Fred's Smelly Sock
Chapter 34: Fred's Smelly Sock
December 15, 1993
Tonks nervously made her way outside the examination hall, fidgeting. This was probably the single most nerve-wracking day of her life.
In just twenty minutes, she would be taking her final examination, the one that would prove whether or not she would qualify to become an Auror in August. She had been partaking in Auror training for two and a half years now, and this would single-handedly decide her path going forward.
Just then, James rushed up to where she was sitting on the bench outside the hall. "Hey, Tonks. You ready?"
"No," she said weakly. "I'm so scared."
"Hey, it'll be okay." He sat down next to her and patted her shoulder. "It'll go great. I had to take it too, remember? All you have to do is approach it with a cool head. Don't get overconfident, don't panic. Just be calm, and take it. Watch the time. You'll do amazing."
"I'm going to fail," she moaned.
"No, you won't. It's not as hard as you're expecting it to be, believe me. And, by the way, this is from Remus." He drew an envelope from the pocket of his robes and tossed it to her with a grin.
"Thanks," she whimpered, unfolding the envelope and reading the enclosed letter.
Tonks,
Don't be stressed. I have faith in you. I know firsthand how intuitive you can be. Be safe, believe in yourself. Take my word for it- you're brilliant, and you are completely capable of acing this. Best of luck on your examination.
I love you.
Remus
The simplicity and sweetness of the gesture was overwhelming to Tonks. She offered a small smile and handed it back to James. "Thanks. Can you put this on my desk? I'm not allowed to have stuff in the examination hall."
James took it back from her. "Am I allowed to read it?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Thanks. You'll do great, Tonks. Just don't stress this. Believe in yourself."
"Thanks, James."
His words of reassurance made the difference.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Fred called, his voice magnified to bounce across the corridor, which was jam-packed with students. "WE HAVE A WINNER!"
The crowd cheered.
"THE WINNER IS…" George announced, pausing for dramatic effect.
"IN FIRST PLACE…" continued Fred.
"Hurry up and tell us already!" shouted someone.
"THE ONE AND ONLY…" George dragged on.
"UNCLES!" they shouted in unison, and there was a great burst of cheer from the crowd.
"The Uncles, congratulations!" declared Fred, grinning. "You win first place in the prank war!"
"In second place, the…" George made a face. "Popping Apples, and in third place, The Notorious Watermelons." He gagged. "And in last place, the Dazzling Divas."
There was a collective cry of disappointment from the bunch of girls (and Seamus) on the far right.
"Yes, yes, anyway," George continued, "The Uncles, you win…"
Fred pulled off a sock from his foot and threw it into the crowd. "My smelly sock!" he declared.
"WHAT THE…" thundered Percy. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
"Nope!" declared George proudly. "The prize is Fred's smelly sock!"
There was an uproar of outrage from the Uncles, with the rest of the crowd laughing.
"I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!" screamed Percy.
"Now, now, Perce, relax," Fred said, holding up a hand defensively. "We're not done with the prize-giving."
Instantaneously, the crowd began to relax.
"That's better," George said approvingly. "Now, The Uncles also get the passwords to every teacher's office for the next week." He held up a few sheets of parchment in the air. "They're bewitched so that only your team can see them. You can sneak into any teacher's office for the next week and cause havoc!"
"And here is a box of sweets," Fred said, tossing a large box into the crowd. "To be divided equally!"
"Now, repeat after me!" George cried. "I solemnly swear we are up to no good!"
"I solemnly swear we are up to no good!" the crowd chanted.
Harry and Liana exchanged looks.
"Here you go!" Fred tossed the pieces of parchment to Harry. "Give one to each team member."
"And this concludes our first Hogwarts prank war!" George declared. "See you again next year!"
Everyone cheered.
"That was epic," Aliya sighed, flopping onto a cushion in the common room.
"Yep," Cedric replied. "Fred and George sure know how to cause havoc."
"And that was fun!" she exclaimed. "You know? It's going to be so much fun to do it again next year."
Cedric nodded. "That'll be fun. We really got under the teachers' nerves. Wonder how they'll react to it next year?"
"Mm," she said thoughtfully. "Well, maybe they'll have some sort of reaction to it. Like a defense. But I don't think they're going to be that successful. Students are smarter."
Cedric smirked. "I'm inclined to agree."
