Every punch thrown releases Yujin’s stress. Every punch is an attempt to forget the words that left her bestfriend’s lips earlier this afternoon. Every punch thrown is a farewell to her feelings. Yet every dodge is a reminder of how she avoided her feelings for so long that they ended up like this.
Numb.
That’s all she felt even when she took the jab to her stomach. She couldn’t dodge that one even when she’s already used to the moves of her trainer. “Rough day?” Violet, her trainer, raised an eyebrow at her.
“Yeah,” Yujin put both of her hands in front of her to defend herself, yet ready to take the offensive.
Violet smirks, momentarily letting her defenses down, “I can tell, kiddo. Whatever it is, you can get through it and boxing’s a really good way to release stress.” Yujin released a barrage of uppercuts to her trainer the moment she saw an opening and landed a right hook to the face. Shock evident on Violet’s face as she raised her hand which motioned a pause.
“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.” Yujin took a moment to breathe yet her eyes stayed on her trainer and watched as the trainer’s smirk turned to grin.
After Yujin joined the boxing gym, she noticed that Violet is always fetched by a tall blue-haired woman. But there was a time when the blue haired girl didn’t wait for Violet and Violet looked like shit. After a few weeks, she saw Violet outside with the same blue-haired girl. She’s sure that Violet made things up with what Yujin assumes as her girlfriend.
“Nothing that boxing and a few bottles of vodka and whiskey couldn’t handle.” Violet motioned for Yujin to come closer for the sparring to continue again. “Alright, kid, game face up. I’ll teach you something about uppercuts.”
—
The moment her boxing lesson was over, she was thankful that she had something to do before going home because she could not, for the love of God, spend her time just moping around. She knew she had to do something.
She can still remember what Wonyoung had told her in the playground earlier and how she looked dejected.
“I’m going to get married, Yujin.”
The entire time she was boxing, those were the words that kept replaying in her head. Try as she might to forget those words, she couldn’t. The words are burned in her mind while the fingerprint that Wonyoung left is still imprinted on her heart when they made that promise long ago.
All because of a promise that they made to each other when they were younger. A promise to marry each other when they reach 37 if both of them are still single.
It’s the reason why after all these years, she stayed single. Even when there were several other people who kept trying to make a move on her, she didn’t budge. Sure, she went on a few dates but only because Wonyoung did too and some were blind dates that Wonyoung had setup. No one captured her attention for long enough and that’s when she knew that no one could ever compare to how she feels toward her best friend..
She dedicated her entire time to staying single for a possible chance of being together with the person she has always adored and yearned for all throughout her life. Yujin doesn’t know when her feelings developed for her best friend, but does the beginning really matter when it’s the journey and the ending that matters most?
The middle part of their story is about to be taken away from her, from them. Would she really let it fall just like that? In her head, they’d be the ones to take the vow. In her head, they’d fulfill the promise. In her head, happily ever after does exist not just in the films and series she has watched and starred in.
Yet she knows that Wonyoung did not do anything wrong. Hell, the woman had never done anything wrong. Everything she did is perfect and flawless but why do the pieces seem to fall into the wrong places?
Maybe it’s just her damned luck running out. Maybe it’s just their destiny to just be friends and never lovers. And maybe spend the rest of her life thinking of the “what if”.
She’d like to spit on the words “what if”. Those words are thorns and they prick at her heart.
Heeding the advice of Violet, she drank to her heart’s content and shadow boxed until physical pain overshadowed and let her temporarily forget the ache in her heart.
—
“Yujin,” Wonyoung stood up the moment she saw her best friend and hugged her tightly, as if it’s the last hug she’ll ever give her. “I’m so glad you came. I thought you’re busy right now.” She lingered on the hug a little longer when Yujin hugged her back.
“Never too busy for you apparently.”
A lie that Wonyoung knows so well. Yujin is busier than ever with the shooting of her next action series, which she might have escaped from or said something another lie to her manager just to meet with her here. Nonetheless, Wonyoung appreciates her presence a lot.
Yujin removed herself from the hug and sat on the swing next to Wonyoung. No one spoke for a beat, just observing each other’s faces, as if looking for something. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Yujin’s worries are evident in her voice.
Wonyoung is aware of how Yujin just pulls her closer and warms her hands for her when she’s cold even when she’s not vocal about it. How Yujin gives her a mint chocolate ice cream when she’s down to cheer her up. How Yujin’s eyes brighten up whenever she’s happy, as if her happiness is also Yujin’s happiness. That’s how Wonyoung knows that she can't hide the sadness that lies in her eyes from her best friend.
