Galinda Upland has always known what she wanted. Her first memory is of herself, surrounded by people, making them smile. They were enraptured by her. By her own nature. She wanted that. The attention. The love. The feeling.
She spent the first years of her life curating herself. She was making a scrapbook of all the things she was good at, and sticking the labels on herself. She liked dancing and singing, so she went to classes until she was perfect. She also liked numbers, but they never liked her back, so she stopped caring about them. She liked people, so she worked hard for them to love her. Soon, she had lost herself between the person she was and the person she liked to be.
Getting into Shiz wasn’t a joyous occasion, it was a relief. She was supposed to be there; everyone expected her to be there, so why wouldn’t it have happened? She had sent an essay, done her work and, consequently, been accepted. Easy!
But, had it been? No, for sure not. That’s why her smile falls as soon as that green girl captures everyone’s attention. She is magic, and, for the first time, Galinda is not the most regarded person in the room. With just an outburst, that girl has secured herself as Madame Morrible’s favorite. It should’ve been her.
She spends the next few months in a conundrum. She truly, verily hates Elphaba. However, she is irritated by everyone around her, too. How can’t they realize the girl’s brilliance? She does everything effortlessly. Galinda’s never seen anyone so smart, so athletic, so… indubiously charming, yet so awkward. It might even be endearing. But, no one else seems to care. All they care about is the color of her skin. It bothers her.
Aware that she cannot compete with her when it comes to academics, the arrival of Fiyero Tigelaar reminds her of something Elphaba surely lacks: popularity. This is her chance. A prince charming -he’s actually a prince, too!-, her lifeline. She will finally stop thinking about Elphaba once she gets him to love her. It’s only natural that he does, after all!
So, when Fiyero invites her to the Ozdust Ballroom, her entire body reacts viscerally. She’s not nervous, not quite excited for the date. But she knows she’s victorious once more. She’s won. Everyone will talk about it, everyone will surround her for weeks. Oh, and Fiyero is so good-looking, too, she supposes. They’re perfect together.
Everything goes according to plan. Except it doesn’t. Galinda doesn’t feel guilty often -she doesn’t have reasons to. Then, why… Why does her stomach turn when Elphaba appears wearing the hat she gave her? Why does she hate it so much? And, soon, she cannot take it anymore. Who cares about her date? She needs to do something about the horrifying situation in front of her. So, she makes a fool out of herself, for the first time, purposefully. She stands in front of Elphaba. She dances. She laughs. She sees her, and she knows something has changed.
From then on, the guilt becomes a constant, though shoved deep inside herself. Elphie is her friend now! And, as such, she needs to help her. So, that’s what she does! Galinda becomes Elphaba’s mentor of all the things she has never learned before. She takes her out to have coffee, shopping, even on her dates with Fiyero. And, suddenly, everyone loves her almost as much as they love Galinda! Isn’t that fantastic?
But, then, Dr. Dillamond is fired. Something happens in class. And, as soon as that day passes, Fiyero… changes. He’s serious, focused, he studies in the book place. With Elphaba. Without her. Which definitely wasn’t part of her carefully crafted succession of events.
They’re sitting on his bed. She’s been trying to make him talk but, although he hasn’t stopped running his hands through her hair, he hasn’t said a meaningful word to her in the entire evening. That’s why she doesn’t like when he thinks. He’s never mentally present anymore. She’s worried.
“Why are we together?,” he asks, suddenly. His fingers don’t stop twirling the already curled ends of her hair.
She frowns. What in Oz does he mean? She’s here. On his bed. Waiting for him to do… something, anything. Yet he keeps behaving like a well-groomed armchair. She swallows, blinking away the inexplicable dread that has settled deep in her chest. Then, she giggles. “What do you mean? Because we like each other, silly!” She slaps his shoulder playfully, and he brings her down to the bed, kissing her. Now, that’s what she likes.
Galinda thought everything would go back on track after that. However, Fiyero makes her get out of his room. He keeps saying something about not getting caught, but he’s never cared before. She walks to her own dorm room. The pattern keeps repeating to the point it’s the only thing she thinks about.
Weeks after, she lies in bed, definitely too early to do so. She listens as Elphie scribbles something, still studying on her desk. It’s peaceful. But something’s nagging at her. Something she doesn’t understand, and that scares her.