"Hey, Hermione." Ginny approached her nervously and plopped down onto a seat.
"Hi, Ginny. How are you?"
"Uh, I'm good," Ginny stammered. "Er, I just wanted to talk to you about…"
"Harry," Hermione finished for her.
"Yeah," Ginny mumbled.
"Right. So, how do you think that's coming?" Hermione asked kindly. "Like, are you able to talk in front of him?"
"Well, I can talk to other boys. Like my brothers. And Andrew Kirken, even though he did knock over my porcupine. And even Colin Creevey. I talked to him once."
"Oh. That's nice." Hermione shifted uncomfortably. "Have you spoken to Harry at all?"
"Well, I did give him his Transfiguration essay," Ginny said proudly.
"And?" prompted Hermione.
Ginny gaped at her. "What do you mean and? It was so much work to give him that essay!"
"Oh," Hermione replied, clearly amused. "Anything else?"
"Er, no. I did take a book from him backwards."
"Ginny, that's… You know what? That's okay. You just have to be normal in front of him. No stammering, no blushing. Just like he's a random person. You don't know him, he doesn't know you."
"But that's weird," Ginny protested. "I do know him, and he does know me. Wait. What if he doesn't know me? Oh my god, Hermione, I know what the problem is! It's Moaning Myrtle!"
Hermione looked dumbfounded. "What?!"
"Yeah, it's Moaning Myrtle! You know, that ghost girl in the bathroom?" Ginny made a face. "She likes Harry, and Harry likes her! That's why he doesn't like me!"
"Ginny, I don't think…"
"No, I know it is! I'm going to talk to her!" Ginny proclaimed.
"No, Ginny, calm down…"
"Thank you for your help, Hermione!" Ginny squealed, pulling her into a hug. "You're amazing!"
"Thanks," replied Hermione weakly.
There was a knock on the door to his study.
"Come in!" called Dumbledore genially.
Fred and George walked in, and Dumbledore pressed the button.
Confetti, pieces of string and paper and yarn and shiny, glossy, ribbon exploded over the twins, and Dumbledore started dancing.
"Congratulations!" he exclaimed. "I'm so proud of the two of you!"
"Oh," they replied, grinning. "Thanks."
"It's not every day I see Severus in such a mood. I was so tempted to take a photo. And you got Minnie all worked up too! And you got Remus flustered, and you made Lily jump into the lake, and… ohhhh, sheer genius, you guys!"
"Thank you," they repeated, wide grins on their faces.
"Here, these are for you." He bustled over to the back of his study and pulled out two enormous boxes wrapped in golden, cherry red wrapping paper. "Open them, go on!"
The twins immediately opened their gifts, tearing the paper down the middle and opening their boxes. "Honeydukes!" they shouted in unison.
"It has everything," Dumbledore announced proudly. "Fizzing Whizbees, Bertie Bott's, Drooble's, Pepper Imps, peppermint creams, exploding bonbons, everything! Every single thing you can get at Honeydukes. Both dangerous and non-dangerous candies. Assorted sweets. The finest packages you'll ever find on the face of the Earth!"
"Thank you, Professor!" they chorused in unison.
"Obviously, this isn't a big enough reward for what you two have done to this school," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "I will be planning a humongous surprise for you two, and the rest of the people who participated in the prank war. But I'll need some time to think about it. So for now, why don't the two of you take a hundred points each to Gryffindor?"
"Ron didn't even get this many for the chess board thingy," Fred said in a hushed voice.
"Even Harry didn't get this many points for defeating You-Know-Who in his first year!" George said.
"Ah, well, I am rather biased," Dumbledore told them with a wink. "While we're here, can we take a selfie?"
"Er, a what?" asked the two of them, confusion sculpted into their faces.
"A selfie!" exclaimed Dumbledore. "Here. This is a phone." He held up his iPhone for the two of them to see. "And this takes pictures. They don't move, though. So I'll press the button, and it takes a picture. Now, if I turn it on selfie mode," He pressed the button to demonstrate, "it turns the camera around! How cool is that? Want to take a selfie, guys?"
"Okay," they agreed, and the two of them huddled close to his shoulders. Dumbledore put on his best selfie pout.
"Smile!" he exclaimed.
Dinner had been a rather boring affair.
Well, maybe that was just because Remus had been impatient. What with the promise of seeing Tonks after her exams were finally over, he had been waiting forever to see her. He really couldn't get enough of her, especially now, after being separated from her for days on end.