“Can we talk about that in a few?” Wonyoung gave Yujin a weak smile. She’s not yet ready to talk about it. Not when Yujin just arrived here. Yujin didn’t say anything and only waited for her to continue. “I think I’d love it if this playground would stay here forever.”
“Why so? It’s just a playground. And maybe this landscape would change too,” Yujin shrugged as she looked around. Slide, seesaw, swings, monkey bars, merry-go-round, it’s just a typical playground made for the kids but that doesn’t mean that adults can’t enjoy it either.
“Maybe so, but there are a lot of memories that are stored in this playground; of us growing up.” Wonyoung looks, nostalgia taking over her completely. “Remember the time when we played the knight and the princess one time here and you protected me from a bully?”
Yujin lightly chuckled as she looked at Wonyoung while Wonyoung wasn’t looking at her. “Yeah I remember he went home crying and I used to call you, Princess.” Yujin looked away with redness on her cheeks. It’s been a long time since she used that endearment to call her best friend. It felt strange yet fondly familiar to her lips and tongue. She loved saying that to her, to see her get flustered at times especially during high school, when her best friend became the epitome of a princess.
The redness of cheeks is contagious and it also covered Wonyoung’s cheeks. “Of course my knight,” Wonyoung looked at Yujin, who was busy looking at the ground. Her gaze immediately shifted to a more interesting thing, her shoes, when Yujin looked her way.
She’s okay with this, with sneaking glances at her. Wonyoung learnt to be content with just this which she endured for a long time, always being close to her but it’s still not close enough. She could only imagine how it must feel to freely hold her hand whenever she wants to, to have the privilege and honor to call her a lover, a privilege she would never have after a couple more days.
“What’s wrong, Wonyo?” As much as Wonyoung didn’t want to look at her, she had to at least meet her eyes.
‘Yujin’s eyes are still so expressive and they’re still so beautiful’, Wonyoung thought as she looked directly into them but she dared not to say it out loud. Concern sits at the front row of Yujin’s expressive eyes. “You have that sad look in your eyes again.”
Wonyoung sighed, knowing that there’s no other way to break this news down. She did her best to think for hours on her bed on how to say it softly but no idea came up. Best to just do it and get over it quickly. “I’m getting married, Yujin. It’s on the 15th.” Two days left until she’s caged in uttered vows and papers that mean nothing to her. “It’s just a small wedding and only a few people are invited, which includes you.”
If Yujin was shocked, it didn’t show on her body language. Yujin remained in her place and didn’t move an inch. It was as if Yujin became stiff and couldn’t move. This is what Wonyoung is afraid of, not knowing what Yujin thinks. Until moments later when Yujin said, “Oh.”
“That’s it?” Wonyoung’s eyes stayed on Yujin, looking for any other emotion that’s not indifference and nonchalance. But she saw no hint of any emotion that seeps through the cracks. Yujin is really great at hiding her emotions, she’s not an actress for nothing. “I tell you about me tying the knot and one word is all you have to say to me?”
“Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.” Yujin smiled weakly. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
“I’ve actually never met the guy.” Wonyoung fiddled with her hands. “I don’t even know if they’d like me.”
“They will.” Yujin said, full of conviction. No one could ever dislike Jang Wonyoung. “I know that they will. But are you sure you’re okay with getting married to someone you don’t even know?”
“Of course not! But I don’t have any choice here.” Wonyoung bites her lower lip. “It’s not my decision to get married but it’s what my parents wanted. Besides, they did say that it’s bound to happen sooner or later.” But she knows that 26 is still a young age to get married. They both know it.
Wonyoung’s heart fell when she saw how fallen Yujin looked. Emotions were finally revealed behind the curtain. Wonyoung had seen this look before in one of Yujin’s dramas, where her character got rejected. “Why do you sound like you’ve already given up? That’s not the Wonyoung I know.”
“Because..” Wonyoung trailed off. I’m tired of hiding and waiting, she thought but the courage to say those words is not in her body. “Maybe this is my only shot at it. Maybe it could work between us if we made it work.”
“Really?” Yujin scoffed. “You have tons of suitors lining up for you and you let your parents choose an anonymous guy for you? You have options. Lots of it. I know you’re not into gambling but this is your love life and happiness that you’re gambling with. This is not some gacha game where it’s quite okay to gamble. What if the guy is manipulative or a cheater or a terrible person inside?”
“You don’t understand,” Wonyoung frowned.
“So make me understand it.” Yujin looked at her with her pleading eyes. But Wonyoung didn’t respond. “How come I didn’t know about it sooner? I’m your best friend but I got the news too late?”
