Dive
I spent the rest of the day in La Push, the later portion at Billy's. He seemed to make peace with me being around. My harassment hadn't made him think the worst of me. He watched Julie carefully, smiling to himself on occasion.
Julie seemed to be in high spirits. Her head was on my lap as we sat on her couch. Billy had made an excuse to go outside, to give us the illusion of privacy.
I ran my fingers through the short strands of her hair, frowning.
She smiled up at me. "So you hate my haircut?"
"I'm more curious as to why."
"Long hair, long fur. It gets messy." She reached up to grab a lock of my hair, twisting it around her finger.
"What else?" I asked. She looked at me, confused. "What else translates over to your... wolf... form? Is that why you're all so big?"
She grinned. "Yeah, it's like super steroids. The bigger you are as a person, the bigger you are as a wolf. Sam's the tallest, he's like six foot seven. I'm second, at six foot five. The rest are shorter. Paul's all muscle, Quil will be too. Embry is leaner, but that makes him faster. Jared's super analytical, makes him a better tracker. But the hive mind doesn't hurt that either."
I paused as I took that in. "Did you talk to them? About me? They seemed like they already knew about me, even Emily."
She blushed and avoided my gaze. "Yeah. I made my case to tell you everything. I didn't win, obviously. They were right, it wasn't safe. But I still tried. A lot." She breathed out evenly. "And I thought about you a lot. They were forced to listen in on my pining."
"Poor things," I said with a chuckle.
"You joke, but it's nauseating. Like listening to Sam think about Emily. I'm surprised they tolerated me so much."
"Sam and Emily are... intense." I thought of them together, how awkward it was to be around. Assuming by Jared and Embry's gagging, this was a common occurance.
"Yeah, that's the imprint. Hard to be around. Like they're in their own little world."
"Embry mentioned that word before. Imprint. Is that supposed to mean something?"
"Wolf thing. You know how actual wolves mate for life? Same thing."
"So it's like love at first sight?" I asked
Julie chuckled. "No. It's like gravity. You see that person, and suddenly they're all that's tethering you to this earth now. Nothing else matters. Nothing."
"Oh." I frowned. Maybe she knew the feeling from the bond with Sam, stuck in eachothers' heads. The thought made me uneasy. "Do you have one?"
She smiled slightly. "Yes, which was shocking. They didn't think I would."
"Why not?"
She hesitated for a few long moments before carefully stating, "Because female werewolves don't exist. I'm the first."
I processed that. "Well... why is that?"
"Well if you're hilarious like Paul, you'd say it was because I'm gay. He thinks that me being a lesbian is like a double negative. Cancels it out. If I couldn't see into his brain to know he's being genuine, I'd call him a few choice words. He's a dick, not homophobic. Until now, the wolves have always been straight dudes. Sam looked back a few generations. Every time there's been a vampire around, there's been a male Black in the family. This time, there isn't. That's the most viable option right now."
"So it's genetic?"
"Oh yeah, it can be traced back through our family tree. I've got it on both sides, same as Quil. That's why we know he's going to turn if we don't kill off the redhead."
"So you're all related?"
"Nah, just me and Quil. We're all just descendants of the same pack."
I thought for a while longer. "Why wouldn't you have an imprint though? If it's always been boys imprinting on a girl, then couldn't you also imprint on a girl?"
I tried not to think about what that meant for me and her. The time limit I was suddenly condensed to. Sooner or later, there would be an all-consuming love in Julie's life and I would suddenly stop existing.
Had she met her yet? Surely she wouldn't be cozied up to me like this if she had.
"Well, the primary reason for imprinting was for reproduction. Or so they thought. I can't exactly do that with another girl."
I thought about it, frowning to myself.
She continued, taking a shaky breath. "You know, you were the first thing I thought about when I shifted. I was terrified, and everything hurt, and I didn't know what was happening to me. It was the worst moment of my life. The guys were there, talking me through it, explaining everything. And the only thing I thought was, 'Bella's going to be so mad at me.' And then I was naked and sobbing on my front lawn while my Dad threw a blanket over me."
Her eyes were worlds away.
"And then they explained that I, in fact, could never talk to you. For your own safety. I was not pleasant to be around. I was convinced that if I could just see you, you'd remember the story I told you, and then it would all be easy. I could explain everything. You already knew about the vampires, maybe you'd be okay with the werewolf bit, too. Then I saw you in the clearing..."
She looked away. She was quiet for a while.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. When you changed," I said softly.
"I'm glad you weren't," Julie said. She smiled at me. "You could have been hurt. Most of the time, someone would shift in an argument. A fight. I should have changed that Friday, before we went to Angela's. I didn't. I was kind of stuck in between. Sam thinks it's because I was so happy. Constantly. So instead it just built up until it exploded. My Dad asked if I was okay, because I looked weird. That's what set me off. Just a tiny remark and I was done."
She looked away, as if someone has called for her. She sat up. "Charlie's here."
The door opened a moment later, Charlie carrying in three pizzas like it was a peace offering. Billy must have called him.
"I got you that loaded veggie that you like," Charlie volunteered. In a lower voice just for me, he asked, "You two made up?"