He walked up and down the study, pacing in a straight line, trying to think about what he was going to do for the holidays. They were approaching, after all, and Remus had to decide whether or not he was going to stay at Hogwarts or head back to his dingy little apartment.
A gentle knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, and he practically ran over to open it to Tonks, wearing an icy blue jumper with dark blue jeans, her hair a rather subdued shade of turquoise.
"How was it?" he asked breathlessly.
She threw herself into his arms, breathing heavily. "At least it's over."
"Come in," he whispered, pulling her into the room and closing the door. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shrugged. "Sure. Why not? I think I did okay, at least. There were a few things that were a little hard, and I know I didn't do very well in one of the case assignments, but guess what! I didn't trip at all!"
She looked so proud of herself and so happy, which was a definite improvement from her tendency to doubt herself. "I'm so proud of you, Tonks," he whispered, pulling her into another hug. "See? All that preparation finally paid off."
"Yeah," she replied, looking happier than she had in a long time. "Thanks for helping me through that. So the good news is, I don't have any more training to do. I just chill until February, when the results come. If I get accepted, I start in August. If I don't…"
"Don't worry about that," he said gently. "You will get in. I know you will."
She smiled. "Thank you, Remus." She stifled a yawn. "Ah, I'm so tired. Sorry if I'm not much company tonight."
"Not to worry, you've had a long day, and…"
"Don't kick me out now, please." She pouted, and Remus really wanted to wipe that adorable pout off her face. "The whole reason I came is because I wanted to see you."
"Of course not." He rubbed her shoulder comfortingly and unceremoniously dumped both of them onto the sofa. "Any plans for the holidays?"
She giggled. "Yes. A certain Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor."
"I'm your holiday plan?" he asked, smiling.
"That's right."
"I am honored to be your holiday plan. You just happen to be my holiday plan too."
She laughed. "This doesn't even make sense. How can a person be a holiday plan?"
"Use your imagination, Nymphadora."
She swatted his arm. "You've been doing so good, not calling me that."
He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "I know. I couldn't resist, sorry."
She smiled. "It's fine. I don't like my name, but I'm not going to murder you if you call me Nymphadora or something."
"Nymphadora is a beautiful name, though," he replied, taking her hand in his and stroking it with his thumb.
She sighed in content. "Yeah, thanks. I don't think so, but that's just my opinion. Like, I think it's a pretty name, yeah, but it doesn't suit me."
"I think it does."
"Thank you, I guess. Is that a compliment?"
He laughed. "Whatever you want it to be."
Just then, the door burst open, and James walked in, closely followed by Lily. "Hi, Remus," James said.
"James," Remus greeted, trying not to blush. "Hey, Lily. What are you doing here?"
"We're your friends," Lily responded. "Aren't friends allowed to talk?"
"Yeah, of course, but…"
"Oh, hey, Tonks," James said with a perfectly straight face. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Hi," Tonks said with a bright smile.
"Yeah," agreed Lily, the corners of her mouth turning up ever so slightly as she and James plopped down onto the sofa across from where Remus and Tonks were sitting. (Because Dumbledore had for some reason insisted on double sofas in every teacher's private quarters.)
"So, Remus, you won't believe it," James began. "The students were having a prank war!"
"A… prank war?"
"That's right," said Lily disapprovingly. "They had a prank off to see which team of students could do the most pranks."
"Do you mean to say that Seamus asking me out was all just a prank?" Remus asked.
"That's right," James said happily. "And the Giant Squid. And the chocolate. And the chickens. And the waterslide. And the…"
"We get the point," Lily cut across, though she was smiling. "It was definitely distracting, but I think it was fun. I can't believe Harry and Liana participated in it, though!"
James kissed his wife on the cheek. "You know where they get it from, Lily."
"Stop, James, you're making her blush," Remus pointed out, smirking.
"Oh, shut up, Remus!" Lily hissed, though she was, indeed, turning red.
"Did you know Liana's two best friends sang nursery rhymes about Severus?" asked Lily.
"Oh no," moaned Remus, trying hard to keep from laughing.
"Yeah, they rhymed Snape with grape," James sighed happily. "When Liana told me it was like the best thing I've heard in my life. Twinkle twinkle little Snape, how I wonder green grapes."