“I tried to call you the moment I knew but you weren’t picking up. So I thought you were busy and that this could wait,” Wonyoung reasoned. “I also thought that telling you in person was better.”
“But you could’ve written me an e-mail or sent me a message at least. You know that I can check that more than calls when we’re taping. That would’ve been more efficient.” Her tone is filled with more malice than the softness that Wonyoung is used to.
“What’s done is done Yujin. I can’t return to the past just to appease you. Besides, why do you sound unhappy?”
Yujin exhaled deeply, holding her gaze at Wonyoung. “You really want to know, Wonyoung? Are you sure that you want to know?” Water began to gather at the edge of her eyes. She doesn’t want to bare her heart here. Not yet. It doesn’t seem like the right moment. But if not now, then when? Would she even have the chance?
Wonyoung inhaled deeply, an attempt to calm her nerves and not cry. Not here, not now. “Keep it Yujin.” Uttering those words while trying not to choke on it felt like hell. Wonyoung is simply not prepared for another possible emotional torment. She had already accepted that they will never be a thing. That’s the reason why she settled with stealing glances. She’s not one of the options for Yujin and she will never be. She doesn’t need another confusing signal from Yujin, one that she’s received oh so many times. “I don’t want to know.”
“Fine, I won’t tell you,” Yujin sighed and stood up to walk around to soothe herself. “You know it would’ve been fine if you told me about it sooner. I thought we shouldn’t keep secrets from each other? Maybe I could’ve done something or helped you out if I had known.”
“It’s just an arranged marriage,” Wonyoung said, her voice a little louder than intended, she didn’t mean to but her emotions got the best of her. “It’s just a cold and loveless marriage, Yujin. It’s only meant to merge our businesses and close the deal. I can manage” There, she said the truth that Yujin eagerly wanted to know earlier. She just couldn’t hide everything from Yujin, could she?
Wonyoung lightly chuckled at her own demise. If she were to speak about her situation a month ago, she would not have the courage to even laugh at the absurdity of it all. An arranged marriage in this time and era of the modern world is an absurd thing yet it still persists.
“I see,” Yujin nodded and sat back down on the swing. “But you know, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to. There is always a choice.”
Wonyoung sighed. “Yujin..” With her tone, Yujin understands that she shouldn’t push it anymore.
“Are you sure that you want me there?” Yujin’s eyes were filled with various emotions and Wonyoung doesn’t know which one of them lies at the forefront.
Wonyoung reached out to touch Yujin’s hand that was on her knees. Her voice, filled with sincerity as she said, “you’re my best friend and my most important person in the world. Of course, I’d want you at my wedding.”
“Of course, I’ll be there as your best friend.” Yujin squeezed Wonyoung’s hand with her other hand and gave a sweet smile until it turned to bitterness when Wonyoung wasn’t looking.
Wonyoung could only look at the lights of Seoul that are now lighting up. They met before the sun would even set and now the beauty and tranquility of the night is meeting them. The silence between them is thick yet fragile and Yujin is courageous enough to break it first.
“I’m sorry for getting upset earlier.” Yujin stood up, walked to Wonyoung and squatted so they’d be at eye level. She held the younger’s hand and said, “I’m happy for you I really do. I just hoped things were different.”
“Different how?” Wonyoung’s head tilted a little to the right. Her confusion painted all over her face.
“Maybe, instead of getting into a loveless marriage, we both fulfilled the promise we made when we were in high school.”
Oh.
Oh.
That.
That promise never left Wonyoung’s mind. She remembers it to this day, how could she when the only name that her heart calls and yearns for is Yujin. The promise to marry each other at 37 if they’re both single and unmarried by then. She longed for it to come true. Yet, here she is, bound for another.
“I’d be the one to see you wear a beautiful white dress while you’re walking down the aisle, not some other loser. And you’d get to see me wear a white suit that would make me look like a dashing prince to your gorgeous princess. Although I honestly could also wear a dress too.” Yujin lightly chuckled. “What do you think would look better on me on our hypothetical wedding day? A suit or a dress?”
Hearing Yujin talk about their hypothetical wedding made the tears on Wonyoung’s eyes fall on her cheeks. To which, Yujin wiped them away with her thumb.
“Hey hey,” Yujin panicked, reaching in her pocket for her handkerchief. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Wonyoung let the tears freely fall. It might be the last time Yujin would get to comfort her like this. “I really thought.. you hated me when you got mad earlier,” she said in between sobs.
