Part III
Part III
Over a week passed before he heard anything about his quest.
It was a cool Wednesday night and Sirius Black was in the kitchen of his flat, cooking up a nice homemade chicken curry for himself and Remus. He had spent the last few days keeping busy, throwing himself into his work and his friends and his cooking – anything to keep his mind distracted. It was unclear if it had worked. He assumed that it had not since Remus had apparently noticed his edginess and had subsequently promised to help him 'relax' later that night.
Sirius was, understandably, extremely excited for his house-spouse to return, but he didn't know when that would be since Remus was working late.
(He was not surprised by this – Remus often worked late, mostly because he had a goal: work hard and it would show everyone that Dark Creatures and Others like him deserved equal opportunity. Laws had become more relaxed since the Liberation Litigation of 1979, but things weren't perfect. Sirius hated that his boyfriend had to work so hard to prove himself, but he was a supportive beau, so he nodded and smiled and pretended that it didn't enrage him. He let his anger at the injustice out when he went to rallies and fought for Equality amongst men, women, and creatures. Remus fought in a different way, by proving himself and his worth. Both efforts seemed to be working.)
As Sirius was tasting the curry and deciding if it needed more garlic flecks or not, he heard the tell-tale signs of his boyfriend coming home: the front door rattle open and shut, keys being placed into the bowl by the coat pegs, shoes being kicked off whilst a coat was removed and hung up. Then:
"Padfoot? You home?"
"In here!"
In the next second, Remus rounded the corner and entered the kitchen, an almost manic expression on his face. It was clear that he had something on his mind and wanted to discuss it, from the look in his hazel eyes to the tense slope of his shoulders. It made Sirius feel anxious and excited because he didn't know what it was about, but it was obviously important. He studied Remus for a moment, letting the all-familiar feeling of warmth and home bloom behind his ribcage, then he held out the wooden spoon and said: "Try this."
Remus clearly hadn't expected that request, but he was a dutiful boyfriend, so he moved forward and licked the spoon. "Very nice," he muttered. "Could do with some more garlic, though."
Sirius nodded in agreement and turned back to the pot, putting a pinch more garlic in and stirring the mixture. Once it was thoroughly mixed, he left the curry to simmer and turned around. Remus was still watching him with a look that very clearly said: Ask me what's up! ASK ME NOW!
Sirius smiled and, instead of doing what his boyfriend so very clearly wanted, he twisted a hand into Remus's jumper and pulled the other man close. He then leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss onto the other's lips. Remus placed his hands on the counter on either side of Sirius and returned the kiss for a very brief but very nice second before he pulled back and shot the look at Sirius again. Sirius was not cruel, so he leaned back against the counter and played with the hem of Remus's top.
"So, Remus, my love," he began, "Anything interesting happen today?"
Remus shot him a smile, and it made his stomach jolt with nerves. The sudden thought that whatever Remus wanted to talk about could be related to Andromeda surged to the forefront of his mind and would not leave him alone.
"We have an address," Remus announced.
Sirius took a second to digest the words.
They had an address...
They had an address.
They had an address.
"An address?" he asked, trying to squash the hope that was tickling his chest. (He didn't want to get his hopes up, after all; just in case it was bad news – or maybe it wasn't about Andromeda at all, though that seemed unlikely.)
Remus nodded and elaborated, "Benjy found her file in the back, and in it was her most recent known address." He reached into his pocket and produced a slip of folded up paper. "I went to see Moody – that's why I was late tonight. I wanted to make sure it existed before I told you." Sirius's eyes were on the little white square. "It does. He showed me on the map." He paused, until grey eyes met his, then he said, "We can go, if you want. We can go and see her."
Sirius's eyes wandered to the paper again and he bit his lip as he considered.
The files in the Ministry of Magic weren't always up to date. Sometimes people reported their address and then moved. Sometimes people gave fake addresses to throw off the officials. Sometimes people didn't want to be hassled by the Wizarding World and never updated their information, so it looked like they lived with their parents for years.