Remus couldn't help but laugh. "That… is the worst case of attempted poetry I've ever seen in my life. Even you could make a better poem than that, James."
"Let me try. Twinkle twinkle little Snivellus, you are such a bivellus."
"What on earth is a bivellus?" asked Remus incredulously, as Lily burst into laughter.
"What do you mean?" James asked sarcastically. "It's such a good poem! I deserve an award." He grinned. "Well, Snivellus is harder to rhyme than Snape. Snape, grape, tape. Ooh, twinkle twinkle little Snape, you're as smart as duct tape."
"An improvement," Lily managed.
"Considering where he came from, yes, definitely," Remus agreed.
"And there's so much other stuff that can rhyme," continued James. "For example. Twinkle twinkle little Snape, you have such a ridiculous cape."
"That was terrible," Lily moaned.
"Try another," Remus urged him.
"Twinkle twinkle little Snape, you remind me of an ape."
"That was much better," Remus agreed.
"Not like you're coming up with one." He rolled his eyes. "Remus, wanna try?"
"No."
James smirked. "Lily?"
"Fine," she sighed. "Twinkle twinkle little Snape, he will make a great escape."
"That was okay," Remus said approvingly.
"Okay? That was brilliant, Lils," James replied, earning him a kiss on the cheek.
"Anyway, Remus, before we get too carried away with Snape rhymes," Lily continued, "the reason we came here was to invite you to our Christmas party."
"You know I'll be there," he replied, smiling. "As long as it doesn't coincide with… you know."
"Oh, come on, Moony. I've known you for twenty-two years now. We're not going to plan a party on the full moon day."
"Thanks," Remus responded.
"And Tonks, you're invited too," Lily added. "Oh, wait, she's asleep?"
Remus turned to his side to see Tonks asleep on his shoulder, breathing lightly. He reached his arm over to her back and slid his fingers under her jumper, softly caressing her skin and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
"You're so loving," Lily remarked, smirking.
"I thought we said no teasing?" James asked his wife, a slight frown on his face.
"We did, but this is too cute to resist," Lily agreed, grinning. "Remus, look at you!"
"Oh my god, no," he moaned. "As if you guys don't slobber all over each other all the time!"
"That's the point," James said. "It's expected of us at this point. But you, Remus, nobody knew you had it in you!"
"Oh, shut up. I have it in me, thank you very much."
"I can see that," Lily commented lightly.
He resisted the urge to throw a pillow at her.
"Anyway," James continued, "when Tonks wakes up and you've finished your good morning snog, let her know that she's invited to our party, and she has to come."
"Good morning snog?" Remus asked incredulously. "James, shut up."
"I'm just saying," James replied, smirking, as Lily laughed beside him.
"I'm serious. You guys can be so annoying. And I fully know that you two have an entire snog routine, so don't even start that on me."
"Whatever you say, Remus," James said, grinning. "It's almost like you're talking about secret handshakes."
"Don't you guys have a secret Marauder handshake?" Lily asked.
"Yep," James announced. "It's not secret, but it takes about twenty minutes to do, and for some reason, nobody was interested in learning it."
"Except the Marauders," Remus added. "For us, it was mandatory."
Lily laughed. "I've been married to James for fourteen years, and I still learn new stuff about you guys all the time."
"We were crazy," Remus said, smiling at the memories.
"And we deserved to be," James added. "We were young and full of spark."
Remus laughed. "When you put it that way, sure."
They spent at least another hour talking, just catching up on their lives, laughing, teasing, bantering. It was what best friends did. And Remus and James had been through so much, sometimes together, sometimes not. It was these moments that drew them together, retained their strong bond of friendship from their golden years at Hogwarts, that bound them together as the best friends they were.
When Lily finally made a remark about James having to go into work the next day, the Potters finally excused themselves from Remus's room after two equally bone-crushing hugs. Once Remus was sure they had gone, he turned his attention to the sleeping witch on his sofa.
He couldn't resist taking a minute to watch her, watch her chest rise and fall as she breathed, drawing in how peaceful she looked, and how calm, and at rest.
He gently lifted her and carried her bridal style into his bedroom, taking care not to wake her. He set her down onto the bed softly, adjusting the blanket so that it was covering her. For a second, he considered climbing into bed with her, but he didn't want to frighten her when she woke up in the morning. So he settled for kissing her hair with a smile, and then he made his way back over to the sofa to spend the night.