Twinkle Twinkle Little Snape
Chapter 32: Twinkle Twinkle Little Snape
December 9, 1993
Ginny adjusted her rubber red nose.
She was scared. What was everyone going to say when they saw her wearing a ridiculous clown outfit?
She walked over to Percy at the Great Hall, very aware that everyone was laughing at her outfit as she did. "Hi, Percy."
"Hello, Ginny," Percy said cordially. "Have you tried the jam?"
"Uh, no. Is it good?"
"Dumbledore's pants," he responded promptly.
"Uh, Percy? Are you okay?"
"Dumbledore's pants, Dumbledore's pants."
"What's going on?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
"Is this a… oh."
"Yes, I am afraid it's a prank," Percy said, looking grim. "For The Uncles!"
"Yeah, that's what the outfit is," Ginny said, gesturing to the outfit. "Does it look okay?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
"Oh, shoot. Sorry. Er, nod if you think it looks good."
Percy sat still. "It looks atrocious. You'll definitely get us a point for this one."
"Yep. Thanks, Percy. See you."
"Bye, Ginny."
She ran off to find Luna.
"Hi, Ginny, you look… interesting," Luna said solemnly. "Is this a prank?"
"Yeah. How's your team doing?"
"Terrible," Luna said. "We've done barely any of them, and the only ones left are the really hard ones."
"Sucks," Ginny said, smirking. "I hope we win."
"Yeah, do you know what the prize is?" Luna inquired, frowning. "I don't believe Fred and George ever told us."
"Not sure, I can ask," Ginny agreed.
"Okay. I'll see you in Transfiguration, then. Bye."
"Bye, Luna."
"Ginevra Weasley!"
McGonagall saw the girl flinch. "Yes, Professor?"
"What are you wearing?" she asked shrilly. "This… this…"
"Clown getup?" Ginny offered helpfully.
"Yes," McGonagall hissed. "Do not tell me this is another prank."
"A prank?" Ginny looked offended. "Professor, this is my expression of myself! This is the way I am! This isn't a prank!"
"I… Miss Weasley, you express yourself through a… clown outfit?!"
"Yep!" Ginny adjusted her rubber red nose. "This is the true me!"
"The… true you?"
"That's right."
McGonagall bared her teeth. "Very well, Miss Weasley. Sit down."
Ginny sat down, a smug smirk on her face.
Mcgonagall assigned a lot of homework that day.
"Hey, James, do you mind if I use your office today?" Tonks asked, wearing an oversized coat and chewing on her lip.
"Sure, Tonks," James replied, frowning. "What's the matter?"
"My exams are coming up in a week and I have to study," she said hurriedly. "I'm going to fail, I know it."
"That's ridiculous, and you know it," he said firmly. "You're so good at this, Tonks. You'll be fine. Just don't stress. Believe me, I've taken it too. Feel free to use my office, I'll be at a conference."
"Thanks," she replied anxiously. "See you around."
"Or not," James replied, grinning. "I'm heading to Hogwarts tonight. Any messages?"
"Uh, yeah, tell Lily I said hi," she said.
James wiggled his eyebrows. "I meant for Remus."
"Oh." She felt the color rising to her cheeks. "Er, tell him I'm sorry I can't be there today either."
"That's it?" James asked incredulously.
"Fine," she sighed, "add that I miss him and I hope I'll see him soon."
James grinned. "Better. And?"
"That's it!" she insisted. "Thanks for letting me use your office."
James patted her head and left. Darn it. Why did he have to be so tall?! Tonks could never figure out why he hadn't become a Quidditch player instead of an Auror.
"Miss Granger, can you please perform the incantation?" asked McGonagall.
"Meow," said Hermione.
"What? Miss Granger, I am asking you a question."
"Meow."
"Now, I am going to pretend that I did not hear what you clearly just said. Perform the incantation, Miss Granger. Or else it'll be detention."
"Meow."
"Gah!" she shouted. "Mr. Malfoy, if you would, please."
"Meow," said Draco.
"MR. MALFOY!"
"Meow."
"DETENTION!" she shrieked. "Detention for the both of you! Now, Mr. Thomas, please perform the…"
"Meow."
"MR. THOMAS!"
Draco, Hermione, and Dean went, "Meow."
McGonagall yanked her wand out and brandished it at the teapot. "Testudo graeca!" she shrieked in a shrill voice, and it turned into a tortoise. "That is what I need from you! Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, detention. Mr. Thomas, either you give me the incantation, or…"
"Meow."