Elphaba is… everything she isn’t. She’s wonderful, in fact. Beautiful, smart, driven. She knows she’s jealous of her, and she’s come to terms with it. She can still be her friend! In fact, Galinda is set on being the best friend ever. She wouldn’t want anything else for her Elphie, after all.
However, every day that passes, she’s increasingly sure that she has never hated someone as much as she’s hated her friend. And that’s… amusingly paradoxical. Now that Elphaba’s popular, people adore her. They see, now, everything she sees in her. She has crowds that listen to her speak about magic and Morrible’s lessons every time they go to the cafeteria. Fiyero listens, too, head resting on his hand. He never listens like that when she speaks.
Then, what is Galinda, even? She’s always prided herself on being the most popular, the most beautiful, the most intelligent. The most perfect person there ever is, was, and will be. But, the truth is that she isn’t. Elphaba will always go before her in every one of those categories. And she… doesn’t dislike that. Though, of course she does! She can’t wrap her head around it.
She’s received a letter from the Wizard, too. Her dear friend, a magical woman without comparison, invited to see the Wizard. She deserves that, and Galinda cannot be prouder. But, where did her own dreams go? The only reason she applied to Shiz was to study magic, to be powerful. To be, well, Elphaba. But, as much as she attends Morrible’s seminar, it just doesn’t work. Her training wand could as well be a cute piece of furniture.
Galinda turns her head to the side, heart in her throat, and focuses on Elphie’s back. She can imagine herself braiding and unbraiding her hair, the feeling tangibly on her fingertips. When the tears prick at her eyes, she has to give up and recognize she’s a mess. What is going on with her? She sighs.
“Elphie.” Her pulse spikes. She doesn’t want her voice to sound weird. After another sigh, and waiting for her to turn around, she stares at her. “Do you like me?”
Elphaba blinks. “What?” She gets up, forgetting her schoolwork, the reassuring scribbling of her pencil, and sits on the edge of her bed. Her hand is instantly on Galinda’s. “Everyone likes you. What… makes you ask that?”
Galinda hums, noncommittally. She needs Elphie to let go of her hand. She cannot notice how her body shivers. She’s waiting for something, yet, what is she waiting for? Does she hate Elphaba that much? Is hate even the word? She needs to have her go away. She cannot take it anymore.
“I’m asking if you like me.”
“Of course!” Elphie chuckles. “You’re… I, uh, can I say you’re my best friend?”
Why does that hurt? Her feelings have been validated. She answered something she should’ve liked. Elphie thinks Galinda’s her best friend! That should be great. But her body keeps trembling, and she glances between her reflection in Elphaba’s glasses and her hand, strongly around hers, wondering how long can she take it before she simply has to get up and… vomit.
“That’s… a relief,” she manages. “I like you, too.” She gives her a smile. She likes her.
Elphaba smiles back, kissing her forehead, then shakes her head. “Have you studied for tomorrow?”
“Hm? What do we have tomorrow?” Oh, no. She can’t have forgotten. She’s been pestering Fiyero all week to study with her. How has she forgotten? Immediately, she gets out of bed. “Oh, Oz, Fiyero’s waiting for me!” She’s so glad to have the excuse to walk out of the room.
Then, Elphaba leaves. Well, Galinda leaves with her, but she thinks of her as gone as soon as they board that train. She knows she will only be spending one last day with her. Then, the Wizard will surely say she’s amazing, and that she has to stay in the Emerald City. And then Galinda -no, Glinda- will be alone, back at Shiz. If she was better, maybe, she would be allowed to stay with her.
But, when she leaves for real, after the most incomprehensible succession of events Glinda has ever lived, she finds out she’s not as heartbroken as she thought. Madame Morrible hugs her and, for the first time, she recognizes her potential. In the back of her mind, a voice tells her the woman is just manipulating her, but, who cares? She needs the hug and, now that Elphie’s gone, if she plays her cards well, it’s only natural that they will choose her to take her place.
And that’s exactly what happens. Within months, she doesn’t know if she’s the one manipulating or being manipulated. However, she’s been named Glinda the Good. Once more, she takes her rightful place in the social pyramid. People love her. They believe anything she says. They would let her kick them if she so wanted. Why then, is she so… empty?
Fiyero arrives, scandalized. He shouts, grabbing her hands and dragging her behind him. He explains to her how much he’s hidden, schemed, and conspired to get to her. He keeps saying she’s a political prisoner once she explains what happened all those months ago. Is she? She has never been more coddled.