His doubts and worries came flooding in. What if the address was an old one? What if it was a fake? What if it was current, but she didn't want to see him? What if...?
His eyes flicked back to Remus.
"If you want to," the other man reiterated.
Sirius frowned and took another second to deliberate. That piece of paper held the last known address of his long-lost cousin – a woman he had been searching for, for the better part of a decade. He wondered: Did he want to see her again? Could he do it – just show up, unannounced, and meet her again after all these years?
Staring at the slip, he decided: Yes. Yes, he did want to see her again. Yes, he could do it.
With that decision made, he plucked the square from Remus's hand and opened it up:
1 Above Beck
Grasmere
Cumbria
LA26 7RW
Remus's scrawl was almost unreadable, but Sirius could discern that he was unfamiliar with the place. He had never heard of Grasmere before, didn't recognise the post code, but he was pretty sure that Cumbria was up in the Northern-ish part of England.
"Where is this?" he asked.
"Grasmere," Remus answered. "It's in the Lake District, up in the North West."
"The North West?"
"Yeah. It'll take some time to get there, and we'll probably have to travel by train."
"Why?" Sirius asked, because they were wizards – couldn't they just Apparate?
"I just reckon it's the best way to get there," Remus replied. "Taking your bike or Apparating... well, let's just say it'd be an extremely uncomfortable journey. Too cold if we went by bike, and too far to Apparate. And getting a Port Key would be too expensive."
Sirius hummed and folded the slip, shoving it into his pocket and moving out of Remus's arms to stand in front of the stove again. He took the wooden spoon and began stirring, letting his mind run around. A second or so passed before Remus moved and hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Sirius's shoulder and watching Sirius work. It was familiar and domestic and it would have been the definition of peaceful, had Sirius's thoughts not been conspiring to make him feel like shit. After a few minutes of silence:
"What's wrong?" Remus asked, ever astute, because he knew Sirius like no one else ever had or ever would. "What are you thinking?"
"Nothing," Sirius muttered.
Remus hummed doubtfully.
"Honestly, it's nothing. I just..." He hesitated, feeling dumb and like his worries were inconsequential. Arms tightened around his middle; it was a simple gesture that confirmed that Remus did not think he or his thoughts were dumb or inconsequential; that he was important and his worries held merit. It gave him some courage and he explained, "I just... It's happening. It's actually happening. We have an address, and I – I don't know if – I don't know what to do."
Remus did not say anything; just stayed attached to Sirius, like an anchor to keep him calm and steady and in one place whilst he waded through the stormy ocean of his mind. He leaned back into the sturdy body behind him and stirred idly at the viscous orange liquid.
He wondered: Would it be worth the journey if he got there and it turned out that she didn't want to see him? Andromeda had moved far away from her friends and family – into the secluded mountains of the North West, no less. Surely that meant that she did not want to associate with anyone from her past, right? But then... What if her location was nothing to do with her escaping from her past life? What if she just lived there because she liked it? What if she did want to see a familiar face? What if she had missed him too?
"Do you want to see her?" Remus asked, voice careful.
"Yes," he said, and it almost shocked him how immediate his answer had been. "Yes, I do."
It was worth it, he instantly understood. If he got there and Andromeda decided that she didn't want to see him... well, it would hurt, but at least he would know. At least he would have tried. At least he would gain some sort of closure and he would know that he had made the effort. He wouldn't have any what ifs plaguing his mind, haunting him with feasible regrets.
"Would you... You don't have to, but would you come with me?" he asked, nervous but unsure why because if there was one thing that he was certain about, it was that Remus Lupin would do anything for him, just as he would do anything for Remus.
"Of course."
Sirius smiled at the instant response and abandoned the curry, turning around in his boyfriend's arms and wrapping his own around Remus's neck.
"Yeah?" he checked.
"You know I would," Remus muttered with a soft reserved-for-Sirius-only smile.
Sirius nodded, because he did know. "This weekend?"
"I'll see if I can book us some tickets," Remus agreed, and he began to pull away but was stopped by Sirius's firm grip on him. "What...?"