"We're teenage girls; we fight." I took a bite of my personal pizza.
"Details later," he said with guarded eyes to Julie. "Why the hair cut?"
"I got tired of taking care of it." Julie said it with a shrug before taking a slice of her loaded carnivore pizza. "Thanks for dinner."
Julie walked me to my truck later. Charlie hovered by his car, eyeing us. He'd been watching Julie and I all night. For being a cop, he wasn't discreet when it came to his surveillance.
"You don't have to worry at night; we have a rotating shift to watch your house. You and Charlie will both be safe," she promised. She opened my door for me, the epitome of manners.
"It's not me and Charlie that I'm worried about."
"Killing vampires is easily the best part of this entire thing." Julie gave me a grin, resting her head against my open window.
"She's fast," I warned.
"We're faster."
"She's strong," I countered.
"We're stronger. And there's five of us."
I grimaced. "Stay safe, okay?"
"Always am." Julie gave me a beautiful smile, patting the truck's doorframe before she took off into the woods.
At home, Charlie caught me before I could hide upstairs.
"Details," he reminded me. "What about the gang?"
"Sam's cool, it was just a huge misunderstanding. And Emily is nice. I like Julie's new friends."
Charlie squinted at me, trying to determine if I was lying or not. He seemed to make his peace. "Fine. We didn't get any wolves, so no hiking this next week. Stay out of the woods."
That next week was Spring Break in Forks.
I was due for my usual Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at Newton's. While the work wasn't riveting, I would enjoy the extra money on the paycheck.
Any extra time I had was spent at La Push. Julie was gone on Monday after work. I spent that time with Billy. I kept him fed. He wasn't much for conversation. I'd finished two books in a single day.
It was that night before I saw Julie again. She was exhausted. Deep bruises under her eyes. She apologized for not being around, dragging herself in as I was preparing to leave.
"Get some rest, you need the sleep," I murmured.
"This is nothing," she said with a weak smile. She slowly drifted back to her bed. "I'm a horrible host. What if I take you cliff diving tomorrow? The weather will be nicer. You can get your adrenaline fix."
It was a pleasant week; a few days in the mid sixties.
"Sounds fun," I said as I left her alone to sleep.
On Tuesday, I was prepared. I'd packed an extra change of clothes, and finally got around to bringing Julie's duffel bag back to her. All of her clothes were washed and folded, not a hair out of place.
Julie wasn't waiting out front. I figured she was still sleeping. I headed inside, the house empty. Charlie and Billy had plans today. I found a note on the table, written in Julie's clumsy scrawl.
Boys found a fresh trail early this morning. Be back as soon as I can. Be safe. -Jules ♡♡
I sighed, my stomach turning anxiously.
"She'll be fine," I reminded myself. "She's made for this."
It didn't calm me any further. I wrote just below her handwriting.
I'll be at the beach. YOU be safe. -♡ Bella
The house felt claustrophobic without something to do. I dropped her duffel bag off in her room before heading out.
The beach was empty. The weather was warmer, thankfully. I could wear a short-sleeve shirt with no worries. I focused on the sounds of the waves, the wind rustling through the trees. There were storm clouds in the distance; the warm front had brought some rain with it.
I paced the length of the beach over and over, anxiety mounting. I had to believe that Julie would be okay. There wasn't any other option that I could live with.
Nearby, I could see one of the cliffs Julie had pointed out before. I couldn't remember if it was a "baby" cliff or not. It didn't look that fearsome.
Surely I could do a starter cliff by myself.
Anything to get my mind off of the situation at hand.
I walked up the hill, my anxiety growing with every step. When I finally got to the top, I made the mistake of looking down. The water churned below, angry and dark. It didn't look particularly inviting.
They've done this dozens of times, I reminded myself. My stomach flipped.
I took a deep breath, willing myself to jump. I chickened out twice. I looked down again, convincing myself I wasn't really that high up. Julie would be proud of me, doing a small cliff all by myself.
It was starting to rain. I'd taken longer climbing up that hill than I'd anticipated. Julie still hadn't shown up. She was taking more time than I'd expected. Was that a good sign or a bad sign?
I breathed out, more determined than ever, and took a running start. I jumped easily.
The fall was amazing. It felt like a mixture of a roller coaster and flying. My stomach went to my heart, my heart went to my throat. My voice stayed locked in, nearly choking. I took a deep inhale as I fell.
Hitting the water sucked. I hadn't expected it to knock the wind out of me. The water was rougher than I expected, a current taking me deeper than I'd planned. I tried to swim up, tried to break the surface, but the water wasnt allowing it.
It felt like the currents were playing tug of war over me. I couldn't tell which way was up anymore. The last of the air escaped my lungs, and I frantically followed the bubbles upward, but I was only dragged deeper. The water burned as I inhaled it, a sob escaping me. I couldn't fight.
There was a frightening moment of clarity. This was it. I'd had a lot of near-death experiences in my life. I hadn't anticipated drowning to be the one that actually got me.
Maybe Victoria would leave now. Maybe everyone would be safer. My brain, hallucinating surely, saw a fire dancing under the water. The world slowly drifted away from me.