Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
After Benjamin had left, Shrek slipped his clothes back on and reached for the door. The air was crisp and the roads were busy. Shrek picked up his onion phone.
“Hey Uber! I need a drive to Moldy Voldy’s castle asap!”
All of a sudden the sky got dark… Shrek looked up to see a massive blimp with the words O’Hare Air on it.
“Let it die! Let it die!” sang a voice from inside the blimp.
‘Oh this must be my uber,’ thought Shrek as he grasped the rope and started to climb up to the blimp.
Once Shrek had gotten his moldy green toes to stand on the cold floor of the blimp, he looked up. He saw a terribly handsome, short man with a bowl cut and a very sophisticated suit… it was O’Hare!
‘A working man,’ thought Shrek. ‘How attractive…’
No… he couldn’t… he was betraying the love of Benjamin. But if Benjamin had cheated on him… no! He can’t… not yet anyways.
“LET IT DIEEEE,” O’Hare sang in a high pitched noise.
Shrek sat down, but the sound of O’Hare singing was starting to get on his nerves. Shrek attempted to tune it out, but it was no use. Shrek reached into his back pocket to pull out an AK47. Was it worth it? Could Shrek even drive a blimp? But that sound… O’Hares ear piercing singing. Shreks hand grasped the gun as he breathed in heavily. ‘Do it,’ a voice told him. Shrek was a perfectly good being, but when it comes to singing that is out of tune, he just can’t handle it. With another breath, Shrek shot. He watched as the bullet moved slowly towards O’Hares big head. It bursted open with blood. The blood slowly dripped towards Shrek. It smelled of delicious iron. Shrek decided to chuck O’Hare out of the blimp and he watched as O’Hare flew until he hit a small child riding a bike. ‘Two in one,’ though Shrek. Shrek scooted over to sit in the pilot's seat. The view was even more incredible from this angle. Maybe he should have been a pilot like his father, Deadric. He would float through the air without a care in the world. His feet would slide forward and back as he drifted through the air. Oh how Shrek missed his father. Shrek wiped O’Hare’s blood off of the seat as he sat his moldy toes on the control panel. He seemed to be growing foot fungus. How wonderful! In this era, foot fungus was a sign of a very attractive man. Shrek was what many considered to be a hot snack. He had an eight pack, foot fungus, and long, lucious, absolutely scrumdiliumcious toenails. Oh how Shrek loved when Benjamin would bite them. Would he ever do it again? What if he did it with Marlin? Shrek shook his head, for he did not want to think these thoughts. Shrek wondered whether the kids in his basement would be ok while he was gone. He had about fifty and a half just lying on the moist floor. Their crying bodies brought Shrek and Benjamin great joy. Watching them slowly starve to death was a great hobby. What would the children do without Shrek? Shrek really needed to enslave a maid. He wrote it on his armpit so he would remember to do it later. Shrek rubbed some onions on his stomach as the blimp started to descend into the courtyard of Voldy’s castle. Oh no! There was a random child running where he was about to land. That just means three in one day. Shrek smiled as he sped the blimp up so it would make for a quicker death for the child. Although it would be quite entertaining to see a long, slow, and gruesome death. Shrek sat back and waited for the civilians of the castle to come out and greet him.