He stays. He understands they need to stay behind. He’s attentive, at first, and, to some degree, Glinda almost believes everything can get to be normal again. But she thinks of Elphaba when he speaks, when he stands beside her, when he kisses her. Is she guilty? Should she have gone with her? Why can’t she get her out of her head? This life is all she’s ever wanted. Then, why doesn’t she want it?
They fall into a sense of normalcy. To an extent. She’s aware of Fiyero’s machinations behind the scenes, and, while at first she tries to ignore his ploys, just for plausible deniability, she falls into the conspiracy soon enough. They cannot keep living like this, and if helping Elphaba is what it takes, she would definitely not be sad if she were back. And, Fiyero seems happier when he thinks he’s found something. She likes him being happy.
Then, they get engaged. The Wizard proposed it to her in a private meeting, a great engagement announcement to lift spirits. Her heart dropped to her feet. Engagement meant… wedding. Being married to Fiyero. That dread… the same one she’d felt when he had asked the reason for them being together. She hadn’t felt it for so long, yet it was there.
They argue. They make up. They argue. He stops speaking to her. They make up, but he refuses to sleep in the same bed as her. She’s fine with it. She doesn’t want him in her bed. They’re to be married in just a month. It will be fine, though. It’s just to distract the public.
And then, Elphaba appears. Glinda is aware of the strength her friend’s arms have to gather for her not to drop to her knees in the middle of their embrace. Her tears leave her face of their own accord, and she cannot focus on another thing that’s not Elphie’s face. Her cheeks have gone hollow, her frame thinner. But she’s as… dazzling as she remembers.
“I love you,” Glinda mutters against her ear, choked, but Elphaba is already gone from her arms. She approaches Fiyero, and oh, can she realize what’s going on now. Before she finishes trying to explain the situation to His Ozness, Fiyero is grabbing Elphaba’s hand, proudly and loudly saying that he’s leaving with her.
They both leave. Glinda stays, once more, behind. She’s lost so many nights thinking about everything. About where her allegiances lied. About her love. Just, for what? For them to not even spare her a glance. But, isn’t it obvious? After all, three’s always been a crowd.
She doesn’t cry. When she gets to her quarters, she trashes everything, blind, enraged. She leaves her engagement ring on her vanity, and looks at herself in the mirror. What is she lacking? What can they give each other that she doesn’t have? Why did they betray her?
Then again… she betrayed Elphie first. Is this what she had coming? Has all her life amounted to this exact moment? If so, where did she go wrong? Finally breaking down, she throws the ring through the window.
It feels so, so good when she gets the chance to slap her… And, then, everything she has gets ripped from her again. They take Fiyero away. He’s apologized. For what? He never loved her. Feelings -and she knew this well- cannot be saddled like horses. She grits her teeth, and she knows what she has to do. She’s angry.
As such, Glinda sure plans on slapping Elphie once more when she arrives at Kiamo Ko. The flight in her bubble has been rushed, trying to get to her before the angry, thoughtless mobs did. As a result, her perfectly curled hair is matted, her tiara could fall at any moment, and she steps on her dress as she runs from room to room, trying to find her. She couldn’t care less about her appearance, nor the slap she was supposed to give her, though, once she finally sees her.
Elphaba plans on surrendering after they are informed of Fiyero’s death. She moves around, erratically, shouting at everything and nothing. Glinda cannot take it anymore. She won’t explain what she’s doing! She’s driving her crazy, just as she always does, so, once she sees herself with the Grimmerie in her hands, she clasps Elphie’s, just to keep her close. She can’t see her behind the tears, but she feels the woman’s hands on her face.
Elphaba embraces her, and Glinda doesn’t know how long they stand, sobbing on each other’s shoulders. There’s so much she wants to say… She opens her mouth, completely lost. Where to start speaking? She’s trembling.
Then, Elphaba kisses her. Quick, almost a graze. It doesn’t really land fully on her lips. “I love you.”
Ah. That’s what it’s supposed to feel like.
The rush is short-lived, as Elphie pushes her away, hiding her behind a corner. She hates that, as soon as she’s heard her first scream, she’s already forgotten about the kiss.
After it all becomes silent again, she slides against a wall, unable to hold herself together any longer. She clutches her head, hands to her ears, trying to escape the overwhelming nothing. How did it all come to this?