Sirius didn't answer.
Instead, he pulled Remus into a hug and rested his cheek against the soft wool on Remus's shoulder, immediately inhaling the scent of citrus and rain and Remus and taking comfort in it. Remus stumbled in surprise but quickly returned the embrace, wrapping his arms a little firmer around Sirius, his hold at once protective and encompassing.
"Thank you," Sirius muttered into the multi-coloured wool.
"Don't be silly," Remus replied, with a shake of his head.
"I love you. So fucking much."
Remus smiled, grateful. Sirius couldn't see it, what with him pressing his face into the other man's shoulder, but he knew it was true from the way Remus's hands gripped him a little tighter and held him a little closer.
"I love you, too," Remus stated, voice quiet but words clear. "More than words."
Sirius beamed and his hold on Remus strengthened unconsciously.
It was not often that he heard Remus say those words. It was not that the other man never said them. It was more that he didn't say it nearly as much as Sirius did. Whilst Sirius expressed his love loudly and quite often, Remus was more reserved, more careful, with his words. He tended to show his love for Sirius through his actions instead and often didn't need to say anything out loud. While Sirius appreciated actions, he also appreciated words now and again.
After a long and very lovely moment filled with hugging, Remus pulled back and said, "We found her."
Sirius offered a small grin and replied, "Yes, we did."
Remus studied him for a second before a look of mischief crossed through his hazel eyes and he said, "I believe I made a promise earlier, no?"
"A promise?"
"Yeah," he answered. "To help you relax?"
Sirius laughed and said, "I'm making curry, and you have train tickets to book."
Remus shrugged, "I can book the tickets later."
"And the curry?"
"I'd rather eat something else," Remus replied, and it was so needlessly dirty that it made Sirius's cheeks heat up because he was still not used to such phrases being expelled from Remus's mouth, even after two years of shagging.
"Really?" he asked, a little breathless.
"Really," Remus confirmed, before he switched the cooker off and dragged a laughing Sirius to their bedroom.
"You found her?"
The next night, Sirius found himself in the Potter home, helping his best mate prepare the baby's room again. The baby wasn't due for a while yet, but Lily was nesting and wanted everything sorted as soon as possible, and neither James nor Sirius were willing to risk upsetting a very pregnant and emotionally compromised Lily Evans Potter.
And that was how Sirius found himself sitting on the floor of the nursery with an instructional booklet in hand whilst James sat across from him, his own hands holding two long planks of wood.
The room was almost complete: walls had been painted, animal stickers had been put up, clothes and toys had been bought, and the essentials (nappies, bottles, dummies, etc.) had been stored. All that was left to set up was the furniture. Which was what they were doing. Tonight, they were trying to build... well, he wasn't entirely sure. It was either a crib, or a set of drawers, or an unnecessarily complicated toy box. Or maybe it was a chair?
"What is this supposed to be?" he asked, frowning down at the instructions.
"It's a cot," James answered, then said, "Padfoot, you found her?"
"Yes," he replied. He stared at the plank in James's hand and then said, "I don't think that's the right piece. It should look like that one." He pointed to the curved slat on the floor. "Why aren't we doing this the smart way, again?"
James sighed and picked up the curved wood. It was a deep, almost pained sigh. "Because Lily asked," he explained, melding the wood together. "She says she wants the baby to grow up and not see magic as the solution for everything. Why that means I have to do things manually, I don't know. But I'm not going to argue with her – are you?"
Sirius did not answer but he knew what he'd say: No, because Lily was as stubborn as him and could argue him under the table. Instead, he coughed, "Whipped!"
"Shut up," James glared menacingly and threw a toy lion at Sirius's head, which missed completely and hit the wall instead. "I'm not whipped! If anyone is whipped here, it's you. Moony makes you do things the Muggle way too."
Sirius laughed but again did not reply because he was well aware of how smitten he was with Remus Lupin. Besides, James had a point. Remus did make him do things the Muggle way. It was freeing in its own way – to not rely on magic so much. He glanced at the pieces on the floor and picked up one that said: 'BK3'.
