Snape Buggers Who!?
What if Sirius Black's Brother Did Something Worse?
The lights, the sounds, the smog pooling, frothing from the mouth of the giant cauldron, plus all Death Eaters in the vicinity, plus Harry Potter, could only watch as the Dark Lord is slowly reborn into the world. However, upon the end of the magical pyrotechnics... what arose from the simmering broth of liquids was not a named man emitting evil intent and power, but... a giant six foot tall flaming red squirrel.
Pretty humorous to say the least... though, in the end (where Harry managed to escape, and Voldemort was too much in squirrely hysterics), there was still a solemn ceremony since Cedric Diggory's death. But in the end it was good, because a couple of muggles saw the giant squirrel, and captured it to be displayed in a freak show circus. And since Voldemort was reborn into the body of a squirrel, the ritual to reborn the Dark Lord was now a muggle animal. Well... until a werewolf broke into the circus and not only ate all the animals, but Fenrir unknowingly ate the dreaded Dark Lord.
Somewhere in the great beyond, Regulas Black was laughing his ass off at the chaos he caused for the idiot racist half-blood wizard. He not only switched out the Slytherin Locket with a fake, but also replaced the body of Riddle's father with a squirrel corpse transfigured with runic magic into Riddle senior's corpse. Oh, the chaos he caused... and elsewhere in the living world, a manipuative old man was fuming bcause now Harry Potter cannot be killed in a "final battle of good versus evil" and allow him to rise up to take the fame of vanquishing the evil Dark Lord.
All Trash Goes to Incineration
"So... what did you do again with the trash that House Elves clean up?"
"We sends them straight to the surface of sun. It works like fire place... only it burns up any and all we magically transport there."
"Hm... if only you can do the same to Voldemort and any and all Death Eaters that support his cause..."
Dobby heard that as Harry decided to get some sleep, since tomorrow was a school day. As Harry finally managed to sleep, Dobby decided to help Harry Potter... by taking out the trash, and sending that trash to the incinerator. He has heard of the evil Dark Lord Voldemort. He made Harry Potter's life bad. He had a chance to make Harry Potter's life become better again.
=0=0=
"Harry Potter sir," called a House Elf named Dobby the next morning.
"Oh... hey Dobby, what is it?"
"I's taken out trash you despise. Dobby has taken evil Dark Lord and minions to the surface of the sun, and destroyed the trash like all house elves do when we's dispose of trash, Harry Potter sir."
"... Really?"
"Yes, Harry Potter sir," Dobby replied, smiling a bit as Harry too began to smile. Dobby had instantly ended a war, and now...
"Hey Luna, wanna skip class and have sex?"
"Can Daphne join us too?" Luna questioned Harry. Daphne perked up at this, and began to smile.
"Sure... I love threesomes. Thanks Dobby for making my life so much easier now."
"You's are welcome, Harry Potter sir," the elf beamed brightly before disappearing. The entire school was in shock, and none of the teachers sought to help Snape who was choking on a piece of sausage he was chewing.
Snape Buggers Who!?
"No... Wait a minute. No I know that greasy-haired git. He parked my car last week!" Harry shouted, "No, I'm serious, I gave him a big tip and everything."
"No, no... Wait... I know who he is... he is probably the most dangerous, yet toughest bastard we will both ever know..." The young Ravenclaw blinked, "He's uh..." He then leaned close to his friend's ear, and whispered something, which caused the green-eyed Gryffindor to spit his drink back out in complete shock.
After he sputtered and coughed a bit, he turned to his Ravenclaw friend. "He's buggering Umbridge?"
That caused a wave of groans and wails of disgust to ring out across the Great Hall, several students to spit their drinks in shock, Draco to start choking on the banana he had been chewing on, and Ron instantly losing his appetite with the images now popping into his scarring mind, as Snape who had been glaring more and more at the two trouble makers, now taken on a pasty white-like shade. The only person who found it remotely funny was Hagrid, who snickered behind his large hand.
"That's not what I said... at least, how I said it," mumbled his Ravenclaw friend who had long locks of blonde hair tied into a rope-tight ponytail.
"Dear Merlin, he is a tough guy. Ya know Sekai; I have always gone under the premise myself that if you are going to sleep your way to power, do it with somebody who at least weights less than you and isn't fugly."
"And you'd know for sure," said Sekai with a clap of Harry's shoulder, referring to Harry and Luna's little mini sex marathon they had last week, where halfway into the fun, Sekai and his sister Rin couldn't take it anymore, and joined the fun.
"Oh yeah..."
Luna certainly had a devious minx of a mind that Harry found quite attractive about the aloof Ravenclaw; the same Ravenclaw who has such a hidden Slytherin personality and sharp mind, and enough cunning to make the other Slytherins extremely jealous. Plus she was so damn flexible in bed... on the couch... on the floor... outside under the Quiddich bleachers... the Prefect Baths... Hermione's bed... and even in the girl's shower of the Gryffindor Locker Room...