Yujin continued to wipe away her tears. “I would never get mad at you.” Yujin enveloped Wonyoung around her arms, Wonyoung’s head leaning at her shoulder. “At least not permanently.”
Wonyoung playfully hit Yujin’s arm, tears staining Yujin’s jacket. “A suit,” she whispered, as she wrapped her arms around the older girl. Being this close to the older, enables her to get a good whiff of Yujin’s perfume which she loves so much.
“Hmm?”
“I think you’d look really great in a suit.” Wonyoung didn’t move from their hug and neither did Yujin. Wonyoung smiled, inhaling Yujin’s scent again.
“Suit then.” Yujin said,.caressing Wonyoung’s back to comfort her. “Are we okay now?”
“Mhmm,” Wonyoung nodded, still resting her head on Yujin’s ever reliable shoulder. “You’ll be there?”
Yujin took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
—
The sun is out and the clouds are scattered. It’s beautiful unlike the darkness that she carries in her heart. This dress suffocates her. The corset they used on her was tightened to the fullest and she simply could not breathe properly. She hates how they didn’t opt to curl her hair at the ends. She suffocates with how her parents are sharing the air with her in this car. She doesn’t even try to hide her bitterness because they should know this at least. She gets to have this right.
She knows she’s supposed to be happy because this is what her parents would want her to feel. Whoever they chose is upon their own discretion and she trusts that they chose well for her. They reassured her many times that it’s for the better. Yet even if they mean well, a part of her wants to rebel..
She has been a dear daughter for them, always following what they wanted for her from her degree in college, to becoming a doctor, and until now where they dictated whom she should spend her life with. They didn’t even bother to ask for her input, to ask what she wanted, to know what she likes. But at the same time, she just couldn’t go against them.
Her father didn’t say anything and her mother kept telling her how happy she should be for the wedding.
“Oh honey, you’re such a beautiful bride yet why do you look so sullen? Cheer up my baby.” Wonyoung’s mother said and all that Wonyoung could muster was a weak smile. If she were hypothetically about to get married to Yujin, would she still feel like this? Gloomy and depressed on her wedding day. Definitely not. If it’s Yujin, it’ll be the complete opposite
Outside the car, the once beautiful weather turned bleak and soon after, raindrops fell. As the car halted with the traffic jam ahead of them, Wonyoung thought of opening the car door and running away. To where? She doesn’t know. But it’s all that she could think about and what she wants to do.
She wants to scream and tell them the truth, that she has always been in love with one girl, that she does not want to be tied to someone she doesn’t even love. She wants to marry of her own choice, not them. She wants to cry. And she wants to run to her.
The car took a left into an alley and a thump was heard and the driver yelled, “Get out of the way lady! I might run over you if you do not go to the sidewalk!” Only a few cars were passing by yet they were honking as they passed..
Wonyoung’s mother exclaimed, “hey! Don’t do it. It’s my daughter’s wedding day and it’s bad luck to run someone over.”
Wonyoung’s eyes widened in shock because she knew the lady who was wearing a white suit. She knows her very well. She watched as the woman lightly hit the hood of the car and smirked menacingly, as if daring the driver to do it.
“This crazy lady is causing a traffic jam. Damn it,” the driver huffed, hearing another honk from their rear.
“Don’t I know that girl?” Her mother turned to her. “Isn’t that your best friend?”
“Ahn Yujin,” Wonyoung whispered. What… How… “What is she doing here?”
“Wonyoung,” Yujin started. “I know you’re in there and I need you to hear me out here. Please get out, I need to talk to you.”
Wonyoung didn’t look at her parents’ face but she saw her father nod beside her, which was all she needed. She’s scared of what she’d see and what she’d hear if she looked at her mother’s way and if she didn’t do something now. So she grabbed the rest of her dress and went down the car, ignoring how her mother screamed her name and watched as the car drove down the road.
“What are you doing?” Wonyoung half-screamed half-whispered, when she pulled Yujin to the sidewalk. “You’re supposed to be at the venue.”
“I know, I know. But we don’t have the time. They’re probably going to be here again soon” Yujin muttered. Wonyoung couldn’t believe her eyes. Yujin is here. Right in front of her, looking dashing as a prince with her three piece white suit. “Listen and let me speak first.” Yujin held both of Wonyoung’s hands and as Wonyoung looked into her eyes, they’re burning with sincerity and passion.
“As your best friend, I couldn’t just watch you go down that path of unhappiness. Not when I know that you deserve and could do better. I’ve known you my whole life and you’re someone who deserves all the good things that the world could offer and I’m willing to give them to you if you let me. You have always been the apple of my eyes, the muse of my life, and the only one I have ever and would ever love. I have always been in love with you Jang Wonyoung.”