"Here, this one goes into there," he said, handing BK3 to his friend.
James took the piece and slotted it into place. "So, you've found Andromeda. That's brilliant, mate. Are you going to go and see her?"
Sirius nodded, "Yes. We're heading up to see her this weekend. Moony's booked the tickets."
"This weekend? Bugger. I was going to ask you to help me weed the garden..."
"Oh, no! That's a bloody shame, isn't it? Because there's nothing I'd want to do more on my weekend off than help you clean up your shitty yard," he replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.
James threw another stuffed animal at him – a black dog, this time. Sirius dodged the Padfoot lookalike and laughed at his friend's pitiful expression. Really, for someone who had been a star Chaser and also Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in school, James Potter was a shite thrower.
"I haven't played in a while," James excused. They fixed the next part of the cot before he asked, "So, this weekend, eh? Nervous?"
Sirius scoffed and replied with all of the false bravado he could muster: "Of course not. I'm Sirius Black – nerves of steel, me."
James snorted, "Fuck off. You've never had nerves of steel. Seriously, how are you dealing?"
Sirius shrugged and wondered what to say – because he was going to tell James. Not only could he not keep secrets from James, but his brother-in-soul was persistent and would keep asking until he had an answer.
"I don't know," he answered, handing another slat over. "I'm fine, I guess. I'm just... thinking too much. I mean, what if all of this is for nothing, Prongs? What if I get there and she doesn't live there anymore? Or what if I get there and she does live there but doesn't want to see me?"
"What if she does want to see you, though?" James countered; it was a very typical James Potter reply.
"Good point," he replied, chuckling at his friend's cavalier response.
And then, because there was not much else to say on the topic, the pair spent the next half hour trying to build the baby's bed. By the time Remus, who had been downstairs with Peter helping Lily clean until now, brought them drinks, the headframe was built – but not much else.
"Amazing," he said, staring at the frame. "Two hours you two've been up here, and that's all that's done?"
"Alright, smarty-pants," James said, "If you're so brilliant, how about you build it?"
Remus shrugged and took the instructions from Sirius. He then began building the cot in silence whilst James and Sirius drank their coffees and watched on in awe. Thirteen minutes later and the cot was built, strong and sturdy enough to hold a grown man (which James had tested, like any good father). Remus stood with a smug smile, his shoulders broad and proud. It was strange. Sirius had never thought that watching his boyfriend build furniture would be such a turn on. But alas, there he was, staring at the other man and wanting nothing more than to tear his clothes off and ravish him.
"Alright, alright," James muttered in response to Remus's smug face. "We all knew you were smart."
"Nothing to do with intelligence, Prongs," Remus laughed, then he looked at Sirius and asked, "What?"
"Nothing, just... That was kind of hot, Moony," Sirius replied, sidling up to his boyfriend's side.
"Yeah?" Remus grinned, and leaned down to kiss him.
"Gross!" James yelped, covering his eyes like a child. "I don't need to see that!"
Sirius pulled back and rolled his eyes. "Don't watch then," he said.
"This is my house," James began. "And if I want—"
"Come on," Remus cut in, before an argument could start. "Lil and Pete were making sandwiches when I came up. They're probably done now."
Then he dropped the instructional booklet on the windowsill, gave Sirius's hand a subtle squeeze, and headed back down the stairs. Sirius made to follow but was stopped by a rough hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, I just wanted to say... Good luck, mate," James said, voice sincere. "I hope it goes well."
Sirius nodded. "Thanks, Prongs," he replied, then patted James's hand and headed down to join their spouses for food, James following behind him.
Friday was filled with work.
The workload and James's highly annoying (and somewhat amusing) Dad Jokes had kept him distracted throughout the day but when he got home, he began to feel anxious and his thoughts slammed into him fiercely. He was quiet and barely touched his food. If Remus had noticed, he hadn't been so bold as to say anything and instead tried to comfort Sirius with touches – nudging his foot under the dinner table, brushing his shoulder whilst doing the dishes together, running fingers through his hair whilst they watched the television.
