s the best remedy he knows for heartbreak; he gives in to the fate of the traditional remedy.

“So, who is it?” Talking about it.

“ You only post a few people…the pink haired one? She does have a pretty smile and seems like the type to honestly tell you everything she likes about you…” They’re the things that he’s heard Minjeong say whenever questioned about her type.

Secretly too, he had been hoping to find someone for his sister.

Someone he could trust.

“ What are you trying to guess?”

“The one who made you cry.” Hazel eyes squint as they glare into the broad shouldered man.

“Why are you guessing Aeri Unnie?” The older brother of Minjeong could only gulp, not realizing he had let his knowledge of his sister’s sexuality slip.

“...You always liked the female actresses and singers better, and you like people with pretty smiles…so.”

So he knew before I knew?

Am I really that- dense??

“The tall pretty black haired one.” A pause for the taller to run through his memories of his sister’s social media posts.

“Ah. She does look like the type to break hearts…” It’s one of the things that pisses her off, if she had a dollar for every time Yu Jimin was judged to be some bitchy heart breaker due to the older woman’s appearance, she’d pay off the hospital bills of those she was itching to punch the whole time.

Even if it’s her brother.

“She isn’t though?? She’s a loser if anything.” 

“...” Her older brother’s eyes are squinted as if he was in disbelief, he is.

The audacity of Minjeong’s to defend the tall pretty black haired one from heartbreaker allegations despite the irony of doing so after admitting she cried because of her causes a few airless chuckles to leave the older man’s lips. 

“Just mine!” Another few chuckles followed by a wince, the realization of the implications.

“Isn’t that sadder?” Minjeong can’t help but to wonder if her brother was truly trying to console her.

To her, his intentions were dubious if anything, evident by the result of more newly shared tears. 

“...Let’s just walk.” 

“...Sorry.”

“It’s okay, buy me ice cream on the way.” The taller man jogs in place as he waits for his younger sister to catch up, would it be mean to say Minjeong was truthfully walking slower than usual just to extend his suffering? 

Perhaps. 

“Just returned home and you’re already extorting your older brother?” But perhaps he would be grateful for her doing so either way, extra cardio, extra time spent together.

“Emotional damage charge…” 

“Ya, Minjeong ah…Oppa doesn’t earn a lot, I’m actually broke..” Extra costs.

“That’s your own fault.” For that, he wishes they would get home faster before any new unexpected fees are charged to him. 

“...Vanilla?”

“Mint cho.” 

“Got it…you demon."

"What happened to 'my little mintyoring~ come home~~ Oppa hasn't seen you in too long, he's already starting to lose hair!!' huh?"

"My hair is perfectly fine, I told you I was starting to have wrinkles!"

"Basically the same thing!" 

"I'd rather be old than bald!" 

"They're both coming for you!"

"Ya, toltolie...take that back..."