"Detention," she whispered in a deadly voice. "Twenty points from Gryffindor, and ten from Slytherin. This is unacceptable behavior, really. You are in third year. I expect better behavior from my first years. Really."
She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Now, Mr. Longbottom, I trust you will be able to repeat the spell."
"Meow," squeaked Neville.
"I will warn you," Snape drawled, as his first years started entering the Potions classroom, "that I do not want to hear any more about Jingle Bells and Snape smells. I will book you detention for the rest of the year if I hear it once more."
"Who sang that, Professor?" asked Liana boldly.
"An utter fool by the name of Seamus Finnigan," Snape spat. "Hurry up. Come inside."
The students filed in as he flicked his wand lazily at the board so that a set of instructions appeared on the board. "We're continuing working with the Wiggenweld, seeing as so many of you are spectacularly dreadful. Do it properly, and we can move on. You have your textbooks, you have the instructions, you have the ingredients. Get to work. Ask if you have questions that are worth my time."
"Yes, Professor," mumbled a few, and they started working.
Soon the classroom was filled with a thick haze of smoking potions as Snape continued on his own work: the Wolfsbane Potion. Once he finished, he set it down and carefully placed a lid over it, deciding to give it to Lupin when he next went his way.
"Professor?" asked Kylie Johnson loudly.
"What, Miss Johnson?"
"Twinkle twinkle little Snape," she began, "how I wonder green grapes. Down below the world so low, in the dungeons ho-ho-ho, twinkle twinkle little Snape, how I wonder green grapes."
Snape stared at her wordlessly in outrage. "You… you…"
"Twinkle twinkle little Snape," Candice continued nervously, "you look like a great ape. Down below the world so low, stubbing your pinky toe, twinkle twinkle little Snape, you look like a great ape."
"How dare you," Snape said in a soft, deadly tone. "How dare you ridicule a teacher like that. Fifty points from Slytherin, from each of you, and detention until the rest of the year."
Just then, Charity Burbage, the Muggle Studies Professor, appeared in the doorway. "Wow, Severus, you seem angry."
"Why are you here?" he asked through gritted teeth.
She gestured to the Wolfsbane.
"Oh. Take it," he growled.
"Yeah, I will," she said patiently, walking across the classroom and picking up a goblet of the potion. "What got your wand in a knot, anyway?"
"They're singing nursery rhymes concerning me," he muttered, so that only she could hear.
Charity stifled a laugh. "Oh. Ha, that sounds… fun. Anyway, I'll deliver this to Remus."
"Fun?" he asked incredulously. "They've been serenading me with love poems all week!"
She gave a bright smile. "That would be nice, though. I wish I'd gotten a love poem or something. Look on the bright side, Severus. You and Remus are the only ones to have managed it."
And before he could retort, she was gone.
He took in a deep breath and let it out, then turned back to his class. "Continue," he snapped. "I want these potions to be sufficient this time."
"Yes, Professor," murmured the class, as they went back to work on their potions.
"And now, I will demonstrate the proper incantation for the charm!" announced Flitwick. "Here we go! One, two… wait, where's my wand?"
He glanced towards the table where he had just laid it down, but it was gone.
"Huh? Where'd it go?" He turned around and looked behind him. "Has anyone seen my wand?"
"Me, Professor," chanted Jacques, holding up Flitwick's wand.
"How'd it get back there with you?" asked Flitwick, confused.
"Oh, I took it," Jacques said simply.
Flitwick stared, dumbfounded. "You… You what?"
"Took it. Like, I stole your wand, and now I'm giving it back to you."
"But… But why?" he spluttered.
Jacques shrugged. "I thought it'd be funny."
"Give me my wand!" squealed Flitwick, getting angry.
"I've been holding it up to you this whole time," said Jacques calmly. "Come, take it."
Flitwick marched over and snatched his wand from Jacques's hand. "Thank you. Now, let me perform the incantation."
"Go ahead, Professor," said Jacques, grinning.
Sirius hated his life.
Was it really worth the escape from Azkaban just for this? For this? For eating dead rats, for drinking from still water, for being alone?
For having to run, even when there was nothing to run for?
For having to run, even when there was nowhere to run to?
But no.
He could not think like this.
This was for James. For Lily. For Harry.
And he was going to murder that rat.
"Hey, Percy!" Penelope exclaimed, walking over to her boyfriend and throwing her arms around his neck. "How are you?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
"Ugh, you've still got that on you?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
"How long does it last?"
"Dumbledore's pants." Percy seemed annoyed. "Stop asking me questions, I can't answer them."
She laughed. "Okay, fine. Are you going to come over to my place over the break?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
"Oh. Sorry. Tell me if you're coming over to my place."