As he lay in bed, waiting for Remus to finish up in the bathroom so that they could sleep, his thoughts ran around in circles:
In mere hours, he would be travelling up North to reunite with his cousin. Possibly. If she was there. He wondered what he would say to her if she was there. He couldn't just rock up on her doorstep and say, 'Hi, Cuz. What's been happening with you in the past ten years?' Could he?
He wondered if he should have Owled first – maybe given her a heads up. But it was too late now and, realistically, it was too far for an owl to fly.
"Sirius?"
Grey eyes snapped to the voice and he found Remus slipping into the bed next to him. "Yeah?"
"You okay?"
Sirius nodded, "Of course."
Remus hummed and flicked off the bedside lamps before he lay down and shuffled close to the fallen heir. Sirius turned onto his side and shifted back until he was pressed, shoulder to knee, against Remus's warm body. Remus's arm slipped around his middle, fingers drawing idle patterns over his bare stomach. It was familiar and domestic, their positions, and it calmed him.
"G'night," Remus muttered, resting his forehead against Sirius's shoulder blade.
"Night, Moons," he replied, his fingers stroking over those on his abdomen.
Sirius did not expect sleep to come easy, but he managed to settle into a dreamless slumber, his last coherent thoughts being: Remus has nice hands, and I hope tomorrow goes well.
Saturday morning had an undeniably Spring feeling to it: the air was crisp and clean, the sun was bright and bold, and the birds chirped in the trees of the nearby forest across the road.
Sirius woke to the smell of bacon and eggs.
In normal circumstances, he would have been more than happy to be woken by this. As it was, though, his sleep had been troubled, and he had woken in an unfortunately foul mood. He blinked against the light and turned onto his back to find himself alone in the bed, which was to be expected (someone had to be making the breakfast, after all) but still made his mood worsen. He glanced at the clock on Remus's bedside table: 06:13(AM).
He frowned and it took him a second to recall why he was awake at such an early hour. Then it hit him: today was the day he had been dreaming of for nearly a decade – the day that he was going to be reunited with his cousin.
His stomach dropped as he remembered the day's itinerary: wake up, get dressed, get on a Muggle train at an ungodly time, travel hours up the country with Remus and his anxiety as companions, meet his favourite long-lost cousin for the first time in a decade, and then who knew what.
Sirius didn't have much time to dwell on this, luckily, because Remus stumbled into the bedroom in the next second and sat down next to him on the bed. The food looked overcooked, and the coffee looked far too weak, but Remus looked delicious with his bedhead and sleepy eyes, so that was a plus.
"Morning, Pads," the other man greeted with a gentle smile. "Time to get up."
Sirius groaned and turned onto his side, closing his eyes in protest and muttering, "No."
Remus laughed softly and replied, "Get up now, or you'll be wearing this food."
Sirius took a second to ponder if the threat was real. Judging by the sweet tone, he figured yes. And so with a dramatic sigh, he pushed himself up and leaned against the headboard.
"Good boy," Remus muttered, and Sirius pretended the praise did not make his cheeks heat up.
Remus offered an innocent smile that meant he knew exactly what effect his words had had and he placed the tray of overdone food and feeble coffee into Sirius's lap before he moved and leaned against the headboard as well, his shoulder bumping with Sirius's. He then watched as Sirius ate. It was not weird; it was oddly comforting. Sirius had spent half of his life being watched by Remus, after all – especially at mealtimes.
"How are you feeling today?" Remus asked.
Sirius shrugged and swallowed his very crispy bacon. "Knackered, but otherwise fine," he answered.
"Hm. Well, there'll be plenty of time for sleep on the train. I'm going to go and shower, okay?"
Sirius nodded and took a sip of his coffee, his eyes following Remus's wonderfully clumsy movements as he climbed off the bed, grabbed a towel and exited the room. Honestly, the man had been well over six feet tall for years but still hadn't managed to gain control over his limbs. It made Sirius feel more all-the-more enamored with him.
