It hurted. Scorpius had only ever been in love once and it hurted. It hurted more because he knew it wasn’t supposed to hurt and it hurted because he couldn’t ignore it. Because it wasn’t just a random dude that he had a crush on. It wasn’t as if he could just cut him off. It hurted because he was in love with Albus Potter. His best friend.
He wasn’t an idiot and he had known for a long time now. Since the summer before his third year, like three years ago. The summer his mum.... Astoria was really tired for even playing board games, so she did what she usually did when that happened; sit in the garden, and give her son some life lessons while she still could. Then, she told him about being in love. And every word that came out of Astoria’s mouth hit him like an incendio spell, because the only person his brain could picture was Albus. But that couldn’t happen, right? They were best friends. And he was a boy. That was the first time Scorpius started to bury his feelings deep down himself. After he dated Rose, Scorpius realized he had to hide them by at least dating boys. It felt less like a lie that way. So stuff happened; he admitted he liked boys, and he learned that Albus did too. That was something else to stop burying.
But then again, what if he let himself love him? What if he told him? What if he said no? But the answer that scared Scorpius the most was the “yes”. He was no idiot; he knew that Albus probably liked him back, or at least that was what appeared to be. But if they dated, and it didn’t work? What if he fell out of love for Albus? What if Albus fell out of love for him? It was all way too much. And that was how he got himself involved with Aaron, who he broke up with after five months, and then with Jacob, who broke up with him a bit more than a month ago, at the end of summer.
He could still hear the conversation in his head;
-I can’t do this, Scorpius. I cannot do this if you won’t do this with me!
-But i want to, Jake! I want to be with you!
-Why the hell don’t you just admit it, Scorpius?
-Admit what?
-That you love him! That you love Albus! For Dumbledore’s sake, just get your shit together and tell him, instead of using innocent guys to hide the fact that you are scared!
And that was when it hit him; he couldn’t stop himself from loving Albus. He could, thought, love him closer, stop the pain.
All of these thoughts felt more real when he got out of the confines of the warm shower he was taking. He and Al had a free period right now. He was going to tell him. I am going to tell him.
The cold breezes of October made him regret he hadn’t dried his hair while he was still in the room, but his hands were shaking way too much to even think about taking out his wand and doing it now. He buried his hands in his pockets, and spotted Albus by the tree that they had adopted as their own. It was quite separated from the others. Close to the river enough to be able to go refresh themselves during the summer but not enough to be seen by anyone from there. It was their favorite place.
-Hey!- Albus said, in his warm as always tone-Thought you had fallen asleep. Didn’t bring the guitar. My fingers hurt when I play in autumn, because of the cold. But I brought the harmonica Ron gave me in the summer. I think it is a prank tho. I couldn’t make it play yet.
Scorpius smiled,took his hands out of his pockets and sat near him, facing the river. This was Al, after all. His Al, his best friend. Everything was gonna be fine.
-Maybe is because you are just dumb.- he answered. Trying not to look too smug. Albus made a sound of offense as a joke and pushed him, not too strongly but also inviting him to play-fight more.
After some minutes, Scorpius’ stomach was facing the grass, and he was getting his breath back. In front of him, Albus was sitting crossed legged, pulling grass from the ground. He looked so beautiful, his nose a bit pink from the cold and his hair messier than usual for all the wallowing. I am doomed, Scorpius told himself before taking a deep breath.
-Did I ever tell you… uh… why Jacob and I broke up?- he began. He could feel his heart pounding. Albus looked at him strangely and then made a gesture of thinking.
-Uh, because? I mean, you never told me why. I guessed that you just broke up, like people does.-he shuddered, and then changed his face to a fierce expression.-Why? Did that asshole hurt you? Because I might be lanky but my brother isn’t, so ju…
-Nonono! Actually, uhhh- Scorpius tried to hide his smile at the boy’s protective gesture. You ain’t doing this easier, asshole- Actually I think i hurted him more than he hurt me. Well, I dragged myself into this, actually. So i think i kinda deserve it…
-What are you talking about, Scorp? What did you drag yourself into?- Albus was now looking worried and the blonde Slytherin decided to be more direct, for his and Al’s sake.
-Well, the thing is.... Jacob broke up with me. We had a fight over that, actually.- the brunette seemed to be following, but confused at the same time.- He, uh… He told me that he wasn’t going to do this if I wasn't in it with him.
-What the hell does that even mean?
-Jacob told me that, uh… that he wasn’t going to fight for a heart that belonged to someone else.
-Oh that asshole!- Al yelled. Scorpius was confused.- He wanted to dump you, so he just blamed all on you and played victim?- Scorpius was definitely not falling more for his protective boy.
-No, Al- he said, and the named Potter stared at him.- I was in love with someone else while dating him. Actually, I have been in love with this guy for a long time.- he tried to meet the green eyes, but they were staring somewhere else, while the boy that carried them swallowed, and made an effort not to look hurt. This is your moment, Scorpius.
-Who, uh… and who is the boy, if you want to tell me, of course…
-You really are dumb, aren’t you?- he left out in a breath, while pushing himself with his elbows to be eyes to eyes with Albus.
-Wha..?- was the last thing Al could say before Scorpius crushed their lips together. He started kissing him passionately, everything inside him yelling YES! at the same time. He got so scared when for a minute Albus’ wasn’t corresponding him, but when he did… It was all he had been dreaming about for years. He tasted exactly like he imagined in the dreams he couldn’t stop from happening before. Mint, a small hint of firewhiskey, and just Albus. It was like magic. It really was.
They stopped kissing after some minutes and pulled apart. Albus gave him one more peck.
-Sorry, i just wanted to make sure this was… you know, real- he said, blushing.
-Albus, you are never again going to apologise for kissing me- Socrpius answered, mostly as an instinct.
-Holy nargles, Scorp. I…- the brunette started. But the sentence was left on the air. Scorpius properly sat besides Albus. They both needed their time to process but their smiles didn’t wash away. The blue eyed blonde moved his pale and long fingers nearer to Albus, and he responded by holding his whole hand and smiling shyly. They still had a lot to figure out. Would they keep it in secret until Scorpius had the opportunity to actually tell his dad, after so many years about not properly talking about his sexuality and relationships? Would they actually start dating? Would it be hard? Right now, none of that mattered. Right now, they were just too boys, looking at a deep river, but not deeper than their love for each other.