Is this actually the reality that Wonyoung is living? Is she really hearing these words that she longed to hear for a long time? She resisted the urge to pinch her own cheeks and simply look at the marvel of her prince charming.
Her cheeks, now wet with tears, makes her happy that they used a waterproof eyeliner on her. “Yujin…”
Yujin smiled weakly. “If by chance that I’m mistaken and you do not feel the same way. Just say so and let’s forget that this has ever happened. I’ll go back to just being your best friend and I will still be there when you need me, especially on nights when the loneliness feels endless.” Yujin squeezed her hand, yet all that Wonyoung could focus on was Yujin’s plump lips. “But if you do feel the same, would you run away with me?”
“Where should we run to?” Wonyoung asked.
“Anywhere we want.” Yujin’s thumb caressed the back of Wonyoung’s hand. Yujin’s hand is warm as always and Wonyoung takes comfort in them.
“Even to LA?”
“Even to LA,” Yujin answered.
Wonyoung is speechless. Yujin once again saved her just like how she did so many times before.
“Princess, time is running up. Would you like to run away with your knight or not?”
Wonyoung heard an obnoxious honk that sounded a lot like the car she was in moments ago. She doesn’t want to head to that place. Instead, Wonyoung moved closer to Yujin, Yujin pulling her closer by her hips, as she caressed Yujin’s cheek and let their lips meet. Yujin stiffened but immediately recovered and kissed her back. For a moment, Wonyoung could only focus on the softness of her lover’s lips and the taste of vanilla that lingers on her. Wonyoung smiled into the kiss as she’s simply happy to be here at this moment with her best friend, the love of her life, Ahn Yujin.
Wonyoung kissed Yujin.
And Yujin kissed her back.
Wonyoung loves Yujin.
And Yujin loves her back.
Exhilarating. Daring. Melting. Genuine euphoria..
That’s what Wonyoung feels as she’s holding hands with Yujin while running by several stalls. They ran away from the road to escape and ran together until Yujin stopped to Wonyoung up bridal-style. “What—”
“It’s faster and safer with you in my arms. You might fall if you stepped on your dress.” Yujin’s smile is so enchanting that it feels unreal that she shared a kiss with this gorgeous person just a while ago.
But just like what Yujin said, it is indeed safer to be in her arms and warm too. The people they pass by give them weird looks but Wonyoung doesn’t care about them. Well, maybe she does because the person carrying her is a public figure. But she can worry about that later. “What about the wedding? And my parents?”
“Your father knows and he’s okay with it. I got the greenlight from him. Your mom, however, I couldn’t get through to her.” Yujin smiled apologetically. That’s going to be a lengthy conversation in the future. “Apparently, your groom is bisexual and actually engaged to someone named Viktor so he also could not marry you. He’s thankful that this won’t get pushed through and the deal will still go through even if the two of you aren’t married.”
Wonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed. “And you learned and came up with this in just a span of 2 days?”
Yujin beamed at her. “You should not underestimate the power of love.” Yujin hadn’t slept properly since then, pulling all her connections to know various information and making phone calls while still coming to her taping. She had a talk yesterday with Wonyoung’s father. The man wasn’t surprised at all that she formally asked for Wonyoung’s hand but he was surprised that it took her so long to do this that there had to be an arranged marriage for her to come to her senses.
To Yujin however, it’s all part of the process and the journey to forever. Most of all, the effort is worth its while. She’s with Wonyoung after all.
The moment they reached Yujin’s car, Yujin had been sweating like crazy when she sat Wonyoung down in the passenger seat. “Let’s go to LA?” Yujin asked her, while making sure that the seatbelt is secured on her lover.
Wonyoung pulled Yujin closer by her collar, Wonyoung felt herself melt into Yujin’s touch.The familiar taste of vanilla against her lips. Years of dreaming of kissing her and it’s real. Wonyoung held Yujin’s nape, she’s real. The two let their lips and face dance with one another until it satisfied the both of them.
When they pulled away, Yujin rested her forehead against Wonyoung, breathing heavily and smiling. There’s nothing more comfortable than being in this space with her love.
Wonyoung smiled back at her. An entire life ahead with Yujin, that’s what she has always wanted and it’s right here, reachable even. At this moment, all they have to do is act on it and it’ll be theirs. She’s so sure of it. This time, no one would dictate Wonyoung on what to do or like.
“Let’s get married in LA.”