As he sat in the bed, drinking coffee that was decidedly not coffee but was actually just hot water with a coffee granule or two and some milk, his mind wandered back to the day's upcoming events.
Remus had planned the whole journey and had told Sirius that they were going to get a Muggle train from Euston Station to Oxenholme Lake District station and then another train from there to Windemere. That would take approximately four hours. Then they would take a taxi to the Grasmere Hotel to check in (since they would be staying there until Monday) and drop their stuff off before they took another taxi to Andromeda's.
It was daunting but Sirius was glad he had Remus with him. He would never had been able to organise it himself and he needed a calm presence for the journey. He felt so very lucky to have Remus by his side – a support that he didn't know he needed, a love that he didn't know existed.
It hit him again, fresh and sudden: in a few hours, he would be seeing his cousin again.
It felt surreal and the world hollowed out for a second as his veins filled with lead, his stomach was consumed by unpleasant bats, and his shoulders were weighed down with expectation.
He blinked and tried to ground himself, focusing on his senses like Remus had taught him: he could taste burnt bacon and instant coffee; he could feel the scratchy sheets of his bed and the heavy weight of the tray on his legs; he could smell the remnants of rain and the damp earth from the forest across the road; he could hear the shower going in the next room and the birds twittering to each other in a language only they understood; and when he opened his eyes, he could see the pale walls of his bedroom and the sunlight flowing in through the window.
It worked to calm him, to a certain degree. Enough that he could get his legs working. He moved the tray aside and threw the covers back. He dressed quickly, pulling on some fresh clothes and feeling clean (having taken a long and rather thorough shower the night before).
He glanced at the bedside clock: 06:43(AM).
In only an hour and a half, they would be on a Muggle train waiting for it to leave the station.
A fresh wave of anxiety hit him, making his stomach clench and his heart hammer, and he closed his eyes to let it wash over him. Once it had passed, he wandered over to the mirror and stared at his reflection. He was an attractive man, he knew that, but he was not infallible to self-doubt, and so he began picking out flaws automatically.
"Sirius, stop overthinking."
Remus's voice jolted him out of his stupor. He had been so focused on criticizing himself that he hadn't even noticed the love of his life walking into the room. He glanced at the other man through the mirror and his heart hammered again; but for a different, far more pleasant reason this time. He watched as Remus, damp from the shower and a towel wrapped around his waist, dried his hair before he moved to stand behind Sirius, dropping his chin onto Sirius's shoulder and wrapping his arms around him, watching him just as carefully.
Sirius admired the other man through the reflective surface, the perfectly imperfect face, the faint scars on his arms from monthly excursions, the hazel eyes that knew so much yet were unreadable. Remus's hair was mussed from being towel-dried and Sirius found it utterly charming. So much so that a small smile climbed onto his face without permission.
"Did you try the breathing exercises?" Remus asked.
Sirius shook his head minutely. "No, just the grounding."
Remus hummed and then turned him around so that they were standing face to face. His hands came to rest on Sirius's shoulders, and Sirius's hands automatically linked around Remus's waist, his eyes instinctively locked onto hazel. Then they breathed as one, and his heartrate slowed to a manageable pace.
"Everything is going to be okay," Remus stated, confident and certain.
"How do you know that?"
"I just do."
Sirius nodded, believing instantly because Remus Lupin was rarely ever wrong. Remus didn't make assertions unless he was absolutely sure, and Sirius was not one to question when Remus said things with such certainty in his voice.
Remus nodded back and placed a very chaste but very lovely kiss on his lips before he pulled away and started getting himself dressed. Sirius stayed where he was, watching his boyfriend gather some clean clothes. He was glad that Remus was no longer self-conscious about his body or scars, that he was allowed to stare and admire.
"Stop watching me, you perv," Remus muttered, dropping his towel and pulling on some underwear.
"You love it when I watch you," Sirius replied with a smirk.
Remus snorted but did not reply.