"Well," he replied, "I don't know. I'd have to sneak out of the Burrow, which would be hard, but I guess I could…"
"Wait, wait, wait," Penelope said. "Why don't you just tell your mum you're meeting me?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
She groaned. "Sorry. Just tell your mum that you're going to meet me."
"She's going to go crazy," Percy mumbled. "All about her dear son finally has a girlfriend."
"Oh, that's true." She frowned. "But you have to tell her at some point. Come on, don't be chicken."
"Okay, fine," Percy relented. "I'll tell her I'm seeing someone and I want to go to her place over the break."
"No, you should tell her who I am! She's going to ask anyway."
"And then she's going to go crazy over letting me meet you," Percy pointed out. He groaned. "Oh, mother."
Penelope smirked. "Don't worry about it. We'll figure something out."
"Yeah." Percy kissed her cheek. "I have to go, now, unfortunately. See you at rounding?"
"Sure. See you at dinner?"
"Dumbledore's pants."
Penelope swore.
Someone knocked on the door of his office.
"Come in," Remus called.
It was Sia Channing, that first-year who was friends with Tonks. He smiled at her as she came in. "Hi, Sia. How are you?"
"Hey. Pretty good." She walked in and seated herself across from him. "How are you?"
"Fine, thanks. So, do you need something?"
"Oh, no, I just wanted to talk," she said casually.
"Sure," Remus replied, a little surprised at her answer. "Anything in particular?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you a few things."
"Okay. Go ahead."
"Well, you know Tonks, right?" Sia asked, her face unreadable.
"Yeah," he answered, wondering why he felt so jittery all of a sudden.
"Yeah, I thought so," Sia responded. "So, are you two friends?"
"Yes, we are," Remus replied. "Why?"
"Just wondering, since she's my friend too," Sia replied calmly. "What do you think of her?"
"Well, she's nice," he answered uncomfortably. "And smart. Yeah."
Sia nodded. "And pretty?"
Remus ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, and pretty," he admitted.
"Is she a good kisser?"
Remus's mouth fell open and Sia started laughing.
"That reaction, Professor."
"Hey, Liana, are you going home for the holidays?" asked Draco.
"Yeah," Liana responded. "My parents go all crazy about their Christmas parties. So yeah, I'm going home. What about you?"
"I'm not staying here," Draco muttered. "This school is kind of unsatisfactory. Like, some of the people are cool, but it's kind of dull. But yeah, I'm planning to go home for the holidays."
Liana nodded. "Yeah. Harry wants to stay, I think, but there's no way Mum and Dad are letting him get away with that. Especially Dad. He's a huge stickler on us having family time and stuff."
Draco snorted. "Potter and family time? I'd like to see that. My parents care about that kind of stuff too. It's weird, but my parents are always trying to get in family time. So gross."
Liana smirked. "Yeah. Especially when you have a sibling as revolting as Harry."
Draco laughed.
"James," Lily warned, "back to planning."
James pulled her tighter against his chest and kissed her hair. "Isn't this more fun, though?"
She wiggled against his grasp, but then gave in. "Okay, fine. I'll sit on your lap, but then we have to plan."
James grinned. "Fine with me." He adjusted her position so they were both sitting more comfortably.
"Good?" Lily asked. James nodded. "Okay. So who are we inviting?"
"Remus," James replied promptly.
"Of course Remus, he's practically part of the family. Who else?"
"Well, the Weasleys," James answered. "We've been friends for years. And Hermione and her family. What about Liana's friends?"
"Candice Weber and Kylie Johnson," Lily informed him. "Yeah, I'll ask Liana if she wants to invite them."
"Cool." James leaned back and stretched his arms. "What about you? Any friends from work?"
"From work? No. None of the Hogwarts staff, except Remus, obviously. But my Hogwarts friends. So Emmeline, and Mary, and Anita, and Carolyn. And what about your friends?"
"Well, there's always Cole," James said. "From work. And hey, we could invite Tonks!"
"Oooh, that's a good idea," Lily agreed. "She's cool."
"Remus is going to love it," James added, smirking. "He likes her a lot."
"No teasing, James," she reminded him.
James rolled his eyes. "Come on. It's the only entertainment I get anymore! And now that Remus has finally gotten his act together and taken his girl, he deserves his fair share of teasing."
Lily laughed. "Wait. The only entertainment you get anymore?"
"Well, no…"
"So I'm not entertaining to you anymore?"
"Oh, Lily..."
"I guess we have to fix that," Lily whispered, smirking.