Sirius admired for another moment before he grabbed their overnight bags and headed for the living room. He sat on the sofa and read his new book (In The Thirties by Ulysses Jacob Hanlon, a story set in a dystopian universe) whilst he waited for his boyfriend.
Roughly ten minutes passed before Remus emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed and holding the tray he'd give Sirius earlier. He took it into the kitchen and washed the dishes whilst Sirius finished his chapter. When Remus came back into the living room, he checked his wristwatch.
"It's nearly quarter past seven," he said. "Windows are locked, dishes are done, appliances are switched off... Have we forgotten anything?"
Sirius stood up and placed his novel on the coffee table. He glanced around and replied, "Overnight bags: check. Devilishly handsome Animagus: check. Unbelievably sexy werewolf: check." He shook his head. "No, I think we have everything we need."
Remus rolled his eyes and lowered his head to hide his amusement. His efforts were in vain: Sirius saw the smile, and he grinned to himself proudly. Remus picked up some documents on the coffee table.
"IDs, money, tickets," he said, holding up said items.
"Yes, all that boring stuff too," Sirius replied.
Remus exhaled a laugh, "Come on. We'd best be going."
Sirius nodded and picked up the overnight bags, then followed Remus to the front door. He placed a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek before they left the flat and began their journey.
Sirius and Remus were sitting in their seats on the train and waiting for it to depart by 08:03(AM).
They were right on schedule, Remus had said. The last forty or so minutes had been spent driving to Euston Station via taxi, locating and getting onto their platform, waiting for and then boarding their train, and storing their luggage overhead.
To keep himself entertained whilst Remus sketched, Sirius watched the crowd through the window. People bustled back and forth, a seemingly endless sea of faces he'd forget. It was odd, he thought, that all of those people had lives; dreams and aspirations, likes and dislikes, families and issues and relationships. Very strange indeed, to not know these people but to know that they were like him. It was also strange how busy the place was, even at such an early hour on a Saturday.
Sirius glanced around the train compartment. Their companions (an old man, dozing in the corner; a couple of women in their mid-forties, chatting and laughing; a young mother with her sleeping child, reading a magazine; a man with salt-and-pepper hair, frowning down at his crossword) did not seem like a bad set, so he felt it was safe for him to rest his head on Remus's shoulder.
He waited for something to happen.
He knew he couldn't be too obvious in his affection for Remus, and he wondered if leaning on the other man was acceptable public behaviour or if it would raise any eyebrows. He was not oblivious to homophobia or the Muggle world's views of people like him. It was a time of liberation, 1980, but he knew it would be a long time before people like him and Remus could walk down the street, hand-in-hand, and not be punched or harassed and abused. Neither the Wizarding nor the Muggle world were particularly happy about them or their relationship, for one reason or another, but at least the Mage were more tolerant and less likely to openly harass them.
Remus was a private person by nature, so Sirius had had plenty of practice in keeping his lips to himself in public, but he would like to not think about it one day. He would like to hold Remus's hand, at least. Someday, he knew. Someday it wouldn't matter, and he would be able to declare his love for Remus to everyone, and it would be fine. Someday, they would be accepted.
Remus shifted in his seat, lowering his shoulder to make Sirius's position more comfortable. Sirius was glad that his boyfriend was not objecting. He didn't know if Remus had shifted on purpose or not, but he was grateful nonetheless.
The doors closed.
The train jerked forward.
They left the station and nameless faces behind.
Sirius took another cursory glance around the compartment. No one blinked their way, so he let his eyes close and felt himself relax, taking comfort in the warmth of Remus and the smooth speed of the train.
"Padfoot, it's time to wake up."
Sirius was roused awake by soft words and a gentle shoulder-shake. He frowned and opened his eyes to find Remus standing over him. He grunted and sat up in his seat, glancing around. Outside of the window was a new train station and inside of the compartment was empty. He grabbed Remus's wrist and checked the time: 12:07(PM).
"We're here?" he asked.
"Nearly," Remus replied, then pulled his wrist back and leaned up to grab their bags.
Sirius stretched out and forced himself into wakefulness, absently calculating the amount of sleep he'd had in the last 24 hours.
They got off the locomotive and quickly jumped onto the next one. Sirius spent his time on the second train thinking and worrying and wondering about the next few hours. Remus hooked their fingers in secret, their hands hidden in the space between their thighs. It was a subtle reassurance, a concealed support, but it served to make Sirius feel less alone.
The time passed insanely quickly, and they arrived at the Lake District station in no time. When they got into the car park, the taxi was already waiting for them and it took them to the hotel that Remus had booked for them.
"Why are we going to the hotel first?" he asked on the way, looking away from the car window where trees and mountains were passing by.
Remus did not look up from his map of the Lake District. "We need to check-in and drop our bags off," he answered. "And maybe get some food."
Sirius hummed in response and, within ten minutes, they made it to The Grasmere Hotel. It was nice and small and very homely. Remus checked them in with the plump woman at the front desk, and Sirius noticed that no one looked at them weirdly. Perhaps it was because only a few people were standing in the nearby vicinity. Perhaps it was because Remus had checked them into a two-bed suite. Or maybe people just didn't care.
When they entered the room, Sirius took stock: the room was small, but the beds were comfortable and the colour scheme was not horrifying. Whilst Remus checked out the adjoined bathroom, Sirius sat on one of the single beds and let his eyes wander around the bedroom/kitchen/living area.
"Hey, Moony, we're not actually going to sleep in separate beds, are we?" he asked, frowning because he did not cope well with sleeping on his own – not after he had enjoyed so many years with Remus stealing the bed covers and sleep-talking in his ear.
Remus laughed and he leaned against the bathroom doorjamb. "No, it's purely for show. We can fix it – push the beds together or something," he assured.
"Good," he replied. "Don't want to sleep in separate beds."
Remus laughed and muttered, "I should hope not."
Sirius grinned and watched as Remus produced his wand and did a series of complicated swishes. Sirius did not ask what he was doing. Remus Lupin was a paranoid and cautious one, so he knew that the other man was cloaking the room with Charms to stop all outgoing communications (possible hidden cameras or bugs – yes, he was that kind of paranoid) and to stop anyone from listening in on their personal conversations.
"You are such a freak," he muttered, though he secretly found it endearing.
"We live in a surveillance society, Sirius," Remus replied promptly. "Forgive me for wanting my privacy to be mine."
Sirius snorted and stood up to look out of the window.
The view from their room was something else altogether. Outside, nature and mountains combined to create a sight like no other. Sunshine and brisk winds created a feeling that only Spring could bring. April made the trees bloom with fresh green leaves and the ground blossom with different shades of beautiful flowers.
Remus came to stand by his side, his hands shoved into his pockets. "It's magnificent, isn't it?" he asked, his hazel eyes on the horizon.
It was a nice view, Sirius had to admit, but it was nothing compared to the Researcher standing at his side. "It is," he replied, his eyes on Remus instead. "But I can think of one better."
Remus laughed and replied, "You are such a fucking sap."
Sirius just shrugged in response and took Remus's hand in his own. He glanced at the wristwatch and noted the time: 12:53(PM). Lost in the beauty of the Lake District, he had forgotten the reason he was there in the first place. He remembered suddenly that the taxi would be coming for them in a little over an hour and his stomach jolted with nerves. He needed a distraction, and he needed one now. He glanced up at Remus – because Remus was the best distraction he had ever had.
He took Remus's face in his hands, his thumbs absently brushing over the faint stubble on Remus's jawline, and he pressed their lips together without preamble. Remus did not seem surprised by this action and returned the kiss without hesitation, his own hands coming up to hold Sirius's elbows.
Remus pulled back, "What, uh...?"
"I need you," he stated quietly. "Please."
Hazel eyes studied him for a second before Remus nodded and kissed him, his arms wrapping around Sirius and pulling him close, firm and sure. Sirius sighed in contentment and slipped one hand into the short, windswept hair that he loved. He deepened the kiss, brushing Remus's tongue with his own, and both of them understood that neither would be leaving the room anytime soon.